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"Okay, is everything ready?" I asked stressfully as I looked around the dining table, making sure there was every single thing the kids liked for breakfast. And yes. That included ice cream pancakes with chocolate.

I didn't care. Today was their first day of school.

Cameras were ready to go on our phones and I was itching to wake them for their first day.

I had texted Zaid after speaking to my dad and getting permission for him to join us for breakfast, but he hadn't replied so I assumed he wouldn't come.

"Yes, love. Everything is perfect. Go on and wake them." Jess said, putting my shoulder.

I smiled and took a deep breath before hurrying up the stairs and saying the words that I'd probably be saying every weekday from now own for the next god knows how many years inshaaAllah.

"Come on, kids. Wake up. Time for school!" I clapped my hands enthusiastically and leaned over the bed, kissing them both awake and watching their eyes blink open, Hafsa showing me her big brown pupils and Hamza's bright blue orbs become apparent.

MashaaAllah.

"Already?" Hamza asked me while yawning.

"Yep, it's the morning. Come on, wake up." I said. "We don't want to be late for our first day now, do we?" I asked with a smile. They both got up slowly and we went to the bathroom to wash their faces and brush their teeth. After putting on their outfits which I had picked last night, we were making our way downstairs.

"Good morning, habibti." My dad said as he kissed Hafsa's head. "Good morning, habibi." He said right after as he kissed Hamza also.

Jess and Justin both did the same.

"Oh, I love their outfits, Sumayya." Jess said, glancing at them in awe as she placed her hands on her chest. My eyes were glossed over with unshed tears and I was just waiting on when I wouldn't be able to stop myself from letting it all go.

"Thanks, Jess." I said. I had picked out simple outfits. They both had on the same white sneakers, Hamza was wearing a white T shirt with blue jeans and a red and black checkered flannel over the top that I'd left unbuttoned and Hafsa had white stockings with denim short overalls and a red and black checkered headband that resembled a bandana.

They were adorable. The most adorable kids. And Alhamdulillah, they were mine. Well, mine and Zaids, but you get my drift.

"Come on, look what there is for breakfast!" I said, placing them in their chairs and watching as their eyes widened looking at the ice cream and pancakes.

"Hey, look here, kiddos. Sumayya, look up." Justin's voice came and as I looked up I saw him recording on his phone.

I fake gasped pointing to the camera. "Say hi to uncle J." I spoke, waving my hand and smiling with them as he took a few photos before starting to record a video once they began eating.

"Tell uncle J what you're eating Hamza." I said with a grin.

"Pancakes!" He cheered with his mouth full.

"Pancakes with what?" I asked, looking at Hafsa who swallowed before she answered loudly.

"Ice cream!" She yelled making me chuckle.

"Why you laughing, man? Do you know how unhealthy that stuff is?" Justin said, continuing the video on me and making me feel a tad bit guilty.

"Whatever, it's my babies first day of school. Allow it. Plus, baba bought the ice cream." I said, pointing to my dad who stopped laughing and straightened up once the camera was pointed to him.

"I did. However, Jessica told me to buy it, so I'm innocent." He said, raising his hands as Justin now turned the camera to his mum.

Jess gasped and looked at a loss for words. "I didn't come up with the idea though, Sumi did!" She whined making all of us laugh

"You all sound like children." Justin laughed.

"Oh shush, you're the biggest child in the room." I muttered, loud enough for it to be caught on the video.

"Excuse me? What was that?" Justin said.

"Nothing, I said nothing." I answered with a grin as I poured orange juice into the sippy cups.

"Yeah, you..." Justin began but he was cut off by the doorbell and so I used that as an escape.

"I'll go get it." I laughed, leaving the room and walking to the door. I pulled it open, seeing Zaid standing there, his phone in one hand and his other shoved into his pants pocket.

"You couldn't even dress casual for today?" I asked him, pulling the door open and letting him in.

"I have no casual attire besides what I wear at home." He answered as he slowly walked into the house, looking around at the decor and at the furniture.

"Well you should invest in some then." I said to him simply, shutting the door and leading the way into the living and dining area.

"Zaid is here." I announced slowly.

My dad stared at him with narrowed eyes before sighing. "Assalamu alaykum."

"Wa alaykum salam." Zaid replied simply with a small nod.

