ÊTRE DÉPAYASÉ . French — to be lost in unfamiliar surroundings

— O Death! rocke me asleep;

Bringe me to quiet reste;

let pass my weary, guiltles ghost

out of my carefull brest. —

   When 20 year old Carmen Díaz had told the random crackhead on the street that she would help her, she wasn't expecting her to come back with an entire entourage. Honestly, she'd said it just to be nice, since the girl had looked so, so sad.

   She also wasn't expecting to be dealing with more of her kind.

   All she knew was that his name was Aaron, he was only 18 yet half a foot taller than her (which wasn't saying a lot- Carmen was only 4,10) and sported a mop of dark hair, a series of moles and freckles sprinkled across his body. He walked with a noticeable limp. But most importantly, he was absolutely devastated that he was still alive, whatever that was supposed to imply. And by God, he wouldn't shut up about it. It was 8:45 am on a Tuesday, for God's sake.

  "You have no knives sitting anywhere?" he frowned, following her down the street, tall boots marching loud against the concrete sidewalk. "It'd be real quick! Or a horse, mayhaps? My cousin Patience was run over by a stallion, the beast crushed her skull. Brutal sight, it was. Or a musket! Have you any musket?" Carmen put her headphones on.

   Like this they walked for another few minutes, the boy stubbornly refusing to leave her alone. She was about to call the police- at the very least, he needed a homeless welfare check. Or a drug rehab facility. As a mediocre pre-veterinary medicine major, she didn't think she was the best person to help him with this predicament. Curiously, she lifted her headphones from her ears to see if he was still jabbering.

   He was.

   "Really, it's remarkable, and I told him that, right? But apparently that's incredibly rude to say, and my mother was not pleased-"

   Resisting the urge to put her headphones back on, Carmen ran a tired hand through her dark kinky hair, frowning.

   "Do you have nowhere else to be?" She asked incredulously, putting a hand on her hip and interrupting his tangent. Aaron blinked, confused, simply shaking his head. Huffing, he leaned against the wall of the closest building, out of breath and holding his left leg- the leg with the limp- high up, as if it was paining him. That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been following me, Carmen wanted to snark. "What now?" she asked instead, tiredly rubbing her palms over her eyes.

   "Ah, nothing, just still healing from the gunshot wound," was the simple reply. "Hit by a Brown Bess, of all things! Oh, don't look like that- it was an accident, you know. Although I thought your pain was supposed to cease after death- you will help me finish that, won't you? It'll be so quick, I promise." He looked at her as if she was his last hope.

   If she were a better person, this would be the point where Carmen would sit down with him and talk. (Or at this point, maybe call the suicide hotline...)

   Instead, she took the opportunity to bolt, smacking her headphones back onto her ears to drown out the cries of "No, please! I don't know where I am, I need help, please-" Glancing down at her phone, she cursed under her breath upon seeing that she was running late to work. Her manager had used to sell weed in the back of Spencer's- surely he would understand her being confronted by a bunch of druggies. Grumbling, she pulled up her text messages, preparing to write the ever-dreaded "I'm going to be late" message.

   Her commute turned relatively peaceful after that- she found comfort in the sun shining through store windows and the playful birds trying to pull cheetos through a grate, the babies pushed in trams and old couples getting ice cream at 9 am in the morning. She pushed down the bile in her throat, the thought that she did something wrong.

   Rounding the corner of Shalom Street, she ran straight into the girl who dressed like some sort of nun- the druggie from earlier- this time accompanied by 2 others.

   Carmen screamed.

   "Hello!" Silvestrova beamed. "I'm baaaaack!" Carmen felt like she was about to faint- looking at Silvestrova's companions' faces, it seemed they were feeling like that too. Behind her was an incredibly pale young girl, draped in an exquisite gown that looked like it belonged in a museum, a flat garden hat on top of her head. Next to her was a Latino man in military garb, looking absolutely terrified.

   "Goodness me!" Fancy Girl gasped, gaping with amazement at Carmen's outfit. She had a heavy French accent. "What an ensemble! Have you no shame?!" Carmen blanked, looking down at herself as she tried to ignore her racing heart. Grey sweats and a green Portland State University tee- nothing special. Silvestrova slapped the girl's shoulder lightly.

   "That's how they dress now, Astrid." It was evident she was trying to whisper, but her voice came out booming. Carmen was getting a terrible sinking feeling in her stomach. The girl's- Astrid's- disgust looked so genuine. A small squeak came from her throat.

