⚠️panic attack and vomit⚠️
This one was requested by DianaFarabi thanks for reading!

He felt the force of the jet landing and jerked awake. Damn it. He hadn't meant to fall asleep but the endless flights he'd been on were starting to take a toll. Glancing at the Stark pad on the table he groaned, he'd meant to finish the SI emails Pepper had sent him on this flight. Which meant that he couldn't pass out in bed the second he got back.

Grabbing his things, which was really just his coat and the Stark pad, he exited the jet. For the past four weeks he has done nothing but work. With a flight every other day he hasn't had time to himself. Which means he hasn't had time to come to terms with what happened in Siberia.

Waving a goodbye and muttering a thank you to his pilot he headed to the car.

"Hey Tony, you look horrible" Happy greeted.

"Thanks Hap, always a pleasure" he mumbled, climbing into the passenger seat, as it was closer. Happy shut the door and got into the drivers seat, a little confused because Tony hates others driving him. He didn't say anything though because to be quite honest, Tony looked like he'd fall asleep at the wheel.

He started the drive back to stark towers and peaked across at Tony. He was tapping away on the Stark pad, but slower than he usually did. Concern grew in Happy's features, he had been joking before, but now he realized Tony really didn't look good. He had dark circles around his eyes and he looked thinner than the last time he'd seen him. Probably all the work. Happy thought as he pulled up to the tower.

"Thanks hap" Tony mumbled, Happy thought he heard a slight rasp to his words.

"Of course, and take care of yourself Tones"

"Will do happy, will do" yep definitely raspy.

"Welcome back Sir" Jarvis greeted as tony entered the lab.

"Hey j-"

"It appears that your blood pressure is low and scans show you are slightly malnourished. Records prove you haven't slept more than three hours every few days in the past four weeks"

"Jesus J, I haven't even sat down yet and your attacking me"

"Your voice is also displaying symptoms that lead my sensors to believe that you are getting sick. Oh and sitting down would be a good idea"

"Yeah, I'll sit" he all but collapsed against the couch in the lab. Sighing deeply.

"Incoming call from James Rhodes"

"Put him through" Tony mumbled against the cushions.

"Great news Tones, the UN has looked over your proposal and have decided to pardon the Rogues"

"Really?" He asked, sitting more upright. This is what he'd been working towards, losing sleep for.

"Yeah, a jets coming to bring you to Wakanda so you can talk to them" there was a pause, "should I come with you"

"No, no Rhodes I've got it. It'll be fine"

"But Tony you haven't faced what happened in Siberia yet. What if it all comes back when you see Barnes and Rogers?"

"It's not Barnes, it wasn't his fault"

"Yeah, but Rogers. And you'll be withought Jarvis." He sighed, "alright but call me if it becomes too much ok?"

"Ok Platypus"

"Good lucky T"

"Thanks, see you soon"

"You too" the call disconnected and Tony closed his eyes.

Willing his legs to move he got to his feet and headed towards his room. He hadn't even been home lone enough to take off his shoes. Said shoes being the only noise in the tower. Only noise, well not for long.

Tiredly he changed out of his suit into something more comfortable, just for the flight. And quite frankly, he didn't care how the Rogues saw him. He had just spend enough time getting them pardoned that they didn't have room to judge.

"J, contact pep and let her know I'm going to need a few days extension for the paperwork" he sighed, leaning against the wall of the balcony as he watched the jet get closer.

"Of course sir, and if I may. You need to sleep sometime soon, you're having symptoms of a slight cold."

"I'll be fine J, I always am" he muttered the last part and boarded the jet. Nodding to the pilot and taking a seat on the couch. He kicked his shoes off and leaned back so he was laying on the couch. Maybe he could sleep for a little, he might feel better.

So he did, within minutes he was asleep.

The Shield was cold and sharp as he watched the man he thought was a friend drive it down into his heart. The heart that was already breaking, broken now, in two. He looked through blurry eyes into the eyes of the man he once looked up to. The man he thought was his friend.

'No you can't leave' his brain called out as he watched the soldier walk away. 'I'm cold Steve, please don't leave me here!'

'COME BACK' he screamed but his mouth didn't move. A cold tear fell from his eye, freezing his skin.

He shot awake, feeling worse that he did before. The 'cold' that Jarvis said he had before had gotten worse. He thought faintly that maybe it was a mix of the altitude and the fact the arc makes his condition worse, rapidly.

He coughed a deep and rattling cough that sounded about as good as it felt. He reached out with shaking fingers for the water bottle on the table. He felt the cool water on his hand as he unscrewed the cap. When his coughing let up he took a drink, careful not to inhale the water.

He leaned back after depositing the bottle back where he found it. A pain behind his eyes made itself known as the screen on the wall told him the plane was landing. He couldn't do this now, he doubted he could even stand up.

He wasn't given much of a choice as a few moments later the plane jerked to a stop and he was walking off the jet. Ok walking is too nice, to be honest he was stumbling. Up until the point where he saw T'Challa and Okoye, then he forced his steps to become even.

"Mr. Stark, come with good news?" T'Challa asked, and Tony chose to ignore the concern in his voice.

"Yep, want me to tell you now or do you want to be surprised" he smirked, walking instep with the two.

"I think it's probably best if you tell me first" he smirked back, stopping outside of a door.

"They've been pardoned, the UN decided a few hours ago, so I have come to take them off your hands"

"You don't really want to take them from me so you?"

