I sat at the top of the mountain overlooking the view below. With the summer heat still blasting the ground, it was cooler up here. At least on the mountain top, I didn't feel like I was melting. A breeze rustled through the trees, causing my hair to blow around my face, putting me at ease. If I could, I would stay forever up here. Here in the silence, it allowed me to clear my mind, which was much needed. However, I couldn't stay here forever since I had more errands to run.

Silently, I pulled out my phone to look at the time. My pleasant mood was killed as a reminder of all the responsibilities that I had.

I would leave Redding tomorrow for UCLA. I had been preparing for this moment the second I accepted the offer. With all my ducks in a row, I didn't understand why Mom sent me on this never-ending to-do list today. I thought she would want to spend the last day with me, but instead I was out.

I rubbed my hands on my shorts and sighed. Tomorrow was the day. I was nervous about leaving. Doubt to fill my mind as I wondered if it was actually worth it to leave this town. At least here was comfortable, whereas LA was so big and I would be all alone.

My phone buzzed, signaling that I had to move on. So with that, I stood up from the ground and gazed at the rust-orange Subaru in front of me. For a second, I could almost see Miles standing beside it, looking at me with a smile on his face.

I smiled at him as he faded into the wind.

Miles had been dead for over a month, but it felt like yesterday. It felt like just last week I was hanging out at his apartment, eating Chinese food and watching TV.

I thought I would know how to move on, after all, this wasn't the first death I experienced. However, I was still hurting. Every day, I thought about him. Miles left a massive hole in my life, and I wasn't sure if it would ever heal.

I got into the car and turned it on causing the radio to play one of Miles' songs that I knew too well. I reached to turn it off, not able to force myself to listen to it. It was too soon and too painful. But a hand stopped me.

"Just listen to it," Miles said with a smile as he sat in the passenger seat. His sweatshirt hid his scars, and his shaved head was growing out, to Rodger's delight.

For a second, it brought me back in time to a moment I almost forgot. I looked around at the snow that was falling outside of his car. It was January, and he had been back from Maine for a few weeks now. By now the happiness of visiting his family was gone. This week, in particular, was hard for him and all he would tell me was Rodger was bothering him.

I chuckled as I put my hands up in innocence. "I swear, I'm going to be a better person after all of this," I said, referring to the music he made me listen to.

He smiled but his smile quickly slid off his face. "You're already a good person, unlike me..." his voice trailed off.

I stopped what I was doing and shook my head. "What are you talking about? You're a fantastic person," I said to him as I took a bite of a sour gummy worm.

He looked out the car window in silence as he bit his lip in thought. "I guess you don't know me well enough."

His words hurt like a stabbing knife to my chest. Back then, I thought I knew him. I surely knew him better than Rodger would. Miles was my best friend, but his words were insulting. "I know you plenty well enough. If you weren't a good person, I wouldn't spend any time with you."

He turned to me with a smile as he cupped my cheek. "I love that you see me in the best light."

"There's no other way to see you." Miles was a good person. He had a kind heart and a beautiful soul which he needed to be reminded of.

He nodded, although he didn't believe me as he then turned up the music. "Ok, well listen to the lyrics," he said as he leaned in to kiss me and just as the conversation ended.

I pulled on his sweatshirt and kissed him harder, not wanting him to stop. He pulled me over to his side of the car as his fingers lightly touched my exposed skin around my pants, as if testing the waters causing my heart to race more.

The song on the radio changed and instantly I was brought back to the summer day on the mountain. I looked at the empty passenger seat as a wave of emotion knocked the air from my lungs. I wished he was actually here instead of my imagination.

Looking back at that now, I should have asked more questions instead of getting distracted by his kisses.

Miles was a good faker.

With a heavy sigh, I backed out of the parking spot and left to get back home. I turned the radio up louder, trying to tune out any memory of Miles as I rode down the mountain back into town. The sun shined down on me brightly as if telling me things would look up, but I didn't feel like things would look up.

As I drove past the streets I knew well, I couldn't help but feel torn about leaving them. I wanted to get out of this place. But here held all my memories. Dad and Miles was here. If I left, I was afraid those memories would stay behind, in Redding.

Breaking me from my thoughts as I pulled onto our street was a line of cars parked on the side of the road. I wondered who they were seeing since we never had anyone over now in days. I parked the car on the side of the road and walked to the front door to see a sign taped to it.

"Party in the back" it read.

I read it again, confused. We hadn't had a back-to-school party in years. I wondered if this was a joke that Tristen was playing. However, I still turned on my heels and decided to follow the signs directions.

As I made it to the backyard I saw friends of Everly's, Tristen's, and Zoe's. There had to be at least 50 people back here, playing games, talking, having a fun time.

"Surprise," Mom said with a smile as she walked up to me with a spatula in her hand and an apron around her neck.

I smiled at her. As hard as it was to party since Miles died, I knew that this was exactly what I needed, memories before I moved out of this small town. I also needed to have people tell me I was making the right choice getting out of here. "This is why you wanted me out of the house today."

She shrugged as Zoe walked up to me with a smile. "Hey girl!" she said and hugged me tightly, reminding me it had been weeks since I saw her last.

I pulled out of the hug and looked at her. Once again, her hair was in a short pixie cut.

"Hey! It's so good to see you!"

She smiled at me with a nod. "We're going to have a heart to heart later," she said as Tristen walked up to us.

I smiled as he lightly punched my shoulder. "Look who showed up to her own party," he chuckled.

"In my defense, I didn't know about this."

He threw me a wink. At that moment, one of his friends from high school ran up to him with a ball in hand. "Let's throw the ball around," he said to Tristen, not even acknowledging me.

"Of course." Tristen smiled, then ruffled my hair. "See you later," he said then ran off to join his friends.

I looked at the crowd of people and tried to sort out the people I knew. Three people to talk to. I made a mental note of doing so and then went to the first girl with a smile on my face.

As time wore on, I eased into the night. I smiled more, laughed more. I honestly enjoyed my time. But as the sunset came, I knew everything would change tomorrow and for a moment, I didn't want tonight to end.

I sighed as I looked out at the bonfire in front of me. It was Tristen's idea to set this ablaze and keep only the best of friends around for smores. Zoe stayed, but I think she was off making out with a boy, leaving me alone for the time being.

We hadn't had a heart to heart and with the dark of the night, I was feeling particularly vulnerable with my emotions.

I pulled the marshmallow out of the fire and frowned. Burnt another one.

"Can I eat that?" Zoe asked as she sat down next to me.

I nodded as I handed it to her. Thank goodness because I couldn't eat another one of these burnt ones. "Be my guest."

"This is the best way to eat them," she said and popped it into her mouth. For a moment we were silent as we looked at the fire dance before us. "How are you?"

I shrugged. I was conflicted. I wanted to move on, but at the same time, I wasn't. I wanted to say here with my memories. I didn't want to move on from losing Miles and dad but at the same time, I did.

"I know what you mean. I miss Miles too."

And just like that, it was as if he just died all over again. Emotions hit like a punch to my stomach, knocking the air out of me. "You know, he left me a box of stuff as if that would make everything better. But that made nothing better," I said as my eyes welled up with tears.

"'Isla, I can't go on any longer. I have tried for so long and it isn't getting better.' Selfish bastard. Did he know what it would feel like to everyone he ever knew when he vanished?" I chucked cynically as I threw a rock into the fire.

Saying nothing else, Zoe wrapped her arm around me and nodded. "I'm sorry."

Her words didn't make anything better, but I soaked them up. Nothing would make any of this better. Miles was gone, and that was it.