You guys requested this soooooo hard it was insane. Plus I had a special request from @MaryAnastasiadou so I chose to write a happy ending for those wanting one. I personally prefer leaving it as a solo imagine as I find that it is raw and truthful but that's just my cold stark angst heart talking. Enjoy x

ps it's unedited

Weeks had passed since the day you chose to pack your life into a suitcase and leave the place you used to call home.  The man who you thought would stand by you and love you despite all odds turned out to be what you feared the most – a wishful fairytale sealed between the covers of a pleasant lie.  The new place was considerably smaller, holding only what you managed to take with you. A sad excuse for a colourful closet, and some basic kitchen ware.  You missed the warmth of the sun that cast in through your old bedroom window.  Before the accident, Tom used to hold you and shield you from the sun so that you didn't wake up so early.  "Bright light is cruel, my sweet," he would whisper over your lips, "kisses are much more appealing." Oh, how you longed to hear that, one more time.  Sometimes you wondered if the old Tom would grow angry at the thought of you waking up to the sunlight and his hot, alcohol stained breath each morning. But as quickly as the thought was placed, you brushed it away.

Taking a deep breath you turn on the stove, filling up your small kettle and placing it over the flame.

Your phone buzzed beside you causing you to jump away in fright.  Calming yourself, you checked to see the caller. 

Tom

The image of his smiling face soon disappeared and in its place, a message popped up.  You sigh, pressing your fingers over your eyes to massage away the stinging sensation threatening to bring forth tears.  You flip your phone over, ignoring it as you have always done and paced to the opposite side of the room.  Usually, that small device, constantly ringing and buzzing wouldn't even bother you, but today was different.  Somethingwas different.  You walked back to the opposite side of the counter and stared at the small device remaining still and silent as if it were an animal that you were observing through the glass at a zoo.  The loud whistle signalling the water was boiled drew your attention away from the device and back to your daily routine.

Pouring the hot water carefully over the tea bag, you watched as the steam carrying warmth and sweet aromas floated to the ceiling.  Picking up your mug, your eyes fluttered down to your phone, which still remained silent. Your feet froze in their place and with a mindless grab, you placed it in your pocket and walked out the door.

——

The London air wrapped its icy fingers around your throat the second you stepped outside your door. Cold withdrawals left large white clouds of visible exhalation with each step.  Sipping your tea to keep your throat from being coarse, you turned the first street on your right, into a small warm looking household. 

With a careful knock, you wait patiently until the door swings open causing you to step back at its enthusiasm.

"Miss Y/L/N! You're here!" The small girl forward and grabbed onto her legs, holding them tightly in her embrace.

"Hello Lacee," you chuckle, rubbing her back.  "Is mommy home?"

"She said she had to leave early for work and that I have a doctor's appointment at 3...or 4."  Lacee's small frame swayed slightly as she tried to remember all her mother's instructions.

"Well, I'm sure she left them on the fridge as always, yeah?" you smiled reassuringly, caressing her cheek. "Alrighty, hut too, lil missy, it's school work time."

Lacee's wide gappy grin sharply decreased instantly and her shoulders slumped at the words.  "Do we have to, Miss Y/L/N?" she groans.

"No, we don't have to." You replied coolly, stepping inside and removing your gloves. 

Lacee's eyes widen with glee at your reply but just as swiftly as she prepares her victory dance, you chime in.  "But that'll mean we can't have brownies...or play time...or stories..."

Lacee gasped, grasping her heart.  "You monster."

——

"Thank you for help out today, Y/N, Lacee always loves having you around the place."  Lacee's mother smiled warmly, handing her a small envelop. "The same amount as last time.  Are you sure I can't offer you more?  Baby sitting isn't an easy job, I feel as though I'm slave driving you and Lacee holds the whip."

You chuckled slightly and pocketed the envelop.  "Well, it doesn't feel like a job to me.  Lacee is a pleasure to look after, as always."

You smiled down at the small girl behind her mother's legs and waved a small good bye.  Turning away you began your small walk home, you kept your eyes forward to avoid the pang of jealously that prods your heart every time you leave that beautiful girl behind. 

Pushing your hands into your pockets, your fingers brushed over a cold metal surface.  The sound of your ringtone muffled against your pocket. Pulling out your phone, you hold it in your hands. 

Tom.

Tom is calling.  You'd seen that message so many times before, and it was so easy for you to simply hang up and move on, but today...today there was something pushing you to answer. Maybe if you listen this once, he'll go away.

Raising a trembling finger, you tapped the green answer key and pressed the phone to your ear.

The warm voice that filled the line immediately made your stomach sink.  His breath was shaky, like he was caught off guard.  "Y/N?  Are you there?"

"Yes, Tom, I'm here," you whisper, your voice strained and breathy.  "What do you want?" 

"H-How are you?"  He asks, an almost unfamiliar genuine tone present.

"I'm fine."

Tom inhales deeply.  "Y/N...look, I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I deserve to be listened to, ok?  The last thing you ever deserve is having to listen to an asshole like me. But...I just wanted to let you know that I got help.  You woke me up, Y/N, like you have an uncanny habit to do.  Like when we first met and you poked me awake so I didn't miss my stop."

You smile slightly at the memory, and the innocent moment you both shared. 