"Zaid!" Hafsa cheered, reaching her arms up from the chair for him to grab her. He smiled widely and walked up to her chair, taking her out and lifting her up before bringing her back down to kiss her cheeks.

"Good morning, beautiful." He smiled, pinching her cheeks and kissing her forehead before placing her back down after they exchanged a few sentences.

Zaid then moved to the side and bent down to come eye level with Hamza. "Assalamu alaykum, buddy." He smiled softly.

Hamza looked more shy than angry as he looked at Zaid's smiling face.

"Wa alaykum salam." He answered.

"Are you excited?" Zaid asked him.

Hamza shrugged.

"I think he's more nervous." I said.

"No, Hamza isn't nervous, he's just wondering what it's like, isn't that right?"

Hamza nodded his head and smiled at me with his tongue poking out making me chuckle.

"Zaid, this is Jess my step mum, step mum, meet Zaid, my...Hamza and Hafsa's father." I introduced and although Jess slapped my shoulder, she smiled and extended a hand.

"Oh, wait." She said quickly. "You don't shake hands right?" She asked and Zaid nodded with a chuckle.

"But it's nice to meet you, ma'am." He spoke kindly.

"Please, just Jess is fine. It's nice to finally officially meet you too." She answered him with a grin.

"Zaid, meet Justin, my step brother. Justin, Zaid." I spoke.

Justin narrowed his eyes as Zaid looked at him expressionless.

"Just brother is fine." Justin spoke, giving me a look.

"You know what I meant." I said giving him a small smile. I cleared my throat, tilting my head towards Zaid as if asking him nicely to get along.

Justin looked at me. "For you." He muttered, taking a step forward and extending his hand for a shake.

I looked at Zaid, narrowing my eyes at him to make a move, but just as he flinched his hand ready to extend it to shake, Justin decided to move his away. "Oh right, you don't shake hands, huh?" He said sarcastically. He knew the rule. He was just acting cocky.

"Yeah, I only shake with men, sorry." He muttered, but everyone heard it. I narrowed my eyes and slapped his arm, chastising him as he had that smug look on his face.

"Very mature." I commented, sarcastically clapping my hands. "Both of you. Well done." I muttered, rolling my eyes and shaking my head before turning and sitting down on the table and starting breakfast.

"I did nothing." Justin spoke as he sat beside me.

I could feel Zaid's eyes burning holes into my head as if he expected me to tell Justin not to sit beside me, but I wasn't going to do that.

"Did you have to make a comment?" I asked him as I scooted my chair closer to Hafsa's seat.

"You could have been the bigger person." I mumbled, watching as Jess told Zaid to sit. He took the seat across me, beside Hamza and Jess sat next to him where Justin was supposed to be sitting.

My dad raised his hands as a gesture for everyone to begin before he picked up his fork.

"So you don't say a word to him even though he made that cocky comment, but you're here getting mad at me? Nice, sis. Real nice." Justin muttered and he actually sounded offended. I sighed rubbing my forehead as I glanced at him.

"Justin." I said quietly. I could feel Zaid's state on me yet again. It was making me hot and I dared to turn my face in his direction, seeing his hooded eyes and his narrowed eyebrows as he looked directly at me.

I had to apologise to Justin. I turned back to him but was cut off before I could gain his attention again.

"Mummy, can I have some more pancake?"

"Sure." I answered with a smile as I took one on my fork and leaned over to put it on Hamza's plate. The table was oddly silent afterwards until Jess broke the silence.

"So Zaid, what job do you do?" She asked, clearly trying to get to know him.

"Uh, I used to work in an editing and publishing company but now I'm in my family business. My dad started it. He owns halal, Muslim friendly hotels around the world." He explained simply, the mention of their family business made me smile.

Whenever we went to baba and mamas house and I looked a little bit tired baba would ask me to pick any country I wanted to have a holiday at.

Seeing as though I knew which countries he didn't have hotels in, I always said those countries. He would always laugh and I'd say 'looks like we'll have to wait till you expand.'

It was our little joke that we had.

"How many siblings do you have?" Jess asked, breaking me out of my memory and making me sigh.

"Two younger sisters." He answered. "By young I mean 21 and 19." He added quickly, making her smile.

"That's nice. Are they married?" She asked making Zaid choke on his mouthful.

"No." He cleared his throat. "No, they aren't."

