This is the 200th chapter then. Usually when people do this, they're announcing a new book. Not me though. My time here is long over.

I guess like Tsubaki from Soul Eater, when I die it will be silent and tragic.

That it has been. My mental stare is slowly getting better. I was actually at an anime con on Sunday. That cheered me up considerably. But now I'm off my high again. Maybe I'll cut again to get back on my high. Never mind, I don't have any more bracelets to cover the scars.

But this isn't to go off on a tangent. This is one last cry for help. I doubt any of you read my message board. If you have, congratulations. Here's a fucking cookie. If not you're confirming that no one here gives a shit about me anymore. That much is obvious.

Anyways, on my message board I've posted thoughts when just thinking them isn't enough. When I feel like I'm going to go deaf from all the screaming in my head. But now I can't. Now I love in fear that someone will find this account and know how I really am. I can't do this anymore.

So I will fall silent and tragic.

No, I already have fallen. Silent and tragically.

I'll never have friends for long. I've learned that much. But I still grasp at them. I can never truly let them go. But they're always unattainable. The Chat Book Fam was the deepest relationship I ever had with any body. It's probably the deepest I ever will have. I loved and trusted you guys more than my own mother. More than anyone. More than me.

But I have to remember that it's gone now you're gone now. You're emotions for me are gone now. But mine still stay.

I'm still fucking tortured by you guys. You are the reason that I'm still crying about shit that happened a year ago. You're the reason why I hate myself this much. You're the reason I want to die so much. And I fucking hate you for it. I fantasize of murdering you all. You most of all A.

But I love you. I love you so much it hurts.

I hate to word love. I hate the phrase I love you even more. My mom said it to a different man every month. Sometimes every week. It looses all meaning until it's just a painful remind of how shallow people can be.

But I love you guys. You don't know how much you guys mean to me to be able to say that. But you do.

Anyways, this is probably it. I'm done with writing now. I'll probably post on my message board though. I have so little self control, it amazes me.

I'll remember this forever though. Please remember me.

Oh and by the way Alex, I lied. I still love you.

Adieu,
Snow