"Well, I think I've been missing my stop for far too long now, Y/N. I went to the meetings, you know, the ones where we all sit in a circle and speak of our woes.  I've been sober nearly a month.    Tessa doesn't bark at me anymore whenever I come home..." he chuckles lightly before continuing.  "Look...I know I'll never regain that trust I lost with you along this journey.  Every thing you said was true, I just never wanted to believe it.  You lost me when we lost...her.  But you shouldn't have lost the two things you loved, because the truth is, I don't want to lose you either.  I didn't want to walk into that house every day knowing there was nothing I could do to help you.  It was weak and childish and I'm so so sorry.  But now, I don't want to walk into this house every day knowing you're not there.  That I can't hold you the way I should've. That I can't love you that way you deserved.  I'm not guilting you into coming back, but I want you to know, that I wake up every morning and I have no one to protect from the sun.  I may not have been able to protect her, Y/N, or the way you protected me, but please...give me the chance to protect you...one more time."

Your nose became chilly as the coldness of tears streamed down over your lips.

"I'm sorry it took me this long to realise it, Y/N.  I'm not going to call you anymore, I don't want to take any more time from you...but, if you're willing, to give me one more shot...I'll be waiting on my doorstep every night for an hour.  I'll be waiting for you, just like you waited for me.  I love you. I'm sorry I never told you enough. But, I love you, ok?   Good bye, Y/N."

Your hands clutched onto the small phone, the echo of a dial tone ending the call muffles against your chest.  Sharp inhales of each sob sear your throat. You continue down the street. The steady pace of your boots against the cold side walk comforted the racing emotions pushing every thought against your mind.   Until all at once - all the noises stopped.

Your hands pulled tight into small fists. You didn't think it was anger. It would have been nice to know what you were feeling but the echoing beat of your heart in your chest threw off each clear streamline of thought.

"Y/N?" The voice questioned.

One word repeated over and over in your head. Mistake.  If you had known anything about that word it was that it meant it was time to leave. You picked up your pace again and started to walk away, hiding your head low as if to camouflage yourself.

"Y/N! Wait!" Tom calls running after you.

You felt his hand on your shoulder gently asking you to stop.  The words you practiced the entire walk - gone - as if he had scrubbed your perfectly organised slate until there was nothing but ink streaks of words left. 

Your eyes remained on the ground and your mouth shut.  He stood in front of you, the hand once on you sliding off and into his pocket.  He smelled...good. It was pleasant, like trees or must. A strong improvement from the alcohol you had attributed to him for so long.  Tom's eyes bounced around the ground then back to you.  "I'm glad you came."

Words...words...words.  Where were the words?

"Y/N, this isn't me trying to get you back right now," Tom spoke, he voice gentle and calm. "When you left...it broke everything in me. No bottle, no party, no job, no ANYTHING could make me feel again. And maybe in some weird way, I wanted to feel nothing.  Anything other than the fear and regret that plagued me every time I walked through thaT door. The only thing that ever gave  me any peace, was knowing you were at home...waiting for me...Loving me despite the asshole I was.  I don't want you to take me back based on empty words, ok? So, I'm going to keep working on this. I'm going to get clean. And I'm going to wait for you, Y/N, until you say you don't want me to anymore. Because unlike me, you are worth the wait.  You will always be worth the wait."

Your lungs pulled tight, the air pushed out being taken in in small gasps. Tom couldn't tell if your cheeks were red from the cold or from the tears he had caused. Both were just as bad.

You pushed a small pile of snow with the tip of your boot.  "To be 100% honest with you, I'm not sure why I came...". Wiping away a tear, you kept your eyes on the ground.  "I made a promise to you that I would love you and care for you till the day I die, Tom."

A small sniffle pulled your eyes from the ground. Tom was wiping - more like fervently scrubbing - away his tears, his small nose flushing with a sad red glow.

"I intend to keep that promise...as I always have."

His small broke into a smile, his lungs letting out the breath he had been holding in a joyful expression of shock.  He steps forward takes you into his arms.  You remained still for a while. He hadn't hugged you in nearly a year. He hadn't kissed you in just as long.  But here he was, arms surrounding you, the warmth of his breath fanning across your neck.  You raised your arms and embraced him.

You stayed there for a while. Letting the snow settle on your your bodies. When he finally pulled away he took your hand in his.

"I don't think I'm ready to come back yet, Tom." You confessed quietly.  You watched as he nodded despite the slight disappointment flashing across his face.  You inhaled deeply. No more mistakes.

"But I'm willing to try again."

His eyes find yours. Tom's eyes crease as the corners of his lips lift into a small smile.  "As am I.  Let's start with a coffee. Your cheeks are redder than your coat."

You let out a small chuckle and followed his lead.  It was strange walking beside him, holding his hand when so many times you were the one helping him keep upright.  He looked down at you.  You walked quietly, head down and hands in your pockets.  He wasn't used to seeing you like this. Shy and reserved.  And he knew it was his fault you were like this.

A warm hand pulled your attention from the fluffy crunches of you boots.  Tom gently pulled your hand from your pocket and placed it in his jacket pocket.  He wrapped his hand over yours, the warmth of his skin sending rushes through the cold finger tips.

You looked up at him to see his eyes on the road ahead, as if he had done nothing. The small gesture brought a warmth to your cheeks, dusting an almost indistinguishable blush over your already red cheeks.  And as you walked on, you lifted your head, a small smile tugging on your lips.

There was no magic change like in the movies. No miracle make up sex and rewind. It took time, and true to his promise, he was patient.  But slowly, piece by piece, the two paths you chose to walk in both of your lives merged back into one.