CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

Riding through the first day and night, Liliya eventually found herself at a small village not far from Keramzin. She was exhausted and had managed to get a plan to stay for the night. She was glad and with her stomach full of hot food, she walked into her room. Truffle was at the stable a few houses down so she knew he would be safe.

The anxiety had been playing on her mind since she left the Little Palace and she continuously found herself looking back to ensure she wasn't being followed. Kirigan most likely knew that she had gone now and she wondered how he would react. She didn't know but she also didn't entirely care how he reacted. It was what she had threatened and she was going to follow through. He should have known and she tried not to let her mind become too consumed by him.

She discarded her clothes and slipped on her nightdress before getting under the covers. It was nowhere near as comfortable as her bed at the Little Palace but with a little bit of adjustment, she was adequately comfortable. It was still frustrating and the blanket was scratchy but it was better than nothing so she sucked it up.

Her hands rested on her stomach as she stared at the ceiling. It was a new environment and despite her exhaustion, she was still wary and awake. It was ridiculous really. She needed to sleep so she closed her eyes and tried her best.

Taking in deep breaths, trying anything she could to drift off into sleep. She could hear the chatter of the patrons outside her room. The clunking of bags and people's boots against the corridor. She didn't mind, the ambience was better than the silence of the Little Palace but it was strange. It was new and she just had to get used to it.

But she missed Genya and she wished Kirigan was with her. She hated how her mind drifted to them so easily but her hair served as a constant reminder of Genya and her mind could never forget Kirigan. She hadn't been able to sleep properly except with him. She hoped that maybe the journey would allow her to overcome it.

And somewhere later in the night, she managed to fall asleep. Her mind drifting as she relaxed under the sheets. Her dream world captivating her.

***

After collecting supplies, Liliya was tracking again. She had managed to gather a little information from the town and discovered that Roma and the Boy had both passed through at some point over the past day or so. It was lucky and it meant that she was on the right track. Truffle seemed to be a little more energetic and they rode off with a renewed speed.

Liliya was hoping to reach Keramzin and see if she could gather information. If Roma happened to be there, she would speak to him briefly but she wasn't going to put him in danger. If Kirigan ever found out that they had spoken, Roma might be accused of being a traitor and she was not stupid enough to allow that to happen.

Keramzin would likely be in sight by midday so she headed in the direction. The Fold was looming not far away now and that terrified her but she knew that it would be fine. She had no intention of crossing over into it.

***

Liliya stopped just before midday half an hour outside of Keramzin. She was hungry and a fallen tree had caught her attention. The path that she had been travelling down was well travelled by the Royals, the Grisha and everyone in the Kingdom. She had a feeling that there might be thieves around so she decided to watch and see if they came out.

She wasn't entirely sure what compelled her to do so but a part of her wanted to hurt somebody. She wanted someone to get punished. Maybe it was the cruel part of her or maybe she was so used to training that she forgot what it was like not to be throwing punches every day. She had been at war for so long.

But she didn't dwell on her reasonings too long. Instead, she set up a small camp and began to eat her cheese and bread, watching the path. Truffle was grazing a few feet away and she was happy to let him do as he pleased. He was a good horse and hadn't abandoned her yet which was certainly a good sign.

Her hands reached out towards her toes, stretching her whole body. She smelt like horse, she knew that much, travelling for so long had left her hygiene to be something to be desired. She didn't care, instead, she focused on the plan ahead. Stretch, eat, hurt anyone who happened to come out. The tree had been purposefully cut with an axe, she was sure of that at least.

As the minutes went on, Liliya began to think that maybe she had been wrong. Doubting herself as she moved to stand up. Stepping through the grass and ferns with her hands rested at her side. The flint and steel in her grip. Her foot tentatively pressed against the dirt of the road and then she heard a cry behind her. A horse whining.

Her head snapped back to Truffle and she watched as the dagger was pulled from his side. A soft cry left her lip and the cloaked man turned around. A sneer showing his cracked and rotting teeth. Liliya glared at him and struck the flint and steel. A flame lighting up and she sent it arching towards him.

