CHAPTER TEN.

After speaking to Roma, Liliya was exhausted. She had stayed behind in the war room, flicking through some books left on the side. Trying desperately to occupy her mind while Kirigan finished with his business for the night. She knew that she was allowed into his room and he would have no problem but she still felt unsure and awkward. Not wanting to overstep.

"Why are you still here?" Kirigan asked as he walked in. His kefta was lay over his arm as he crossed over to the door to his chambers. It was always strange to Liliya, how they were connected to the War Room but it made sense. He was always so connected to his work. He was the second most powerful man in Ravka.

"I didn't know whether to enter. I don't even know your first name," She shrugged. Kirigan brushed past her and opened the door, gesturing for her to go inside. She did so, allowing the silence to fill the space between them. Her hands resting at her side as she glanced around, quickly realising that she forgot to bring any of her nightdresses down, again.

"I had a servant bring down some of your clothes. They are in the dresser," He said, gesturing to the set of drawers next to his wardrobe. Liliya raised an eyebrow and he smiled back at her. He pulled the wardrobe door open and she was surprised to find her blue keftas hung up beside his. He had been so accommodating for her.

"Kirigan, you didn't have to bring my clothes down. I will be comfortable in my own room in a day or so. I just... needed time to process," Liliya quickly attempted to undo her overstepping. He took his night pants from the drawer and glanced back at her before he began to undo his shirt.

"Please, call me Aleksander," He said as he pulled his shirt off, "And I allowed you to sleep here. I want you to be comfortable," He added. Liliya just stared at his back for a moment. His skin exposed to her and she could see his muscles move as he took his pants off. Quickly catching herself, she turned away and rushed towards the dresser. Pulling the drawers out and searching for a nightdress. It quickly occurred to her that all of them had low necklines.

He would see the scars on her collarbones. The only scars that she was sure any Grisha had. Even he was perfect. In every way. She didn't want to expose that part of herself but she knew that she had very little choice. She had been thankful for the high necks of the kefta and blouses but now he saw the most vulnerable part of her. And he saw it while they weren't distracted by other things. He may have taken to her bed but they had been distracted. He now could see them, question them. She didn't want to answer those questions.

Only when she heard Kirigan moving onto the bed did she snap out of her daze. She cleared her throat and grabbed one of the nightdresses. She had no other choice but to let him see. Her back was to him as she changed and she walked over to the bed, unsure in her movements. He had a book in his hand now and seemed to be distracted by his reading. Barely noticing as she slid under the covers.

Once she was comfortable, she pulled the covers over her collarbones and buried the side of her face into the pillows. His bed was somehow more comfortable than hers. Something that she never thought could be possible. Kirigan continued to read for a few more minutes, flicking through pages before he placed the book down. She had been watching him the whole time. Her gaze on his face, watching his face morph between emotions.

Liliya quickly closed her eyes when he looked her way. Then there was silence and she prayed that he didn't notice her staring. She felt him move on the bed and when she peeked her eyes open, she found that he was lying on his side facing her. His gaze on her face as he moved his arm to wrap around her waist beneath the covers.

The covers adjusted under their shifting weight but Liliya was quick to pull it back up to her neck. He pulled his eyebrows together and moved his hand from her waist up to her jaw. Brushing his fingers along her jawline and tucking the hair behind her ear.

"What are you hiding?" He asked. The curiosity in his tone and he was calm.

"Nothing. I'm just cold," Liliya said. The words were like second nature, her instant defence mechanism when it came to these situations. It was the same with Genya though she had long learnt not the question them. It was just another conversation she had to have with Kirigan. A conversation she didn't know how to have.

"Milaya," He responded, his words were soft but still a warning. She sighed and allowed him to pull the covers down. Her fingers moved to her collarbones. Her skin had always been pale but the thick scars underneath the bone were a stark contrast to it. Kirigan's gaze moved to them and his fingers gently skimmed along them, "What are these?" He asked curiously. Liliya didn't entirely know what to say. Her mind drawing a blank.

"They're just scars. Everyone has them," Liliya attempted to avoid the question but she had never been as good at it as Kirigan and Genya. It felt like she'd been trapped in a corner and there didn't seem to be a way out. It made it almost difficult to breathe but she swallowed that feeling.

