Tom hated to see you crying in his arms like that, mostly because he knew it was his own fault you were crying, but also because he wanted nothing more than to fix this. He wasn't lying when he said that he loved you, he did, but he knew that it wasn't going to be easy to go back to where the two of you were only a few hours ago.

Tom was scared to make a wrong move. Normally, he would've pulled you even closer, placed a few feathery kisses on your hair before trying to make you laugh and forget about the dickhead that hurt you. But how could he make you forget about himself? He would've told you that the guy wasn't worth your time and that you deserved better, but how could he if it meant telling you to let go of him when it was the least he wanted right now? Was it selfish of the brunette to believe that he was the one who deserved you? Was he really worth it? Probably not, but Tom couldn't bring himself to walk out on you. He saw you break down and he couldn't just walk away without trying to convince you that he was worth it and that he deserved your love.

You hated yourself for being so vulnerable in front of Tom right now. He had just ripped out your heart and here you stood, holding on to him to stop yourself from drowning although he was the one who had pushed you in the damn water. Tom was your ocean and your life ring at the same time. He was the one trying to drown you and your lifesaver at the same time and you didn't know which part was currently stronger.

You knew he loved you, there was no doubt, but you hated him for telling you he was in love with you the minute you had tried to walk away from him. There was no point in him telling you. This was just his selfish way of making sure stayed in his life. Tom should've just fucking apologized for unknowingly playing with your feelings like that before the two of you would've parted ways for good and he would've continued to date everyone and you would've continued to date, well, no one.

"I hate you." You managed to choke out as Tom tightened his grip around you, "I hate you so fucking much."

Hearing you say that you hated him broke the boy's heart. He knew you didn't mean it, he had heard you say you hated someone plenty of times and mostly you said it when you were hurting, but Tom also knew that you wished nothing more than to really hate him right now. He knew you wanted to see him go and never come back, but he was currently being selfish and didn't want to walk out of your life, because he definitely needed you more than you needed him.

You wished you could hate him and never speak to him again but this wasn't just some random boy, this was Tom. Tom, the boy who had been there for you in your hardest moments in life. Tom, who had become one of the most important people in your life which made it so easy to love him.

It was so easy to love him because he cared about you in ways no one had ever cared about you. He listened to you whenever you had to rant about something pointless and he always managed to put a smile on your face whenever you were hurting and in no way possible had you ever imagined him being the guy to break you like no one else ever had before.

Years of bottled up tears and feelings were spilled that night as Tom tried to stop you from crying by simply being there for you and holding you close. He managed to get you to go to bed at some point where you continued crying for the next hour in his arms before slowly drifting off to sleep.

Tom waited for you to fall asleep and when you finally did he felt himself start sobbing at the thoughts of losing you. Pulling the blanket over your worn out body, he placed a soft kiss on your forehead before making his way towards your couch - for what he thought would be the first and last time.

He had never slept on that couch since the two of you were comfortable enough with each other to share your bed. Tom loved falling asleep next to you, mostly because the two of you usually talked about the most random things before one of you fell asleep in the middle of the conversation. Sleeping next to you was a rare occasion since he wasn't home a lot, but he always looked forward to your little sleepovers.

The boy also knew that this couch had hosted Harrison's and his brothers stupid asses plenty of times, but he had never been there for the infamous after parties after the four or five of you went clubbing. Thinking about how you must've felt every time you went out with him, knowing he wasn't going home with you again and again, he felt his salty tears hit his lips. How stupid could one single person be? How could he not see that you were in love with him? But, at the same time, how could he not see that you meant so much more to him than he thought you did? Did he really have to lose you in order to realise that he was in love with you? How cruel was the universe for having him fuck you over plenty of times until you couldn't take it anyone?

Tom knew you were his anchor, the one holding you in place when he seemed to drift away from his life of being a "normal" guy, who just happened to be Spider-Man. You were the person he could turn to when he needed someone to tell him he was still the same guy after some newspaper had slagged him off for some stupid shit. That he was still the same guy who love cuddling up on the couch with his dog and loved his brother's to bits without feeling superior.

The tears kept rolling down his face as he buried his face in one of your couch pillows. How pathetic was it of him to be crying over you right now? Crying over losing you when it was his own fault that he lost you and crying over you wanting him out of his life when he was the one that opened the door for you to walk out.

