Requested by simpforsoup: Y/N has scars from self-harming, and Peter doesn't know, until he sees them for the first time.

Sunlight streamed into my bedroom window, my drapes gently flowing in the morning breeze that was entering my room through the open windows as my body slowly but surely came out of sleep. My eyes peeled open, my head and heart already completely fucking numb as my body got forced awake. I flicked my eyes to my alarm clock, the numbers eight-fifteen glaring back at me in harsh red light. If I didn't get up now, I'd be late for school. And yet, the numbness that was inching over every part of me was making that extremely fucking hard already. I flicked my eyes back down to my forearm, the deep red lines that painted the otherwise pale canvas of my skin a painful reminder of me having relapsed last night. Like I'd relapsed every night for the last week. I was your standard eighteen-year-old nobody girl from Queens, my life being extremely boring apart from my amazing boyfriend of two years, Peter. I loved him to bits, Peter was my world, was my best friend and always made me feel loved. But there was one thing that would always flick darkness over our otherwise perfect relationship. I had been diagnosed with depression six months after Peter and I had started dating, the illness having been extremely hard on me since long before I had been diagnosed. Of course, my boyfriend had been nothing but supportive since that time, but there was one thing that he had never noticed, and I had never been able to bring myself to tell him. And that was that I self-harmed. I'd have awful days where I wanted to do nothing, where I could barely sit up in bed, let alone get out of it, and on those days, it felt like the only way to get through that and to overcome the pain was to hurt myself. Because of this habit over the last couple of years, my arms and legs were covered in old and new scars that I had somehow managed to keep from Peter thanks to makeup and cream that would get rid of them, or would fade them so that he would only notice them if he knew to look. Which, of course he didn't know to do. Though it was getting harder to hide it from him, and I was terrified that soon, he would discover my overwhelming secret. I glanced at my phone as it buzzed, my heart fluttering slightly as I saw a text from Peter pop up.

Spidey-boy: Morning beautiful. See you at school x.

I couldn't help but smile slightly at the text, the small flutter in my chest that I had felt at the loving words probably being the only thing that I'd feel all day. And I had Peter to thank for that, just like I always had. But of course, he couldn't always be there for me, and it was dangerous for me to pin all of my happiness on him. I sighed and forced myself to sit up, every inch of my body wanting to lie back down. But I knew that Peter would get worried if I didn't show up at school, and then it would get harder to cover up what I'd done last night. I stood up and grabbed some clothes from my wardrobe, my hands purposefully grabbing a long-sleeved cropped jumper in order to cover the fresh wounds. I got dressed into the top and some jeans, my body on complete autopilot as it felt nothing but empty. As per usual. I grabbed my bag and phone before heading out of my room, my head already dreading the day as I left the space.

"Seriously, baby, I'm sure that you aced it, you always ace our tests." Peter smiled as we walked to his apartment, hands joined, and fingers intertwined.

"I don't know, today hasn't been amazing, and I'm pretty sure that that affected my concentration on the test." I chuckled and shook my head as we got to his door, and Peter let go of my hand to unlock it.

"Yeah, um, I wanted to talk to you about that, because I did notice that you were quite quiet today. And that's fine, angel, of course, but I wanted to check on you." He nodded. My smile dipped at his words, my heart leaping in anxiety at the fact that he'd noticed the change in behaviour as he unlocked his front door.

"I-I'm fine, Pete, just a bit of an off day is all." I lied with a chuckle as I shook my head.

"You sure? Is there anything that I can do to help?" He asked as we moved into his apartment, and he shut the door behind us.

"Seriously, I'm fine. You know that you help me every day just by being you." I reassured, making him chuckle as he curled his arms around my waist, and I placed my hands against his chest.

"You promise?" He checked. I smiled and bit my lip, my heart fluttering at how much he cared. It would never be enough to completely help me, but it was always enough to make me feel that little bit better, and that meant the world to me.

"Promise." I nodded. He narrowed his eyes at me, his pursed lips telling me that he was jokingly questioning me before his face relaxed again.

"Okay, babe. I love you." He spoke gently.

"I love you too." I returned before leaning up and softly pecking his lips.

"You want a hot cocoa?" he asked as he moved into the kitchen, and I sat down on the sofa in the living room.

"Please." I nodded. He returned it and smiled as he turned his back to me to start making the drinks. My smile dipped once he was turned, my stomach twisting as I gently pulled the sleeves of my jumper further down my arms.

Peter and I sat on his sofa, his arm around my waist and my head and hand on his chest as we cuddled and watched the movie. I sighed out and let his gentle heartbeat continue to soothe me, despite the fact that mine felt numb. But I was trying to ignore that right now. Peter leant forward and grabbed his mug before looking into it.

"Oh, I'm out of cocoa." He sighed.

"So am I. I'll wash up." I nodded as I grabbed his mug and mine too before standing up.

"You sure, baby?" He checked.

