Chapter 13: Sophomore Year Part 3

Three days. I waited three days. No response. No call backs. No replies to my texts, dms, snapchats. Nothing. The week after, he started dating Jessica. She made it a whole spectacle, kissed him in front of the whole school. More like she stuck her tongue in his mouth. Literally. She had her whole tongue out, grabbed his head and mauled him. It was all over social media.

Everywhere I went, there they were. Rubbing it in my face that they were in love. As days turned to months, I was a ghost to him. When we walk past each other, he doesn't look my way. It seems his stride was in slow motion when I see him. His gaze was straight ahead, and he didn't notice me. His attention was Jessica and drama. What did I do wrong? I open my locker for my textbooks, waiting for Quinn. We were supposed to go to the study hall in ten minutes. After school I have my audition. I'm sweating, I wipe it on my pants. I have it memorized like the back of my hand. Also written in my pocket in case I forget a line.

"Maya," Sam's voice makes me jolt. I turn around, we're making eye contact. I blink three times, placing one of my hands on my hip.

"What?" I ask, trying to sound as cool and calm as possible and not slap him. But he still looked cute today. His hair is the perfect mix of bedhead, the type you want to run your fingers through.

"Uh, you're auditioning, right?" He squeezes the strap of his bag. His knuckles turned red.

"Yeah. Are you?" I clear my throat from the scratchy feeling.

"Yeah." He nods. This thing between us is weird, I can't look him in the eyes the same way.

"Boyfriend!" Jessica interrupts, wrapping her arms over his neck and kisses him hard. "Where were you?"

"Waiting for you, babe," he says with a soft smile.

"Aww so sweet! Isn't he sweet?" She bumps her nose with his, he chuckles and kisses her quickly. I roll my eyes. I mean I guess why he's with her. Gorgeous meets gorgeous. "Hi, urm Margie right?" She squints and frowns.

I exhale, "Maya." It's not a hard name to remember.

"Right. Huh." She looks down to my feet. "I like your shoes, where'd you get them?"

Looking down, shifting my feet inside my black sneakers I got on sale. "Target," I simply say.

"Adorable." Her smile is full of fakeness.

"Thanks," I have nothing else to say to this off brand Regina George.

"Babe, let's go before the lunch line fills up." She tugs on his elbow.

"I'll catch up with you." He kisses her quickly, she grins in a swoony manner.

"Kay. I'll hold a spot for you. Bye, Naya." She waves with her fingers.

"Maya." I huff and roll my eyes, moving my books around my locker.

"Listen. About that night-"

"Shouldn't you follow your girlfriend? I thought you were ignoring me." I point out.

"I'm not ignoring you." He licks his full lips, scratching the back of his neck.

"Sam, please. You are. You haven't returned my text or calls. I even dmed you on instagram."

"I didn't get any of them." What a liar! It was delivered.

"You saw it. Don't lie. It has a timestamp."

"No I didn't. I changed my number when you called."

"Three days after our date? And now you're with Jessica."

"It just happened. We connected on a deeper level."

"That's great. Next time tell me the truth if you're not interested."

"I wasn't in the first place." My head snaps back. He scratches the back of his neck and looks away.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Look, you weren't the first girl that's attainable."

"Attainable?"

"Guys aren't begging to go out with you. You're not the party girl." He says it like a whisper, a secret.

"What?" I squint and frown.

"You know. The girl that needs a date." Did he just call me desperate?

"Are you calling me desperate?"

"I mean, you always looked sad. Like no one would date you. You don't go to parties. I only see you in school, no social life. So I gave you a chance. You answered so eagerly. Why not?"

"You gave me a chance?" What the hell? I wasn't eager. I was excited that he noticed me finally. This is how he feels?

"Yeah. I mean, you had fun." He let out a scoffing laugh, shrugging his shoulders. Where is this coming from?

"Oh yeah. I had a blast, being a third wheel on my own date. Ignored and ghosted. Fun!" I thrust my fists up in the air.

"At least you admit it."

"You didn't have to ask me out in the first place. We wasted our time."

"Consider me doing you a favor."

"Screw you, Sam." My tone is exhausted, shaking my head. I want to hit him. Shutting my locker door, I walk away. I toss my book in my backpack, reaching in for the monologue I printed out. I begin to hyperventilate. Is that what he thinks of me? They deserve each other. Asshat.

"Hey. getting prepared?" Quinn asks.

"Yeah," I answer, clearing my throat, rereading the lines again. It's short, more than ten lines and two minutes.

"What are you auditioning with?" She takes the paper out of my hands, scanning the one sheet paper.

"We all have to read Juliet's monologue. The boys read Romeo's."

"What, you can't choose?"

"No, since it's our second production. The principal chose it because it's safe."

"Safe? About two kids falling in love from a masquerade ball? Not to mention, family rivals, suicide, and the male lead is older than Juliet? She's thirteen, right? Predator." She quirks one of her eyebrows.

"14. It's Shakespeare and universal."

"Doesn't he have other plays?"

"He does." I roll my eyes. Shakespeare should be done for. It has to be approved by the school board. The love scene has to be cut off, and who doesn't love hearing Elizabethan language over and over?