The thief rushed away, trying to escape the fire but it managed to catch his cape. She then stepped closer, pushing the flint and steel into her pocket. As he panicked to remove his cloak, Liliya kicked him in the chest. He stumbled back, falling onto his arse. The cloak now discarded in the grass. She then moved on top of the man, gripping the edge of his shirt.

"You're gonna regret killing my horse," She sneered before her fist collided with his face. The crunch from his nose made her grin. Then she pulled his head back and smacked it against the floor and she kept doing it. And kept going. It was like she couldn't stop and by the time she was done, his head was a bashed in bloody mess and tears were rolling down her cheeks.

Sliding off the man, her bloody fingers pressed against her face as a sob left her lips. Her hands then reached out for the still warm corpse of Truffle. Her trusted steed killed dead by a thief. A lowly commoner. She rested her head against his mane, stroking the hair as another sob escaped her lips. Whispering soft "I'm sorry"s continously though she wasn't entirely sure who they were meant for. The man she had murdered or the horse that she had taken from his home for her own selfish reason. She felt stupid.

When Liliya had finally pulled herself together, she pushed herself to her feet. She pressed a kiss to Truffle's head and then walked over to her bag. She snatched it from the floor, glancing down at her fingers. She could hear the sound of a river nearby so she quickly located it, falling to her knees at the shore.

She scrubbed the blood from her fingertips and her face before just sitting there for a moment. She had killed that thief. He was only a thief. He probably had a family. People he was doing this for but she had been so cruel because of a horse. A horse. She felt insane, she had no idea what had happened but she just wanted to sob.

"Liliya," A voice made her jump. Nearly falling face first into the water but the man had gripped her shoulders. He pulled her back and she realised it was Lev. A frown on his face as he pulled her to sit down. He sat next to her and she pushed herself from him. Putting space between them. She couldn't have Kirigan find out that he had seen her.

"Don't. You need to go back to Roma and Tomas and everyone else. If Kirigan knows you've seen me, you're as good as dead," Liliya said quickly. Lev pulled his eyebrows together and tilted his head to the side slightly.

"He didn't send you to help us?" Lev asked. Liliya shook her head and put her head in her hands. It didn't make sense that Lev was even here. He should have been at Keramzin by now or at the Fold, tracking the Boy. Not here. Not in the middle of the woods.

"I ran away because he wasn't letting me leave. I'm finding the Boy. I was going to bring him to you and Tomas and Roma when I found him. Kirigan threatened to strip me of my rank if I left the Little Palace without his permission. Now, I've left the Little Palace and killed somebody. I'm definitely being killed by him," Liliya explained before lifting her head up. Her feet pushing forward and the edges of her boots dipping underneath the water. Lev frowned and then glanced back to see that Truffle and the man were dead only a few steps away. He had missed them when he spotted Liliya walking aimlessly through the woods.

"You killed him? What happened?" Lev asked. Liliya shrugged and pushed her fingers through her hair.

"He killed Truffle and I just got angry. I wanted somebody to suffer because..." I am always the one suffering. She didn't finish her sentence but Lev seemed to know what she was saying, "Kirigan, Isaak, Ivan. I loved them all in different ways but they just... hurt me. I'm sick of being nothing to people," Liliya spat. Lev frowned and then glanced over. Tomas was stood a few steps away, behind a tree. The two had been paired off together.

"The man you killed. Nobody will know and we'll leave you. We won't say a word about seeing you and you can find the boy, okay?" Lev asked and Liliya nodded. She rubbed her eyes that had been watering, pushing away the tears. She wasn't going to allow herself to be upset any longer. She just couldn't.

"If Kirigan asks you if you've seen me, don't lie. Ever. Tell him. Don't get hurt for me. I will face the consequences of my actions when they come knocking," She advised. Lev stared at her for a moment before nodding. He then stood up and glanced around before walking away. Leaving Liliya by the back of the shore with her hands in her lap.

She had killed that man because of her own uncontrollable emotions. Kirigan had left her feeling worthless and alone. Isaak had left her with a darkness she had never been able to escape. Ivan made her feel like she meant nothing, she was just... a pathetic little girl. She knew she wasn't. She was a cold-blooded killer and she was angry. So angry. It was scary how angry she found herself and now she had no horse, she had to get everywhere on foot. This would be a nightmare.

