A/N  We're moving into the difficult parts of this novel. My inbox is open if anyone has something to share or need to talk about this for a bit.

When the plane began its slow descent over our city clad in late afternoon sunlight, I woke up from a fitful rest. Having remained awake throughout most of the night, the brief slumber hadn't helped to alleviate my fatigue.

"You all right?" Cameron asked, moving a glass of water from his tray to mine. "I got you some...thought you might want it."

"Thanks." I tried to smile, but my nerves had caught up with me. Fleeing to Chicago had helped for a day, but all my worries had returned with a vengeance.

"Do you want anything else?" The concern in his voice didn't help. I didn't want him to know of my turmoil.

"Nah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

I knew he was asking that question about my general mood, the question I had skirted past to begin with. Letting a tired smile tug at my lips, I leaned back and closed my eyes again.

The wheels hit the tarmac twenty minutes later, and when those who rushed out with bags left and right were finished, Cameron and I got out and made our way through the airport maze toward the baggage claim. The silence stretching between us had turned stale at some point—something I thought would never happen. It was all my fault, which made it even worse.

I did my best to act civil, but I was so caught up in my own tumbling chaos that I only heard half of what he was saying.

"Huh?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry. My head's in the clouds."

Cameron chuckled, but I could tell the chuckle was far more strained than usual. "I was asking if you have a ride home. I kind of assumed you would go with me, but you might have other plans."

I considered calling Gabriel, wanting to believe that nothing was actually wrong between us, but not even I could fool myself to such a degree. Chris was another option, but I felt bad about calling him when Cameron had offered.

"That'd be great, thanks."

"Let's find our stuff then." Cameron's shoulders relaxed as if he'd been tense, making me wonder how badly I had screwed up to get us to this point. Perhaps he wouldn't want me to be his assistant anymore. Not that I had been bad company throughout the trip, but certainly since last night. Breakfast had been the most awkward thing ever because I kept zoning out.

Cameron cracked a few jokes on the way back to campus, and I tried my best to laugh at the right places. It was a hollow sound—an echo that had traveled from an earlier time when I was relaxed and not worried about Gabriel.

Leaning my head against the window, I looked out at nothing while thinking about the person I hoped was waiting for me at home. I hadn't heard from him despite my efforts to contact him. It was tough to remain ignored, but I also knew that I had been the one to walk out. It was my responsibility to make sure we talked again.

"Are you coming by the studio tomorrow?"

I started at the sound of Cameron's voice. Not entirely sure what he'd said, I backtracked and tried to come up with a logical sentence. Tomorrow.

"What about tomorrow?"

Cameron was silent for a second, biting his lower lip in a way that I'd never seen before. "You're still in the clouds. You sure you're okay?" His gaze was focused on the cars and pedestrians outside, but I could tell I held more than enough of his attention.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Don't know what's wrong with me," I lied.

"Maybe you should take a few days off if that's the case."

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"No need to apologize. We'll see each other in class during the week, so whenever you're ready, just tell me."

I hummed in reply, not sure what he wanted to express with those words.

Cameron stopped the car outside the apartment complex. "Want any help with your bags?" he asked, even though he knew I only had one. I found it odd but smiled and shook my head.

I rose from the seat and steeled myself for the goodbye. My break from reality was definitely over even if I was reluctant to move on to deal with the huge pile of problems I had caused by leaving in the first place. I clasped the car door with trembling fingers. "Thanks for the ride."

"No problem. See you in class tomorrow."

"Yes, see you then." I attempted another smile and shut the door, berating myself over how badly I had handled the situation. This wasn't Cameron's fault, and he shouldn't have to suffer because I couldn't deal with my emotions.

Hoisting the bag over my shoulder, I peered up at Gabriel's window from habit. Light escaped from inside—Gabriel was there, a silhouette visible against the background. Steeling my resolve, I forced myself up the stairs and into Gabriel's corridor. It was time to face this. It was time to solve our problems and deal with it like adults. I longed to hug him, kiss him and forget everything about our fight. I wanted everything to be simple again.

Hope and numbing guilt bubbled within me, feelings that got more and more confusing with each knock on his door. I reached for the solid wall for support, trying to boost myself with courage.

His steps sounded on the other side, then, the turn of a handle. My heart raced in response, and it refused to settle as he opened. But, what might have been a rush of anticipation morphed as the look on his face sent a chill down to my very core.

"H-hi..."

With eyes darkened by scant light, he locked my arm in a tight grip and pulled me into the apartment. The door closed with a kind of finality that sent the wrong kind of signals along my neck. I backed up against the wall, trying to find my center.

"Hi? That's all I'm getting? No excuse? No explanation?"

His words hurt even if I knew they shouldn't. I had tried to contact him, but he hadn't answered. This wasn't only my fault.

"We need to talk," I said, hoping he would calm down so we could sort everything out. I had to make everything better because I couldn't handle the pressing guilt, nor his anger.

