CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

It had been a few nights since Aleksander had offered his help. Nothing changed. They cuddled and stayed close and Liliya may have felt safer but nothing changed. The nightmares still came so she tried to stay awake as long as possible to avoid them. It was unconventional but it's all she could think to do. It's all she could do.

However, after a long day of training and working, Liliya managed to fall asleep early. The exhaustion of the past few days caught up to her and she fell dead asleep before Aleksander had even finished for the day. He was pleased to find her asleep when he returned and read for a while before he fell asleep too.

They didn't cuddle that night so when Liliya awoke a few hours later with a nightmare, he wasn't disturbed. Aleksander was a light-sleeper but he had also been exhausted so also didn't wake when she climbed off the bed. It was a surprise to the redhead that he didn't notice her change or leave the room but she was glad.

She needed a walk to clear her head. To feel the night air against her skin. The darkness of the night would comfort her and she just needed to be outside. It would make her feel better and then she could try and sleep again though that was unlikely. If she did manage to sleep, there would simply be another nightmare and it would make her feel worse.

The sole of her boots tapped against the polished wooden floor as she walked through the Little Palace. The corridors were quiet and everything seemed so ominous as she dragged herself towards one of the doors. It was locked when she reached it, a soft huff escaped her lips and she pressed her back against the wood.

It was ridiculous. She wanted to walk around and then sleep but she couldn't even do that. She couldn't even sleep without being plagued with nightmares of her father. It was exhausting. Life was exhausting.

There was silence as Liliya looked down the gloomy corridor that led away from the door. She didn't want to go back. She couldn't go back but she couldn't break the door just to get outside, that was ridiculous. If this was closed, the others might be too and she shook her head. It was pointless. Aleksander would wonder where she was if she stayed here.

But then Ivan appeared. He walked past her to the door and pulled a key from his pocket. He unlocked it and then disappeared back down the corridor before Liliya could even say a word. She hadn't even seen him down the corridor. Her eyebrows pulled together as she watched him walk away but simply put it to one side.

Her hand grabbed the door and pushed it open. The cool night air hit her like a brick wall and she felt relieved. She used the back of her heel to push the door closed behind her before she walked off into the forest. Her hands swaying by her side as she did so.

The night was cold and the skies were clear. It was the perfect night for star-gazing but she didn't particularly feel like it. So, she just walked around the practically pitch black forest and took in the night air. Letting the cold air fill her lungs as she wondered aimlessly.

After at least half an hour of wondering, she turned around and headed back inside. Her skin was beginning to feel the affect of the cold and she wanted to be with Aleksander again. Her head felt clearer. The cold had cleared out all the nasty bugs and insects that had been clinging to her to retain even some warmth. It felt good.

When she walked into the bedroom, Aleksander was awake. Well, half-awake. She saw his eyes open before they blinked shut. His head rested against the pillow as he reached out lazily for her. She smiled and pulled the boots off before changing into her night dress again.

"I didn't want to wake you," She mumbled as an explanation. Aleksander didn't say anything and Liliya wasn't entirely sure if he had heard at all. But either way, she crawled into bed beside him and let him wrap her up in cuddles.

"Were you outside?" He asked, his voice was lazy and raspy. It sounded both adorable and sexy at the same time but she put those thoughts to one side. Her chin rested against the top of his head as he moved closer.

"Yeah. Sorry, I'm a little cold," She mumbled in response. Aleksander hummed in response and pressed a lazy kiss to the skin of her neck. He didn't seem to care she was cold, he was too sleepy for it to bother him at all.

"What was the nightmare?" He asked curiously. His head tilted up and he opened his eyes to look at her. Liliya shook her head and he shuffled back, looking at her expectantly. It hadn't changed. She didn't know what he had expected.

"The same. Daish and Isaak and blood," She mumbled. Liliya never really liked describing her nightmares and despite it being over a year since she last told Aleksander about them, the room looked the same and so did the people. The only thing that changed was what happened within that dark, dank room. Everytime she felt suffocated.

"He will not hurt you again. Nobody will ever hurt you again," He responded. Liliya pressed a soft kiss to his forehead as she nuzzled closer to him. He let his head rest back for a moment before he opened his eyes again, "Nina Zenik has gone missing. I sent Fedyor to try and find her," He added after a moment. It took Liliya a moment to realise who he was talking about but when she did, the frown spread across her face.

"I could search for her?" Liliya suggested as she moved her hand to his hair. Her fingers pushed through his long dark locks as she waited to see what he would say. He stayed silent for a long moment as his eyes fell closed again before he shook his head.

"No. You must stay at the Little Palace. It is the only place that you can be safe. I need you, Alina needs you," Aleksander decided. The redhead sighed but knew why. Her fingers still ran through his hair as she just listened to him breathe. He was tired, she could see how sleep kept trying to take him but he was being stubborn.

"I'll keep teaching Alina but you have to promise to let me leave if I want to," Liliya asked. Aleksander met her gaze, looking sleepily into her eyes before he just hummed in response.