Zaid never liked speaking about his sisters and marriage. It was a topic that he didn't feel calm about. It got him worked up.

"I'm sure they'll find husbands soon." Jess answered.

"Uncle Justin?" Hamza called over the table.

"Yes, buddy?" Justin said coolly as he looked at Hamza.

"Can I have the Nutella, please?"

Justin chuckled, looking at the jar that was beside him. "You can have Nutella, but not the Nutella." Justin answered, putting his fork down and wiping his mouth to go put Nutella on Hamza's pancake seeing as though Hamza wouldn't be able to manage that himself.

"Pass it over, I can do it." Zaid said, extending his hand across the table for Justin to hand the jar over.

Justin didn't even respond or look his way. He got up as if he hadn't even heard Zaid and left his seat, walking over to Hamza's high chair. He spread a bit over the pancake and smiled at Hamza. "You good, little man?"

"I'm good, big man." Hamza replied with a grin making Justin chuckle along with Jess and my dad. Zaid clearly didn't find the scene humorous at all as he clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes at Justin.

"Zaid." My baba called, snapping Zaid out of his moment.

"Yes, baba?" He answered quickly, clearly not realizing what he had said until he said it. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Keep eating your breakfast." He said, giving him a look which clearly meant 'don't treat Justin that way'.

"Zaid?" Hafsa spoke.

"Yes, sweetheart?" He smiled at her widely.

"Are you coming to school with us?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Beg." I uttered with a scoff, the word leaving my mouth before my brain had a chance to catch up. I looked up at Zaid who was smirking at my little slip up.

"I'd gladly be called a beg for my kids." He chuckled, watching me as the blush spread across my cheeks.

"Yes, I want you! Please come!" Hafsa whined, clapping her sticky hands together. The friction must have intrigued her and she stopped after two claps and looked down at them.

"Hamza?" I asked. "Do you want Zaid there?" I gave him a small encouraging look and he looked at me before looking at Zaid and then back at me shyly. I nodded once again with a smile. "He can come." He answered softly with a shrug, looking at Zaid before glancing down at his pancake.

"Okay. If Hamza gives me permission, then I'll definitely be there, InshaaAllah." He smiled, leaning over and ruffling Hamza's hair.

Red tinted Hamza's cheek as he looked at me and I gave him a wide proud smile making his lips tug upwards also.

He had to know that I was completely happy of him getting along with Zaid. Otherwise he would never want him around.

"Such a happy family." Justin muttered.

"Justin." My baba chastised. "That's exactly what they are. A family." He whisper shouted. "You've no right to intervene right now."

"Abdullah's right, Justin." Jess spoke up softly with a pitiful look on her face. I guess she knew where Justin was coming from...I suppose we all did, Zaid included, but still, we all also knew that he didn't have a right to stop Zaid from getting close with the kids.

In talk, he said he would support it, and I know he meant it when he had told me to do what I felt was right for the kids, but I guess seeing it happen right in front of his eyes was a little hard for him to firm.

"Am I the extra on this table? Is that what this is?" Justin spoke angrily, dropping his fork and knife as he shot out of his seat, the chair legs scraping against the wooden floor.

"Forgive me for intruding." He muttered as he stalked off, going up the stairs, his feet stomping as he walked over every step.

I sighed, feeling upset on the one day I wanted to be filled with happiness and joy. "I'll go speak to him." I said standing up only to be cut short when Zaid spoke right after me.

"No. You won't." He said sternly.

"Sorry?" I said, raising my brows at him.

"You can't go upstairs, to his room, alone, to talk to him."

"Then you come with and we're going to sort this nonsense once and for all." I demanded.

Zaid looked like he thought about it for a few seconds, but once he looked at Hamza and Hafsa and the innocent looks on their faces at Justin's outburst, he sighed, nodding his head slowly and pushing himself out of his chair.

We walked up the stairs with him following behind me. I was about to stop at the last step to speak some advice to him on how to ensure this would go smoothly when he stopped me first.

His slender fingers wrapped around my wrist tenderly halting my movements as tingles shot up my arm. I parted my lips and turned to look at him.

"Do you always speak to him alone in his room?" He asked me lowly, his voice making me shiver.

I had forgotten how nice it felt when he had gheerah over me. And he was a man with the most gheerah.

