**Imagine Finding Tom Broken**
*Rated M for Mature Content (mentions of self-harm)*

Tom's POV:
It's all a mask. My other happy and charming self, it's just a mask. No one knew me... no one knew the struggles I have been facing, no one knew the struggles I have been facing, no one knew the temptations I have so desperately tried to run from. If they just glanced at my wrists then maybe they would understand... But I'm not supposed to be like I am now. I am suppose to be funny, charming, making witty jokes, all the while being kind to everyone. 

I didn't mind that version of me... I actually enjoyed it, because that was the point in my life when I was truly my happiest; because of her.

When I met Y/N all of those years ago, I was on the verge of depression, but then I saw her and it all just fell into place. She became my rock, even though she has told me that I was hers. She came like a raft, ready to save the people of the sinking ship that was slowly becoming my life... The night I was going to propose to her, was the night of her car accident. She surprisingly looked okay from just being in a car accident, but then that's when the doctor said that she had short term memory loss as a result of the accident. 

Up until that point we were dating for almost a year, so I thought that maybe she would have just forgotten the last few months before the accident; but no. She forgot everything that happened within the last year. She didn't even know who I was. All she knew was that I was the person who played Loki. 

I tired to be strong for her, but after awhile I could tell that she wouldn't remember me for a very long time. So I wrote her a letter, and then disappeared from her life. It was now six months later, and I was desperate for an escape. So what do I do?... I cut myself.

Your POV:

You just had the strangest dream about Tom Hiddleston... it was strange because in the dream it was like you loved him. In the dream it was like you loved him. In the dream you both went on this date at this not-to-fancy restaurant, and then afterwards you went paddle boating. Then Tom walked you home, where he then gave you a soft kiss on the cheek. 

Now that you were awake, your heart was pounding and couldn't help but think why you had that dream; but then you remember the letter. Quickly you jump out of your bed and run over to your junk drawer. Pulling it open you search frantically for the letter that he gave you before disappearing for what's been six months now. 

Finally finding it, you quickly run back to your bed, turning the front of the envelope towards you. 'Open When You Start to Remember Me' it said. Well if that dream wasn't you starting to remember who Tom Hiddleston was before the accident, then you didn't know what life was. 

Tearing the envelope open, you pull out the rather lengthy letter and start to read:

"Y/N, I am writing this letter in hopes that you have remembered, or are starting to remember who I am. Because in case you haven't realized Y/N you are very important to me. I hope by the end of this letter, you realize just how much. Y/N I never told you this (before the car crash that is), but you've helped me through so much. When we were dating, I would always call you my rock or-on rare occasions- my life raft. I could see the confusion in your eyes whenever I would say that, but you would never ask why. You would instead blush, and give me a soft kiss on the cheek... God I miss those days... But in case you haven't already gathered, we were dating before the car accident... Oh Y/N how I wish that accident never happened. 

If that car accident never happened, then I would still be taking you on dates... Do you remember our first one? God I hope you do, because it was a night to remember. Nice, not-to-fancy restaurant where we drank and laughed the whole night. And then afterwards, we went to the lake and paddle-boated until our legs ran sore. It was truly-"

That was your dream... your dream was your subconscious remembering Tom and yours first date? It can't be. How was I remembering now, when I haven't remembered in over 6 months? You close your eyes for a moment and try to remember more. Flashes of you and Tom laughing, watching movies, and reading Shakespeare together cross your mind. You quickly open your eyes, feeling light headed a moment, before coming to the realization that you were starting  to actually remember!

Without thinking, you grab the letter, your purse and some shoes before dashing out your front door and hailing down a cab. Finally one stops alongside the curb you were standing on, and you quickly climb in. 

