⌚ 12:57 AM

El's footsteps are heavy, crunching the grass beneath her. She doesn't care about stealth - not when her mind is muddled with too many thoughts. Dirt gets in between her exposed toes and beads of sweat start forming at her nape and her breaths are short but she doesn't slow her pace. El barely even notices her underwear is pretty much exposed - her pajama shirt doesn't do much covering up when she's running for her life. There's no one to see it, anyway.

"Finn?" She pounds on his door. "Open up! Finn!" El lets herself cry (for the seventy fourth time in the last twenty hours), hot tears rolling down her cheeks and neck.

The door creaks open a crack and a blue eye peers out at her. It widens, then the door swings open, revealing Finn in only a pair of boxers, hair mussed. El is enveloped in a tight embrace. She trembles within his grip and buries her face into his shoulder (she's too tall to do this at his chest).

Finn shushes her as he gently leads her into his cabin, his arms a protective shield around her.

El feels numb. They stay like this for awhile. El sobbing uncontrollably into Finn's chest and Finn cradling her like a child. El doesn't know how long it takes her to calm down, but eventually she does.

"I-I'm sorry," she sniffs, "for b-bothering you this late. I don't - I don't know why I came here, to be honest."

Finn lets go of her slowly, only keeping his hand on the small of her back. He smiles at her, his eyes brimming with sadness. "Grace told you, huh?"

El dabs her eyes with her fist to rid them of tears that haven't fallen. She nods.

"What happened?" he asks slowly.

She tells him. Everything. Except the parts with she and Grace discussing Lionel. She edits those slightly. El's eyes have finally run out of tears, she figures, since she can't find it in herself to cry anymore. All that's left is awkward half-wheezes and whimpers.

"Oh, Gracie," Finn says, shaking his head. His tone is a cross between amused and thoroughly disappointed. "She told me that she was planning to do this, you know," he tells El. "Tonight, she said. I just didn't think she'd the both of you drunk and vulnerable...wow. Stupid move."

"She told you?" El snaps. Then it dawns on her. "You knew!" she accuses. Her cheeks are searing hot.

Finn's hand leaves her back, as if she's burnt him.

"You goddamn knew and you didn't tell me!" El says in a whisper-scream. "Why?"

"I was sworn by the bro code." He gulps.

"The bro code?" she hisses.

"Yeah...Grace is my bro."

El rolls her eyes. "Don't even get me started on how sexist the bro code is. Why the fuck did Grace agree to that? She should have known the misogynistic nature of - "

"El," Finn says way too calmly. "Grace didn't call it the bro code. She just told me to swear on my life that I wouldn't tell you she likes you. She wanted to tell her yourself." Then, muttering to himself, "And that obviously backfired."

El sighs - maybe in relief, maybe something else. "Don't use the bro code. Ever."

Finn's face breaks into a stupid grin, suddenly. "You know Grace told me the exact same thing then. You both have a lot in common, if that wasn't obvious enough."

Now, El is definitely blushing. She blames it on what little alcohol is left in her bloodstream. "How long did she, uh...?"

"Have a crush on you?" Finn's grin has somehow turned into a smirk in the space of two seconds.

El glares at him. "That sounds so wrong."

"What? Having a crush? But that's the most innocent feeling one can have after platonic love," Finn says. El stops herself from snorting at his ridiculousness. She can tell he's trying hard to make her laugh.

"Not...wrong like that." El groans. "Like...maybe she's just really, really drunk, you know? Delusional? She probably didn't mean what she said?" Even to her own ears, the excuse is pathetic.

Finn gives her another one of his I'm-done-with-your-shit looks.

El howls - this particular beastly sound of frustration has never come out of her throat before. "It's just wrong, okay? Why the hell does Grace like," her mouth goes dry, "me when you exist? Why does she like the stupid, annoying, crazy chick?"

"You're not stupid. A little bit annoying. Definitely crazy."

El slaps his arm.

"Seriously though," Finn says, tone flat. "Don't question it. Grace is amazing."

"I know," El says. She does know.

"You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty!"

El rolls her eyes. "I got it, Emperor Finn. What's your point?" She notices that aching feeling in her chest has subsided for now, thanks to how big of a boob Finn is being.