Tom wanted to get up, walk into your bedroom and pull you close to him before waking up to you cuddled into his chest like you usually did when he spent the night - but it was different this time. He didn't even know if you wanted him to be there when you woke up the next morning, but his heart screamed at him to stay and to try to be there for you in the morning, try and tell you that you were his only exception. The only person he was in love with and wanted to spend his life with.

Tom wanted to kiss you in the morning. He wanted to pull you closer to his chest as you let out a little giggle and he wanted to tell you how beautiful you looked without any makeup on and without your hair done properly, but he couldn't, because he had fucked up the possibility of getting to do those things.

Your eyes felt heavy when you woke up in the morning. You didn't even remember falling asleep as you rubbed your eyes but that's when the memories of last night came flying into your head.

Tom.

You telling Tom you loved him. You crying. Tom telling you he loved you. You telling him to go. Tom - Tom coming back for you to let you break down in his arms. You telling Tom you hated him. Tom bringing you to bed to let you cry in his arms for another hour.

Your arm stretched out just to be met by the empty space beside you. You knew he wasn't there, you figured he had left last night, but something inside of you hoped, that maybe he was still fighting for you - fighting for your friendship. You hoped that maybe he had stayed the night to figure things out in the morning, but Tom wasn't next to you, Tom was gone and maybe this time, he was gone forever and you really had lost your best friend.

Grabbing your phone, you saw that you had a few unread messages from Harry and Harrison, mostly asking you how you were feeling, but also telling you to not be too hard on Tom.

Not being too hard on Tom - you knew you couldn't blame all of this on him. Most of this was your own fault, you never told him how you felt and you had never made any moves on him in the past years, so how would he even know you were in love with him? But him telling you he was in love with you right after you had walked away from him made you doubt his feelings more than you wanted to.

You wanted nothing more than to believe him when he said that he loved you and that you were his only exception, but how could you when he made it so hard for you? He had told you that you couldn't be in love with him and yet he still showed up at your place telling you that he was in love with you.

Tears threatened to spill from your eyes again as your eyes landed on a hoodie, Tom's hoodie, laying on your desk chair. It was one of the many you loved to steal from him whenever he was home and to your surprise he gave up the protests a long time ago, mostly because he knew that he wasn't going to win this fight, but also because he secretly loved seeing you in his clothes.

Getting out of bed, your fingers traced the soft material as your lips curved into a smile. Soon enough, you were surrounded by Tom's scent while you buried your face in your sweater paws, wishing that it wasn't just the boy's hoodie that was currently giving you the comfort you needed.

Tom was your safe haven, your safe place. Every time you were upset, talking to Tom made you feel safe again. His hugs used to cure your heartache, your grief and your sadness, but thinking about the last hug the two of you shared made your safe haven feel more like a battle zone. A battle zone where your heart was fighting against your brain - and currently your brain was winning, because you were alone on the field while your fellow soldier was nowhere to be seen.

You had a hard time deciding on whether or not to text Tom. Wanting to get a cup of tea first before making your decision on whether or not to be the one to take the first step to saving your friendship, you opened the door to your bedroom, making your eyes immediately land on the familiar shoes by the front door.

Was Tom still here?

Your feet carried you towards the living room as your heart started racing.

Did he not leave you alone?

You were greeted by the form of a sleeping Tom on your couch as tears started forming in your eyes.

Was he really not ready to give you up just yet?

You leaned against the doorframe as you took in the boy's soft features. The way his cheek was squished against the pillow, the way his lips were slightly parted as a soft snore escaped them, everything about Tom made you fall in love with him more and more every time you saw him.

Shaking your head to get rid of your stupid daydreams, you turned around to make your way towards the kitchen before grabbing two mugs out of your cupboard.

While you were waiting for the tea to be done, you couldn't help but stare out the window, thinking about the fact that Tom was still here - that he didn't leave you alone on the battlefield.

You felt bad for ever doubting that he didn't value the friendship you shared and that he thought you weren't worth fighting for, but after everything you had never imagined happening, happened, you weren't so sure if he thought you were worth it.

Were you really his only exception? And was he really as in love with you as you were in love with him? You had known about your feelings long before Tom even realised his feelings for you, but did that make him less sincere about them than you?

"You look good in my clothes." You were ripped out of your thoughts by a voice that made all the butterflies erupt from the depths of your stomach.

Turning around, you were greeted by Tom leaning against the doorframe of your kitchen as he sent you a hesitant smile.

