Landon

*A FEW YEARS AGO, IN MAY*

No matter how many tears I cried, the pain won't go away.

Despite the loneliness - I haven't been with anyone else since Grayson got mated to Gustavo - that is not what hurts me the most. Being alone doesn't scare me.

Despite being looked at with freaked out stares by every single pack member I come across - they know I can't succeed my father if I don't find my mate. Everybody does. But that's not what is eating me up inside.

What really broke me was to drift apart from Grayson, to be reduced to a stranger.

I really should have listened when my parents told me not to fall in love. It's a recipe for heartbreak once you get mated away from your loved one. I knew they were right, but with my birthday coming way sooner than Grayson's, I thought I was the one being mated away from him, not the other way around.

Scratch that, I thought he was going to be my mate. It didn't even occur to me that he could be mated to Gustavo, though my best friend deserves happiness and a family just as much as the next gay werewolf.

I should be happy for him and I try to be.

I guess this is where a mate would come in handy. If I were mated, then none of this high school teenage bullshit would matter as much because I'd be too busy completing the bond with him.

Instead, I get to watch as practically all my senior classmates get mated. The ones who are werewolves, of course. In fact, there was even a pack member mated to a human. Oh, the drama... but I am not afforded even a human mate.

Funny, I never felt like the odd man out. Whether for growing up gay in a small town or for the fact that I am a shapeshifter, I never felt alone because there was always someone else who was just like me. My best friend Gustavo Carillon.

He is the reason why I had the courage to come out to my parents. He gave me encouragement to pursue the hot Omega in our school. Though to be fair, me going after Grayson had nothing to do with him being an Omega.

On the contrary, it scared me to death getting him pregnant. At least while we were still in high school and unmated, but I am getting ahead of myself here.

My point is there was always someone who made me feel less alone in the world. Someone who could relate to all my struggles. Though it was tougher for him to come out than me. I was scared to come out to the Alpha and Gustavo was terrified to come out to his 'macho' father who commanded one hundred and fifty warriors. 152 if you count Delta Saunders and his under Mr. Logan.

Fortunately, neither of us ever had to regret that decision as both our fathers accepted us with open arms. In fact, they even thought we were secretly dating each other for a while. Eww. Straight people, am I right?

No, brotherhood was always the bond that united us.

Not that I don't get along with my real brother, but he is 4 years younger than me. So it's not like we were going through the same things in life.

But now Gustavo and I's friendship has taken a turn. Despite our best efforts, it's not as strong as it used to be. Not that my love for him has ever wavered, it hasn't. It's just hard to see him and not think of Grayson.

But I am sure we will make it through somehow. We have to. I don't know if I have it in me to find another best friend and more importantly, another person for Beta - the most trusted position in the pack.

You have to be able to trust your Beta with your life because history is filled with stories of backstabbing Betas gunning to take the Alpha's place.

Though I am getting ahead of myself again. I cannot be Alpha without a mate and there is no one in sight. So... no Alpha, no Beta.

We still see each other every day. I still pick him up every morning. But it's not the same. And I miss us. The constant in my life. My rock. My ride or die.

A poet once said: 'I could survive, though not without difficulty, the absence of my lover. But I could never make it without my friends.'

Though I miss Grayson dearly, I can totally relate to this. I do need my best friend back. The only person in the world who I tell everything to. And who talks to me about any topic, any issue. There was never a taboo between us. We've even seen each other naked - in a locker room environment, not anything untoward.

Anyway, we'll have to make do because he and I are going to college after all. Both of us got accepted to the University of Texas. Grayson, on the other hand, is going to Rice for his pre-med course.

While we will be in Austin, he'll be in Houston. I guess it could be worse. At least they are both still in Texas. I am sure it's not that long of a drive from one city to another.

I guess the only good thing to come out of this whole me not getting mated at 18 is the fact that I am going to college, which I really wanted. Silver linings, am I right?

"It's gonna be fine, son. When you return from college in the Summer, you'll discover your mate was younger than you all along. It happens to the best of us." My dad reassured me over breakfast.

It's my last day of school. I should be jumping for joy that I am graduating high school and have the whole Summer to look forward to. Any other senior is doing exactly that. But I can't bring myself to celebrate anything.