"Course." I smiled, making him return it as I leant down and pecked his cheek before I straightened up again. I headed into the kitchen and went to the sink. I put the mugs on the counter before rolling up my sleeves so that I wouldn't get them wet. I'd just have to make sure that Peter didn't see anything. I started to wash up the mugs, my hands quickly becoming wet and soapy as I washed them. I rinsed them off before putting them on the side.

"You all good?" My eyes widened, my heart jumping in anxiety as I felt Peter's hands on my waist and his chin against my shoulder.

"Y-yeah, I j-just-I'm finishing off." I gulped as I desperately grabbed a tea towel and started to pull my sleeves down. But I could tell by the way that Peter's body tensed behind me that he'd seen. He'd seen.

"Y/N, what's that?" He scoffed as he moved to be beside me as he took my wrist into his grasp.

"Peter." I choked as I tried to pull my arm away, but he wouldn't let me. He held my wrist as he pulled my sleeve down, his eyes widening as he saw everything. Both the old...and the brand new...scars. I choked and looked down, my heart virtually stopping as he just froze. He continued to just stare at my wrist with increasingly glossy eyes, not a single word being uttered between us as he took in what he'd just discovered. I knew exactly what Peter was thinking right now, I knew that he was blaming himself for having not noticed this earlier, for not having been able to stop me, and that was killing me inside. The fact that I knew that he'd be blaming himself was tearing me apart.

"I-I...I don't...understand, I don't understand, Y/N, what am I looking at here?" He choked. I bit my lip and finally forced myself to look back up at him, tears streaming down both of our faces as we stared at each other.

"You know what you're looking at, Pete. We both know it." I whispered. He bit his lip, his eyes already red and puffy as he shook his head.

"Come here, baby, come on." He spoke quietly as he gently took my hand and pulled me back into the living room. He sat me down on the sofa, my entire body feeling fucking numb at the idea that I finally had to talk to him about this. He finally knew, but I didn't know yet if that was a good or a bad thing.

"Talk to me, angel. Please fucking talk to me." He choked and shook his head. I gulped harshly and looked at him, my tears blurring my vision as I tried to see him through them.

"You know that I have depression, Pete. You know that there are so many days where I can't get out of bed, I can't feel anything. I feel nothing but numb, even when you're being your amazing self and doing everything in your power to stop me from feeling like that. On days like that, the only way to stop that pain is to make it physical, by cutting myself. When my skin stings, my mind stops for a second. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, but I didn't tell you because I knew that you'd feel awful, and you'd blame yourself." I explained as tears continued to run down my face.

"Of course I blame myself, I could have protected you from this." He cried and shook his head.

"Peter, no." I returned the shake of my head as I moved forward on the sofa and gently took his face into my hands before pressing our foreheads together.

"You couldn't have protected me from this. But that's okay." I reassured quietly. He choked and looked at me, his lips parted as tears continued to run down his face.

"How am I supposed to look after you if I can't protect you?" He whispered. I gave him a small smile and bit my lip, my heart being ripped apart by how hurt he was from seeing my scars.

"You look after me by loving me, Pete. You look after me by being my best friend, by hugging and kissing me, by letting me know that I'm not alone. My depression isn't something that's easy to fight, and sometimes I do lose to the demons who tell me to hurt myself. But that's never your fault. It's never your fault, it never will be your fault either. You do everything that you can to make me feel loved, and it does work, just sometimes it's harder to resist and fight. That's not your fault, though. You protect me by looking after me. I know that you want to help me fight this and I will love you forever for that, but this isn't your fight to win. It will always be mine and mine alone, and that's something that we have to accept, but that's okay. I'm okay, and I'm okay because I have you." I reassured as I gently moved my thumbs across his cheeks. He gulped and looked over my face, his hands also rubbing soothing circles on my waist as we just held each other.

"O-okay. I understand. I know that I can't help you fight this, but you better fucking believe that I will always do everything that I can to make you feel loved, and make you feel worthy of living. I fucking love you so much." He choked and shook his head.

"I love you too, Peter. And I'm okay." I returned the choke. He gulped and nodded before gently taking my head and pressing it against his chest. I let myself sink into his body, my eyes fluttering shut at the sound of his gentle heartbeat as the feeling of his strong arms wrapped protectively around me made me feel loved and supported, even if I couldn't always feel like this. I knew that it was killing Peter not to be able to do anything more than just be there for me, but it was still enough. It always would be.

"A-are you okay right now? I know that it's been a long day, and I know that you said that you were okay, but then I saw that." He gulped as I pulled away. I gave him a small smile, my heart so full of sad love for how much he loved me.

"It's been a long day, not the best, but it's another day that I've ended alive, which makes it a good day. And that's because of you. So, thank you, Pete." I nodded.

"Of course, angel. I love you so much. I always will." He shook his head.

"I love you too, Pete. I always will too." I repeated, making him chuckle and give me a sad smile as he hugged me again. I knew that what Peter had found out today had broken him, but he knew now, and he hadn't walked away like I'd always been petrified that he would. I was safe with Peter, I knew that, and I knew that I always would be. And that was what kept me going. That was what kept me okay.