Chapter 17: 

How am I supposed to do this on stage with everyone staring at me? Get over yourself, Maya! I'm not the only one on the stage. I read online that some actors practice in front of the mirror to build confidence. Ok, I press my cheeks together, making my lips into a duck. Puttering and breathing, I repeat the lines: "the tip of the tongue, the teeth, the lips, the tip of the tongue, the teeth, the lips. A, e, i, o, u. A, e, i, o, u," in front of the mirror. I shake my shoulders to loosen up. The mirror is my audience. There is nothing to be afraid of. If I get any part, I have to be in front of people, the crowd in seats. Talking. Pointing. Laughing. I feel my throat close and dry up. "Think confident. You are confident. You are brave. Channel Margot Robbie, Halle Bailey. Coco Jones," I affirm and massage my scalp, rub my cheeks again. Some show performers take a shot of liquor before the big show. It helps calm down the nervous system. Yeah, I'm not doing that. I close my eyes and recite the vowels, picturing myself on stage. I should channel Sharpay! Sharpay Evans is confident, passionate and fights for what she wants. She works hard.

Despite her mean girl personality, she deserved the main character role. I sing to myself Bop To the Top. It's one of my go to songs when I'm nervous. I'm nervous about tomorrow. I'm nervous about the audition. I'm moving around with the choreography. As I move around something hits the back of my head, breaking my concentration. "Hey!" I look back with a frown at Craig staring at me innocently while eating a bag of Doritos. "Really?" the back of my teeth grinded. The object on the floor was one of my pillows. I threw it back at him and he dodged it swiftly.

"I was helping you in case you get tomatoes thrown at your horrible dancing," he snickers, most of the cereal falling from his mouth when he speaks.

"My dancing is not that bad. You expect me to get booed?" I shot a hard stare.

"I expect you to have tough skin. Not everyone is going to like you."

"I'm practicing. And of course not everyone's gonna like me." I pick up my pillow when I walk over, tossing it to his face and bump into his shoulder. I look around my nightstand for my perfume and lipstick. No, no lipstick.

"What are you afraid of?" He asks.

"I'm not," I say, sitting down on my chair.

"You sure? You do that thing where you talk to yourself in front of the mirror whenever you're stressed."

I push out my lips, annoyed. "I was finding my center, I was trying to be like Sharpay Evans."

He snorts, "you're more like Kelsey." I growl, he's right. I'm Kelsey. I'm meek, shy and quiet. My achilles heel is the stage, everyone staring at me. They could be laughing and making fun of the way I spoke, how I don't make eye contact.

I shake my head, "At least Kelsey got to play the piano and write the songs. I could play in the band. I'm good at the guitar." Maybe that's what I should be, a songwriter. I would get more recognition behind the scenes. Playing the guitar helped, if only I owned one.

"I've always wondered why Sharpay cared so much if Troy and Gabriella auditioned," he asks.

"She wants to be the star," I answer, "the one where she gets applauded. Gabriella just showed up and got a callback in an instant. She didn't think it was fair."

"Is that what you want to be? The star?" He asks with jazz fingers.

"Funny. I want to at least try."

"Trying doesn't get you in the spotlight." I rest my elbows on my knees. I need more efficient acting techniques. This feeling of putting myself out there has been half assed.

"Is the fourth grade play still haunting you?" I face him with a blank stare while he holds back a snicker. The fact that he had to talk about one of the most embarrassing things that happened to me, besides me falling on my ass when coming off the bus. I was one of the dwarves for Snow White, Sleepy. I said my line, I was in, then my costume ripped and I fell off the stage tripping on a fake bale of hay. I tried to play it off and continue, everyone kept laughing and pointing.

I hitch a breath and clear my throat, "why are you bringing that up?" I frown.

"You're not nine anymore," he tells me, shaking his head.

"And I don't want to be humiliated again. I gotta get ready." I walk to my closet searching for what to wear tonight.

"You have a date? That's shocking."

"It's not a date. It's a favor," I roll my eyes, repeating the words I said to Sam. I browse and push over the clothes. No, no jeans.

"A favor? You're a sex worker, Maya?" he snickers. I look back at him, my mouth set in a straight line as he continues to laugh.

"No plans for you this weekend? No hot date tonight?" I ask, mimicking his voice.

"She canceled. Mono," he shrugs.