I hate to sound gloomy, but I lost the mood for it. I had high hopes and dreams for this time in my life. My last hoorah before my ascension as Alpha. But now I am not even sure if I'll ever succeed my dad. Not that he lost faith in me.

"It didn't happen to you. When was the last time you saw an ascending Alpha not get mated at 18?" I rebuked him, depressed. I am not angry at him, just at the situation. I am sure there is a light at the end of this tunnel, I just cannot seem to see it.

"Do you seriously think you're the first Alpha in history to not get mated at 18? Get a grip, son. It's a big world out there. The State of Texas alone has over 100 wolf packs. Imagine the rest of the country. Or the world." Dad rolled his eyes, refusing to let me wallow in despair.

I guess I should be encouraged by his faith in my pairing.

"I am sure I'm not the first one. I just saw myself making other plans at this point." I breathed out a sigh in defeat.

"You mean other than going to college?" He snickered.

"Javier was right all along. You should be going to college before you ascend as Alpha. I'm too young to retire anyway. I'm not even 40!" Dad argued, humorously.

It's impossible to sulk when my father is a ray of sunshine in my life. His good mood is infectious.

"I'm sure you're right, dad. I should go to college. There's no rush in me replacing you, after all. You're too young to retire and I have yet so much to learn." I conceded, giving in to my father's wisdom.

"Of course I'm right. I am the Alpha." He smirked and I couldn't help but laugh at this.

Damn! I might just have the best dad in the world...

Before I left for school, my dad hugged me tight and kissed my forehead.

"Congratulations, son. I'm so incredibly proud of you. And I can't wait for your graduation! You should see the suit your mom bought for me." He said, emotionally. I could really see the pride in his eyes and it got to me.

"Thanks, dad. Thank you for believing in me, and for your constant faith. And for being the best father a queer boy could have." I told him, fighting back tears.

"Of course! You're my son. It's my job to love and support you. I don't care about sexual orientation. I care about your happiness." He assured me and I left the pack house with tears in my eyes.

When I stopped by Gustavo's house, he saw me in tears as soon as he entered the car and assumed it had something to do with my mating status.

"Are you okay? Do you want to ditch today? It's not like anyone will care if we miss the last day..." He proposed, concerned for me.

"No, thanks. I'm okay. It's just that my father has been so supportive of me. Even though I shouldn't be surprised, it means a lot to me, you know?" I admitted, voice wrought with emotion.

He hugged me before he put on his seat belt.

"Of course he is. Your dad is the best." He smiled at me, cheerfully.

"So is yours. Is it true he bought a pride sticker for his car?" I inquired, driving off.

"Yeah, he did. He bought an 'I AM PROUD TO BE A PARENT OF A LGBT+ PERSON'." He replied and I gasped.

"I'm impressed." I acknowledged, genuinely.

"Me too." He grinned proudly.

My parents cried at my graduation ceremony, as I already expected them to. The mated couple Gustavo and Grayson were looking dapper in their red gowns. Javier even wore a pride pin to the event. He is fully embracing his queer son and it's so endearing.

As I understand, that is not always the case with many Latin families. As much as I didn't want to see, they do make a great looking couple who will no doubt produce gorgeous babies.

My Summer of avoidance - as in I had no mate, no boyfriend, and my best friend was busy getting jiggy with his partner - was as fun as you can imagine.

There was a lot of binge-watching, a lot of ice cream runs, and a lot of training. Yes, because my dad said I had to continue training with Kurt Saunders.

'Your training doesn't stop because your mate hasn't caught up with you yet.' Dad told me in a snarky tone.

I could say I was mad at him, but the fact that he made me train as I was still in contention to ascend as Alpha only made me love him even more. Like I said, his faith in me has never wavered for one second.

Not since I was born.

Austin was as vibrant as I expected it to be. It has arguably the best queer scene in the entire state. It was wonderful to get to know the Capital by my best friend's side.

We didn't get to be roommates at the college dorm, but it's fine. At least he was there with me and I didn't feel so alone. Story of my life.

Of course, his weekends were spent traveling back and forth to Houston, but I already expected that. I took the opportunity to connect with other people, go to (gay) bars, and sightseeing. Honestly, I had a blast.

With a vast majority of humans in town, I completely forgot about being unmated for a while. However, I must confess that I met with the Alphas of the town packs - there are two major wolf packs in the city - and was introduced to their unmated folks.

