Have you ever been alone? It sucks. People think that they want to be alone when they're hurt or sick of people. But trust me, take it from someone who has been alone for a whole year now, it is not fun. I have been stuck in this oblivion place. Living the same day over and over again. It truly sucks. I hate it and I am miserable. But there is no way out. I am stuck in this prison on the day May 10th, 1994. Why this year? Who knows, why this day? Better question. One I do not like to discuss. Let's just say I have a past, a bad one. OOOHHH, scary right? No. Everyone has a past, good or bad.

Anyway, now I'm boring myself. I am just sitting in some bar in... Greece? Is that where I am? Yeah, sounds about right. This whole first year of being here I have decided to travel the world a bit, you know since there is nothing else to do. Believe me, I've tried. First three months I was here: I tried to figure out where I was. Second three months: Tried to escape. Third three months: I got sick and tired of it all, so I tried to kill myself. Yep. I resulted to being one of those people. But surprise surprise, I can't die. I just came back to life each time. And each time I would scream and beg for it to be over. I am sure the people who sent me here thought death would be too easy. So the Fourth Three Months I spent traveling. I have made it to Spain, Germany, Thailand, Australia, probably my favorite, and now Greece. Where I am drowning in alcohol. I never got to in the real world, so why not?

Okay, I am cutting myself off. I stumble out of there and go to some hotel to sleep in. At least you don't have to pay for anything. I guess that's nice. I take a nice long bath and then lay down and start reading Romeo and Juliet. Yeah I know, very cliche. But, I am out of books to read. I just don't understand Romeo and Juliet. I mean, come on, how can you be that wrapped up in someone. Die for love. It is gross.

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The next morning I woke up. I threw up and had a hangover, joy! I decide to leave Greece and move on to a different country. I looked at the map I was holding. I thought about America, my once "home". I never want to go back there, but I have felt this pull. This attraction to go, like a magnet. I didn't understand what it was, but I thought what the hell. Everyone makes it back home, that's the cheesy saying right? I got in some random car, and took off. I played some CD's, which were 1990's ones, but I needed something to break the silence. I sang the whole way there. Stopped along the way for gas and snacks. I eat literally all the time, but never get fat. I do try to exercise though. I almost crash multiple times, I am bad at driving. Granted I am speeding, but who is gonna stop me right? I laugh at myself for that.

Tired of driving, I decide to stop in Canada and call it a day. I could feel that pull getting stronger as I was getting closer to America. I figured maybe because I was about to be home. The stupid side of me thought maybe it could be another person, but I laughed bittely at myself for being so naieve. I would kill for someone else to be here. Boy or Girl. Young or old. Mean or nice. Doesn't really matter to me. I just want to be in human contact with someone again, so I won't be picky.

What would I do if someone else was here? Become friends with them? Strike a conversation? No one would ever want to be my friend or talk to me anyway. I am an outcast. I screw up. A freak of nature. No one would want me. Well, too much thinking for one night. I look at the tv that is in this hotel room. I kick it. I scream. I am so frustrated and tired of being here and existing. I am broken. I smash a chair and the vase that was on the table in this room. Ahh, well now I feel better. I ice my now purple hands and bandage by cuts. I then drift off to sleep.

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I gasp to wake up. I am panting and sweaty, eww. I had a dream. I was with this guy. I couldn't make out his face, but I heard his voice. It was so alluring. Probably since I haven't heard people speak in so long. I haven't had a dream in a long time either. We were running around in a field. Laughing and having... fun? The last thing I remember is the crunch sound of pork rinds and then I fell over and woke up. This, of course, I'm sure, meant nothing. But it felt so real.... Maybe I wanted it to be real. I blink a few times before getting up to shower.

I put on some jeans, 90's style of course, and a black tank top with flowers. I tie up my converse and get back on the road. Today I am going to face my fears, and finally go home.