"I will let you leave when I deem it necessary and safe," He mumbled. Liliya knew there wouldn't be anything better than that so she merely nodded her head and snuggled back up to him. His head rested under her chin as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Goodnight," She whispered softly before she let her eyes close. Aleksander fell asleep relatively quickly and Liliya ended up lying awake for most of the night. It was nobody's fault but her own mind. Her anxieties had been worse than normal recently and the nightmares were only making it worse but she tried to stay calm. Aleksander kept her calm as she stared off into the gloomy bedroom. Her eyes tracing the shadow-y outline of the dresser.

***

The days seemed to merge together but Liliya slowly began to sleep more. It was exhausting having constant nightmares but after a while, they seemed to let up. The more she realised she was safe, the better she felt. The memories still played in the back of her mind. The blood smeared on her fingertips and across her face as she held the dagger that killed Daish. She didn't understand why the nightmares were haunting her. Daish was okay but something just felt wrong. A lot of things felt wrong but she tried to ignore them.

Alina was more important. The plan was more important, especially now. They had so many things to do and so little time, it felt. The winter fete was slowly approaching and it meant that the Kingdom would see Alina's power. Then, everything would change.

Liliya had jumped at the chance to see Alina when Genya offered. It was breakfast but she needed to see the black-haired girl more. She needed her trust. She needed her love. Aleksander already seemed well on the way to getting it. She just needed to seal the deal once more and then she would be happy, pleased, sure.

The redhead knocked at the door, waited a few seconds and then stepped inside. Genya was halfway to the door when it opened and the smile quickly spread across her lips seeing Liliya's face. Alina looked somewhere between shocked and happy with the surprise visit. She was still in her night gown but Liliya didn't mind.

"Saints, your night gowns put mine to shame," Liliya said once she had closed the door. Alina smiled sheepishly and watched as the redhead walked over, hovering near one of the dressers. She didn't want to overstep a boundary.

"Liliya... I didn't-" Alina began but she was unsure how to finish her sentence. Liliya, thankfully, cut the black-haired girl off before she had to stutter any more words out.

"Genya invited me to eat breakfast with you both. I'm assuming that's okay?" Liliya asked as he walked closer to the two. Alina looked to Genya who gave a nod in confirmation of the story. Alina then looked back to Liliya.

"Y...Yes," Alina finally managed to say. Genya smiled but she did her best to hide it by tilting her head away. Liliya on the other hand let it spread across her face as she walked over. She sat on the edge of the bed and Alina moved to lean against the footboard. Her hands rested in her lap.

"I'm starving," Liliya said as she turned to face Genya. The redhead grinned and then turned around, holding two packs of pastries in her hand.

"I brought pastries and then you will both have to eat as normal," Genya explained as she moved to sit down on the bed. Her kefta discarded on the dresser where she had just been stood, "The Sun Summoner must keep up her appearances after all," She added when she noticed Alina's less than impressed look. Clearly she hated the food just as much as Liliya did.

"I have training with Arina in an hour. So I will have to skip real breakfast," Liliya quickly excused herself. Alina furrowed her eyebrows and glanced over at Genya who gave nothing away with her look. It seemed strange that Liliya didn't know.

"I saw Arina leave this morning," Alina responded. Liliya snapped her head to the black-haired girl, tilting her head slightly. This was the first she had heard of it. Arina and her had only spoken yesterday. It was strange that she hadn't heard anything. Especially after what Kirigan had been mumbling about not a few hours earlier. It must be a secret mission.

"When was that exactly?" She questioned as she pushed herself back on the bed. Alina shrugged and looked to Genya for an answer. She was sorting the pastries out and handed Alina one before giving one to Liliya too.

"We went for a walk at sunrise," Genya explained, waving her hand in a vague gesture. Alina nodded and then ripped off the edge of the pastry.

"She was leaving on a horse with a few others. I think Fedyor was there," She added after a moment. Liliya's eyebrows furrowed and she ripped off some pastry. It flaked all over her lap but she knew that Alina's sheets would be cleaned that day so it wasn't a big deal if they were messy.

"Oh," Liliya mumbled, "Strange," She added after a moment before she pushed the pastry into her mouth. It didn't make sense. Arina wasn't one to leave abruptly or be chosen for a mission. Not without her asking or Liliya being assigned to that same mission. Aleksander might have assigned her but he would have, should have told her. It threw off her schedule and she hated that.

"I'm sure she will return. Ask your General about it," Genya shrugged in response before she took a bite out of her pastry. Liliya rolled her eyes at her words before she took a bite of her own pastry. She may be married to Aleksander but he was still the General to all the Grisha.

"I will. We were speaking about it last night but he didn't mention that Arina would be leaving," She mumbled, deciding not to nit-pick. It was pointless and Alina was there. She didn't want to bicker in front of the black-haired girl. There was trust to be gained and she needed to keep being the perfect Grisha that Alina thought they were.

"So are you married to Aleksander?" Alina asked. Her question seemed out of the blue and Genya's head snapped up, glaring at the sun summoner.

"Alina," Genya scolded. Her words were practically hissed which made Liliya smirk before she composed herself. It was probably good that Alina asked, she needed to know, deserved to know.