I was not about to waste a golden opportunity like this. If my mate lived here for some reason, I'd be over the moon. At least for the next few years until I graduate. But no such luck.

Year after year, I returned to my hometown to attend high school graduation ceremonies, but still no mate in sight. By the time I returned for my junior year in college, I was already so hopeless about the whole mate situation that it barely phased me.

OK, not really. I was completely heartbroken about it and it showed to my family and friends. But at some point, you just have to persevere. If anything, Austin is crawling with gays so at least I had very hot boys to keep me company.

If there is one advantage of being unmated is that I could take my pick. I certainly did. But no amount of hot men was going to fill the mate-shaped hole in my heart.

Still, I persevered. My dad told me:

'Son, the Goddess is not gonna let you unmated for much longer. I'm sure by the time you graduate from college, you're gonna find a nice Omega boy from a good werewolf family. And he's gonna be thrilled to have found you.'

What's not to love about the man?

I was inside the classroom watching a lecture when my phone rang. On the screen appeared my mom's name. I found it odd since she knew I was in class at this hour. I ignored her call, telling myself I'd call her later after the lecture.

But she called again. This time, I took my things and excused myself from the crowded room to answer it. Maybe she needs me to buy her something for my next visit home.

"Mom, I'm in class–"

"Landon, son..." My mom's voice was wrought with sadness. I could hear her crying over the phone.

"Mom, what happened? Why are you crying?" I asked her in a desperate tone. Worry now colored my voice.

"It's your father." She said and my heart sank. The first thing I thought about was that he had a heart attack or something and was in the hospital. Even though he was barely 40 at this point.

"What about dad? Did something happen to him? Is he in the hospital?" I asked, deeply troubled by her crying. I feared something really bad, but I couldn't have fathomed how bad it actually was.

"He was supposed to go to a meeting in another town, but there was an attack." She explained, sobbing so loud I started crying too.

"What?" I gasped in shock.

"He died, son. They killed your father." She replied and my whole world crashed and burned.

I knew of the existing rivalry between our pack and the Blood Moon. I was aware of the six decade old war between us. But lately, it has gone so cold my dad stopped mentioning it.

But as soon as my mom said the words 'they killed your father', I knew who THEY were.

I cried miserably as she told me of the attack that took my dad's life. Even after she hung up the phone, I kept on crying.

It seemed my tears would never stop falling.

Eventually, Gustavo caught up to me and was worried when he saw me crying. But once I told him what happened, he cried as well.

This is terrible. Horrific. The worst possible thing in a dire time. Almost immediately, Gustavo drove me back to Regency Falls.

There was a lot for me to catch up on. But most importantly: if I was still unmated, who was gonna be the new Alpha with my father gone?

I would soon learn the hard truth from the Wolf Council, but right now the pain is unbearable.

I cried the whole way back to my hometown.

I was devastated. Wrecked. Why would they kill my father now? What reason could they possibly have for this heinous strike against us?

As soon as I could, I grilled Beta Carillon. My father must've done something to provoke them. He must have given the wrong order or had somebody killed that wasn't supposed to be killed.

There had to be some kind of explanation. No Barnett Alpha has ever been killed by an enemy in the history of our pack.

I talked to Javier for hours, but the only explanation he could offer was that the Blood Moon pack had a new Alpha and he must've ordered the hit.

I wanted to retaliate right away, but he convinced me to wait. He told me they were expecting us and the casualties were gonna be too high.

I was blinded by hate, blinded by a fury I never thought I'd feel in my life. But I had to be there for my family now.

My poor mother was inconsolable. My brother was locked in his room crying. Ella, my little sister, still expected my dad to show up at any minute to play with her.

The news of my father's death was devastating to our whole pack. He was a beloved figure. A loving father, mate, and Alpha.

Everyone took it hard, from the warriors to his protegeé Lourdes. His funeral took place in the town hall, as thousands of pack members said goodbye to their beloved leader.

Gustavo was glued to my side, holding me, keeping me from falling. At this moment, I needed him the most and he was there for me.

Grayson came too and it was lovely to see him again.

I took my father's death really hard. He was so much more than a dad to me, he was my hero. And I shall never be the same again without him.

https://youtu.be/jUe8uoKdHao

A|N: Oh poor Landon...

I had a few songs in mind for this chapter, but this one really forced my hand.

Love,

Léo.