"N-no." I stuttered, not knowing why, my voice breathless. I normally would have given a smart remark or asked him why he even cared, maybe even told him it wasn't any of his business. But I couldn't. With the way he was looking at me through hooded eyes and pursed lips, I spoke the truth. I had a number of times. But only if it was urgent. I generally liked speaking to him only when the kids, Jess or my dad was around. Otherwise I would always cut it short and straight forward.

"No?" He asked, tilting his head.

I swallowed and shook my head. "I keep it straight forward if we're alone."

"So you do speak to him alone?" He asked, narrowing his eyes at me as I quivered under his hard stare.

"I-I...w-we live in the same house...I mean, it can get sort of hard to not be alone sometimes." I explained quickly, my sentence filled with stuttering.

"Not for much longer, sumi." He said.

"Huh?"

"You won't be living under the same roof as him for much longer when I'm here for that."

"Zaid, please." I said, and I did the most unexpected thing I could ever do in a moment of frenzy. I slid my wrist out of his grasp and instead put my hand in his, intertwining our fingers, his calloused hands making contact with my smooth ones after so many years.

The feeling made me hot and flustered as hundreds of memories flew through my mind. I missed how my hand felt in his. How his skin felt rough against my smooth one. How his fingers encompassed my small hand completely. How my hand fit perfectly in his.

A gasp escaped his lips as he looked at our joined hands, his fingers immediately tightening their hold as he shut his eyes.

"It's crazy how much I've missed every little thing about you. Even the way your soft little hand fits in mine perfectly..." He trailed off in a whisper.

I don't know what had come over me, but it felt right in the moment.

Was this our first step to reconciliation?

I thought I said I wouldn't be a family with him. I had told him countless times. Told his sister countless times. Told my parents countless times. Told my self more than countless times...yet here I was with my hand in his and loving every single moment of it.

He's your husband. This is a mercy from Allah.

I didn't know whether to believe the little voice in my head or whether it was only trying to make me feel better about my uncalled for actions.

But in a way, it was true. He was my husband. We were married. And this felt wonderful.

I shook my head, clearing my throat. "Zaid," I whispered. "Please."

"Please what?"

"Please try going with the flow. Justin is a really nice guy. He's just protective of me and the kids." I told him.

"I'll do what I can." He answered me. His voice was strained and it looked like he couldn't keep his eyes peeled away from our joined hands.

His thumb was, most likely, sub consciously running over the back of my hand and it was making me feel so at ease. Like everything was going to be right in the world and this was a feeling I had truly missed.

I hadn't realised just how much I loved and missed this gesture until now.

"Let's go." I said after clearing my throat. I walked and although I subtly tried pulling my hand out of his hold he didn't let go and I didn't force it.

We reached the door and I was about to knock, stopping my movements when I realized that this would have gone more smoothly if Zaid and I weren't holding hands. "Let go." I spoke as he tightened his grip while I tried pulling away.

"Why?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It'll make him more pissed." I said quickly in a whisper.

"So what?" He shrugged and I narrowed my eyes forcing my hand out of his.

"Zaid. Please. I want you both to get along. Out your ego aside. Rasulullah ﷺ said 'No one who has the weight of a seed of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise'." I told him.

He looked at me for a few seconds and I gave him a pleading look. If I wanted to get back with Zaid, which clearly, after today I did, then I wanted him to be best friends with Justin, even if that would take time and I knew that would take a while.

"Fine. For you." He answered, rolling his eyes and making me grin.

"Thank you." I answered softly, looking away and blushing.

Jheeze, what was with me? I was acting like a teenage girl.

Astaghfirullah.

Why are you saying Astaghfirullah...he's your husband.

True.

"I love it when you blush." Zaid smirked making me go even redder.

"Stop it." I said, looking around, making sure no one was in view. I turned back to the door and knocked firmly.

"What!?" His voice called. I joined my hands in front of me and called back.

"Can I come in?"

Justin stayed silent. "Go ahead." He muttered after some time and I pushed the door open, seeing him sat on his desk chair, facing the computer.

I walked in and gestured for Zaid to follow me and shut the door.

"Can we talk?" I asked slowly.

"I'm listening." He answered.

"No. Justin, can we talk...to you." I repeated and slowly he turned on his rolling chair and looked at Zaid, narrowing his eyes and turning back around.

