⌚ 2:00 AM

El wakes up to her phone ringing incessantly and a sticky puddle in her underwear. For a brief moment, El doesn't know which issue to tackle first, but her sleep-deprived brain settles on yanking her phone from its charger and running to the bathroom. Upon entering and flicking the at first blinding light on, the red splotch that's spreading on her shirt reassures her that her bitchiness yesterday was totally justified.

She pulls her shirt and underwear off and tosses it into the sink - hopefully she can rinse them off before she embarrasses herself when doing her laundry. El sighs, settling on the toilet. Only then does she remember that her phone is still ringing.

"Hello?"

"Elizabeth...honey?" And there she is again - her mother sobbing, hyperventilating.

El takes a deep breath. "Mom."

"I-I need to talk." Her mother lets out a shaky sigh. "To you."

"About you, I presume?" If El's voice was cold yesterday, it's freezing below zero now.

"Elizabeth." Even when the woman is crying, she's still able to scold her daughter. Of course.

"You need to talk..." El decides to pick up.

"Remember when I said your dad and I might get a divorce?"

Suddenly, El's uterus feels like it's dropping. That's either her period or the dread. For once, she hopes it's the first.

"We are, El." She's using El. She's serious. "We're getting a divorce."

It's not the news that surprises El - it's how she reacts. Tears suddenly pooling in her eyes, stomach swirling (again, it might be her period), head practically cracking open, lungs collapsing, like what, is she imploding into herself? What is with that word; divorce? So her parents aren't together. El's an adult. She doesn't have to live with them. Their separation really wouldn't change much.

"El?"

El takes a deep breath, no wait she can't. She can't breathe no god she can't. She tries to take in air but it can't go past her throat - instead she lets it out. Soon she's gasping; short, ragged breaths bursting out of her mouth and the tears are falling now and those sounds coming out of her mouth are not attractive at all.

"Elizabeth, are you there?"

She can only whimper.

That's enough for her mother. She sighs in relief. "Look, I'm sorry - "

"Sorry?" El rasps. "Sorry. Right. Okay. That fixes it."

"El - "

God, why is her mother calling her that? She only calls El El if she's trying to get on her good side. Or if she's trying to make a point. What sucks is this time, it's both.

"Thanks for letting me know," is all that El says.

"D-don't you want to...talk? We can - we can talk."

"No thanks." El's voice is harsh but that's the only way she can keep from bursting into tears and that's not happening while she's on the phone with her mother.

"Oh, okay. Uh, how about you head home, then? You, me and your father can talk."

"I'd rather not talk."

"Are you sure?" Her mother is worried. Obviously, she's trying to sound cheerful but her voice is cracking and El tries to swallow that goddamn lump in her throat. "I've heard it's better to let out what you're feeling."

"So what should I do?" The harshness is slowly turning into rage. "Go back home? Abandon Camp Ashwood - which, by the way, you pushed me into going to in the first place? How about college, mom?"

El does this. Asks multiple questions in a row when she isn't sure what's happening. Expects answers to every one of them. (She usually doesn't get the answers.)

"I just want to explain - "

"Then explain!" El squeaks. "Here. And where's dad? Doesn't he have to explain, too?"

Questions, questions.

"He's not here."

El nearly falls off the toilet, but keeps her balance by holding onto the cold lid. "W-what?"

"H-he left..." And her mother's crying again. Great. "Your dad left, El...please please just let me explain."

El hums in a convincing fine go I may or may not be listening but fuck you way.

Her mother swallows. "How do I...okay. Uh, I'm sure you're aware that your dad and I have been fighting well, since, we started dating actually. But we'd always make up, right?" she pauses as if she wants El to reply; El doesn't. "And I guess you couldn't blame him. We were both tired. So I don't see why you'd blame him. For doing...what he did. What he did. Ha."

"What did he do?" El is almost afraid to ask.

"Your dad, he got - got involved with someone else. He cheated on me." More crying. Wailing.

"Why?"

"Revenge, I guess?"

"Revenge?"

"Well, I...I cheated on him, too. You're not his, El. I - "

"You what?"

"Look, I'm sorry - "

"You already told me that."

"Because I am! I really am! I regret it so much. I'm sorry you had to - "

El's mouth is running on its own now. "Is this why...why I'm..."

"Black?"

El swallows. "Black."

"I didn't mean - "

"That's a yes, then."

"Leave it, El, we're talking about now. What's just happened."

"Okay, tell me, mom. What just happened?"

"He cheated on me," El's mother repeats. "I knew for awhile now, El, and I tried to forgive him but I couldn't and I'm just - I'm so so so so sorry. He's made it so hard. He left, honey. He left and he didn't tell me where he was going and here I am again, assuming the worst. But I can't help it. I can't...I can't I'm sorry, El. I'm sure he's sorry, too."