"My point is, don't let her get away."

"I'm not even sure if the feeling is mutual on my side," El insists.

"You're obviously not straight, that's for sure." Finn pushes her slightly. "And trust me. The feeling is mutual. Maybe you just haven't come to terms with it."

"How do you - ?"

"I have a lot of experience in this area."

"But are you sure - ?"

"Positive."

"But I'm not sure."

"Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!"

"You're blushing."

"No I'm not." El is blushing.

"El. I know Grace. I like to think I know you."

"That's disputable."

"You two would make the most badass couple. I'm actually kinda scared for the fate of the world if that happens. I picture two hot female overlords who'd subject all men to slavery."

"That doesn't seem far off." El doesn't say anything about the word that pricks her ears the most. Couple. She doesn't know what to think of it. Especially when she and Grace are involved.

Finn smiles a bit wider at this, seemingly satisfied with her reply. "I look forward to it."

An easy silence settles on the both of them and El counts to one hundred thirty-four until she decides to say what's been on her mind for a very long time. "You know, I was jealous of you two."

Finn raises his eyebrows. "I know."

El shuts her eyes. "What?" It was that evident?

"Yeah," Finn says. "It was kind of intentional. Grace's plan, of course. She wanted you to get jealous."

She blinks. "That kind of backfired. Since I was...uh, jealous because it looked like you liked her...and I liked you."

"Oh."

"Yep."

"Well it was obvious that you liked me, too. I mean," Finn runs a hand through his hair, "duh."

"Okay, pretty boy, I'm done with you. And that's liked, by the way. Past tense."

"Of course! You're in love with Grace now so you won't need ol' Finn no more."

"I'm going to ignore that."

⌚ 6:21 AM

El doesn't know how to approach this. As it goes, it seems she has three options. A) Toughen up, go into Cabin 5 and face Grace's wrath, B) Take a shower in Cabin 4, Louise, Mari, and Sky's cabin, or C) Skip taking a shower altogether and go on with her day in a large tee shirt and flipflops. And greasy hair. And perpetual morning breath.

That's option C gone. Option B doesn't sound too good, either, since she'd have to tell them what's happened. She considers option A again, wondering if taking a shower at Finn's cabin and borrowing his clothes would be a better choice than this.

No. Grace would kill them both.

El hates her life.

She twists the knob, exhaling when it turns - at least Grace didn't lock her out. (Like El probably would have, if she was Grace.) The door creaks louder than El hopes it would, but it doesn't matter. Grace is standing five feet from her in all her half-naked glory and all El can think about is how that body was pressed against hers.

El only nods at Grace, keeping her eyes on the floor. Grace's eyes only gaze at her briefly before she concentrates on picking an outfit from her pink array of clothes in the closet. El grabs her clothes - a Camp Ashwood raglan (exclusive only for counselors) and cut-off shorts then she runs to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

She lets out a huge breath. It turns out she was holding it since she came into the cabin.

Standing under the stream of the shower, El tries to ignore how the bathroom still has Grace's strawberry scent wafting around, mingling with a hint of vomit - El guesses Grace drank a bit more after she left.

Grace didn't even mind her when she came in this morning. El isn't sure if she should be grateful, confused, or scared for her life. Maybe all three. She'd expected Grace to scream at her face or pull her hair out or do something, but she just stood there. Acted as if El didn't exist.

And it's bothering El, even if she doesn't want it to. She has the distinct feeling that they aren't friends anymore.

Of course you aren't friends anymore. You dumped her on her face.

El's eyes are wet, and there's a ninety-eight percent chance that isn't because of the shower.

Should she do something? Apologize? No, Grace wouldn't hear her out. Ignore Grace forever? That sounds like absolute torture. Wait it out? It seems like the best option - a very stupid one, but the best.

She turns the shower off. Stops short when she tugs the shower curtain into place and sees her wet, naked likeness in the mirror. All she sees is tan lines and bones and dry, dark flesh and ramen noodle hair. How could Grace stand this wreck, not to mention have a crush on it?