"Why has Genya not healed them?" He asked as he let his fingers rest against them. Liliya bit the inside of her cheek and buried her face in the pillows.

"I asked her not to. They're a reminder," She mumbled. It felt so right to be telling him but every other part of her was begging her not to say a word. Kirigan didn't need to know, it would only devalue her. Grisha were perfect and Liliya was nearly there. She was nearly perfect in appearance and - more importantly - ability. This might just jeopardise everything.

"Of?" He urged.

"The past. I don't like talking about it," Liliya said. Her hands moving to take his and push them from the scars. Her hands reaching for the covers and she was about to pull them up until Kirigan stopped her. His hands moving to pause her actions.

"Don't hide from me," He said. His words were low and calm but the danger to his words was still there. It was almost a threat... almost. She nodded and instead, she pushed herself closer. Her legs tangling with his as she wrapped her arms around him. He allowed her to cuddle up to him, relaxing under her touch.

"I spoke to Arina and she told me that you watched me at night while I slept, is that true?" Liliya asked, her question mumbled against his skin. Her head pressed against his bare chest. Feeling the warmth of his skin against her face. She wanted to listen to his heartbeat but was content for now.

"I checked on you frequently," He responded. His words were hesitant, like he didn't even want to admit that he had been around her. It made her smile though she made sure to hide her amusement.

"Arina said I spoke in my sleep, did you hear anything?" Liliya asked after a moment of silence. It had been playing on her mind. If she had been muttering about Isaak when Arina was there, what could he have heard? She assumed that Kirigan would have heard a lot more if he was there as long as Arina implied.

"I did. I could tell you were having frequent night terrors. It's part of the reason why I made sure Ivan kept you asleep," Kirigan explained. Liliya nodded and then shuffled back. Turning onto her back and letting her hands rest on her stomach under the covers. Her eyes falling closed as she let out a soft sigh. There would probably be nightmares when she fell asleep. If she fell asleep at all. She had been restless all day. No matter what she did. Her energy was high but she knew she would have to wind down. Especially if Kirigan was sleeping in the same room at her.

She heard Kirigan shuffling around and when she glanced, she noticed that he'd rolled onto the other side. His head resting in the pillows as he let his own eyes close. Liliya didn't know what to do with herself. Even when she had her eyes closed, she felt wide awake.

"Kirigan," She began but she quickly heard him correct her.

"Aleksander," He reminded. Liliya huffed and then repeated his name back to him. A smirk spreading across his lips as he turned to face her once again. Replacing the smirk with a neutral expression.

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep," She admitted. Kirigan watched her for a moment before he moved closer. He adjusted the covers around them until he was straddling her waist. His arms supporting him as he rested above her. His eyes looking into hers before he pressed his forehead against hers. His eyes closing as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

"I know a way to tire you out," He mumbled against her lips before he slowly kissed along her jaw again. He loved kissing her neck and she found herself tilting her head back. Allowing him access to wherever he wanted, his lips attacking every part of her skin. Nipping and sucking softly. A few marks cropping up that Liliya prayed would be gone by the morning.

"Ki- Aleksander," She whined softly. He hummed against her throat in recognition and she shifted under him. Seeking out the press of his body against hers. He chuckled softly and lifted his head to look into her eyes. Her hand then shot out to grab his hair, pulling him down. Pressing her lips against his, her fingers running through his brown locks. Enjoying the soft feel of his hair and the press of his lips. His tongue quickly joining the kiss.

Their night clothes were quickly discarded and Kirigan kissed every inch of her skin he could access. Pleasing her in ways she never thought would be possible. Her body was as it had been the first time - incredibly responsive - to him and by the time they had had their fill, they were exhausted. Liliya falling into a blissful sleep, her head rested against his panting chest. Listening to the thump of his heart as she drifted.

However, when Liliaya awoke. It was her heart that was pounding. The tears falling down her cheeks as she shot up. Aleksander - who had been resting against her chest - being startled awake and thrown to one side by her movements. Her hands grappled for anything to ground her as the sob wracked her body.