"You gave her mono?" I gasp, pretending to be concerned. "Poor girl."

He flips me off and I chuckle, focusing my attention on my closet of clothes. "Who's the unlucky dude?"

"Um, I'm going with Sam," I mutter, pulling out a long sleeved t-shirt. "He is unlucky. I have nothing to wear." I press the shirt against my chest, looking down. Maybe, maybe. I throw it over my shoulder.

"Sam, as in the boy you despise?"

I scoff as I browse and rifle through my clothes, I pull out a black blouse and stand in front of the mirror. This might go well, I need a good pair of pants. I could see Craig's pursed expression in front of the mirror since it was hung on the door. "What?" I ask him.

"What happened to you can't stand being around him?" He asks.

"It was a last minute dinner date at Quinn's house. Besides, I have a real date with Alex on Saturday. He lives in the neighborhood. He's taking me ice skating."

"A date with the new guy and Sam in one weekend. Way to play around, Maya." He claps three times.

"I'm not playing either of them. I like Alex, Sam's a stage acquaintance. A fleeting crush." I tuck my hair behind my ear, rifling for shoes.

"Is Quinn single by any chance?" He asks with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

"Since when have you been interested in Quinn?"

"Since now." Since now is not good, I do remember Quinn telling me she thought Craig was cute. I almost gagged, I encouraged her but Craig never looked her way.

"She has a boyfriend."

"Damn it." He snaps his fingers like he missed his shot.

"Were you actually thinking of hooking up with my best friend?"

"Maybe," he smirks. Craig's not a bad guy, he's my brother and he shouldn't corrupt Quinn.

"I don't think you're her type."

"I'm everyone's type."

"Right." The sarcasm dripped from my mouth as I drag out the word.

"And what about the rumors of you and him?" He asks.

"It's baseless fanfiction." I clear my throat, throwing my blouse back in my closet. Those rumors won't end, will they? I don't understand why everyone cared. Sam will not look at me that way or think of me that way.

"Then you and him kissing was a rumor?" I pause and turn with a quizzical expression.

"How do you know that?" I question.

"Word gets around." I open my mouth to speak, and then squint. I didn't see him there. The house was full and I was in my own world when we kissed. "So that part is true."

"It was a dare," I shrug one of my shoulders. "You think I wanted to kiss him if I wasn't dared? I was sober."

"I know that, nerd."

"Shut up."

"You did have a crush on him."

"Well, that's gone."

"Do mom and dad know you were there?"

"Mom caught me sneaking in and I told her I was at his house practicing for our audition." I twist my mouth to the side, he nods. Our unspoken agreement to keep each other's secrets no matter what. I drop my arms, tilt my head and turn to him, "not a word of it."

"My lips are sealed." He motions his two fingers of zipping up.

"Such a great brother," I toss the pink shirt on the floor.

"If anything happens, as in non consensual with either boys, I have your back." His face seems sympathetic, unlike his usual nonchalant expression everyday. Most of the time he was unphased when mom and dad fought. His brown eyes were full of care as he gestures finger guns at me.

I grin and press my hand on my chest, "I'm touched." He throws one of my pillows at me, not pleased at my sarcasm. I dodge it this time, picking it up to throw it back before leaving my room. I hear my text notification. I read the text: so tonight has been canceled, you're off the hook. Tyler has the stomach flu- Quinn.

Yes! I thrusted my fist in the air. I mean, it's bad for Tyler, good for me. That sucks, I texted back. Hope he feels better - Maya

No date for me with Sam. As she continues to text me a response, I pull up Sam's number to tell him the night has been canceled: Youre off the hook, Tyler has the flu- Maya.

Im bringing him his favorite soup: tomato. Making him grilled cheese- Quinn

Aww, hope he feels better - Maya

Oh, believe me, he will 😉- Quinn. I chuckle, swiping to the latest text from Sam, which made me frown.

So you're bailing 🤨- Sam

No, not bailing. its canceled - Maya

I cant be off the hook, you owe me - Sam

I owe you nothing. Youre free to do whatever you want- Maya

You know what I will cash in later- Sam

What do you mean?- Maya

Since youre free, come over tomorrow to practice, at 7- Sam

Why don't you come over to my house? Its safer- Maya

Whatever Hall - Sam

🙄 fine- Maya.

It's the least he could do.