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6. what's going on?

The day began with a dull throb beneath my temples, making me regret waking up. At least my scalp had stopped hurting. Chris' breathing remained heavy on the other side of the room where he lay with one arm slung above his head. He looked peaceful—content. Even asleep, he appeared happier than ever and for the first time since we'd become friends, I felt a stinging pang of jealousy. I didn't want the feeling—it was sinister and uncalled for. Chris deserved happiness. He deserved Dante.

One thing that ached far worse than my head was the knowledge that I couldn't share everything with him anymore. We had spent hours together during the cold autumn evenings, sharing fears and feelings, but now I wasn't allowed. My tongue was tied, and I had to deal with all of this on my own.

Sighing, I sat up and rubbed my temple. Despite what had happened, I would have to give Gabriel a chance to explain his actions last night. His behavior wasn't acceptable, but perhaps he had a good reason. Also, if I couldn't talk to anyone else, at least I could talk about it with him.

Twenty minutes later, I left the apartment and a sleeping Chris behind. Hopefully, he didn't have an early class that I should have reminded him of. It was selfish of me to leave without a word, but I didn't want to wake him up and let him see my distress—a distress I couldn't explain to him without lying.

I ate alone and trudged to my very first photography class.

The room was packed with students when I arrived, but few of them were talking. I figured that since it was the first class of the year, plenty of them were new or didn't know each other from before. I saw a couple of familiar faces, but no one I had said more than an occasional 'hi' to.

I claimed a seat at the back and tried to relax. It didn't work, especially when the room descended into a thick silence as the teacher entered. His smile swept over the crowd before he settled at the front, placing his leather suitcase on the wide desk. I could see why people had talked about his looks. He was quite striking with his slightly tousled brown hair, marked cheekbones and just the right amount of scruff. He struck me as tall, but I didn't have much of a reference since no one stood beside him. I liked his clothes too—casual but still appropriate for his position. I guessed he was around thirty years old, but it was difficult to tell.

Two girls sitting beside me shared hushed words with each other, but I heard enough to understand what they were talking about. Clearly, I wasn't the only one noting our teacher's appearance. Shaking my head, I focused on the notebook in front of me. Staring at a hot teacher wasn't productive, and it certainly didn't help to ease the storm of thoughts whirling in my brain. It made me think about Gabriel, and for the first time in a week, I didn't want him at the forefront of my mind.

"Welcome everyone. It's nice to see so many new faces. I'm Cameron McCain, but please call me Cameron. Mr. McCain is my father." He flashed another smile and the girls beside me began to whisper again. "I'll be guiding you through this class, and hopefully you'll learn something to make it worth your precious time, and mine."

Cameron continued with his presentation of the course and the schedule. He had a nice voice, so by the end of it, I realized that I hadn't listened to what he'd actually said. He'd finished with something about the final exam. Hopefully it wasn't the last time he would mention it.

I opened my notebook and read something I had scrawled down before Christmas. Don't forget, ask about assistant. I sank back into the seat with a frown. Before everything had happened with Gabriel, my plan had been to ask this teacher if he needed any kind of assistance in hopes of getting even more out of this course. It was my dream to be a photographer, and I could use any extra experience. Now, the prospect of extra hours didn't sound as alluring as it had then, but it was a stupid idea to let it go just because my life had changed.

Trying my best to pay attention, I took notes throughout the rest of the lesson and was quite startled when Mr. McCain wrapped it up. Time had flown, obviously. One hour of blissful relief from my confused thoughts about what had happened in that restroom had been enough to soothe my nerves, but I knew it was only a matter of time before they started anew.

Gabriel had been scary last night.

The students around me rose with haste and made a beeline for the door. I debated whether to ask Mr. McCain about an assistantship directly or if I should wait until I was certain. Unfortunately, I processed that thought for too long because as I made my way to the front, Mr. McCain headed for the door.

I caught him just outside the classroom. "Mr. McCain?"

He turned around, and I momentarily forgot what I was supposed to say when I saw the mesmerizing color of his eyes. Long lashes framed pools of amber with a darker line drawn around the irises.

A hint of amusement crossed his features. "Hi there, what can I help you with?"

I shifted from one foot to the other, feeling far too nervous about asking. The corner of his mouth twitched in response to my silly behavior.

"I'm sorry. I was just wondering if..."

Someone cut the rest of my question by walking into my shoulder from behind. It wasn't enough to make me fall, but I almost crashed into Mr. McCain. Flustered, I saw Gabriel just as he gave me a subtle nod to follow.