Aleksander looked at her for a moment, his eyes narrowed as he tried to work out what was happening. When he realised that she was sobbing, the blanket of confusion he had gained from sleeping was thrown away. He pushed himself to sit up and pulled her against his chest. Her hands grappling for his shoulders as the sobs escaped her lips.

Clinging to him like he was her last lifeline. The tears falling down rapidly and no amount of deep breaths could stop them. It felt like she couldn't breathe and despite Aleksander's soothing gestures, she felt overwhelmed. Her eyes squeezing shut as she tried to think of anything but the nightmare. The fear, the sadness. That unending empty feeling that she had felt. It had been so long since she had felt like that.

It took her at least five minutes before she had finally calmed down. Her sobs turning into silent tears before she fell completely silent. Snot dripping from her nose and dried tears staining her cheeks. She knew she looked a mess. Half-naked and sobbing in his arms as he held tightly to her. Her hands fell limp against his shoulders, slipping into her lap as she closed her eyes. The embarassment washing over her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up..." She mumbled softly. Aleksander said nothing and instead, pressed a kiss to her temple. He pulled her back into his chest. Allowing her to lay between his legs as he leant against the headboard and pillows. His fingers running through her hair as she took another few deep breaths, "It won't happen again," She added after a second. Aleksander shook his head and rested his head against hers.

"I used to get them. It is out of your control," He responded. Liliya nodded and then sniffled, pushing herself forward. She crawled out of his lap and brushed the tears from under her eyes. This felt like a mistake.

"I'll sleep in my room tomorrow night. I don't want to disturb you," Liliya said quickly, reaching out and grabbing her nightdress. Kirigan of all people needed a decent night sleep. He would not get that with her. He tilted his head slightly, watching her move before he slid out of bed. He grabbed his night pants and slipped them on before walked up to her. He helped her pull the dress on before just looking down at her for a moment.

"You asked to sleep here. I accepted. You will stay here," Aleksander said as he looked down at the redhead. Liliya sighed and rubbed her face with her hands, shaking her head again. It felt wrong to ask this of him

"You are my superior. I shouldn't expect this of you. I need to go and train. I meet Ivan in the mornings," Liliya said, quickly trying to find a way out of this situation. It was a conversation that they needed to have. Whatever they had, it would affect everything. He was still her General after all and she had never been blindly loyal.

"Milaya, I agreed to your request. I was aware of your circumstances. When we are in this room, I am Aleksander. Not your General. Do you understand?" He asked. Liliya stared at him for a moment before nodding her head. He then turned around and walked back over to the bed. A part of her wanted to join him but she glanced over and saw that the sun was rising. She was supposed to be going out now.

"I understand," Liliya nodded before she opened the wardrobe. Her gaze flicking over the black keftas. Kirigan's colours. Her fingers skimming across the fabric before she plucked one of her own from the hanger. She then grabbed her blouse, trousers, socks and boots. Putting them all on before looking to her kefta, "Will I see you before tonight?" Liliya asked as she folded the kefta up and placed it on the side. She would come back for it.

"I have matters to attend to with the King," He responded. Liliya nodded. She knew that it meant he would be busy. The King always had so many things to do or that he wanted Kirigan to do. With the added effect of the upcoming birthday of the Prince, Kirigan was likely busier than ever. But Liliaya had to suck it up. She expected nothing more.

She sent him a smile before disappearing out of the room. Taking her usual route outside. She ran around the grounds as usual but found that the kitchen didn't need her help that day. That allowed her to take another lap before she arrived at the training rooms. She was panting as she walked into the room, surprised to find Ivan already stood there.

"Hey," Liliya said as she closed the door with the heel of her boot. Ivan lifted his head but didn't smile as he usually would. Instead, he just pushed the punching bag to one side and got into his usual stance, "Okay..." Liliya trailed off as she walked across from him. He barely gave her time to prepare before he came for her. His punches were harsher than usual, uncontrolled but powerful. They lacked accuracy and Liliya was quickly able to dodge.

Throwing her own more accurate punches. Despite her start to the morning, her head felt clearer than before. Good sleep and Kirigan's company had done wonders for her so she used it to her advantage. Kicking his shin after barely blocking one of his more powerful punches. This allowed her to land a punch to his jaw. His head snapping sideways, disorientating him as she pulled him into a headlock.