Gabriel's jaw ticked with tension.

"You okay?" I managed to ask.

"You're asking me if I'm okay?" Venom laced his voice, contorting the question into something entirely different.

"I'm sorry."

The vicious shadow in his eyes grew darker, not halted for a second by my attempted apology.

I pushed back against the wall, feeling the beat of my racing heart against my ribs. This wasn't happening. Hadn't we fought enough?

"Where have you been?"

I swallowed hard, wondering how I could explain without making it worse. He had reason to be angry, but the blinding rage he carried inside of him caused nothing but pain.

He took a step closer. "Answer me!"

"Chicago." The word left my lips like a wisp of air.

Gabriel towered above me, standing as close as a lover but not in the way a lover should stand. His frame was rigid and squared, like that of a bull preparing to charge. "I thought I meant more to you. Going off to Chicago with that fucking photographer, and you didn't even tell me."

I seemed to shrink where I stood. "I tried to call. So many times. You didn't answer. I sent messages—"

"My phone got stolen last week. But that's no excuse for you, Adam. What the hell were you thinking?"

That explained why he hadn't replied. Maybe he was waiting for the weekend to fix things between us, and instead of making sure to catch him before I went, I left everything behind and fled like a coward.

"You...I...I tried to tell you that I was leaving." The excuse was a feeble one. If I had been determined to find him, I would have done so. This was my fault.

"You shouldn't even have thought about going. He's all over you, and everyone knows it. You could have been raped!" He paused, inhaling slowly as if to calm down, but there was nothing calm about his expression. "Or perhaps it wasn't rape. We fight and you run off to the next guy. Is that it?"

"How can you say that?" I tried my hardest to meet his gaze. "You're wrong. That's not what happened."

"You're a fucking lovesick puppy. Needing attention all the time."

Was that how he thought of me? Was that me? I couldn't breathe.

Gabriel's eyes flashed as if he had heard my thoughts and agreed. "So while I'm struggling with accepting this new life you want with me, you can't even wait before you go fuck someone else."

That word again. 'Fuck'. Nothing had happened between me and Cameron, but I was far too aware of the forbidden attraction I felt toward him—an attraction I had to forget. I had to make Gabriel see that it was nothing, otherwise it would tear at both of us.

"We didn't do anything. It's just work."

"Did you share a room?"

"No."

He grabbed my shirt, pulling me toward him only to push me back against the wall again with brutal force. The framed picture behind me fell to the floor, shattering upon impact and sending shards of glass in all directions. My ears rang with panic.

"What are you doing?" I asked, struggling to understand what was going on.

The pain blooming across my face came out of nowhere, driven into me with the force of his fist. Stumbling from the impact, I slipped and landed on the sharp pieces of what we'd broken apart. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. Blood from the cuts on my bare hands painted the floor in dark red. I kept staring at the thick drops, confused and strangely detached.

"Damn it! I'm sorry, Adam." Gabriel leaned down, grasping around my arms to pull me up. "Fuck, I didn't mean to hurt you. I never want to hurt you." He kissed my forehead, then my lips as if begging for forgiveness while my palms continued to bleed. The pain seemed to transport me somewhere else, somewhere deep inside myself where hidden memories flared alive.

He turned my hands in his, surveying the damage while my eyebrow continued to pulse. "This shouldn't have happened. You just make me so damn angry sometimes."

Fighting through the fear, I used the undamaged side of my hand to soothe his frown.

"I'm sorry," I said, far too aware that I had made a terrible mistake, but also that his rage wasn't the proper response.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you. I don't want to. You have to believe me when I say that." He searched for a connection and held the gaze as if to show that he meant what he said. "But baby," he ran a finger along my cheek, "you can't betray me like that again."

Betrayal. The word cut right through me.

"I won't." Again, my voice was barely above a whisper—weak and uncertain in the face of scrutiny. He was disappointed, and it was all because of me. I should have seen that he was struggling. I should have seen what I was doing to him.

Gabriel touched my lips with his, once, twice, then he retreated. "I don't want you to see this old guy again."

"He's my teacher and employer, Gabriel. I have to see him."

He shook his head. "He's not only that, Adam. I'm not blind."

Nausea threatened far too close to the surface. "You have nothing to worry about."

His focus shifted to my busted eyebrow. "I'll get you some ice for this, and something for your hands."

The kindness in his voice made everything worse. Plagued by guilt, I promised myself that this would never happen again.

* * * *

I slept nuzzled into Gabriel's side, calming down next to his warmth. It was the first time we had spent a night together since classes had started, and it felt as though I'd been transported back in time to the magical days around New Year.

The dull throb from the wounds on my hands and the bruised eyebrow bothered me, but it wasn't more than I could handle. The guilt was far heavier to bear, but we would get through this—we would become stronger.

Mom had told me something a few years ago that fit well to our current situation. True love conquered every little spat and every major blow. Considering that she'd spent thirty years with Dad, I guessed that her wisdom should count for something.