"No, it's fine, Gen," Liliya quickly placated before she turned her gaze back to Alina, "I am, does that bother you?" She asked curiously, raising an eyebrow. Alina seemed stunned for a moment and fell silent, turning her head away before she responded.

"No," Alina confirmed after a moment. That made Liliya grin. She tried not to show it but Genya spotted, cocking an eyebrow. Liliya grabbed a pillow and dragged it behind her back so she could lean slightly. Liliya was never one to slouch but she wanted to relax as she ate her pastry.

"If you like him, that's okay. I'm willing to share. It wouldn't be the first time," Liliya added after a moment of silence between the group. Alina seemed to nearly choke on her pastry and Genya rather daintily placed the pastry down and stared at her.

"Don't say what I think you will," She warned. The corner of Liliya's lips raised and she broke into a wide grin before she turned her head back to Alina.

"I had to share Genya with David," Liliya smirked. Alina's eyes widened and the redhead only continued to smirk, taking another bite out of her pastry.

"What?" Alina asked. Her words were incredulous. Though more over the fact that Liliya and Genya had been together at all. Genya didn't seem like the type to fall for anyone but David which was what had initially surprised Liliya too but she didn't mind at all.

"She's been in love with David for years. It's cute but they don't ever pay attention to each other. It's quite annoying so Genya ended up coming to me," Liliya briefly explained and Alina seemed intruged, leaning forward.

"Li, shut up," Genya warned but Alina shook her head. She looked to Genya and then back at Liliya, her smile grew wider.

"No, I want to hear this," Alina said quickly. Despite the times that Liliya and Alina had caught Genya fawning or speaking to David in the workshop, Liliya had never indulged Alina into anything. It wasn't relevant but seeing Alina so happy now, made her give in.

"Well, before I caught the interest of our General, Genya and I were involved but I spent most of the time trying to push her towards David. Their lovesick expressions and lack of communication was sickening. But Genya won't let me talk to him about you, will you?" Liliya explained before her gaze flicked to Genya, quirking her eyebrow. The younger redhead sighed and grabbed her pastry, taking a bite with a pout on her lips.

"He doesn't see me," Genya mumbled. Liliya scoffed and ripped off more of her pastry. She opened her mouth to respond but Alina had already got there first.

"He does," She stated simply.

Liliya nodded in agreement and swallowed her pastry before she decided to add, "And you should listen to our Sun Summoner, Gen. Our Sankta Alina is telling you to talk to him." Her words had a teasing lilt to them but she meant it. It was getting painful at times to watch them adore each other from so far away.

"I'm not going to give in to your taunts," Genya stated quickly. Liliya rolled her eyes and Alina stayed silent, unsure what to say.

"These aren't taunts. They're facts," Liliya responded quickly. She then ripped off some more pastry and placed it into her mouth. Genya shook her head and moved off the bed. Leaving the pastries on their wrapper on the sheets. Liliya frowned and watched as she collected up her kefta.

"I need to attend to the Queen," Genya said before she disappeared. The pair didn't even get to exchange farewells with the girl before she was gone. Liliya rolled her eyes before she moved to lean against the headboard, taking another bite out of her pastry.

"Did you really sleep with Genya?" Alina asked, looking up from where she had been staring at her lap.

"I did," Liliya responded once she had finished the pastry. Alina nodded and let her hands run across the sheer fabric of her night dress. She then placed her pastry in her lap and met Liliya's gaze.

"Do you like me in that way?" Alina asked curiously. Liliya had been waiting for that question and she was glad that it had come sooner rather than later. It meant that she had succeeded, she had to succeed.

"Do you want me to?" Liliya asked curiously, cocking an eyebrow. Alina nodded her head, confirming what Liliya already knew, "Then I'm happy to say that I do," She finished. Alina's smile widened for a moment before it fell back into a neutral, tentative expression.

"But what about Aleksander?" Alina asked curiously. Liliya shrugged and placed her pastry down beside Genya's. She crawled over to the black-haired girl and kneeled in front of her.

"What about Aleksander? I think he would be open to the idea of us," Liliya shrugged. Her smile widened a little before she leant forward and pressed a soft kiss to Alina's lips, "I love you, Alina," She added after a moment. Alina looked into her eyes and she seemed unsure of how to respond so just kissed Liliya again. Her lips were soft against Liliya's but the two fit so perfectly. The sugar-y coating from the pastry making the kiss sweet as Liliya cupped Alina's cheek.

It was unlike her kisses with Aleksander but she knew this one was a ruse. With Aleksander, it was always real. It was comfort with him. But with Alina it was a means to an end, it was convenient, it was full of lies.

***

author's note!  hello again, i promised consistent updates and they will come! procrastinated until literally like 11pm to write this but i did it and got (most) of the next chapter done too so that should be up... at like, i'm not sure like evening tomorrow (a little earlier than this i hope), the second scene of this chapter was lowkey a drag to write but i think i'm just not in the mood to write friendship type scenes but we're here and it's done and we've got lots of plot drama to come and it's gonna be greatttt hehe, but yes i hope you enjoyed the chapter!! thank you so much for reading and for 110k(!!), youa re truly all amazing <33333