He got his bearings back quickly and began to fight back. His fingers clawing at her arm, pulling at the sleeves before she kicked the back of his knee in. He crumpled under his own weight and she tightened her arm around his throat. Ivan double-tapped her arm and she let him go, taking two steps back. But then he grabbed her ankle and sent her flying to the floor.

His quick movements winded her and she let out a soft whimper of pain. Her head smacking harshly against the dirt. Ivan then moved to stand up, waiting to see what she would do. Liliya decided to stay down.

"If you are going to act like a bastard, then I won't fight you," Liliya said as she lifted her head to meet his gaze. Ivan stared back at her for a moment and she sent him an overexaggerated smile before pushing herself to sit up. She brushed down her blouse before huffing and standing up again. She kept the distance between them, waiting for his response.

"You could at least be grateful. I was the one that kept you asleep," Ivan responded. Liliya scoffed and pushed her fingers through her hair. She didn't even have the chance to tie it up away from her face.

"You were listening to orders and I didn't want to sleep. Kirigan ordered you," Liliya spat as she pulled her sleeves up to her elbows. She rolled her shoulders and stared at him, "Did it annoy you that Kirigan found me? He was my knight in shining armour?" Liliya asked, deciding to antagonise him. He seemed to have become entitled and she had no problem knocking his ego down a peg or two. One egotistical man was all Liliya could take.

"Be careful of your words, Li. He only found you because I hadn't seen you," Ivan argued. Liliya rolled her eyes and stepped closer to him. Closing the gap before throwing a punch. He managed to step out of it before throwing one towards her abdomen. She knocked his hand away without breaking eye contact.

"You and Arina are so similar. You're acting like a child, Ivan. If you are jealous of Kirigan for saving me from the brink of death, you are being ridiculous," Liliya responded. Ivan scoffed and threw another few punches. He stayed silent, focusing on the attacks that Liliya seemed to so effortlessly dodge. He was distracted.

"I'm not jealous of Kirigan. He just cares so much for an Inferni. A woman that is useless," Ivan spat as he landed a punch to Liliya's face. Her head snapped to the side and she stumbled back. Shocked by how much force he used. He then proceeded to kicked her. His foot colliding with her stomach. His knee colliding with her chin and then his foot slamming against her back as she fell to the floor. A cry of pain escaping her lips at the attacks. Her body hardly able to process the pain.

"It was you. You tried to break my hand with the punching bag," Liliya said before she spat out blood onto the dirt. Her hands pushing out but Ivan stomped on her fingers. Her hands quickly pulling under her body to protect them, "And you told him that I wasn't sleeping. You told him I wasn't in fighting shape," Liliya realised as she rested her head against the dirt. She had been blind not to see it. Ivan had been trying to hurt her reputation this whole time.

"But Kirigan just has so much faith in his Inferni," Ivan said as he stepped back from her, waiting for her to recover. Liliya then pushed herself to her feet. Her fingers were red, the bootprints on her fingers. Everything ached but she knew better than to show it. It was what Ivan wanted.

"I could tell him," Liliya threatened.

"But you won't," He responded. It was what they were both thinking. Liliya knew she didn't have any real evidence against Ivan. Just speculation and Kirigan would likely dismiss her. He cared for her. Saints, they were sleeping in the same bed together but he had his uses for everyone. Nothing she said would change how useful Ivan was.

Liliya then decided - rather than responding - to instead arch flames towards him. Using the lanterns in the room to set his kefta on fire. She then stepped away from him and left the room. Leaving him to throw his kefta off. She wanted to go to her room. If she went back to Kirigan's - and Aleksander was there - she would get questions. Sitting in her own room felt like the better idea.

***

author's note! yes, i deprived you of smut again, fight me, nah i just don't know how to write it and feel comfortable with publishing it for others to read ig?? also... just a little reveal to tide you over until more things come out. there's a lot of dramatic things that are gonna come out as the story comes over and well... honestly ivan is just the start hehe :) also soft!kirigan cause im a softie for this man, not entirely as soft as he probably could be but goddamn he's hard to write, i'm always afraid of making him out of character lmao. bUT anyway, i hope you enjoyed and THANK YOU FOR 13K READS!! like, excuse me???