Eleanor

I didn't notice it at first.

But as time flew by right before us, the fire in his eyes gradually dulled. And it scared me.

It's like something inside him, something that flared with passion and intensity before, was starting to burn out. Like his deep desire was starting to burn out.

And as much as I was afraid to admit maybe we were burning out.

For almost three years we had been together, couple of songs dedicated for me was written, hundreds of phone calls I'd stay up late and wake up early for, several times he'd come home as a surprise, and this was the happiest I had been.

But everytime I watched him hop off the plane, the more hazy his eyes were becoming.

And it's not like he wasn't telling me he loves me. It's not like he wouldn't fondly laugh at me when I did something silly. It's not like he wouldn't kiss my forehead at night when he thought I was sleeping.

It's just his sighs were getting longer, he was pressing his lips in a thin line more, and he was spacing out many times as I could remember.

And I didn't know if it was because he was tired from the tours or if he was just tired in general. Exhausted of it all.

He has a whole world to explore everytime he rides a plane away from me. Thousands of places to go to and millions of faces to know. Maybe he wanted to learn them all or maybe fall inlove with some people every place he went, someone for a short span of time, someone that interested him in a certain place. He's young anyway, he should've been exploring places and knowing people.

But he'd remember me and realize he couldn't.

I wondered if that's what was happening.

If it was us he was tired of.

**

We were cuddled up on our couch one lazy Saturday afternoon, doing nothing but listening to each others breaths when I thought of an idea, "Lou,"

"Yes, babe?"

I looked up to his face from his chest, an excited smile on my face as I thought of spending time with him and having fun, just like before, "Let's go for a drive, just like the old times, yeah? I'm bored and-"

His lips pursed and his brows furrowed making my heart drop. No.

I pulled away from where I was nestled in his arms, "-or maybe not. Right, I'm just gonna-"

He pulled me back to his chest once again, "Don't be cross, love. It's not that I don't want to," he sighed, "It's just-"

I pulled away once again and turned to him to force a smile to appear on my face, "No, no. I get it," I said standing up and walking towards the staircase.

"Eleanor...." he called weakly.

"I'll just be upstairs doing, uh, something," I said while quickly running upstairs and into our room. I flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling thinking maybe I was overthinking it all. Maybe he really just wanted a day in and he was feeling lazy to get out. Maybe I was just too paranoid to lose something that wasn't even fading in the first place.

I turned to my side, facing away from the door when I heard footsteps incoming towards our room less than an hour later. The bed dipped behind me before an arm slipped around my waist and pulled me closer to his chest. He sighed contently into my hair before placing a kiss on top of my head.

"Love you, darling," he whispered very quietly.

Maybe I was just really overthinking everything. Maybe we were just alright.

**

I woke up to the noise of someone walking around the room. I cracked an eye open to find out a well-dressed Louis causing me to look at the time on the clock at the bedside table to find out it was fifteen past six. My brows furrowed in confusion, where was he going?

"Out for some drinks with Niall," he answered as I asked him exactly what I was thinking.

"Oh you didn't say you had plans," I said. Maybe that's what he was trying to tell me when I was acting like a child earlier.

"I didn't. He called me just now." he told me distractedly as he was trying to put on a belt around his waist.

"Oh," I breathed out, surprised, "So one call from your friend and your on your way then?" I bitterly asked. I didn't know why I was acting like this but I couldn't stop.

His brows furrowed as he looked at me after he finally had the belt on.

"El, it's just one night-"

"Alright then, by all means, go have fun with your friends you've just been with your whole tour and practically your whole life and I'll just wait here wondering when would you want to spend time with me." I snapped. My mind spinning a little bit after the outburst.

He looked at me blankly, lasting a second too long before he blinked, "Okay, I'll wait for you in the car," and then he walked out, leaving me in the room alone

**

I walked slowly towards his Range Rover before opening the door to the passenger seat and sliding in quietly. He didn't flinch nor looked at me and as soon as I closed the door, he started the car.

"Put your seatbelt on," he simply said. Well, atleast he cared enough to remind that.

"So, where are we going?" I asked while I put the seatbelt on me.

He stayed silent.

I sighed; this wasn't how I expected the drive to be.

**

Deciding the silence was too loud it was defeaning, I plugged my phone in the AUX of the car to play some songs. If I had known this drive would be this tense, I'd rather stayed home. As it was, I played my favorite song of the moment.

I threw a wish in the well, don't ask me I'll never tell-

Louis groaned, "Skip that song."

I look to you as it fell but now you're in my way. I trade my-

My head snapped to the side as I heard the music came to an abrupt stop, "Why did you do that?!" I asked loudly.

