How does it feel to go to bed every night in the arms of that person, and the next morning to find yourself again alone between the sheets?

Let me tell you... My name is Rick Savage, and I'm in love with an asshole, asshole, curmudgeon, scoundrel... but in the end what does it matter... if every time I look into his eyes ... I need him even more... Or so he led me to believe...

The countless nights I felt like that wretch I called my lover, left my bed in silence as if it was no use hugging me all night... until he appeared...
Joseph Thomas Elliott... That new guy who appears in town out of nowhere, that no one cares to meet...
But until that moment we still have a few months to tell...
As I said, my name is Rick, I mean Richard, but around here people know me as Sav. For more or less 3 years, I have known that I like men, and yet I am a magnet for the most unfortunate of that species.

As I suppose you have already noticed, I am not exactly Cupid's favorite, my first boyfriend left me... FOR HIS OWN COUSIN. Without a doubt, a nice way to start my love life, huh?
Well hold on because there's still a while... My second boyfriend (who was already in his twenties at the time) disappeared from the map the day I refused to go to bed with him, back then I blamed myself... Maybe he wouldn't have left if I would have accepted his proposal... But how prepared can a 15-year-old boy be for sex? My third boyfriend, turned out to be my best friend's boyfriend too... What things huh? But the worst without a doubt... It's him...
My fourth boyfriend, for me is like a drug, he has me so hooked on him that it hurts physically and mentally... I hate him, I hate him so much that I want to kill him... But I don't think I could live without his kisses...
I don't think he'll be happy if he reads his name in this diary, so let's put a made up name for him... Dave, let's call him Dave.
Dave is tall... A little taller than me, his short, curly black hair and dull blue eyes, his skin lighter than paper and his cheeks just as pale... We met in a bar, I used to go there to cure bad love, apparently he had the same purpose that night.

We chatted a bit about our many misfortunes, he bought me a glass of gin, and another, and another... And so on, until we were drunk enough to look into each other's eyes and kiss each other gently... I couldn't help but fall into his trap. ... It was so smooth... It tasted sweet and sour, it smelled like a delicious mix of mint and tobacco and I couldn't help it.
I kissed him again and again as if the world had come to an end, until we decided to leave the premises, and I took him home, completely sure that this man was perfect to occupy the empty side of my bed.

He kissed me again, whispered in my ear how beautiful it was, and in a short time I saw myself in his arms, exhausted and sleepy, before I would have thought it was the best night of my life, but I closed my eyes and when I opened them, the Sun rays were already coming in through the cracks in the blinds, but no matter how hard I looked for Dave, I couldn't find him...
Every night I went back to the bar, to see if by chance I could find him, and I did... I had him face to face again... And I fell again...
His voice whispering in my ear how beautiful he was, how much he wanted to be with me... His kisses took me back on his path, and just as he wanted, he returned to occupy the empty side of my bed, which the next morning he would return to be empty...