***

Keramzin had been a dead-end. The Boy had passed through but that had been over a day ago. Now, all Liliya had to go on was her Fold theory. If she found him there, she would have been successful and her gut was telling her he was there. She usually trusted her gut but between the anxiety and constant overthinking, she doubted everything.

The walking had become exhausting but she had managed to find herself a secluded clearing in the woods to set up a camp. Most of her afternoon had been spent collecting firewood and then she sat down and lit it. Hunting had been easy so now, she was sat eating cooked rabbit as she stared up at the gaps in the treeline. The stars shining up above.

She thanked the Saints that she was still alive but she didn't understand how she was. She had survived Isaak and multiple assassination attempts. She was lucky to even be sat here and yet here she was. Maybe the Saints were punishing her for Isaak's wrongdoings. She didn't know and she didn't know what to do anymore.

Then she heard movement, her head thumping and she felt it stop. Her hands moved to grab the sharpened stick, holding it up. She could use her Grisha power if necessary but she found having a physical weapon made her feel more secure.

Her gaze was everywhere at once, holding the stick up as she pushed herself to stand. Her free hand brought the fire higher, allowing it to illuminate the clearing until she saw a man in shadows. He had found her. It was too soon. Her hand dropped and the fire dimmed. Her body twisted and she grabbed her bag, hurriedly pulling it over her shoulders.

She scrambled for the flint and steel before she began to run. Weaving through the trees and it seemed to grow darker around her. The shadows hiding her from sight as she ducked under fallen trees and slid into a cave. The shadows seemed thicker than usual and she wondered why Kirigan would have done that. It didn't assist him. It would only hinder him.

Then she felt the shadows wrap around her arms and she was thrown forward. Her body jolting and colliding with the fire as she let out a soft groan. Her eyes squeezing shut as she lifted her scuffed hands from the floor. She tried to make something, anything out in the shadows but it felt impossible. Her hands moving around her and she could barely see it in front of her until it suddenly seemed to let-up. The shadows receding and Kirigan was stood barely a few feet from her.

"Why did you run from me?" Kirigan asked as he stared down at her. He didn't say anything more than that. Falling silent as he waited. Just waited. Though she was sure that it was obvious.

"I haven't found the boy yet," Liliya responded as she pushed herself to her feet. Her hands were bloody, her nails still covered in the man's blood from the previous encounter. It had been at least a day since then and that might explain how he had found her so quickly. Lev would have given up the information at her request, he just had come out so quickly. It was jarring.

"What do you think I am planning on doing?" He asked as he stepped closer to her. Liliya found herself stepping back as she let her hands rest at her sides. Her whole body was tensed up and anxious but she tried to look relaxed. If she looked relaxed, maybe he would take pity on her, leave her alive to die in the wilderness of Ravka.

"Killing me, stripping me of my rank." She said. There was a confidence to her tone and it made him raise an eyebrow. Her confidence was quick to falter and she glanced around, unsure if this was a trick. It certainly felt like one.

"Have I not made myself clear?" He asked as he stepped closer. His hand snatching hers and keeping her close before she stepped back. Her eyebrows pulled together and she just stared up at him. He sighed and then moved one hand to her face, cupping her cheek, "I have no intention to harm you," He said. Liliya stared at him and her eyes quickly filled with tears. Her hand moving to his chest and pushing him back.

"Don't play this game with me, General. I am not returning to the Little Palace. I am to find this boy and I don't care if that means I can never return. I... I need to do this!" Liliya said. She shouted her last words, pointing at him, trying to emphasise her point. Kirigan nodded, his hands resting against the front of his kefta. She hadn't even noticed that he had a bag over his shoulder.

"I know you do but I cannot let you get hurt. So, here I am," He said as he stepped closer again. He let the bag fall from his shoulder and pulled out her blue kefta. He held it out to her and she stared at him, pulling her eyebrows together. He then stepped closer, urging her to take it which she did. Her fingers wrapping around the soft fabric and she quickly pulled it on.

"You're not stripping me of my rank?" She asked. He shook his head and placed his bag down beside hers. He then stepped forward and assisted her in buttoning the kefta up. He was silent as he did so. His face showing nothing of how he was feeling. When he was done, the two met gazes. Blue clashing with brown and she wanted to melt into him.