Gabriel stirred behind me, showing the first signs of being awake. I peeked over my shoulder.

"Hey."

He blinked, and I could see his eyes widen when he studied my bruise. "Shit. I'm sorry, Adam. I don't deserve you."

I turned in his arms and placed my bare chest against his. "We'll get through this." I said it both for myself and for him.

Gabriel pressed a soft kiss on my lips. "You should probably stay here for the day. People will wonder what happened to you."

"I can tell them that I was attacked by someone. It's no big deal." I knew I should have been more concerned about being hit, but the situation had been tense for a lot of reasons. I had to take responsibility as well. As long as it never happens again.

He didn't appear convinced, but he remained silent. Instead, he raked his fingers through my hair, kneading my scalp with his tender touch. I almost felt like a purring cat as I pressed closer to his hand.

A few minutes later, Gabriel's alarm went off with a shrill sound. He scrambled out of bed, retrieved his discarded jeans from the floor and got out his phone.

I sat up and pulled the sheet around me. "You got a new phone then?"

"What?" Confusion furrowed his brow. "Yeah, I got it yesterday."

"Same model?"

"Yeah. I like it, and I got it cheap. It's a used one."

I let out a soft chuckle. "Who knows? Maybe it's your old one. Bet they sold it as soon as they could."

Gabriel smiled. "Maybe, but I doubt it. Got it from some chick in my class. She looks like someone who gets a new phone from Daddy every other month."

"Maybe," I said. The normalcy was soothing, and another sign that we would find a way to make this work despite the situation and the long journey ahead of us. It would take time before we could leave the closet as a couple.

Gabriel turned his back on me and opened his drawers, picking out a black T-shirt and another pair of dark blue jeans. I rarely saw him in anything else beneath his signature leather jacket. I liked the style, but it looked better on him than it did on me. My wardrobe held a couple more colors in it, and not only jeans.

"What time is it?" I asked, hoping I wouldn't be late for class.

"7 am, but I have to run. Are you staying in my room today? I can leave a key."

A warm, fuzzy feeling spread inside my chest. Gabriel offering me a key was a big step forward. It was almost enough of an incentive to take the day off and hang around in his room. I could slack away and no one would know.

"Maybe I'll stay. I only have one class today, and they won't miss me."

Gabriel approached the bed and nudged me to lay down again. He smiled and put a key on the night stand. "Then sleep in. You look like you need it. I can get us some lunch around noon and meet up with you here."

His kindness reminded me of the old Gabriel. "Thank you."

He drew a gentle finger across my cheek before turning to leave. As the door closed, I breathed in slowly, ready to let go of the pain. We were on the right track and had made it out of the fuck-load of crap that had happened yesterday. Every step we took from now on should be in this direction.

Touching the tender area around my eye, I braved a smile. The punch was the terrible pinnacle of a fight we had allowed to get out of hand. If we worked on our communication, and if I kept away from Cameron, we would never end up in the same situation again.

We had to respect each other, and that included the inconvenience of having to keep our relationship quiet until he was ready to share it with the world. I knew it was just a matter of time. Gabriel had never bowed to others' opinions before, and it was my job to make him remember that. I had to take it slow, however. Pushing him would be counter-productive.

I thought of our teenage years, trying to remember if his parents had showed any indication of homophobia. They were hard-core Christians. Also, Gabriel was their only child, so I could assume that they wouldn't be thrilled about the idea of never getting grandchildren. They'd never said anything out loud, but my bet was that they might react quite badly to the news. On the other hand, they had always liked me. Surely, that had to count for something.

A faint ringtone disrupted my reverie. I sighed from my spot on the bed but rose and found my phone in my discarded jacket.

"Hi, Chris," I replied.

"Hi. Where are you? Thought you would be back by now."

I chuckled. "You sound like a concerned mother hen."

"That I do, but you've been gone the entire weekend. I want to hear about Chicago and your hot teacher. We're supposed to be friends, after all." He tried to sound mildly annoyed but missed the mark.

"I won't tell you a thing."

"That's so unfair," he whined.

I hated that I couldn't tell him, and this banter only made things worse. If I said anything about Cameron, Chris would interpret it in his own way, and that could end in a disaster.

"I'm sorry, Chris. I actually can't tell you."

"Why?" He sounded affronted.

I fumbled for a viable explanation but came up short.

"I'll talk to you later. I gotta run to class." It was an awful lie, but I had to say something.

"Okay, we'll talk later." He was annoyed for real this time, and he had every reason to be.

The call disconnected, and my smile faltered. I didn't want to lie to Chris. Perhaps Gabriel could make an exception so I could tell my roommate at least. It wasn't too much to ask, right?

I fell back against the pillow, trying to find the same relaxed position as before. It proved difficult, especially as I wondered what Cameron would think of my absence from class today. He would notice, but he might understand if I was tired after my odd behavior yesterday. Besides, it was probably a good idea to put some distance between us.