   Maybe they weren't faking this. No, of course they are, you dumbass!

   "She's practically naked!" Astrid hissed back, whipping out an embellished brocade fan and fanning herself. The man in the back just stared.

   "Ridiculous," was Silvestrova's reply. "We passed man with short pants and no shirt, yet you make big fuss over comfy-looking woman?"

   "I... was trying to forget about that gentleman." Silvestrova scoffed incredulously.

   "I did not spend weeks surrounded by dying naked men with no legs and stench of decay for you to get scare from girl with big pants!"

   "And I spent weeks having no choice but to sleep next to my brother's corpse- do not talk to me of the foul nature of this world!" Astrid shrilled, her voice cracking terribly on the last note. Dios, shit, wait, shit, they definitely weren't making this up. How are they here- why are they here, oh no, I left that boy all alone, oh God, oh no-

   Preoccupied with her thoughts, Carmen finally looked up and locked eyes with the man in the back. He scooched over quietly, wincing as the girls grew louder, taking his feathered hat into his hands.

   "¿Cómo estás lidiando con esto?" She asked softly, hoping he actually spoke Spanish, seeing what looked like an old Mexican flag on his shoulder. How are you doing with all of this? He smiled gratefully.

   "No estoy bien," he answered in a light tone, attempting a half-hearted smile. Not well. His accent was one Carmen wasn't terribly familiar with, but she had bigger things to figure out. Shakily, he held out a hand. "I am Luis. Lieutenant Colonel Luis Lorenzo Luz Padilla." In the background, Astrid joked about how he insisted on telling everyone he met his full name and title. Luis swallowed. "It's the only thing in my life that is constant- real- right now," he added softly. "I can't lose it."

   "Are you sure you're not on drugs?" He cocked his head, as if thinking about what his answer should be. "No weed? No shrooms? Did you eat something weird lately?" As the list grew, so did her voice, the tone growing more and more accusatory. She pushed her round glasses up her nose- they had fallen from the amount of face scrunching she had been doing.

   "I don't... think so? I had some rather repugnant garrison rations last week, but that is all."

   Carmen took a deep breath, preparing herself for the next question she wanted to ask. Her hope was that he would look at her like a crazy person.

   "And what year is it?"

   "1850, the last I remember."

   To her dismay, he did not look at her like a crazy person.

   "...ok. Ok. Ok, cool. Ok." She felt faint. It was ridiculous to consider 'time travel' as a valid explanation for what was going on here, but the more she heard, the more her hands shook, the more her head spun. She barely even caught it when Luis casually mentioned that Astrid thought it was 1790. Ok. That was fine. Yup.

   "I think I was bombed!" Silvestrova called over Astrid's nagging, overhearing their conversation. "I am not sure, it was too fast." She grinned as if referencing an inside joke. "Feel great now, though!"

   "I just want to go home," Luis choked out, bringing Carmen's attention back. To call him destroyed would be an understatement. The agony in his features made him look ruined. "I don't know what's happening." And just like that, the seed of empathy was planted. "I have a wife, and a baby on the way, and a little doggy..." on and on he went, naming more family members and friends, each name quieter than the last.

   "You're not kidding," Carmen started softly, voicing her thoughts out loud for the first time. "You really came from the past, didn't you? You guys... ghosts? Are you ghosts?" She swallowed heavily, a way of trying to push down the bile rising in her throat.

   "Lord, I hope not!" He stammered in response. "But...." he put his hat back on, then took it off again, clearly a nervous habit. "I do remember... dying." Carmen shivered. "But it is odd, is it not? If I am not an apparition, then what is the purpose of my being here? You are certain this is not limbo?"

   Carmen snorted at the absurdity of the idea. Looking around, however, she realized that all 3 of the others had stopped, anxiously waiting for her answer, even the brash Silvestrova, who was currently squeezing her hands together nervously.

   "Nah, just in Oregon, which I guess is pretty much the same thing." The look on Luis's face made it clear he didn't understand that she had made a joke. "That's a joke, dude, you're fine, I promise."

   "Then what strange world have I been thrust into?"

   Carmen spread her hands as if announcing an opening act.

   "2018, my friend."

   He stopped.

   He swayed.

   Wordlessly, Luis passed out. 

