Has it ever been painful to glance at someone you once thought would always be there? As in, you either accidentally glance at them and it hurts you, deep down. Or the two of you both look at each other, glancing wise, and it physically and mentally hurts you completely.

It especially hurts when you've promised yourself you wouldn't look at them. But, of course, you ended up looking at them. And your whole mind is on that moment and you cannot stop thinking about it, the more you think about it; the more the pain heightens.

The more the pain heightens, the more it slowly tears you inside. It's like a piece of paper, for instance. Someone is holding a piece of paper and is slowly, very slowly, ripping it in half. And that person who is tearing that paper is your own mind. Until the paper is completely ripped in half, no longer whole.

It is also agonizing to be close to  that person, or something that is tearing you apart, in the same room. The thick, painful tension between the small gap that lies between our seats to the lab tables that we sit at after lunch is almost suffocating.

The silence that passes between us speaks a thousand words that we cannot form on our human tongues.

His closeness keeps me pained and, in a way, comforted. His silence and the tension reminds me that we did have something real and that he may- probably not as much- be not as okay as I am with it.

And maybe, just maybe, he was a little pained by this whole situation like I was. And if he was, we'd be able to talk again.

If it's not the way I'd like, which means him as my boyfriend alongside best friend, then we could just drop the boyfriend part and just be best friends again.

Hopefully because I'd rather have something, anything rather than nothing.

I mean, he was my first ever real true friend that I've had. I am just a lonely girl who attached herself onto a purely sweet and funny boy who made her feel special. I didn't just attach myself, I completely hung onto him

He became my anchor and I was the ship. Eventually, the ship had the anchor removed and the anchor was cast away.

But, in a way, I wasn't cast away. This anchor, which was me, hadn't completely been wasted and no longer worked, so this anchor wouldn't be going anywhere for a while.

"I am not going to give out homework," the teacher said a few minutes before the bell rang. "But don't forget to study for your test that will be coming soon."

A small arm was raised, it was a girl, and she spoke. "When is the test exactly?"

The teacher looks kind of smug. "Now, that is a suprise." The bell rang throughout the room and halls. "But still study. Goodbye guys!"

Collins was out of his seat in no time, following everyone out of the room. While I waited for everyone to leave, so I'd have more room to walk out without being squished entirely.

The halls, which I've walked down millions of times, was completely crowded with teens exiting the school. I was suddenly lost in the waves of the crowd guiding me along towards the exit.

***

"How was school?" Austin, turning on his car, said when I climbed inside.

I shrugged lightly, which he wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for him to be watching me closely.

"Well," he heaved a sign. "Mine was boring, thanks for asking." A hint of a small formed on his lips and he got the car into drive and left school.

"You know," Austin said after a while. "I need to have a talk with Collins."

Memories hit me like a tidal wave, all bitter and sweet. His voice, his face, his smile, all his little querks, and all his imperfections that- in an extraordinary way- made him even more perfect.

"Why?" My voice sounded a little off, either from barely talking at all except occasionally being called on in class or the battling emotions that were fighting within me.

"Because he hurt you." Was his only answer. I stared out the window in silence for a few moments.

"Don't talk to him, there is nothing for the two of you to talk about." I kept looking out of the window. "I'm positive he said everything he needed to say to me."

"But I'm talking about me." Austin replied back. "I'm you're brother."

"I'm your sister and I'm asking for you to not talk to him about it. That's the last thing I want you to do." I blinked hard to attempt to make the stinging of my eyes decrease.

He placed his hand on my shoulder. "Okay, I won't. I won't speaks to him, okay?" He waited for me to nod and I did.

He put both his hands on the steering wheel, watching the road ahead of us. "Now let's go home."

***

My mom came home early with multiple grocery bags in her hands. She started setting some of the food on the counter.

"What is all this for?" I walked into the kitchen, watching my mother pull her hair into a high ponytail.

"This is for all of us and Ryan." She tightened her ponytail. "And Collins, of course, to eat dinner here."

I blinked. "What? Why here?"

My mom looked at me. "Do you not want it here at the house?"

I shook my head. "No I'm just wondering why we're going to eat here instead of fast food or something."

My mom turned on the stove. "Oh, well, it was Ryan's idea to have dinner at my house." She put a pot over the hot eye of the stove. "Want to help me? We can have Austin clean up the house a little bit."

And soon enough, I was helping my mom cook. I was physically there, helping my mom cook, but mentally I was somewhere completely different.

***

"Hey sweetness," Ryan greeted my mom before he gave her a quick passionate kiss. "What are you two lovelys making?"

My mom smiled wide. "Spaghetti, is that okay?"

Ryan smiled, which looked a lot like Collins. Speaking of him, where was he? "That sounds delicious. I'm positive it will be also."

My thoughts were answers when the one and yer very unique Collins walked in with his lips in a tight line.

"Hey Collins!" My mom said casually as she slowly stirred the cooking noodles. "How are you?"

He focused his eyes on her smiling face. "I'm doing fine." I didn't look at him.

"Well that's good. Hey Ivory, why don't you show him around the house?" My mom offered.

"Don't you need help with dinner?" I asked.

My mom waved her hand in the air. "I can handle it. Plus, if I need any I will have to convince Ryan to help me a little."

Ryan grinned. "Well the two of you go along. We'll be eating soon."

Collins was the first to walk out of the kitchen and I slowly trailed behind. I watched the way his shoulders were straight, but looked like they wanted to sag from exhaustion or who knows what. His hair was not as messy as before, but he wore a slightly wrinkled shirt and holey jeans.

Still slowly trailing behind him, I felt myself being trailed along by the ship; which was him and me, the anchor, not far away following him.

Because, me and him, we were just  the anchor and the ship.

______

Hey, so I have wrote this at a late time and if there is any typos it might be because I'm really exhausted. But I hope everyone is having an amazing day or night or afternoon depending where you are at.

Well enjoy my chapter 34! Vote or comment if you'd like. But to all the people who has read it, thank you! So much, you guys don't know how achieved I feel that some people actually enjoy a story of mine.

Thanks so, so, so much! *hugs*

Xoxo
Talia