"So am I."

"El - "

"Thanks for letting me know."

"Are you sure you don't want to come home?"

"Yes."

"Please, please talk to me. Open up."

"No thanks. I have to go."

"Elizabeth..."

"Bye." End call.

And El finally cries.

⌚ 6:00 AM ON THE DOT

The girl in the mirror isn't El. El has fiery brown eyes. The girl in the mirror has swollen, blank, red eyes. El would at least try to keep her hair in control. The girl in the mirror has a wet bird's nest on top of her head. El has warm, dark skin. The girl in the mirror is pale as a manila envelope. El's mouth has to be in a constant unamused smirk. The girl in the mirror's mouth is raw, after having been bitten throughout the entire morning.

El doesn't even flinch when the horn blasts.

Or when she hears a thump coming from the cabin - undoubtedly Grace falling off the top bunk.

Even when Grace starts banging against the door and calling, "Elizabeth! Open up! Okay, fine, you went first but I need to get ready!"

El feels panic rising up in her throat as she surveys the state of the bathroom. A trail of dried blood droplets leading up to the toilet. The water in the toilet bright red. Her underwear on the floor, a red stain on it. The towel wrapped around her is actually Grace's. Shit.

She tries her best to clean up - wipe all that blood up, stuff a tampon into her vagina (again, Grace's).

Grace pounds the door harder. "Elizabeth Thropp, open the door or so help me - "

El opens the door.

The two girls stare at each other for a few moments (El squirms under Grace's stare; Grace only stands up straighter) before Grace asks, "...are you okay?" Her tone is less concerned and more impatient.

"Yes," El says too quickly, she knows she said it too quickly and now Grace is going to pester her about it and El is going to cry in front of Grace.

"Okay," Grace says instead and El almost cries to the heavens.

El steps to the side to let Grace into the bathroom. The latter takes a step, looks El up and down again. "Is that my towel?" she asks.

"No!" Too quickly, El. "Yes. Yes, sorry." She's apologizing now. To Grace. Look what her parents' divorce has done to her.

Grace opens her mouth, about to say something, but shuts it. She rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Just wash it when you're done."

El nods, managing her usual cold expression.

Grace enters the bathroom. "And you used my tampons."

"Tampon," El corrects. Okay, she's able to be sassy. Good. "Singular. One tampon."

"What is it with you and using my stuff for your genitals?" Grace sighs. She slams the door behind her.

⌚ 12:22 PM

"Elizabeth, are you on a diet?" Grace asks offhandedly after swallowing a mouthful of her frittata. "Because trust me, you can't lose any more weight from that stick figure you call a body."

El knows she should be offended and she should retort snarkily. Except she doesn't. She doesn't care. El lets Grace off the hook with a silent snort before playing with her not very appetizing looking baby back ribs.

Grace rolls her eyes (again, she's already way past a normal person's quota of eye rolling; then again, who says Grace Upland is a normal person?) then turns and talks to Sky.

"Is anything wrong, El?" Louise asks, nudging El.

"Yeah," El could've said. "My parents are divorced and I'm acting like a fucking baby over it. Tell me why, why do I care so much? So what if they don't live together or hate each other? I'm an adult. I don't need them anymore, much less together. I think I'd be lying to myself if I said I hate this because it's like I don't know what love is anymore, blah blah blah. Bullshit. Love? Ha. Fuck. I'm so fucked. What's wrong with me? What's going to happen to me? Fuck."

If she'd feel even more transparent, she could've added, "Oh, and by the way, I'm on my period. So I have horrible cramps and an equally horrible headache. Not to mention my vagina constantly expelling blood is doing nothing but giving me anxiety and memories of poison ivy. Basically, it's a great day." And she'd smile bitterly.

Rather, what El says is, "No. I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine," Finn says. El isn't sure she completely forgives Finn for - wait, what did he do again? Something about dicks and lesbians and Grace? God, that seems like forever ago.

"Are you on your period?" Isaac pipes up.

El hisses and Isaac, despite being a complete cocky dick (that sounds kind of redundant; whatever), shrinks in his seat. "Just because I'm being uncharacteristically moody - "

"Nah, that's pretty in-character," Will mutters, chuckling to himself. El ignores him.

" - does not, in any way mean I am menstruating. Even though I am, like at this exact point in time," and fuck, there are the cramps. "That's just rude, man. Don't assume anything just because I'm a woman and we have periods and our hormones go crazy every month. Just keep that to yourself, okay? Be nice."

