Eleanor

My heart pounded against my chest as we approached the venue where the party would be held. The closer we got to the entrance, the the faster my anxiety was sky-rocketing. I was grateful there were no paps around and I could hold Louis' hand or I would've had ran away the second I got here.

Louis told me that the boys had invited me here. It was sort of a send-away party before they start the tour; for congratulations and for goodluck. Louis hadn't told me when the exact date of their tour would be yet, though.

But that wasn't the reason as to why my stomach felt sick and my heart was rapidly beating and why I was dreading the moment we'd be inside that club.

The last time I went to a party, I went home with a shattered heart. It'd also be the first time since I last saw Harry when I still couldn't look at him in the eyes and tell him I didn't love him anymore. They both seem to be so long ago when in fact, it all happened within five months. I knew this was what I needed - closure. But I couldn't just be oblivious to the fact that during those times, I ran away broken and I was used to getting hurt. I was dreading going in that entrance because this  would determine reality; if I go in there and met Harry eye to eye, it would finally settle whether I've already set my own heart free. If I had already moved on or I'd once again end up shattered. No, I wasn't dreading going in because I was scared I'd get hurt because of Harry, I was more afraid to find out that I still loved him.

Louis noticed my uneasiness so he gave my hand a little squeeze bringing me back to the present, "You alright?"

We stopped just as we were about to get in and we were now standing by the entrance, the beat of whatever music was playing inside was slightly heard.

I heaved one last determined sigh, took an apprehensive glance inside the club where the private party was being held then looked back at him, "Yeah. I am."

"Are you sure?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

I smiled sweetly at him.

His worried face faltered and he opened his mouth like he was about to speak but he closed it again almost like he was gasping for air. Then he tucked the hair that was curtaining almost half of my face behind my ear and smiles brightly like he was the freaking sun, his hand staying on the side of my neck below my ear. I felt my heart flutter as his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips a few times then he spoke, his breath hitting my face, "Have I told you that you look so beautiful tonight?"

"No. No, you haven't." I answered, not pulling away from where our faces were inches away from each other.

"That's quite shocking because it's the only thing I can f*cking think of." he whispered due to our proximity, "You look so beautiful, El." he said then pulled away.

"You don't look too bad yourself."

He scoffed, "Ofcourse I don't, I'm hot." He said and just like that, he was back to being playful again. He smiled at me, taking my hand as we went inside.

And if my heart soared a tad bit more, it wasn't my fault.

**

"Happy late birthday, Eleanor." a guy told me as we passed by their group of four. Louis and I both snapped our heads towards them and I shot Louis a look that says how did he know?

He just grimaced like when one was caught doing something he shouldn't, "Ah Josh, mate. Lads." he nodded at the other three before turing to me. "Eleanor this is Josh, Jon, Dan, and Sandy. Our band." he gestured to each one and they all waved at me.

"I thought you're in One Direction?" I asked.

They all laughed. "I am, babe. When I say band, I mean they'll be the ones playing instruments while we sing and try to dance while people watch us fail." Louis explained with a laugh.

"Oh." was the only thing I could say.

Louis and I continued walking after he said goodbye to the band. As I looked around, I saw Perrie and Danielle sitting together. "Oh! There's Perrie and Dani!" I excitedly said for they were the first people I saw that I knew, except Louis.

We walked towards them but before we could actually reach them, Louis stopped and turned me to him, "You go to the girls and enjoy yourself, yeah? I'll just go greet the others for a bit and get us drinks; I'll be back." he said, closing the spaces between us and pressed a feather light kiss on my cheek, surprising me, before walking away.

I stayed standing on the same spot for a while, my cheek still tingling where Louis kissed me. I would've had stayed there longer if I didn't hear someone call my name. I walked over to the girls.

"Did someone slap you?" Perrie asked as soon as I got to them.

"Huh?"

"You're holding your cheek." she explained.

I immediately put my hand down but when I looked at both of them, they were smirking at me. "What?"

"You're a little flustered, aren't you El? Why is that?" Dani asked, still with that smirk on her face.

"I, um," I stammered, "It's hot in here?"

"Oh let's cut to the chase, can't we?" Perrie rolled her eyes. "Are you and Louis already dating?"

"No! What are you talking about?" I asked.

"No?" They both repeated rather loudly.