"Take him out of here." He muttered.

"Justin, please."

"What, please?" He asked getting off his chair and turning around to narrow his eyes at me.

"I want you two to get along, Justin. You're my brother and he's my husband."

Justin's eyes widened as he looked at me after keeping his narrowed eyes on Zaid the whole time.

"Husband?"

"Yes, my husband. You know we never got divorced." I told him.

"Yeah and I also knew...well, thought I knew that you were going to divorce as soon as you could." He told me, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Look, mate..."

"Don't call me that. I'm not your mate." He cut off Zaid.

Zaid tensed beside me and I cleared my throat, trying to make him continue without replying with a snarky comment.

"Listen, I know how much you love Hamza and Hafsa and I know everything you've done for them and I appreciate it too. But whether you like it or not, I am their dad, Sumayya is my wife. From how Sumayya and the kids get along with you, I know how much love you've got for one another and I know you'd want what's best for them. You'd support them to make them happy. If Sumayya feels like our kids will be happy with their dad and mum together, then why wouldn't you support us?" Zaid spoke and I couldn't do anything but look up at him with utter and complete awe. He was so good with his words, and the best thing about it was that everything he said, he said from the heart.

He looked down at me for a second his eyes softening at my face before looking back at Justin. I only now realised a single tear was running down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly.

"I never knew the full story to your marriage and why you left. All I know is that when I first met Sumayya, she was a depressed mess."

"Thanks." I muttered.

"She wasn't eating. She never left her room. She was constantly crying. All this, while being pregnant to those beautiful kids. Hafsa has acute autism because of Sumayya's stress. The stress that you caused her. Do you understand?" Justin spoke clearly.

"If I knew any of this would pan out the way it did, I never would have left. If I knew the harm it would cause, I would have let her suffer with me, but I really don't know which would have been worse. Her being pregnant with a supportive family to look after her. Or her being pregnant with a cancerous husband who was weak and left for dead having emergency surgeries every two weeks." Zaid spoke. His voice was hoarse and I felt like comforting him, but couldn't. Not now, anyway.

"That's besides the..."

"No, it isn't." Zaid cut him off. "When those kids were born, Sumayya's world brightened. She became herself again, didn't she? Even though you never knew what she was like when we were married. She was happy. Her world brightened. If I was still here that wouldn't have happened. She's still have me to worry about. And I was in that condition for three years after the time she gave birth. Those three years would have been hell for her." He said.

Justin looked deep in thought. He looked at me, my eyes glossed over and a faint smile on my lips, before glancing back at Zaid's expressionless face.

"If you ever, and I mean ever, do anything to upset her again, I'll destroy you. Do you understand?" Justin spoke.

I widened my eyes, looking at him with a gasp. Did that mean..."S-so, you're okay with this?" I asked him.

"If this is what will make you happy, sis, then sure." He nodded at me.

I looked up at Zaid who smiled down at me. He probably couldn't care less about Justin's well wishes, but I assumed he was happy because he knew how important this was to me.

"Happy?" Justin asked me with a small smile.

I nodded. "So happy. You two are going to be best friends." I said with a grin.

Justin's smile wiped off his face and Zaid muttered. "Take it easy." 

"Shut up." I said to Zaid and before I could comprehend what came over me I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his torso. Resting my head on his chest, he stiffened for a second before relaxing, his hands wrapping around my back as he released a deep breath.

"Never mind. I take my permission back." Justin muttered and I realised I had just hugged Zaid in front of Justin. Not only that. I had just hugged Zaid.

What was with me today?

I mean, I knew I woke up in a surprisingly extraordinarily good mood, but I didn't know this many blessings would come to life from it. 

"Now the only thing is to get baba's blessings."

"You already have them."

We all turned around and looked at my dad who was standing in the doorway, a small smile on his face as he looked at me. I snapped out of my daydream and walked to him, hugging him tightly and thanking him.

Zaid took a few steps forward and smiled at my dad gratefully. "JazakAllahu khayr."

"You can call me baba." He told Zaid and Zaid laughed loudly before he hugged my dad tightly, patting his back and smiling with tear filled eyes.

"I won't disappoint you, baba." He said as they pulled away. My dad tapped his shoulder before squeezing it.

"InshaaAllah." He said.

