I skipped breakfast, opting for an extra half hour beneath my cover. Hiding from the world I no longer recognized, or maybe the world didn't recognize me. Had I lost myself?

Faint trickles of weak sunshine slipped through the blinds, but the room remained dark. I used to dislike the dark, longing for a new day to begin. Last night's fight with Chris had taken that away from me. It was my fault, and I knew it. No matter how angry I was with his meddling, it was clear that it all came down to the choices I'd made.

I wished those choices were easier.

The alarm went off for the fifth time, urging me to get up and face the day and the hurt in my friend's eyes.

My tired toes met the cold linoleum, trying the floor as if afraid it would crumble beneath them. Was it crumbling? It almost felt like it did. Without Gabriel's strong arms to keep me steady, nothing seemed quite as clear as it usually was. Could I go on? Did I have the strength to fight?

I avoided my gaze in the mirror and turned on the shower. The chilly water soaked my skin with a harsh reminder that I couldn't hide forever. This was my life. I was living it right now, and I had to decide what to do with it. Chris deserved an apology at least. Losing him on top of everything else was a terrifying prospect.

My wardrobe was a sad sight. Most of my clothes had migrated to Gabriel's room, and what remained were those items he frowned upon. Clothes that I once had been comfortable wearing. In fact, they were clothes I had worn with pride. Clothes that screamed to the world that I loved color.

I moved a bright blue shirt out of the way and grabbed a black one with purple detail. I liked purple. Still did. The green pants wouldn't have been my first choice to go with the shirt, but I was out of options. At least I chose a pair of shoes that Gabriel liked.

The large hallways were crowded, allowing me to stay out of sight as I trudged close to the wall. I was running late for class, but so were most others. Usually, I tried to be seated before the students sauntered inside, taking a spot far away from Cameron to avoid trouble. He'd tried to catch me several times after class to ask how I was doing, but I tried to avoid those situations as much as possible.

I turned a corner and stopped dead in my tracks, my pulse speeding up from a slow beat to an angry pounding. What was going on? Chris and Cameron stood outside the classroom, talking to each other in hushed voices. I had never seen them talk before, but there they stood, chatting with each other as if they'd known each other all along. It wasn't hard to guess they were talking about me.

I felt betrayed. Chris had the nerve to talk behind my back—especially after our fight last night. Cameron hadn't been involved in that argument, so why would Chris feel the need to seek him out?

Before I could confront them, Chris took off down the hallway as if he hadn't meant to be seen. Confused and upset, I passed Cameron without a word, resisting the urge to slam the classroom door behind me.

I tried my best to focus on what Cameron taught us during the lecture, which proved difficult as I wished to be far away. What usually felt like half an hour of class dragged on until I wondered if he'd made a double lecture of it without telling anyone. When he finally finished, I fled down the stairs and made my way back to Gabriel's room. I needed to feel included rather than excluded. I wondered if it was some weird savior worship that made me have those dreams. I'd relived the moment he had carried me out from Gabriel's room during too many nights to count. It wasn't right.

Storming inside, I crashed on the bed right next to my boyfriend.

He grunted out a sound of annoyance, clearly not ready to be awake.

The smell of stale alcohol reached me, but it didn't deter me from burying my nose into his neck.

"Fuck, it's too early, Adam." He moved away an inch, enough to send a warning down my spine.

"I'm sorry."

He moved again. "Can you bring me some water?"

"Sure." I got up and took a glass from the nightstand. It was dirty, so I rinsed it as well as I could beneath the slow trickle of water from the tap. He should have called the manager about that tap long ago, but he usually got annoyed when I reminded him.

Gabriel sat on the edge of the bed when I got back, hair ruffled in all directions.

"Did you have fun last night?" I asked.

He reached for the glass in my hand and guzzled down the cold water. "One hell of a night."

"What did you do?"

"Went to some strip club with the guys."

"Oh..." I didn't know how to react to that.

He arched an eyebrow as if that was the wrong answer. I decided to let it go. I doubted there were any male strippers at that place, anyway. I had no reason to be jealous.

"I'm glad you had fun," I said instead.

"Yeah. One motherfucker of a hangover now, though."

"Can I get you something else?" He probably had a headache.

"You can suck my dick."

The way he said it almost made it sound offensive, less of an invite than a standard line to get out of their way.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Too fucking early it seems."

"I'm not a fan of dirty talk like that," I said, hoping he would understand.

"How is it dirty to ask your partner to suck your dick? You've done it before."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, you've ruined the mood. I'll take care of it in the shower instead." He got out of bed and found a towel on the floor, not saying another word as he left me behind.

It wasn't the first time he'd been an idiot after hanging out with his friends. It seemed they were a bad influence, but I wasn't about to ask him to stop seeing them. They were all straight, at least. That was the difference between my friends and his, or that was his take on the issue. Either way, I had no intention of ruining his relationships as well. If not for those friends, we would be pretty much alone by now. Not that I got to hang out with them, but hopefully I would one day.

I wasn't stupid, I knew it was wrong of him to ask me to stay away from Cameron and Chris, but I wanted to make him understand there was a better way. If I pressed the issue too early, however, he would strike back. He had found more reasons lately to become angry, and whenever he did, I got the brunt of his aggression.

Late one night after a particularly bad evening, I had built up the courage to call the safe house. I'd wanted to get away where no one knew, where no one would judge me. I had closed that call the second they said they didn't have any accommodation for men.

Unbidden tears burned behind my eyes. I knew how wrong it was. I knew that I was reaching my limit, and so far I hadn't been able to help him. Whenever I tried to make him see reason, he got worse instead.

It was a losing game, but it hurt too much to admit that I wouldn't succeed, that our love wasn't real.

Chris had been right about one thing. I should see my family. Spring break was just a week away, and Mom had left plenty of messages to ask me if I was coming or not. I should have told her no from the start because Gabriel had told me that we would spend it together, but I wished we could find a way to do both. He knew my family. They wouldn't be shocked to see him if I brought him along.

Gabriel returned from the shower, heavy drops falling from his dark hair. "You're still here?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you were throwing a hissy fit."

"I wasn't."

"You were. You just do them in silence. It's annoying."

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever." He threw the towel on the floor again. Not able to stand the thought of a wet towel drying slowly on top of his clothes, I got up and moved it to the rack in the bathroom.

I took a moment to collect my thoughts and returned with a new resolve.

"We should see my family next week," I said.

"I thought we would spend the week together." He narrowed his eyes. "On our own."

"Just for a few days," I tried. "I really need to see them, and they're begging me to come home. I haven't seen them since Christmas."

"I've already planned the trip. We can't change it now. Maybe if you would have said something a few weeks ago." He stepped closer and placed his arms around my back. His lips touched my forehead. "We'll have a great week together, just the two of us, baby."

A week together like the one we'd had after Christmas. That week had been perfect in every way. How could I say no to that? I had to hope. I softened in his embrace, holding on to the hope of a better day.