"I have no intention of hurting you. I need you around," He said simply. She then felt his hand rest against hers and that feeling again. The door. She could see the door. The shadow hands sneaking through, trying to reach out for her but she didn't. She pushed herself away in her mind and in reality, pushed herself closer to Kirigan.

"Is that you?" Liliya asked as she stared up at him. She had only ever seen it like that once before. When they had sparred the first night together. It seemed like he was the one that had showed her that door but she didn't know what it was.

"What?" He asked, the curiosity lacing his tone.

"The door. The door with hands coming from it. Is that you?" She asked quickly. The panic in her words and her throat was closing up. Even just the thought of opening that door again made her throat constrict and her chest tighten. The feeling of a panic attack coming quickly.

"Is that what you see?" He asked. She nodded. He stared for a moment before he let his hand slide down to her hip. Her body pushed against his but she didn't get an image of that door again. Instead, it was just him. Just Kirigan and she rested her head against him, "I care for you," He mumbled softly, so quiet that it was nearly incomprehensible.

Her head lifted and then their lips were pressed together. One of his hands cupped her cheek, the other on her hip. The kiss was tender and soft. Not pushing her to do anything but she kissed back. Pushing every desperate feeling into the kiss as she gripped his hair and pulled him down towards her. Every part of her wanted him. She had missed him so much and he had told her what she wanted to hear and what she hoped he'd say. He cared and that was enough for her.

He pulled away after a moment and looked down at her. His lips were slightly kiss-swollen and the adoration etched across his face made her heart melt. Her hands pulling his face down again and she pressed a few more softer kisses to his lips.

"I'm sorry," She muttered before she tucked her face underneath his chin. Kirigan wrapped his arms around her and rested his face against the top of her head. Her fingers digging into him as she tried to just get used to him being there. It was nice, it was soothing. The silent ebbed between them for a few more moments before Liliya stepped back, "Are you staying out here with me?" She asked and he nodded. He stepped back and then looked around.

"There is an abandoned barn a short walk away. We should stay there for the night," He said and she nodded. The fire would die down where she had been so now they just had to walk through there. Kirigan was dressed down significantly but still looked as regal as he always did. It was going to be strange camping out with him, she didn't even know why he was here but she had no reason to complain so she simply didn't.

The barn came up quicker than she expected and she found a horse tied up to the outside. Kirigan's horse. Then she walked inside and found that he had already set up a little camp inside. He knew what he was doing.

"How did yo-" She began but he cut her off.

"Sit down with me," He said as he took his seat by the fire. She thought for a moment, watching before she moved over. She sat down next to him and placed her bag next to her. The flint and steel was in her pocket and she was quick to push it into her bag before she felt Kirigan's arm around her waist.

"Kir-" She began again but he was quick to correct.

"Call me, Aleksander, Milaya. Please," He said softly. Liliya looked up at him and thought for a moment before nodding. His arm stayed around her waist and he leant his head against hers. The two leaning against each other. The soft crackling of the fire and the creatures outside of the barn were the only two things that they listened to for a long moment.

"Aleksander, why do you want to protect me?" She asked as she looked up at him. He didn't say anything and turned his face away from her. His hand resting against her waist and the other in his lap.

"I don't know," He said after a long silence. Liliya nodded and turned away. That response was far from what she had expected but it didn't entirely bother her. It was better than silence and then no response at all. She was content and that's all she needed to be for now.

***

author's note! hello hello my lovelies! i am feeling a lot better today so here is your new chapter! it is definitely longer than yesterday's but probably just as mistake-y, like i accidentally put like trip instead of trick and i was just sat there like 'why?' but WE MOVe, everything is fine and we're here so that's all we need! anyway, more PLOT!! a LOT of things got mentioned here that i felt were necessary, they will most likely all be expanded on and we got kirigan returning :) i probably would have had him stay away longer but he needs to be here for plot purposes so not much angst... yet :) but yeah, anyway, i hope you enjoyed and thank you so much FOR 30K READS... LIKE ?? thank you so so so so much, the love and support has been crazy, y'all are truly amazing