"Or else you'll have me to face." Justin muttered making me roll my eyes and chuckle once I saw the humour in his eyes. Even Zaid cracked a smile at him before my dad told us to come down and finish breakfast.

We sat back down around the table, Jess looked around at all of our faces and when we all gave her nods and smiles she smiled widely, clearly happy that we had managed to sort everything out. Alhamdulillah.

The table erupted in conversation after that. Granted Zaid and Justin still didn't talk, but at least they didn't hate each other either.

I glanced around, my dad, step mum, brother, husband and my kids all one table, talking, conversing and laughing while we had breakfast. If this didn't make me happy, I don't know what did.

I felt eyes on me and I turned to look across me where Zaid was staring at me, looking like he was happy for me alone. I smiled widely at him and he grinned and shut his eyes whispering shukr to Allah.

This was my family.

The quicker I accepted Zaid back into my life...the quicker the kids, Zaid and I would reach happiness.

I guess I had gotten the answer to all my istikhara prayers. Today went by surprisingly smoothly and I couldn't have thanked Allah enough.

:::::

"Mama?"

"Yes, baby?" I hummed as I looked at Hafsa through the rear view mirror.

"I'm scared." She said softly.

"I'm coming with you too." Hamza spoke up with a smile looking at his sister grinning and making me smile at them in awe as I pulled up to a red light.

"Exactly, Hafsa. Hamza is going to be with you all the time, okay? You're going to make so many friends inshaaAllah." I said, looking at her with a grin.

"Okay, mummy." She smiled at me looking more relaxed. Initially, whilst we were doing enrollments the school had told us that we had to place them in separate classes just so they don't stay with each other because that would prevent them from making friends, but once I told them that Hafsa was autistic, they had allowed it Alhamdulillah.

A horn beeped from behind us and I glared at my side view mirror when I saw Zaid smirking in his car. I rolled my eyes before the cars behind him started beeping too and only now I realised the light had turned green.

I muttered under my breath and quickly put the car in gear, driving quickly and reaching forth gear in no time, leaving all the other cars behind, except for Zaid of course. He was right on my tail and I smiled as I watched him pull to the lane next to me. He chucked his car on fifth gear and caught up to me until we were driving side by side.

I shook my head with a smile, not looking at him.

"Kids, do you wanna race baba?" I asked them, putting my hand on the stick shift and cracking my neck.

The kids raised their head and saw Zaid beside us and they both smiled as he gave them a wave.

"Yes! Yes!" They both cheered making me chuckle. I turned to Zaid with a smirk and he smirked back at me, clearly understanding exactly what was about to go down.

I looked back to the road as we reached traffic lights that turned red. I rolled down my window as well as the back ones as Zaid did also.

"You still think you got it?" I asked him.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing." He smirked.

"Babies, who's gonna win? Mama or baba?" I asked.

"Mama!" They both cheered loudly.

"We'll see about that." Zaid laughed and as we both looked back at the lights, it turned yellow. I put it into first gear and as soon as the light turned green we were off. From first to second in the first moments before reaching third and forth within 30 seconds. The kids laughed loudly in their seats and I grinned as I put the car in fifth, passing his car and leaving him behind, hearing the kids cheer and laugh with excitement while clapping their hands because we had won.

I chuckled as we came to another light and I pulled up, watching as he came five seconds later. "Nice of you to join us." I winked.

He rolled his eyes. "For the kids." He simply said, making me raise my brows.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." I sighed with a fake yawn, trying hard to suppress the grin that wanted to take over my face.

"We won, Zaid!" Hafsa yelled with a giggle making Zaid chuckle.

"Next time, I'll win." He said, pretending to be mad that he had lost which made both the kids laugh.

It wasn't long from that point on and we reached the day care in five minutes. The place was covered in colorful balloons as it was the children's first day. There were banners and streamers and colorful little decorations surrounding the outside of the building.

The whole place looked extremely cute and it had a positive vibe. I loved it.

"Balloons!" Hafsa cheered loudly making me laugh as I parked quickly and walked out of the car.

"You haven't lost touch." Zaid said with a smirk speaking about our earlier race. I smiled at him and opened Hamza's door.

"Unbuckle Hafsa, Zaid." I ordered him making him smile widely.

"Actually let me get Hamza." He said.

