ALL I GAVE YOU IS GONE

TUMBLED LIKE IT WAS STONE

My life is shit.

Anger consumes me like never before.

I pace around the camp.

From here to there. From there to here.

The image of Elliot walking away, breaking free from my grip comes to my mind over and over.

Like a stab wound twisting my thoughts.

I look horrible. Clothes covered in sweat and dirt. Hair that hasn't been combed for days. It's supposed to be curly, but it looks like a tangle of knots.

But I don't give a shit.

"Fuck you, Elliot!" I yell, throwing my fists in the air. "Asshole! Son of a bitch! You have no right to leave me here after everything I've done!"

I pace back and forth, aimlessly. My shaking hands clenched into fists. Every single thing I say is a desperate attempt to release all the anger inside me.

I stop in front of some corpses, look at their lifeless faces, and bitterness rises in my throat.

No one should see so many dead people at 16 fucking years old.

''You know what?! You're a fucking ungrateful''  I shout to the sky, where only the echo of my own voice remains'' I saved your life, Elliot! I helped you escape! You're here thanks to me, and now you're leaving me...!''

My voice breaks, the pain tears a dull cry from my throat, a lament that no one hears. My breathing is fast, choppy, and I feel like the world is getting smaller and smaller, as if the ruins of the camp were closing in around me.

''Fuck, fuck, fuck...''

I force myself to stop walking.

I take a deep breath, the air enters my lungs, hot, hurtful.

I can't stay here, standing among bodies, in the middle of a scene that seems straight out of a nightmare.

I look around and, with trembling hands, I begin to tear the fabric from the torn tents, piling it up as best I can, trying to cover each one of them.

I don't allow myself to cry now.

I don't want to lose control again.

I pass one fabric after another over the bodies, until each one is covered by a blanket of grayish, tattered fabric.

Once I'm done, I let myself fall to the ground, my legs giving out, hugging my knees as I look at the place where Elliot disappeared.

The fury is dissipating, but it leaves an unbearable emptiness in my chest, as if something were ripping my heart out, piece by piece.

My eyes remain fixed on that place, searching for something (someone) that is no longer there, waiting for him to come back and tell me it's not true.

That he hasn't left me alone here.

But the silence is absolute.

Now I miss the sound of DEMA's neon lights.

Maybe I shouldn't have left.

Shit.

Suddenly, everything starts to get dark.

I've been staring into space for so long that I haven't noticed it's getting dark.

I get up and start pacing again.

Shit. Shit. SHIT.

What if someone comes?

What if Clancy shows up again?

No, Rabbit, don't say anything.

Don't manifest it...

In an instant, the air turns cold and a chill runs down my spine.

I make a move to turn around, but I hear breathing.

A breathing that is accompanied by whistling, a sign that something is very bad with it. 

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TALK, RABBIT?

I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I stifle a scream, covering my mouth with my hand.

I'm paralyzed.

The breathing is getting closer and closer.

Like it's right in my ear.

"Rabbit..."

I turn around quickly, but fall to the ground because I'm a fucking clumsy.

It's Clancy. IT'S CLANCY.

SHIT.

WILL I EVER LEARN TO BE QUIET?

"Please don't kill me..."  I can't even look at him, I try to protect myself with my arm.

I feel him fall to his knees.

"Rabbit..."  his voice is muffled, painful. "Please... listen to me."

Wait.

Clancy?

I mean, the real Clancy?

I slowly lower my hand.

And the first thing I do is look into his eyes.

No... they're not red.

They're... normal. Within what can be called ''normal''. But they are sunken, dark, empty...

His chest rises up and down rapidly. As if the simple fact of existing hurts him.

His skin is still dotted with black spots that extend like the roots of a tree through his hands and chin.

"You have..." he sighs, pained. "You have to save him..."

Another shiver runs down my spine when I hear him.

My hands begin to shake.

"Save him...? Who?"

He pauses before answering:

"Elliot..."  his breathing seems more and more erratic. "You have to..."

"NO!" my cry echoes through the place. "He left me. I'm not going to..."

He crawls towards me faster than I thought he could move. He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks at me with those empty eyes.

Wait.

There is something different in them.

Desperation.

''Rabbit... ''  he pauses to catch his breath ''You have to save him, please...''

''But...''

''Please! ''  he shakes, tears coming out of his eyes ''Save him. They're going to kill him. Kill him...''

I'm speechless.

Shit.

He can't put this pressure on me.

But... I don't want him to die.

Shit.

SHIT.

"Okay..." I agree, occasionally looking to the side to avoid looking at his face.

He grabs my cheeks and forces me to look at him.

Another feeling can be seen in his eyes.

Fear.

Horror.

"Promise..."

I try to break free from his grip but he squeezes me tighter, forcing me to keep looking at him.

I can't see his face.

It gives me a painful feeling in my stomach.

I don't want to see him like this.

"Promise me, Rabbit..." his voice becomes more serious. "Promise me, damn it. They'll turn me into one of them, but I don't... I don't care. I just want him to be safe. I don't want him to come and save me, I'm already lost...

His words cut through me like a knife, leaving me frozen.

He lowers his head. I feel the weight of his body leaning on me.

His breathing is painful.

Almost artificial.

Shit.

"Clancy... " this time I'm the one who grabs his cheeks and forces him to look at me "Clancy, I promise you that..."

Oh.

No. No. NO.

Those red eyes again.

I release my grip and crawl back, scared.

He lets out cries of pain.

But he can't seem to move.

He looks straight ahead.

His bright eyes. His suffering face. His body trembling.

"Shit, Clancy..."

I make a move to approach him, but something seems to change.

A change as fast as thunder.

His suffering face fades.

He starts to form a... smile?

And he starts to laugh.

Oh, that laugh.

That laugh that has been repeating itself over and over in my dreams.

He laughs out loud looking up.

Suddenly, he stops laughing.

And he looks at me.

Straight in the eyes, without stopping smiling.

FUCK.

And with a distorted voice, he says a word that I will never forget:

"Run..."