Song for the start of the chapter!

As I pulled into the drive, I watched the sun set behind my house knowing I was two hours late from when I said I would return.

I took a deep breath, reminding myself to breathe as I braced for the conversation that Mom and I would have. Tristen was the child that she always had to worry about. I was always home when I needed to be. Being home late and with a wrapped hand would cause her to flip out, I was sure of it.

I walked through the front door as the smell of lavender filled the hall, hugging my senses. Mom started diffusing lavender once Dad got sick, but I think she continued to do it to help calm herself. "Hey, Mom, I'm home."

"Hey!" Mom called out from her office. "I have a late-night meeting, so can you cook a meal for you and your sister?"

A strange kind of relief filled me knowing I would survive her wrath. But a lump of disappointment still formed in my throat. She didn't notice how late I was. With Everly unfed, I wondered if she'd even eaten herself. "Sure."

Mom used to be more observant. I was sure that was why Tristen started to party more. He wanted some attention, just like all of us.

I walked into the empty kitchen and pulled out a box of mac and cheese, not having enough energy to cook an actual meal. "Everly! Are you hungry?" I called out to her.

"Oh my goodness! Yes! FOOD," Everly said from somewhere in the house. A second later, she appeared on a wooden beat-up bar stool, looking at me with a frown. "What happened to your arm?"

I held up my arm as a smile slowly appeared. "I punched Isaac in the face."

She leaned back in her chair as she shook her head. "It's about time you took a swing at him. We all know he took his fair share of swings at you."

He may have hit me verbally and hid it from many, but Everly saw through his act. At least she hated him just as much as I did.

"As much as I want to believe you actually did that, I have a feeling that you didn't. So spill."

Of course, she knew I didn't have enough guts to hit him. I don't think I would ever have that much courage. "I went to the skate park with Zoe, and I actually tried to get on the board again."

"Really? How did that go?" She leaned forward and placed her head in her hands and stared eagerly at me.

I held up my arm as my response.

She chuckled. "You've been away from it for too long. You're rusty even if you have a natural talent for it."

Memories of Dad showing me how to do tricks flooded my mind as hard as I tried to fight against them, causing tears to prick at my eyes. Standing on that board today, without him beside me made me feel like a fish out of water. "Dad had the real talent," I said as I put a pot of water on the stove to boil.

She nodded in silence.

The air felt like it was sucked out of the room every time Dad was brought up. He was the air we all needed to breathe and without him we were slowly suffocating. We didn't know how to have a conversation about him without breaking into tears. So bringing him up was impossible. Dad had quickly turned into someone that haunted our thoughts, consuming our mind like a raging fire.

"Have you ever thought about keeping up his legacy? Like, you aren't skating selfishly, you just want to keep his memory alive," she asked finally.

I had thought about it, but every time it pushed me to melt down. It was just easier to cut that hobby from my life.

Dad left all of us too soon. My biggest mistake was when I didn't push him to go to the doctors after he fell off the board hard enough that his body bruised almost instantly. The bruises didn't seem to heal for months but as a 14-year-old, I thought nothing of it. If they caught it sooner maybe he would be here still.

Guilt, self-hatred, despair, and all the bitter emotions filled me like a pitcher. My hands shook as I held the box of mac and cheese as air squeezed out of my lungs like a squeaky dog toy. "That's too painful," I wheezed as I poured the macaroni into the pot of boiling water.

"I miss him."

Tears overflowed my eyes at the comment. "Can you get a veggie ready?" I asked, ready to put a blanket over the conversation once again. As she looked away, I wiped my eyes.

Breathe.

In silence, she stood up from the stool and walked over to the fridge to find some vegetables. "Green beans sound good to you?" She pulled out a container from the night before.

"Sure. That's fine." I tasted the pasta, feeling it stick to my teeth.

"You know, a friend told me she throws pasta at the fridge and if it sticks, she knows it's done," Everly said as she sat back on her barstool.

I forced out a laugh at the thought of pasta stuck to a fridge. "That's low-key gross."

"That's what she does. It works for her."

There was more silence as I got the colander out.

"Who's Miles?" Everly asked as I drained the pasta.

I stopped in mid-pour, almost losing the pasta in the process to look at her. She held my phone in her hand, reminding me I needed to change my passcode again. "He's no one," I replied a little too quickly. And he was. I didn't know him, he didn't know me. We were nothing.

She grinned. "Finding someone new doesn't mean you're a slut, no matter what Isaac says."

"He's just a kid from the skate park," I admitted.

"Ah, and do you think he's cute?"

I shrugged as my cheeks burnt. He was a good-looking guy, I would not deny that. But the thing was, I didn't think he was that good of a person. After all, good guys wouldn't push me off a board.

"I knew it!" she cheered.

I mixed the sauce packet into the mac and cheese and put in some milk. "There, dinner for champions," I said, pointing to the cheesy dish, changing the topic.

"Yesssss," Everly cheered as she dished up some pasta. "Oh, by the way, Tristen called you."