"Are you sure?" I asked, the smile wiping off my face. I didn't want Hamza to get upset now on his first day of school.

"Yeah." He said simply giving me a solid nod. I walked to the rear of the car, away from Hamza's door to walk around to Hafsa's. "Khayr." I said simply as I walked past Zaid.

He smiled softly and touched my arm and went to Hamza's side, pulling the door open as I reached Hafsa.

"Hey, buddy." Zaid said with a small smile, crouching beside Hamza.

"Hi." He said shyly, glancing at me, before looking at Zaid after I gave him a encouraging smile and nod.

"Come on, Hafsa." I said with a smile, unbuckling her and taking her out of the car. I took her hand since we were on the road side and took her bag from in between the two seats, putting it over my shoulder, while listening to Hamza and Zaid's conversation.

"I know you don't like me, buddy. But I promise you, I'm going to spend every single day trying to make you happy, okay?" He paused. "I'll make it up to you. I promise. InshaaAllah I'll show you just how much you mean to me, Hamza. Bi idhnillah I'll be the best baba to you and Hafsa." Zaid said and although I knew Hamza probably understood a few sentences I felt tears escape my eyes once Hamza gave Zaid a soft smile and nodded, touching his belt buckle to tell Zaid to undo it and once it was released, he reached up to Zaid. Zaid took Hamza into his arms quickly and Hamza wrapped his arms around Zaid's neck, resting his little head in his shoulder as Zaid held him tightly with tears escaping his closed eyes as he kissed Hamza's head.

"I love you so much, Hamza." Zaid whispered.

"Why are you cwying, mummy?" Hafsa whispered. "Why is Zaid crying?"

"We're just happy, habibti." I smiled at her, holding the back of her head and pulling her head forward to kiss her forehead.

"Come on, let's go in." I spoke and Zaid gave me a smile. I gave him one back and we walked to the entrance.

Hafsa was holding my hand and walking along while Hamza was still in Zaid's hold, his arm lazily around Zaid's neck as he looked ahead.

I didn't have it in me to tell Zaid to put him down so he could walk.

I could not begin to imagine the emotions Zaid was feeling right now. For the first time ever, he was holding his son. His eyes, which matched Hamza's exactly, were glossed over and he didn't even try ridding of it.

A woman gasped loudly as we entered the doors and smiled widely at us, waving her hands excitedly while looking at Hamza and Hafsa.

"Good morning!" She cheered, her eyes wide as she grinned. She was a blonde woman, middle aged, a red headband held her short hair out of her eyes and she had on a white top with blue jeans, her shoes plain black ones with a short thick heel.

"Good morning." I replied smiling at her also.

"Oh, I already know who these little ones are." She said as she walked around the table and crouched in front of Hafsa. "The gorgeous little twins, aren't they?" She said and I gave her a small nod as she looked at me. "So you must be Hafsa." She spoke.

Hafsa looked up at me and I gave her a smile.

"Yes, I'm Hafsa." She answered shyly.

"And you must be Hamza." She said with just as much enthusiasm once Zaid placed Hamza beside Hafsa, still holding his hand.

"Mhm." Hamza hummed simply in response.

"It's very nice to meet you two. My names Ms Linda." She said, extending her hand to Hafsa who shook it slowly.

"I can't shake hands with girls." Hamza said once the teacher extended her hand to him.

"Oh," I stuttered, quickly crouching down beside him  and holding his shoulders. "No, baby. It's okay. You can shake your teachers hand." I said, releasing an awkward chuckle as I guided his hand to hers by his arm.

"I'm sorry." I said to the teacher. She waved a dismissive hand and let go of Hamza's hand.

After she spoke to them for a little longer, asking them what they liked, their favourite colours and foods, she gestured us inside where apparently there was another teacher.

That teacher wrote Hamza and Hafsa's name on coloured pieces of paper with string attached which all the kids had to put around their necks in order for the two teachers to remember their names.

"Hamza, Hafsa, you two go on and play with the other kids." The other teacher, Ms Mary said, pushing them in the direction of the other kids by their backs softly.

Hafta looked at me, seeming slightly frightened and even though the teacher had told me not to intervene, I couldn't help myself.

"Look Hafsa," I said, crouching beside them. "You too, Hamza. They're all of your friends, okay? See!? There's cars there and action figures. Come on, go and play." I smiled at both of them, leaning over and kissing each of their heads again.