(That idea still takes getting used to. Grace Upland likes - or liked - El Thropp.Grace Upland likes - or liked - El Thropp. GRACE UPLAND LIKES - OR LIKED - EL THROPP.)

(It sounds like something impossible.)

(But it is possible. It's happening and fucking El up.)

El concentrates on putting her clothes on instead, keeping her eyes away from the mirror. Underwear. Shirt. Shorts.

When she steps out of the bathroom, Grace is curling her hair. El recalls how it felt in her hands, how foreign the sensation was to her. El gulps. Socks. Hiking boots.

Grace is silent. All El hears is the pounding in her chest. She takes way too long to tie her boots, with her hands trembling and all. Maybe she wants to wait and see if Grace will speak to her.

Grace doesn't. She unplugs her curling iron, still too quiet and El almost screams - they should be talking and laughing and El should probably be crying and Grace should probably be comforting her. Or if, god forbid, they revert back to pre-Grace-sharing-her-backstory, they should be arguing about the smallest things and Grace should be criticizing her shoes or her hair and El should be making a snarky comment. Not this...quiet.

Every step Grace takes towards the door without paying the slightest bit of attention to El is a punch in El's gut. The door swings open and shuts again, all in a swift motion.

El finally finishes with her boots. She finds herself in front of Grace's vanity, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Now that she isn't naked, she doesn't feel as awful, but she sure does look awful.

She fishes for a scrunchie at the back of one of Grace's drawers and ties her hair, not bothering to comb through it or dry it out. Grace would kill her.

No, scratch that. Grace would kill her either way.

When she's done disregarding El's existence.

⌚ 12:44 PM

Grace is currently testing Isaac on a scale of one to ten in terms of his levels of ignorant asshole by asking him questions such as, "What do you think of abortion?" and, "What about rape?" and, "How do you feel about transgender people?" and, "Do you like porn?" and, "What would you do if you saw an overweight woman wearing a bikini?" and other questions of the like. The scene resembles an interrogation, with the rest of the counselors acting as the ones behind the two-way mirror.

El swallows the annoyance she feels (along with today's breakfast burritos) at Grace putting the plan - that they devised together - to convert Isaac into action. Without her. Louise asks her if she's okay. El replies that she is.

Then, "Tell me what you'd think about seeing two people of the same gender but different races in a relationship."

"What now?" Isaac scratches his head.

El, however doesn't need clarification. Dread starts to settle in her stomach.

"Do you need me to simplify things for you?" Grace asks him sweetly.

Isaac rolls his eyes, cocking his head slightly in a nod.

"How about I give you a scenario?" Grace speaks slowly, savoring every word. "Imagine a black girl and a white girl showing PDA. How'd you feel about that?"

El concentrates on getting another bite of her breakfast burrito down. She senses Finn stiffening across from her. It's just a coincidence, El tries to convince herself. Grace doesn't mean anything by it.

"Are we talking marriage or just sexy times?" Isaac says with utmost sincerity.

Grace scoffs. "Up to you."

"Okay, well," Isaac clears his throat and El tries to be as small as she possibly can, "I know interracial marriage is a thing that people don't like, but honestly, it's cool with me. Gay marriage is cool, too, I mean...it's weird, but whatever."

El breathes a little more easily after that. Maybe Isaac isn't such a lost cause.

It turns out he isn't finished yet. "I'd fucked white girls, black girls, Asian girls," he winks at Mari, "Latinas...yeah. Interracial sex rocks. I'd really like a threesome, too. So if your white girl and black girl - whoever they may be - are up for a threesome, they know who to call."

Grace's jaw tightens. "Thanks for that input."

El inhales the rest of her breakfast burrito and chews in silence. She knew Grace's intentions with that question, and apparently, so did Isaac. It's only fitting he spun the question on its head and made it about him.

Louise asks El if she really is okay. El says that yes she is okay didn't she say that two minutes ago why does Louise care anyway, god? And as if El isn't irritated enough, Will and Louise share a knowing look, which completely sets her off.

In all honesty, El can't pinpoint the exact reason she's pissed (maybe something to do with her lack of sleep, not being noticed by Grace, how idiotic Isaac is being, or who knows at this point) but she is. Finn looks like he wants to say something reassuring to her, yet looking at the way Grace is eyeing him carefully, that isn't happening.