"Where to ma'am?" Not realizing that you didn't know where Tom lived, you begin to quickly search the letter for an address. Relief washes over you as you finally spot it on the last page. You tell the driver where to go, but not before he so blatantly remarks that you were in your pj's. Feeling frustrated you say, "Yes I know. I'm sure you've seen worse though, so if you will please-sir-drive!" Immediately shutting up, the curb lurches forward and the driver begins to drive as instructed. 

I didn't care what I looked like, it was time to see Tom. 

Tom's POV: 

Being in my master bath I can't help but look around and know that I don't deserve any of this. It was obvious that I don't deserve Y/N, so why did I deserve any of this? I wince from the pain of the blade cutting my skin open once again, and give a heavy sigh as I lean my head back against the wall. 

"Why are you doing this to yourself Tom?" I ask myself quietly as I slice my wrist once again. I watch disappointed as the blood slowly slides down my forearm. "Because," I state sadly, "I can."

Your POV:

Standing outside of Tom's house you can't help but be amazed by it all. It was gorgeous! Walking up the steps that led to his front door, you say a silent prayer in hopes that he is home today. Because that would be a huge downfall if he wasn't. You know on his door three times in hopes that the door would swing open to reveal an elated Tom. But instead, you were greeted with silence. Feeling a bit put off, you know again, but again there was no response. Now frustrated that no one was answering, you take it upon yourself to try the door handle, and are surprised to find it unlocked. Hesitantly you walk into the house that seemed so familiar to you, as if you were here only once before. 

"Hello?" You call out hesitantly, but no answer. "Well I guess it's up to you to tour the house yourself Y/N," you say a bit put off once again. You eventually make your way upstairs to the master bedroom. "Wow," you say softly as you take the room in. Was if beautiful? Well... it could be. In all honesty the room was a mess. There was shattered glass everywhere. The sheets on the mattress (which were on the floor), were bunched up in a small ball. And if you weren't, there were little droplets of blood littering his white carpet. Still think that no one was home, you make your way over to the master bath. Slowly you push open the door and are frozen to your spot once you see what was happening... Tom was cutting himself. 

"No," you say in a whisper; not wanting to believe it. This man before you was not the man you were starting to remember. Luckily his eyes were closed, so he never saw you enter... which means that you could leave and act like this never happened. So why weren't your feet moving then? You just stood there, watching through watery eyes as he takes the blood covered blade and lowers it to his wrist to make another heart wrenching cut. "No! Please Tom stop!"

You quickly cover your mouth, trying to shove the words-that have already left-back into your mouth. But it was too late, because Tom was now staring at you almost as if you were a ghost. Realizing this was an utter mistake, your feet finally decide to move... all the way down his stairs and out his front door. 

"Y/N! No please don't leave." You are surprised to hear the urgency in Tom's voice as he follows you outside. You quickly turn to face him as he approaches you. "No Tom, Im sorry. I don't know why I came here, I'll just leave you alone." You begin to turn away from him once more, bu in a quick movement you somehow ended up in Tom's arms. You were going to start protesting, but his next words just melted your confused heart.

"Please don't go Y/N, please. Right at this moment, I don't care why you are back." Sensing-somehow- your hesitation on the whole matter, he quickly continues. "Look, I know how you found me in the bathroom is all a bit discouraging, but please Y/N just come in so we can talk about this." Finally looking up at him you can't help but frown, despite his warming words. "Why Tom?" And instead of frowning like you thought he would, he instead smiles warmly at you as he says, "Because Y/N you have given me a new sense of hope just by coming here. Because that tells me that you have started to remember our past. And I couldn't ask for anything better... even if it does start small." 

Hesitantly Tom grabs your hands in his. A bit surprised you look down and notice the scars and freshly made cuts covering his wrists and forearms, and you can't help but smile internally as an idea comes to mind. "I'll stay so we can talk IF you let me clean up these cuts, and you promise to let me take you to get help tomorrow," you say carefully; not sure how sensitive he was about the whole thing. But to your relief, he smiles at you as he begins to walk you back to his house. "My life raft," he says tenderly, "She has returned."