"But Zayn said...." Perrie trailed off.

"What did he say?" I curiously asked.

"Yeah, Liam too." Dani agreed.

"Why are you and your boyfriends talking about me and Louis?"

Dani shook her head, "You atleast like each other, right?"

"I mean, we're friends, yeah." I answered. Then it hit me, that was all Louis and I were? Friends?

"But, Louis, he--" she gasped. "You don't know, do you?"

"What? How would I know, you guys don't even finish your sentences." My brows creased.

"Gosh, El open your eyes! Louis obviously--" Perrie was cut off by a voice that gave me chills.

"Excuse me girls but," he turned to me, "Eleanor, can we talk?"

My anxiety resurfaced. My mind screamed no, my body wanted to run miles away from him, and my heart started beating rapidly beating. I dreaded this, but this was also what I needed. So my mouth moved on it's own and said yes.

His face broke out into a small smile before he took my hand and started pulling me to where he wanted to talk. But when he felt that I didn't budge, he turned back to me with a furrowed brows.

"My hand." I simply noted.

He was taken aback and slowly released it, uttering a quiet "sorry" before walking away, me following suit.

We walked to a corner far enough that the bass of the music was the only thing we could hear bouncing off the walls. He turned to me while I stood infront of him, waiting for whatever he had to say.

"I'm sorry." He blurted out rather rushed and cold.

"Oh, okay." I was about to walk away when he spoke once again.

"No, El hear me out," I turned back around and faced him, and his voice now showing emotions, "I'm sorry for being such an as*. I'm sorry I've hurt you so many times. I just, I- I'm sorry for pushing you away, Eleanor."

I just stood there, listening to him. My voice was gone and I just couldn't believe my eyes. He was back. This was the Harry I know.

"I'm sorry for being such a f*cking d*ck for hurting you when all you do is love me. You don't know how it f*cking kills me everytime I see you crying but I just couldn't, El. I know this is an overrated line but I don't deserve you. You were scarred and you deserve something that lasts and I'm a f*cking as*hole because I couldn't give you that. I, I can't assure you that my feelings today would be the same as tomorrow." He sighed, "I, I know there's no excuse for what I did but I just want to let you know that I'm sorry I couldn't be the guy for you."

Nothing.

I felt nothing. I didn't feel a pang or a stab in my heart. I didn't feel the dropping of my stomach. Or the flutter of my heart just by seeing him. No, I felt nothing.

Before, I longed to feel nothingness to replace my pain. But right now, I felt nothing and it only meant one thing; I was free from the toxic love I had for Harry.

But there was one thing holding me back.

I gave him a small smile, "I couldn't say it's okay but I forgive you."

"I-I mean I don't want to rush you, if you can't forgive me yet, you don't have to so no, I wont accept--"

"Nuh-uh, Harry." I tutted, "I don't think that's your decision to make."

"But--"

"I forgive you for my sake, Harry, not just for yours. You have to understand that this is the only thing holding me back." I explained.

He walked closer to me and put his arms around me, hugging me, "Thank you. I hope you finally open your eyes to see the person who deserved you the moment he laid his eyes on you," he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and sighed, "Happy late birthday, El."

**

Louis and I went home before the party ended. Apparently, he didn't have a good night because he never spoke to me on the drive back to my place. His jaw was set and his eyes were trained only on the road. I didn't dare speak to him and take the risk to piss him even more.
I wondered what happened that turned him into a sour mood? He was just fine when the night started.

"Do you want to go in?" I asked as soon as the car halted infront of my house.

"Why would I want to go in?" he coldly asked. I wasn't used to this Louis.

"I don't know, I mean you're obviously in a sour mood and maybe I can make you tea to help you feel better--"

"I can make myself a tea at home, El, I'm not a child." he snapped and well, yeah I wasn't really used to him like this because it stung.

"O-okay." I fumbled for the door and scurried out of the car. I heard him cuss before I slammed the door shut. His car didn't drive away until I get inside the house though.

He really didn't have a good night.

**

"Stop stealing my food, go get yours!" I yelled.

He stuck his tongue out and went to the kitchen probably to get himself food so I focused on the movie playing on my laptop yet my mind was floating somewhere.

Louis, as always, went to my house to just chill and hang out, like what I've had been accustomed to the past few months. What I didn't get though, was why he was acting like nothing happened last night. Or maybe I was overthinking it and he really just had a bad night.