El spares all of them the trouble by getting up abruptly and sitting with her cabin, which she hasn't done ever.

Isaac murmurs a little, "Well someone got their period early," while she's on her way to the table on the other side of the Campfeteria.

It's Will who punches him on the arm and tells him to shut up.

"Whoa," Brittany says upon El sitting between her and Maxine. "What happened to you?"

El grabs Maxine's glass of orange juice and takes a swig despite Maxine's protests. "So much. So much happened." The rest of Cabin A's conversations stop.

"Are you oka - "

"I don't want to hear you finish that sentence, Brittany. I don't want to hear it."

El finally looks at the girls seated around the table. Seeing their expressions of surprise and concern, El softens. She's being unfair. El won't do what Grace did - pour all her frustration out on others who had nothing to do with it. There's time for emotional baggage, and that isn't now. "Sorry," she tells them. "I have a lot going on."

Brittany opens her mouth. "And no," El says firmly. "I'm not telling you what that is. I'm just saying, if I come off cranky or some shit, I don't mean it. Is that cool?"

They all nod and say some form of "yes."

"Good." El throws an arm around Brittany. "So, we have arts and crafts with Cabin H today..."

⌚ 2:10 PM

Over an hour into arts and crafts, El is perpetually bored. Don't get her wrong, El loves being artsy as much as the next person (as it was the only thing El was good at when she was a camper), but after making six friendship bracelets, it just isn't entertaining anymore.

"Ellie!" Luke sings, resting his chin on her head. "I made something for you!"

El ties the final knot in her seventh - yeah, that's right, seventh - friendship bracelet. "Don't call me that."

"Sorry. Ellie."

Finding six more pieces of thread, El starts on her eighth bracelet and pretends to ignore Luke because calling her Ellie was not cool.

"Don't you wanna see what I made?" El feels Luke pout, his chin digging further into her scalp.

"Not really."

"C'mon. Please!"

El huffs, continuing to weave the thread together while she peers up at Luke. "Apologize first."

"For what?" he asks innocently.

"You know goddamn well what." It perplexes her, how she can keep such a straight face when Luke is an actual ray of sunshine. Even if he called her that atrocious name.

"I'm sorry for calling you Ellie," he says earnestly. "Now can I fucking show you what I made?"

El stops making the bracelet altogether. "Okay."

A poor excuse for a friendship bracelet dangles in front of her face. Loosely woven, a horrible color scheme (red and neon orange), much too large to even be considered a bracelet. Maybe El is being harsh. That doesn't change the fact that it looks like a two year old made it.

"It's a friendship bracelet!" Luke cries, which causes half of Cabin A to stop their work and look at him.

El tells them to get back to it. She then tells Luke, "That's nice." She doesn't have the heart to tell him what she really thinks of it.

"For you!"

"Yeah?"

"We're friends, aren't we?"

A sense of appreciation for the counselor currently dangling a mass of thread in front of her face blooms within El. "Y-yeah. I guess...we are."

"Then why aren't you taking it?"

"I don't - "

Instead of letting El finish her sentence, Luke drags her out of her seat and to the corner of the Arts and Crafts Hut, by the shelves piled with different rolls of varying kinds of paper. El brushes up against a roll of glittery wrapping paper.

"Okay, real talk now." All signs of sunshine ray-ness have escaped Luke.

El can only picture how dumb she looks.

"What's up with you and Grace?"

She presses herself against the wall instinctively, unable to think of an answer for Luke.

"Don't answer that. I know what's up with you and Grace."

"Hey, uh, so about your friendship bracelet..." El figures she'd much rather talk about that than the other thing.

Luke dumps the friendship bracelet into her pocket. "There you go. But seriously. You and Grace. Super cute."

"Uh - "

"Let me guess. You two aren't on good terms."

"I don't - "

"Grace told you how she feels - yeah, El, we all knew; you're that clueless - and you turned her down."

"She kissed me."

"Typical."

"How'd you know all this?" She finds no need to deny it. Clearly, there's no fooling Luke.

"This is how it usually goes."

"How what usually goes?"