"Basic." Quinn makes a sneering face. I laugh, elbowing her arm.

+++

"Next, Mindy Sanford!" Ms Laughliin announces, reading off the clipboard. The brunette stands, adjusting her shirt. Her broad frame. Ladies first, Ms. Laughlin rules.

"I'm ready." She grins. I hope she nails it. She spots me when she crosses the empty seats. I give her a thumbs up. She climbs up the stage, and introduces herself. "I'm going to read Juliet's monologue from Romeo + Juliet."

"Begin," Ms. Laughlin lets her.

"Basic," Quinn repeats in a whisper.

I giggle into my hand, "shut up." I'm glad she's here for support. It will be the first time I get a lead role this year. If I'm good enough.

She begins, her mood changes. Her face hits the light as she speaks . Her emotions are shown. She's good. The way she speaks conveys and sets the scene.

"Beautiful, Mindy. Thank you." Mindy smiles, skipping off the stage at Ms.Laughlin's compliment.

"Polly Caulson!" she yells out.

"Here!" Footsteps stamper and rush up to the stage. She's out of breath, putting her short brown hair behind a black headband. "Polly. I will be reading Juliet's monologue from Romeo + Juliet.

"Begin." Ms. Laughlin gives a nod for her to start.

"ROMEO, ROMEO, WHEREFORE ART THOU ROMEO!" She hits her chest and head is up to the light in projection. I frown with a pout. She stomps her foot on the stage as she continues. Her face is flushed like she's out of breath.

"Thank you, Polly," Ms. Laughlin cuts her short, putting her hand up.

"Next Maya Hall."I inhale and exhale. Ok, here I go. I was last, I wanted to go last to ease the tension.

"You got this," Quinn says, patting my shoulder. I nod, standing up slowly. Am I now noticing there's more people than the drama club? I shake my head and gulp. My hands tremble, I spread my fingers apart to calm me down. I walk up the stairs, stumbling on the top one.

"Crap." That hurt my big toe. Freaking wood stairs. I step into the spotlight. It's bright. I squint. I move a bit to the side. The seats are filled. I thought most of it was empty. Ms. Laughlin's pink glasses right on the end of her nose, waiting for me to speak.

"Hi. M-my name is M– Maya Hall. I- will be reading Juliet's monologue," I stammer. What's wrong with me? I clear my throat.

"Uh, before we start, can we dim the lights? It's burning my eyes," I ask in a gentle tone, fanning my face.

"Lights, please?" Ms. Laughlin yells out to the stage hand. It clicks three times. It's dimmer than before. Ok.

"Go," she gestures for me to begin. I nod again.

Clearing my throat, "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" I halt, what was the next line? "Deny- deny thy father and-" I'm blanking. What's the next line? It's an old play, there's thousand of movies for it. I recite it all the time. Why can't I remember? My eyelids reach to my forehead. There's so many people here. There should be ten people here. Was there always so many people? "Sorry, deny thy father and- reject thy name?" Oh my god, that's not it. Water drops on my forehead, is there a leak? Something's dripping on me. Something's dripping on me. I wipe it with my finger tips. I'm sweating. This is so embarrassing. I feel like an idiot up here.

"Is everything ok, Miss Hall?" Ms. Laughlin asks with concern.

"Uh-huh, I guess I'm a little nervous. I got it. It's ok." I use the back of my hand to clean the sweat. I swallow, looking out to each and every person in the audience. They're snickering. I'm swallowing air, something's stuck in my throat. I can't breathe, my tongue is numb. I want to cry. Moisture builds up in my eyes. Quinn gives a worried look, nodding for me to continue. Ms. Laughlin is patient, but her tell of a face wanted me to wrap it up. My heart's beating fast, my fingers are still shaking. I turn around. I need a moment. I hold my chest, gulping and breathing out my nose. What's wrong with me? I want to tear my shirt off. I'm not cut out for this. I rub my nose from the snot.

I face the front. Wiping the sweat off my forehead again. Ms. Laughlin has her hands on the clipboard. Everyone else is waiting, whispering in each other's ear.

"Well, Ms Hall. Are you ready?"

"No, I'm sorry for wasting your time." I step down and jog out of the auditorium.

"Maya!" Quinn shouts. I push the double doors open. Laying on the brick wall, I bend over putting my head between my knees breathing in and out.

"Maya." I flinch at the voice behind me. Quinn's expression of furrowed brows and slackjaw. "That sucked."

"I know." I stand up, pulling at the collar of my shirt. "I thought I was good at this." I throw my hands up.

"Does that normally happen?"

"No." I slap my cheek twice.

"Hey, don't do that." She hold my hand to stop me.
"I'm good at this. I practiced. In front of the mirror. I know the words."

"It's just nerves."

"How? How? I performed in front of - oh." Funny thing, I haven't performed in front of anyone before. I'm by myself, reciting my favorite tv show episodes and movies. I can't even do school presentations.

"Oh god. This sucks! It's so embarrassing." I shrill. "What's the point? I'm not the main character, I guess."

"You are. You will be. Come on, I'll take you to Wendys. Daniel will take us." She wraps her arm over my own, walking through the hall.

"That sounds good." I sigh, there goes my chance to be in the spotlight.