I didn't know I was just blankly staring at the screen of the laptop and not really watching the movie until I heard Louis spoke beside me.

"If you're going to just stare at your laptop and not really watch, might as well pause the movie and just stare at me," he said, popping a chip in his mouth.

"Why would I stare at you?" I asked amused.

"Staring at me is like staring at an art." he shrugged.

"That's very humble of you." I rolled my eyes. "I was just thinking, 's all."

"Thinking about what?" he asked.

I gulped because I wasn't sure if bringing up last night would be a great idea.

"Louis, last night--" I stopped talking because he abruptly stood up.

"No, let's not talk about it." he snapped.

"But if it makes you upset then we should talk about it."

"It makes me upset because all he got to do is to smooth talk you and you're melting right in his arms again!" he yelled.

"What are you talking about?" I confusedly asked.

"He's hurt you and you've been miserable for the past five months and all he did was kiss you on the forehead and it's all rainbows and sunshines again?!"

Then I finally got it, he saw Harry and I talking and that was why he was upset last night.

"You saw us talking?" I asked.

"I saw him putting his arms around you and kissing your forehead. Yeah, I saw you talking," he frustratedly told me, "Can't you see? He's got you wrapped around his finger! And it wont take long till he hurt you again! Move on, El." he said, his voice cracking at the end. It didn't sound like he was aggravated; it sounded almost like he was pleading.

But I took it as him rushing me, although I've had already moved on, because how else was I supposed to take it as?

"You're tired of staying by me, aren't you?" I asked lowly.

I'd stay. I remembered him saying. I didn't know it was something he'd get tired of.

He didn't answer.

"Then go away! Get lost! I don't care! I didn't tell you to stay, did I? Heck I didn't tell you to come!" I yelled but he said nothing.

"You know what, you're right. He got me wrapped around his fingers. That all he had to do was smooth talk me and I'd be swooning all over him again," I lied. His eyes soften as he gaped at me, almost like he was hurt, "You're right, I haven't yet move on. So what? Why do you care?"

He paced back and forth infront of like he was in the verge of exploding but trying to put himself together. He rubbed his face frustratedly, like was thinking very hard on what to say so he wouldn't regret it. Yet he didn't answer.

I tend to overthink things and as I did it in this instance, I gasped because it all made sense. Why he always ran after me and why he always took me home. It made sense to why everytime I felt so f*cking destroyed, he'd come up to me and make me feel better. Why every d*mn time, he stayed.

"You don't. You're just covering up Harry's mistake, right? So don't tell me what to do." I coldly told him.

It made perfect sense. He was getting tired of tolerating me and he couldn't wait for the time I've had moved on. It actually hurt more that I think it should that he was just covering up for his mate's wrongs, but I should've had expected it.

He stopped on his tracks and he looked at me dead in the eyes. "You think that I'm here for Harry's sh*t?! Is that what he told you?!"

"No! But how else do you expect I put it?" I shot back.

"You still don't f*cking understand, do you?" he asked lowly, bitterness lacing his words.

I didn't say anything because, yeah he was right, I didn't understand.

He continued, "Harry does this to countless girls, you think I comforted them all like I do to you?"

I wanted to say something but no words came out.

"No, I didn't. I didn't chase every single one of them everytime they run away from him. I didn't drop them off to their houses, I didn't cheer them up and I didn't stick by their sides for five bloody months! Not even one, but you!" he continued.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I was lost.

"I'm not covering up Harry's f*cked up mistakes. You're just naive, El. You're naive and f*cking oblivious." he said before walking towards the door. He opened it and was about to step out but I was quick to stop him.

"Wait!" I held him by his elbow but he didn't look at me. I turned him to me but he wont look up so I tilted his chin up to make him look at me. "Make me understand. Do you ... like me?" I asked, gulping. It was a bold question since I still couldn't quite wrap my mind on everything he said.

He bitterly laughed. "I like you?! You think I like you?!" he asked.

"Then what do you--" I was about to ask something when I was cut off.

"F*ck I love you, El!"

A/N: that happened :o

Okay I'll just leave this here bc midterms is coming up this week. It's already 3:14 AM here. Don't forget to tap on that little star right there and leave a comment ;) love you guys!