   —

   After about 15 minutes of trying to calm down the group of apparent ghosts, (zombies? Vampires? Who knew at this point?) Carmen felt the need to go and find Aaron again- guilt rushed through her at the thought of some poor kid (old man? teenager?) wandering through the streets of Portland alone. And... well, she admitted it, she probably shouldn't have run away.

   They found him walking down the street, taking slow and steady steps, as if testing for traps. Both of his hands were occupied, holding the hands of 2 little children- a boy and a girl of about 10. They seemed enthralled with him- even from here, Carmen could see the beaming grins on their faces, hear their giggling.

   Both of them were gifted with dark, curly, bouncy hair, the girl's held back with a pink ribbon. She wore a simple cream smock dress, the waist tied with a bow at the side. Her brother sported a dirtied sailor suit- he walked with a dance in his step, kicking at small rocks and stomping on leaves, each movement making his sister laugh. Something about the simplicity of their happiness made Carmen pause and just watch them for a little. The girl said something that made Aaron gasp, which both kids laughed at.

   "Hey!" She called out to them, cupping her hands around her mouth. The boy reached his arms out to Aaron, who scooped him up, balancing him gently in one arm so he could use the other to keep holding the girl's hand. The boy must not have been very heavy... in fact, looking at the children now, it was more clear that they were thin and rather frail, pointy elbow bones poking through their clothes. When they turned around, she could see that their faces, although aglow with light, were thin and taut.

   "Hello!" The girl chirped, revealing a buck-toothed smile. The boy, suddenly shy, buried his face into Aaron's shoulder, using one hand to gently grab a fistful of his dark hair. "Oh, Gavin, look, maybe they know where Mama and Papa are!" She spoke with quite possibly the thickest Irish accent Carmen had ever heard- she had to strain her ears to pick up every word.

   "No, sweetie, I know nothing about that," Carmen winced, feeling the urge to be gentler with these kids overcome her in a sudden wave. Luis, too, was visibly melting. Or, no, he looked more sad than anything- with a pang, she remembered how he briefly mentioned his pregnant wife.

   "I'm Genevieve, and that's Gavin Thomas Eion, but we just call him Gavin, 'cause Gavin Thomas Eion is loooong," the girl continued, as if she didn't hear. "My middle name is Aoife, ain't that some'ing pretty? I didn't get two first names like Gavin. Gavin says we're in heav'n now, but I don' think so, but Gavin is smarter than me, so maybe he's onto some'ing." Carmen caught the eye of Aaron, who grinned knowingly. It was evident that he had already heard this spiel– maybe even multiple times.

   "You are looking for family, too?" Astrid peeped out, nodding to Luis. "Monsieur Padilla has already agreed to tirelessly help me search for my own. Mayhaps we are in the same predicament."

   "tirelessly?" Luis asked, confused, naturally resting one hand on his sabre, the other on his hip. Astrid ignored him.

   Although Carmen didn't know what year everyone thought it was (she was a bit scared to ask, to be honest), it was clear that Astrid was the oldest of the group based on the astonished looks every newcomer gave her. It was Aaron and the twin's turn, now- Gavin cautiously peered down at her, eyes widening when he saw her elegant ensemble. Aaron didn't seem like he saw anything weird. Maybe he was really, really old, too.

   "You look like a princess!" Genevieve blurted out with awe in her voice. Astrid blushed happily, holding a gloved hand to her mouth. "Gavin thinks so too!" Gavin was not, in fact, even looking at her, instead watching his twin carefully as if she were about to fall down. Silvestrova playfully elbowed Luis in the stomach.

   "Don't worry, ser, you're pretty too," she joked. Luis just stared at her. Silvestrova mumbled something about how depressed he was.

   "You know, everyone here is pretty cheery considering... well, your predicament," Carmen frowned, pushing her glasses up her nose and thus ruining the light mood. Silvestrova leaned on her right foot, looking around in thought.

   "You know, I thought I would be upset," she realized. "But mood is good. Maybe it something in air." She gave what Carmen could only describe as the early 1900s version of jazz hands. "I do not think I have been this happy for many months, stuck in medical tent with the dying."

   "Oh, me too!" Genevieve peeped, her hair swinging around her shoulder from her intense head nods. "Awful sight, it was! But I feel great, and so does Gavin!" Gavin had yet to give his input.

   "I'm almost afraid to ask what happened to them," Luis mumbled under his breath to Carmen. "It couldn't have been too bad, if they're this energetic. They're so... small."