"Wondering if?" Mr. McCain arched an eyebrow.

"Sorry. Never mind. Maybe I could talk to you after our next lesson. It will only take a minute."

He frowned. "You sure?"

"Yes, now if you would excuse me." I blushed as I walked away, embarrassed about the entire situation, or more like mortified. After that awkwardness, I doubted he would consider taking me on as his assistant even if he needed one.

Gabriel stepped inside an empty classroom, leaving the door ajar to allow my entrance. My heart was pounding away, beating against my ribcage, but for once it wasn't in anticipation.

Breathing slowly, I closed the door behind me. My boyfriend leaned against one of the tables, throwing me a warning glare while gripping tightly around the table's edge. He was tense, and so was I.

"Who was he?" Gabriel asked.

"What? Who?"

"They guy you talked to."

This wasn't what I had expected. I thought we might talk about what happened last night, but obviously we weren't.

"Mr. McCain? He's teaching photography. I told you about that course."

Gabriel shook his head as if to clear his mind, stood and closed the distance between us—his eyes softening. "I guess I'm a bit possessive. I'm sorry."

The tension across my shoulders disappeared, and I flashed the first genuine smile for the day. Eager to make it all better, I fell into his body, nuzzling his skin just above the collar. He snaked his arms around my back in response.

"It's fine," I said.

As long as he loved me, we were fine. If I just made him understand that he was the only one for me, perhaps he wouldn't be jealous of either Chris or the teacher. Gabriel had nothing to fear. I was completely his.

"I have a class soon, baby," he said, inching back from our embrace.

"I love you, Gabe. You have nothing to worry about. I'm yours."

He leaned forward, hugged me closer and let his lips touch my ear.

"Good, then we agree," he whispered.

Yes, we agree. I smiled, assured that we were on the right track.

* * * *

Chris got back late with a scowl on his face, crashing onto my bed with a groan.

"Why does psychology have to be so damn hard?" He rubbed his eyes. "I can't believe they gave us this much reading."

Moving from my chair, I sat next to him. "You're doing fine. Don't worry so much."

He looked at me as if I'd grown another head. "Someone's in an odd mood."

Maybe he was right. I hadn't heard from Gabriel since our talk in the classroom hours ago. When we spent time together, everything made sense, but that scrap of sense turned into a mess of emotions far too easily.

Chris touched my shoulder "Hey, is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm just a bit tired."

He didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"

Plastering a smile on my face, I tried to relax. "I'm sure."

"You know you can talk to me."

"Yes, I know. You're a great friend, Chris"

He sighed. "You know, you never told me about that guy you met. Any news?"

No matter how hard I tried to keep it in place, my smile faltered. Lying easily turned into more lies, thus starting a vicious circle. I should never have told him about having met anyone, but it was too late now. The two remaining options were to either come clean or lie again. I trusted Chris, but I also knew that he would disapprove of the relationship I had with Gabriel. Maybe he wouldn't say it to my face since he knew how much I'd missed Gabriel last term, but Chris had formed his own opinion of Gabriel since then. I couldn't blame him, however. Gabriel had behaved badly around Chris on more than one occasion.

"Hello, you there?" Chris waved his hand in front of my eyes.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." I paused. I would have to lie, no matter how much I hated it. "It didn't work out."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's fine. It wasn't that special."

Chris wagged his eyebrows. "So that means you're single. Perhaps I'll convince you to get Grindr."

I rolled my eyes and smacked his shoulder. "Don't be stupid."

He tried to look innocent, but he was doing a poor job of it. "Come on, it could be fun."

"Yeah, like putting myself out there, screaming, please screw me, is my idea of fun."

Chris laughed a deep, full laugh that made it impossible to stay annoyed with him. "I guess you're right," he said, settling the awkwardness and saving me from further embarrassment. Chris always knew how to make me feel better without really doing anything. I owed him honesty—he'd done nothing to deserve lies stacked upon lies.

"Hey, Chris."

He turned toward me. "Yeah?"

This was the moment. I could feel it all around me. A few words was all it would take. Simple. Effective. Cleansing. Yet, I couldn't form a thought, no less a word.

"Adam, you're spacing out again."

"Yeah, maybe it's time to sleep."

Chris sat up, rubbed his eyes and yawned as if on cue. "You're probably right."

We went about our business, exchanging a few more words until we crashed on our respective beds. I lay there for hours while sleep evaded me. My mind was spinning too fast, worrying about nothing and everything at the same time. I should have confronted Gabriel about what had happened last night.


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