Tom didn't know what to say or what to do, all he could think about was you standing there with his hoodie hugging your body and showing him what he should be doing. When you turned around, his eyes immediately landed on your bloodshot eyes and smudged lipstick that you hadn't taken off the night before, but he couldn't help but think that you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

"I-I made you some tea." You tried to keep your voice steady as you handed him his tea. A smiled escaped your lips when his fingers touched your skin as he took the mug from you.

Taking a few steps back, you leaned against the kitchen counter as your eyes seemed to be focused on the drink inside you mug. You didn't want to look up, you didn't know if you could handle looking at Tom without breaking into tears.

Tom knew you were still hurt. He watched you study your tea for about five minutes before taking a sip of his own drink. He wanted to wrap his arms around you and fix all the pieces he seemed to have broken, but he knew he'd be a lucky guy if you would at least still be his friend after what happened.

This silence had never happened between you, you were always talking about the most random stuff on your morning together and right now, neither of you knew how to start a conversation, because neither of you knew what you were right now.

Friends?

Best Friends?

More than Friends?

Strangers?

You found yourself losing your focus on your tea as you raised your head to look at Tom, who was already looking at you. You felt your breath get caught in your throat as you saw the sadness in the boy's brown eyes.

The two of you were currently mirrors of each other, both hurt and broken without any clue about how to fix each other. What were you going to do? This wasn't something you could just ignore and move on as if nothing happened.

"Do-"

"I'm-" Tom said just as you had started your attempt in making conversation.

"You first." He smiled as you wished you had never started the question you were about to ask.

"D-Do you really love me?" You whispered, not knowing if he had even heard the question, but the way the look in his eyes changed told you that he had heard it.

Holding your gaze, Tom's lips spread into a soft smile, "I do. I really do."

You tried to bite back the smile that tried to escape from your lips as you were still looking at Tom and taking in his mimics, trying to figure out if there was any doubt in his face and his voice that he loved you - and it was safe to say that there wasn't.

"I'm sorry." Tom said as he took a step towards you, waiting for your reaction to see if he could take another step.

You saw Tom hesitate to take another as you placed your mug on the counter behind you. Taking a step towards the boy, you felt like you were about to faint as your heartbeat picked up its pace.

"I'm sorry too." You said as you saw Tom hesitantly open his arms, waiting for you to either take the invitation to accept the hug he was offering or to decline it and step back.

Taking the last step, you wrapped your arms around the brunette as you felt all the weight on your chest fading away and even if it may have been for just a few minutes, you were happy to feel some type of peace after the night you had.

Tom buried his face in the crook of your neck as he pulled you as close as possible. Being held by Tom was your favourite thing in the world and it was nice to finally not only be hugged by his hoodie but by the boy himself.

"I don't -" Tom lifted his head to say something when you heard his voice crack, "I don't want to lose you."

You were used to being close to Tom and you were used to looking into his eyes while being that close, but this time, looking into Tom's eyes felt different. Mostly because you could see how close he was to shedding a tear, but also because for the first time, you could see how he looked at you.

Tom's heart skipped a beat or two when you placed your hand on his cheek as you softly caressed the skin underneath it.

"You're not going to lose me." You smiled as you wiped away a tear that had escaped the boy's eye, "I'm your best friend. I made a promise to always keep you grounded." You said as Tom lips curved into a smile.

"I never meant to hurt you." The smile on his face disappeared again as he remembered why you were in this situation in the first place.

You knew he never meant to hurt you, and you truly believed him when he said that he didn't want to lose you because neither did you. As much as you had wished to be the one to walk away from all of this and hate him, you were far from ready to let Tom go, not after a part of you really believed him when he told you that he was in love with you too.

"I know you didn't." You smiled before wrapping your arms back around the boy's body.

You stood in your kitchen for what felt like ages, just holding each other, trying to glue the broken pieces together. Tom was your safe haven, he was the one who always managed to be there for you in the toughest times, who always knew how to put a smile on your face even if he was the reason you were sad in the first place.

Tom broke away from the hug as he put his finger underneath your chin to make you look at him, "I really do love you, (Y/N)."

"I know you do." You smiled before you felt yourself leaning in. Both of you were hesitant at first, your lips hovering above each other, not quite sure on whether or not to take this final step into fully confessing your feelings for each other.

When your lips were met by his, you knew that it was the right step to take because if he didn't completely own your heart before, he sure did after that kiss. The way the kiss started off soft as if Tom was scared to do something to hurt you again made your heart flutter and your brain finally accept that he was indeed telling the truth.

You knew there wasn't such thing as a soulmate and a perfect first kiss, but you were pretty sure that Tom Holland was the closest thing to being your perfect soulmate.