"You've become more fluent in El-anese, eh?" Normal not PMS-ing El, not emotional El would sense Finn's joking tone and that glint in his eyes and retort in a way she hopes is cute, but El is PMS-ing and she's way too emotional so her retort comes out like this:

"Finnegan Johnson, I am not done with you," El says in a deadly tone.

"What's wrong, El?" Louise murmurs gently.

El's head is spinning now - too many questions, too many emotions, too many nice people, too many horrible people, too many, too many, too too many. It's too much. She shovels one last forkful of mashed potatoes down her throat, mutters a lame excuse about having to replace her tampon (to which Isaac groans very loudly) and runs out of the Campfeteria, barely holding in her tears.

⌚ 3:11 PM

Luke opens his mouth. El cuts him off. "If you're going to try to comfort me, don't. It won't work."

Luke's little 'O' of a mouth turns into a smirk. "Tell me if you change your mind, then."

El scoffs in a way Grace Upland would be proud of. The moment that thought crosses her mind, a wave of dread passes through her. Is she turning into Grace? Snarky comments, constant bitch mode, scoffing? That's two things: Grace Upland in a nutshell and what El has become.

She shivers despite the hot sun beating down on her. She's turning into Grace - the very epitome of what El hates in the world (aside, of course, from misogyny and suspense and failure and divorce and parents and her parents and their divorce - she hates a lot of things. All it took was blood coming out of her vagina and her father cheating on her addmittedly-sometimes-annoying-but-really-that's-no-reason-to-cheat-on-her mother. What else?

El chuckles bitterly to herself. Talk about timing.

A hand tugs at her wrist; El snaps out of her interior monologue to see that the hand belongs to Luke. It takes her a few more minutes for her ears to pick up what he is saying. "...about to start," is all he catches.

Sighing, she gets up and heads to the Cabin A girls. Fortunately, they've already partnered up for their three-legged race against Cabin H. (El fights down a smile when she sees Bianca tying a scarf around her and Laura's legs.) (Nothing like a little gay to lift up your mood.) (Except El's mood immediately drops again.) El's mouth moves on its own, forming half-hearted words of encouragement directed at Cabin A and when Lionel blows his whistle, she does smile - a corner of her mouth rises slightly - then proceeds to sit beside Luke again.

"I'm going to try now," Luke informs her, referring to what she said earlier. "What's wrong?"

Everything. "Nothing."

Sarah and Jana take a step and fall flat on their faces. Dirt goes everywhere. El winces.

"Nothing?"

El's neck feels like a rusty hinge as she moves her head up and down in a nod.

"Right..." Luke trails off. Then seriously, he says, "Are you on your period?"

Right on cue, the blood river flows. Her face falls. "That's like me asking you if you masturbated to gay porn last night. Not cool."

The counselor looks offended for a second. "Just because I'm gay..."

"Just because I have a vagina?" El raises her eyebrows.

"Touché. Sorry."

"Yeah."

"But really, you could tell me what's wrong, you know?"

"I know. Thanks. But no thanks."

Luke sighs.

"I told you not to try."

"Literally that's what made me want to. I was really just supposed to ask you what went better with hunter green: mustard or burgundy."

El manages a smirk. "You are so gay."

"That was slightly homophobic."

"That was a compliment."

"Jason's gayer," he blurts out. "This morning he told me to wear my mustard shoes," he raises his foot to show her, "with midnight blue socks. Jesus, it's navy blue. Navy blue."

"Jason's intentions were pretty clear." El starts to fan herself with a fairly large leaf she found on the ground. Her tone is lighter now, but still drearier than normal.

"I know, I know." Luke scoots closer to El, assured now that she won't really stab him or anything. "To make me look like I'm not colorblind."

"More like to make sure when he takes your clothes off, he won't want to complain about your color scheme while he's too busy sucking you face off."

Luke immediately colors a deep burgundy (which, apparently, goes with hunter green) and punches El on the shoulder. "You're disgusting."

"You're not denying it."

Luke opens his mouth just as he did awhile ago but once again, before he gets to say anything, he gets interrupted. By howling boys, no less. (And no, not howling in the way imagines Luke and Jason do - not that she's been imagining that sort if thing - but howling like rabid wolves.

What happens next is, of course, something El is very familiar with. Her cabin has lost the wind in their sails, the Woods cabin is overjoyed (in this case, they're slightly humbler winners than Cabin F) and Lionel is threatening to spew some misogynistic shit.

El doesn't even wait for the last part. After muttering a non-bitter "good riddance" to Luke, she gestures a "come on!" to Cabin A and she trudges into the woods, in hopes that Cabin A would follow her.

They do, despite Lionel's protests.

Good riddance.