Just the thought of him calling me back made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It was about time he called me back after calling him four times over the course of this week.

Everly pushed the phone to me, and I called Tristen. "Don't you want dinner?" Everly asked.

I shook my head. "Maybe later." My appetite fled like a deer in the woods as I held my phone. All that mattered was talking to my best friend. "Hello?" I asked as Tristen answered the facetime call.

His blurry face came into the camera and smiled. I forgot he had such a crappy phone since he dropped his iPhone in the toilet a few months ago. "Hey PIB."

I hadn't heard that nickname for a long time and couldn't help but smile a little larger. PIB was short for Pain in the Butt which he thought was so clever. "Hey, I wasn't the one that never called you back."

He shrugged. "I've been busy."

Too busy to call your best friend/sister? His statement caused me to flinch. Didn't he need me as much as I needed him? "Let's hear it then," I said as I walked into my bedroom. I knew there was a story he was itching to share, he wouldn't be calling otherwise.

"Do you know groups will feed you just for showing up?" he asked as he held up a piece of pizza.

I chuckled. I had heard about that, but I had never seen it since I wasn't in college. "Free meals. They're smart. How else would they get people to go to events?"

He nodded as he took a bite of pizza. "I think I have been to five groups this week thus far."

I was not surprised by this statement. He was always one to take advantage of perks. I sighed. I missed him; I missed this.

"Enough about me. How about you? What have you been up to?"

I showed him my wrapped wrist without saying anything.

"Whoa. How did you get that?" he asked with a smile.

"Believe it or not, but I actually went boarding today."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really?"

I nodded. I hardly believed in myself. Without Miles there, I wouldn't have even dreamt of doing it. Like Isaac, he pushed me. Come to think about it, he pushed a lot of things today, including my buttons. "Crazy right?"

"I've been waiting for the day for you to do that again. It used to make you so happy."

I gave him a watery smile in silence as words escaped me.

"So how did it feel?"

After I shook off all my nerves and emotional feelings, I think I actually enjoyed it. The wind in my hair, the feeling of flying when I took that half pipe... "It was freeing."

"HA! I knew it! You owe me like $10."

"I didn't know we were betting."

"I'm a poor college student. I have to make my cash wherever I can find it."

I rolled my eyes.

"All jokes aside though. I'm proud of you."

I rarely heard that from him. It caused a silly grin to appear on my face. "For what?"

"Getting back on that board," he said as someone walked into his room. He turned away and whispered something before switching his attention back to me. "Hey, Isla, I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

The happiness I felt bubbled down like a flat soda. There was so much I wanted to talk to him about, but I guess he didn't have that kind of time. "Ok. I'll talk to you later."

A knock came to my door as I put my phone down. "Isla?" Mom's voice rang out as she tapped on my door again.

"Yeah?" I asked as she opened the door.

"Thank you for cooking dinner for Everly," she said as her smile slid off her face as she looked at my wrist. In a second, she was sitting beside me on the bed. "What did you do?"

This was the conversation I had been waiting for, it just was an hour late. I quickly told her about the board but insisted that she should not worry.

"You fell off a skateboard?" she asked finally.

I thought she would flip out of me, but she actually looked excited.

I nodded.

"Dad would have been proud."

My lips trembled as her words sank in. Those words meant more to me than anything that had happened today. To prevent me from turning into a puddle of tears, I took a deep breath in. I just hoped he was, somewhere out there. I hoped he was looking down at me and smiling because goodness I needed that.

"There's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight. I was thinking we could eat some cookies and stargaze up in the mountains like we used to?"

The last time we did that was the day we realized Dad was sick. We spent the rest of that night in the hospital, as Dad was tested for everything under the sun.

Today had already been too much of an emotional roller coaster. I couldn't take part in another event that reminded me of Dad. "Nah. Maybe next time?"

She frowned, even though she nodded, disappointed with me. "You don't have to shut out everything Dad enjoyed. Doing things he liked helps keep his memory alive."

I had heard that too many times. Maybe what she said was true, but every time I tried to do something he enjoyed, my heart felt as if it was breaking into pieces.

"Mom, I think it is starting early! Come on!" Everly called out from downstairs.

She sighed as she stared at me. She wanted me to change my mind. I wasn't going to though.

"I'm pretty tired so I think I'll call it quits for today," I said as I forced a yawn.

"Ok. Goodnight. Remember, I love you," she said and kissed my forehead and with that, walked out of my bedroom.

Within a minute, I heard the garage open and close, showing they left and I could finally breathe on my own. I got up from my bed and looked out the window as the sky lit up with a shooting star.

I smiled as the light disappeared as quickly as it came.

Stars were always the brightest before they came crashing to the earth's surface. It was as if they were trying one last time to make a statement, to make themselves seen. It was as if they were saying, 'I am here. I am present'.

Sometimes I felt like I was one of those stars. I think one reason Dad and I both enjoyed stargazing was because we enjoyed seeing those small moments when the star was brightest.