   "We drowned!" Genevieve answered, having heard his inquiries. "April, 1912 it was." Luis looked like he was going to faint again. Not wanting to deal with that again, Carmen quickly turned to Aaron, who had been quiet for a while.

   "And what year do you think it is?"

   "I... I don't remember," Aaron frowned, nose scrunched in thought. Gavin squirmed in his arms. "My mind... ah, well, it went, the last couple months of my life, if you understand." Was he saying he went crazy? Not for the first time, Carmen had doubts about hanging around these people. "Well, I was born in... no, no that's not right... huh."

   "You are not sane, sir?" Astrid guessed, incredulously. "I would prefer not to engage myself with people with the likes of yourself if that is the truth." Aaron scoffed.

   "Oh, please, I can take care of myself, I am no Captain Queer Knobs."

   "What." Silvestrova blurted out before Carmen could even process, looking like she was about to burst out laughing as she clasped her gloved hands to her mouth. Astrid sure had a talent for bringing out the best of people, didn't she? Even the devastated Luis cracked a smile.

   "You guys are going to make me go grey, aren't you?" Carmen asked, already accepting her fate. She was in now. She had to know what the hell was going on- she was far too nosy to just let them go away now.

   "We'll be out of your hair if you'd just help us get home," Astrid offered, turning to stare at Carmen as if trying to intimidate her. Her sentiments were followed up by a chorus of agreements. "I have a duty. Luis and Silvestrova have duties. The others... well, I'm sure they have engagements as well."

   "I have... well, I don't remember, but I'm sure I was doing something important," Aaron mused. "I vaguely remember crying. Maybe I was crying- that's very important."

   "Yes, and I have a game of checkers to finish," Genevieve added helpfully.

   "And I miss mama and papa," Gavin choked out, speaking for the first time. Carmen tried to be polite and not look too shocked at his sudden verbalization, but wasn't sure how much she succeeded. The boy, suddenly shy again from the attention, buried his face back into Aaron's shoulder. Aaron grunted- Carmen bet the little boy's weight, no matter how malnourished, was probably taking a toll on him.

   "I just... I just don't know where to start," Carmen started with a half-hearted laugh. "I mean, this is insane! I feel like I'm hallucinating!" Aaron hummed, mumbling 'been there' under his breath. "I'm no scientist, I can't make some time portal, I can't time travel, it doesn't exist! It shouldn't exist! I don't know how you got here!" The air around the group turned stagnant as her words sunk in- this was hopeless.

   "But we have to try," Silvestrova said softly, a flash of determination in her eyes. "We have to try." Astrid smiled at her. Despite their bickering, it was clear the two had already formed a strong friendship.

   "I will do anything," Luis added, the tone of his voice showing that he wasn't willing to give up anytime soon.

   "Do..." Astrid coughed, embarrassedly turning to Carmen. "Do you have a home, mayhaps?"

   "...No."

   "You hesitated," Silvestrova pointed out.

   "Oh, yes, please ma'am, let us in!" Genevieve jumped up and down. Carmen stared. How had she gotten pulled into this? She had decided she would help them, sure, but lodging them too?

   "Look, guys, I'm not sure how I feel about a bunch of strangers coming into my tiny apartment," she admitted, feeling it easier to not beat around the bush.

   "Guess we better become acquaintances, then!" Silvestrova grinned mischievously.

   "We need a place to stay!"

   "You don't want us to make fools of ourselves, do you?"

   "Gavin's gon' freeze out 'ere!"

   "I need to remember-"

   Don't do it. Don't give in. Don't-

   Aaron let Gavin down from his arms. The little boy walked over to her and gave her quite possibly the saddest look she's ever seen.

   "I wanna find our family," he said tearfully. The rest of the group stared at her with varying degrees of helplessness on their faces.

   "Fine!" Carmen threw her hands in exasperation. "Fine, you can come over to my place. Just for a little bit, until you figure out how to get home. You hear me? I'm not gonna turn into some novel protagonist that goes on wild and wacky adventures. I'm not a babysitter, and I sure as hell will be charging you rent if you stay too long! I do not have room for 4, no..." she counted everyone up. "Six people!"

   Everyone stared.

   Carmen sighed- it seemed she was doing a lot of that lately.

   "Follow me," she grumbled. 

————

Carmen finding out there's another 6: 🏃‍♂️

Anyway hope you guys still are ok with this new version :)) definitely open to any criticism because I feel like something's missing lol. 

Hope you're doing well!