"Being gay. You think you're straight, but nope! You kiss someone of the same gender and everything changes." Luke winks at El. "I should know that, based on some personal experience."

"Jason?" El raises a suspicious eyebrow.

Luke shrugs, a goofy grin spreading across his face. "I don't know."

El snorts and says nothing else.

"It's more entertaining, you know?" Luke elbows El lightly.

"What?"

"Gayness."

"Oh my god," El places her head in her hands, "it's like you're trying to sell me something."

"I might as well be!" he says. "I'm just saying, it's obvious that you care about Grace. And it's totally in that way, you feel me?"

El bites her lip and the thought of Grace's tongue sweeping across them enters her mind. Jesus.

"Plus, gay people are better at kissing. It's science."

Christ. She sends the thought flying out with an uppercut. El rolls her eyes, telling Luke that conversation is over.

"Can you tell me one thing, though?" Luke asks.

"Anything for you, Lukie." And perhaps she says that out of spite.

"Why did Grace ask Isaac all that stuff at breakfast?"

"You mean the questions about the pressing topics our world is facing due to the recklessness and ignorance of the past generations?" El smirks at her own outburst. Luke's eyes widen in amazement, El hopes at least. She divulges her and Grace's plan to rid Isaac of his misogyny slash racism slash anything-else-ism to Luke, getting more and more thrilled as the creases in his forehead deepen with every detail she tells him about.

"Wow." Luke rubs at his neck. "But did that question about the white girl and black girl - ?"

"Don't. Don't go there. I think we both know why she said that." El lets out a frustrated sigh. Obviously, she knows why Grace did that, but she doesn't know why she did that...if that makes any sense. El's brain isn't functioning as she wishes it would today. Her thoughts are piling on top of each other, each pushing its way to the front of her mind, which is why she can't seem to concentrate on one thing. It's driving her close to the brink of insanity and that isn't reassuring at all.

"That was a bitch move."

"Grace is full of bitch moves."

"You love it, though." Luke wiggles his eyebrows.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't matter, Ellie. Only one thing makes sense - you and Grace fucking each other senseless."

"You know, if I didn't know you were unbelievably gay, I'd say you were a straight white boy."

Luke adopts an impressive Isaac impression. "That was both racist and homophobic! What the hell?"

El lets herself giggle a bit, relieved at how Luke has made her feel significantly better.

But according to how things usually go, this doesn't last for long.

Lionel bursts through the door, raising his clipboard. He coughs into his whistle and wheezes. "Time's up, everyone!"

And just like that, El is sour again. She avoids Lionel's constant attempts to grab her attention at all costs, and when he declares that Cabin A has won after looking over both cabins' work (El still doesn't understand what kind of criteria he bases his judging on), well, El frankly doesn't give a shit. She doesn't notice how his eyes are even more sunken in than before and how his chest is heaving intensely and how his moustache is growing over his upper lip. She doesn't notice how every time he glances at her, he looks utterly miserable.

⌚ 9:36 PM

Cabin 5 is dark when El approaches it. That's quite unusual, since Grace is a night owl if she's ever seen one. When El steps into the cabin, she hears Grace murmuring in her sleep - not quite crying yet, but El can tell she's getting there. Not like she's been paying attention to that or anything.

El doesn't bother changing into an overly large tee shirt tonight. Her bones ache when she crawls under her blanket, which is unusual since she hasn't done anything that's strained her today. Her sweat seeps into her pillow, mingling with the dry tears that it's absorbed from previous nights. She tugs the scrunchie out of her hair, pleased with the relief that comes with loose hair. As El starts to doze off, Grace's murmuring grows louder and more incoherent and El tries to block it out like she used to.

______________________________________________

a/n: I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT THIS IS ITS SO SHORT IM SO ASHAMED I APOLOGIZE idk what happened guys this chapter just did not want to be written so that explains the decline in quality oops especially after the crazy chapter before this wth am i tbh

the banner on top is by casey (@doctorhorrible) and i'll dedicate this chapter to the first person who comments i guess (u should comment btw tell me what i can do to make this chapter better when i eventually edit it :-)))

i hope the next chapter is better than this #pray4julia2k15