"No, but I don't have a choice. Part of the pardon is that they remain under my roof. That part will not be told to them, besides I give them tech what more do they need?" He sighed. "And I've left you to deal with them for too long"

"It was really no hassle-"

"Oh trust me, I know they were. You don't have to lie, I know exactly who these people are. Well most of them" he paused, picturing James. Oh and that ant dude, maybe he was still here. "Is that abt dude still here?"

"Scott? Yes he is, he's one of the nicer ones. Although I'd have to say, Barnes is by far the most polite. Rogers has a way of portraying the 'I'm better than everyone' look"

"Tell me about it" a tickle at the back of his throat brought his attention back to the sickness he'd been trying to ignore. He held up a finger,  "Excuse me" turning around he bent double and coughed violently. The arc moving painfully in his chest. He vaguely felt a hand on his back.

When the coughing had subsided he was pushed into a chair that hadn't been there a moment ago. He was thankful, as that spell had left him quite dizzy with hypoxia. The world was blurry as he blinked rapidly.

"Here drink" be heard, then a cup was being placed in his hand and guided towards his mouth. He felt the cool water touch his lips and took a sip. The nausea that had been silent due to the headache hit him at full force and he turned away from the steadying arm to vomit on the floor.

"-Someone to clean this up please-"

"Sure thing"

He felt himself pulled back against someone's chest as he breathed. When he was more or less aware he realized that he had just thrown up on the floor in front of the Wakandan king. He felt his cheeks flush, which only got worse when he realized whose chest he was leaning against.

He pulled himself to his feet, swaying a moment before nodding to himself. "Sorry, I'm uh...so sorry. Where are the rogues, I have to tell them. Now. If I don't now I don't think I ever,will"

T'Challa's brows furrowed but he beckoned Tony to follow.

He took a moment to gather himself before opening the door. The rogues were sitting on couches around a coffee table, and looked up when he walked in. Natasha looked concerned, and Tony refused to look at Steve.

"Oh," Bucky whispered, and Tony looked at him. He was concerned too? That's new.

"What are you doing here Tony?" It was meant to be lighthearted but Steve's words were anything but to Tony. A quick flash of those eyes filled with hatred turned his vision black. By some minor miracle he managed to stay steady.

"I'm just going to say it, in too tired to put on some kind of big show" he took a breath, "for the past four weeks I've been working on getting you all pardoned, and well as of a few hours ago it worked. You have been pardoned by the UN under strict orders that you limit your roll in the field for a week while getting settled at the tower" the little speech left him winded and with every labored breath his lungs rattled.

"Tony that's, I don't even know what to say" Steve said, jaw open.

"Then don't, I'll be leaving. You have three days to pack" looking once more into those eyes, purely by accident had sped up his heart. He felt his lungs constricting and his hands shaking.

"Tony?" Natasha asked carefully.

He just shook his head, pinching his eyes shut tight.

"Tony? You're having a panic attack. I need you to breathe for me alright! I'm going to count to ten. I want you to try as count with me ok?" Asked Bucky, stepping forwards.

He began counting and Tony tried, he really did. But the panic and the headache were slowing his thought process down.

"I-I can't, I can't do I-it" he wheezed out.

"Yes you can, I know it doesn't feel like it but I promise you can. Can I touch you?"

He was hesitant but eventually nodded and heard footsteps walking towards him. He felt a warm hand on his left shoulder, then a cold one on his right.

"Can I take you out of this room, being near him is probably making this worse. Or am I making this worse?" Bucky sounded a little self conscious towards the end of the sentence.

"N-no, you're good. Please, I can't, I can't see h-him"

"Ok can I carry you? You're weak right now, your legs are shaking"

"Ye-ah" he felt his body being picked up and carried in a bridal carry. His head rolling against the soft fabric of Bucky's sweater. He thought vaguely, that if he wasn't panicking and sick right now then he wouldn't be allowing this. But in some twisted way, being near Bucky was calming him down.

He was sat down on a soft cushion as his breathing slowed to normal. He was shaking slightly and heard shuffling before a warm blanket was being draped over his shoulders.

"You hungry?" Bucky asked, not pushing him on his attack.

"A little" he cursed internally at how shy and weak his voice sounded.

He watched as Bucky walked back into the room with two, what looked like plums. Tony raised an eyebrow.

"They calm me down after, plus they taste good"

"Thank you" he muttered and took the plum. Taking a bite he sighed, this was definitely strange but it seemed to soothe his nerves.

Up until his stomach reminded him he was sick. He hurried to stand up, nearly falling on his face if it weren't for Bucky's hands catching him.

"What is it?"

"M'gonna puke" he bit out, not able to hold in a whimper as the pain in his head spiked.

"Oh ok, uhhh. Here" he decided, handing Tony a trash can just in time for him to throw up what little he had eaten.

Bucky stayed and comforted him the whole time, and Tony wondered if maybe he was dreaming. But the pain in his head was enough to remind him he wasn't.

Although when it was gone the next day, and he heard the soft snores of the man next to him he was convinced that maybe he was losing his mind.

But maybe losing your mind could be worth it if you lose it to be with someone you love?

Thanks for reading! I hope that was good, it probably doesn't make any sense but I blame sleep deprivation. Another chap coming soon, but idk how soon yet. Have a great day/night love you all🖤🖤