⌚ 9:33 PM

"So is you being bipolar on your period a regular thing?" Grace asks as she runs a brush through her silky hair. The sight of the pink fabric of her nightgown spilling against the stark white sheets is unsettling. Previous nights, Grace would immediately climb to her bunk after getting ready for bed. Tonight, however, El found her sitting on the bottom bunk upon entering the cabin. Here we are now.

"P-period?" Seriously? Stuttering? Showing weakness (especially when she's supposed to be Grace-esque bitchy today)? Jesus Christ. "I'm not - "

"No use denying it, hon," Grays says. "I'm not blind. I saw you used one of my tampons."

El's cheeks hear up. She might be as red as said tampon right now.

Grace shushes her. "You can have all of them."

"What?"

"I had my period last week." That explains it. It being Grace. Actually, no. Nothing can explain Grace. "There's really no use for them. Like you. So. Oh, and I have pads, too, if you do that."

"You - "

"Yes, Elizabeth?" Grace sits up, hugging El's pillow to her chest. "You do remember how to use words, right?"

El clenches her fists. Grace really is something to render her speechless like this. Damn her. "Thank you," she says, barely opening her mouth.

"As long as you don't make a mess in the bathroom anymore," Grace ignores her thanks. "Seriously, it's like a fucking post-warzone in there." She's grinning like Finn and it's such a different sight that El is disoriented for a fraction of a second.

Narrowing her eyes, El demands, "What's got you in such a good mood?"

"You," Grace's grin widens, "you're miserable."

"Get off my bed."

"Excuse me?"

"My bed. Get off it."

Grace snorts, swinging her legs off one side of El's bunk and tossing the pillow at El's face. She barely misses. "How long do your periods usually last?"

"Ten years," El says dryly.

"Well I'm in for a lot of shit."

⌚ 11:11 PM

El can't sleep. She doesn't know if it's because of the excruciating pain in her lower abdomen or the feeling of blood coming out of her vagina or her parents ruining her life or the contempt she feels at herself for being such a whiny idiot.

"No no no no no no..." There goes Grace again.

El hates whiny idiots. Grace. Isaac. Brittany (granted,she doesn't really hate the girl but she despises it when she whines).

"Stop...I said stop!" The bunk bed creaks. Grace thrashes around.

So El kind of hates herself. Then she hates whatever the hell gave women the capacity to menstruate. Then she hates her father for sticking his dick into another woman. Then she hates her mom for dumping this on her when she's away. Then then she realizes she's horrible for hating her for that. Then. Then she hates herself again. Because she's a whiny idiot.

"Don't Do not. No!" Grace's blanket ends up on the floor.

El can't sleep. She's being a whiny idiot.

"No no please please don't...don't don't..." Grace is asleep. She's also probably being a whiny idiot. Depending on what she's whining about.

El wraps her blanket tighter around her. Sleep.

"Stop no please stop..."

What is sleep?

"Mine mineminemineminemine don't!"

Most likely something El won't have tonight.

Grace's words have become incoherent.

Sleep, El. Sleep.

Grace is sobbing now, but it sounds like she still isn't fully conscious.

El can't sleep.

She gets out of bed.

It's quieter outside. El can still hear Grace's sobs ringing in her cars and then her mother's sobs resurface and mingle with the former and she feels like she's going insane. She probably is.

El's feet move on their own, bringing the rest of her next to the lake. Already, bugs have gathered around her, buzzing in her ears, landing on her limbs. Without thinking, El picks up a flat, smooth stone from the most dirt and lugs it into the lake.

Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Splish. Plop.

It's been years since El last skipped stones. Back then (god, she sounds like a ninety year old veteran or something), the Woods would show off by skipping stones across the lake and the girls back then, well, they would swoon. Except El. She'd pick up a stone and let it glide flawlessly across the lake. No one was as impressed with her as they were with the boys.

Ha, El thinks as she lets another stone glide across the water, back then. Back when her problems consisted of impressing people and mild sexism.

The next stone she throws breaks the surface of the lake, disrupting the stillness with ripples dancing across the water.

Back then, when her parents fought everyday.

Back then, when she didn't have her period yet. (She was a late bloomer, okay.)

Toss.

Back then, when she wasn't such a whiny idiot.

Plop.

________________________________________________

a/n: fINALLY AYYAYAYA sorry this was basically 3456 (cute number tho) words of el on her period and complaining about life........but i mean that's me rn. the complaining about life part btw. im not on my period as of this moment.

anyway dont fear next chapter is gonna contribute a hella lot to the plot ;))))))

dedicating this to ana bc she made that adorable abomination on the side and she's boss at writing serious stuff (which i attempted and failed at) and she's one of my dearest friends

ps u kno what i love???? when people binge read this. so hi. if ur reading this in one go. congrats on making it this far. i wont blame u if u stop. but go on. u can do it :-)