"I f*cking hate that song."

"It's my favorite song."

"Well, your favorite song's annoying, Eleanor." he slowly drawled out.

"It's better that my annoying self apparently, since you'd rather spend this whole drive not talking to me. Also choosing to go out with your friends but not wanting to spend time with me." I said, not actually making sense but refusing to back down. The frustration was getting the best of me and I'm pretty sure I was making the whole night worse that it already was.

"What are you even talking about? I'm here with you aren't I?!" he snapped.

"And you're acting like you'd be anywhere but!" I screamed making the entire car silent. "Pull over."

His head quickly turned to me, "What?"

"Stop the car."

"We're in the middle of nowhere, Eleanor. Don't be ridiculous," he said.

"Just- please. Pull over, Louis." I croaked out,  tears already stinging my eyes.

He took one last glance at me and nodded quickly before pulling over the side of the road.

"You can- can go be with Niall now. I'll find my way home." I sniffled without looking at him before I got out of the car and started walking away. The tears started pouring out of my eyes but I didn't even know why I was crying. Our fight didn't even make sense. I didn't make sense.

I sat down on the curb by the road and put my head in my hands. Deep down I know why I was picking up a fight with Louis. Maybe it was just me, but I felt like he was starting to slip away and what happened years back, was happening once again. Me trying so hard to get someone's attention, trying to pull back someone who's fading away.

I heard footsteps before I felt someone sit down beside me, their whole body pressed to my side, before the person put his arm around my waist.

"Eleanor, love," Louis softly said making me sob harder into my palm.

"Shh, no babe," he said running his palm up and down my back, "Come on look at me." he gently pulled me by my shoulder so I was sitting upright. I still wouldn't look up though, and my hair was covering my entire face so he hooked his index and middle finger on my chin to make me look up at him with my face an entire mess. "There we go. Tell me what's wrong? Talk to me."

I bit my lip not really wanting to sound so pathetic like I would if I said my fears out loud.

He caught the tears still slipping out of my eyes before balling up his shirt to wipe my face.

"Are we okay?" I asked with a shaky voice before I continued, "Do you...do you think you don't want me anymore?"

"What?" he asked, disbelief clear in his tone.

"You can- you can always tell me, you know. Don't feel like you need to spare my feelings because of what happened before. If you don't," I swallowed the lump in my throat, "If you don't love me enough to want to be with me anymore-" I was cut off by him pulling me to his chest making me sob once again.

"Stop it," he whispered, "Stop thinking that I don't love- f*ck, this is my fault." he said mostly to himself.

"I can see it in your eyes though. You're tired. Of us."

"No, Eleanor listen to me," he pulled away enough to look at me in the eyes, "Yes, I am tired. But not of you. I will never get tired of loving you. Stop overthinking- well it's my fault for failing to show you just how much you mean to me but never, and I mean never will I get tired of us. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"I'm sorry," he said, "God, I'm so sorry that I ever let you think that."

I looked away, "It's my fault for overthinking everything."

"It's both our fault then," he teased.

"What are you tired of, Louis?" I asked looking back at him.

He sighed. That same sigh that always make my heart drop along with the purse of his lips, "I'm tired and afraid. I'm getting tired of having to be away from you always. From everyone I care for. I love my job, it's fantastic but there are days when I just want to hold you or kiss you or make you laugh and you're thousand miles away and it's...exhausting."

"And the thing you're afraid of?" I asked.

He looked at me and gave me a sad smile, "I'm afraid that one day you'd get tired, too."

"I'm not a famous popstar, Louis." I rolled my eyes fondly.

"I'm afraid you'd get tired of waiting for me. I'm afraid that one day when I get off the plane, you've already found someone else. Someone who's always there," he sighed, "I'm scared of the day you finally realize that I'm not enough."

I smiled at him, "We're both afraid of the same things then. Just from two different perspectives," I scooted closer to him and put my arms around his torso, "I love you and you'll always be enough for me."

"I love you, too, and I will never get tired of it.Never forget that." he stood up and held out his hand, "Come on then, let's drive back home while listening to your annoying favorite song, it's late. Gosh, we're in the middle of nowhere."

I made a grabby hands gesture towards him.

He cocked an eyebrow.

I smiled brightly making him groan and roll his eyes before kneeling infront of me. I got on his back before he stood up and started walking towards his car.

I kissed his cheek, "Love you."

"And I love you. Even though you're so dramatic you made me pull over in the middle of the road."

"I learned from the best."

He laughed before he took off running while I was on his back, scaring me to death.

"Slow down, you peasant!"

A/N: hiiiii it's my birthday :-----------) follow me on twitter @/sassiestlwt