I stood up and watched as they walked forward and into the play area where there were about eight other children, all similarly aged.

"Okay, that'll be all from you two. You can come pick them up at 2pm." Ms Mary spoke.

"Okay," I said, my heart tearing apart. I didn't want to leave them here all alone. Well, they weren't alone. There were two extremely kind and loving teachers as well as other kids, but I couldn't help feeling heart broken. Tears pooled my eyes as I looked at the teacher. "They have nap time at 12." I said.

"Aw, love. Don't cry! Trust me, they're in good hands. I promise you. We have our nap times at 11:30 so they should be fine, don't worry." She smiled at me warmly, giving me a sympathetic look as she touched my arm.

"Hafsa has slight autism. Please be careful no one pushes her or makes her frightened. She'll have a panic attack." I whispered softly, not wanting my voice to crack.

"I know, sweetheart. It's in the forms anyway. We'll definitely be keeping an extra eye on her at all times." She assured me.

"And if..."

"Sumi." Zaid cut me off slowly. He hadn't talked much this whole time. Mainly because both teachers were female and also because he was just as emotional as me. "I think they know their job, yeah? We can go. They have our numbers if anything happens." He told me.

"Exactly, hun. Your numbers are on speed dial as well as all the other parents. As soon as there's a problem, which I can almost 100% guarantee there won't be, I'll call you." She smiled.

"Okay." I whispered again, glancing one last time at Hamza and Hafsa who seemed to be sitting in a group circle, still looking a little reserved.

God willing they'd open up soon and make friends.

I sighed and turned around, leaving the room and closing the high gate behind me as I watched Ms. Linda welcome another child with her parents to the building.

"Come on, Sumi." Zaid said, holding my arm softly and leading me outside.

As soon as we were beside the cars, tears escaped my eyes and I turned to Zaid, hugging him and resting my head on his chest. "I don't want to leave them." I cried as his hands wrapped around my body. "They're growing up too fast, Zaid. I don't want them to leave me."

"Woah, woah. Why would they ever leave you, Sumi?" He said as he rubbed my back. "They're going to be fine in there. You saw the other kids. Laughing, playing, running around, having fun...that's how they're going to be. Watch. When we come to pick them up, they're not going to want to leave." He told me.

"I know." I said simply while sniffling. "But this is such a milestone. They're growing up way too fast." I said, voicing my thoughts.

Zaid sighed and I felt his shoulders slump. "Believe me, if I could, I'd be the first one to stop time to take in every moment of theirs forever." He said softly, making me feel bad.

At least I had witnessed them grow up, no matter how quickly time flew, but Zaid...he had nothing. Yes, it was his fault. But still. Nothing. No memory with them.

Alhamdulillah that I at least got to witness their lives.

I sighed, pulling away and wiping my cheeks with my sleeve, drying my face and stopping myself from crying more than I was.

"If Allah wills, we still have the opportunity to make up for lost time." I told him. "Don't worry." I gave him a soft smile through teary eyes and he gave me one back before his face turned serious as he looked down at me.

I stared up into his bright blue eyes, wanting to stay looking into them forever. His eyes see the most perfect shade of blue, just like Hamza's and I could never get bored of their beauty SubhanAllah.

"Anyways," I said with a small cough, averting my gaze down ward and swaying on the balls of my feet as I broke eye contact and started taking steps away, towards my car. "I should go. I don't want to go back in there, which I probably will if I stay here any longer and you have a meet..."

"Stop." He held my wrist, stopping me from moving away and instead pulling me closer to him. "Stop rambling. We need to talk about today." He said.

I blushed, clearing my throat as I petted my cheeks completely dry with my jilbab material.

"What a-about it?" I mumbled.

"About us...what this means for us?"

"Us?" I asked him softly.

"Our family." He spoke and from the way we were looking at each other, the way my heart was pounding, I could only hope he was feeling the same way.

I lay my hand on his chest and no doubt, his heart beat was erratic, the fast beating thumping against my palm lightly as I smiled and withdrew my hand. He held it mid air and intertwined our fingers. "What does all of this mean, Sumayya?"

"I don't know..." I trailed off shyly, looking away from his penetrating gaze.

"Come on, Sumayya. You just changed attitudes all of a sudden. This has to mean something." He whispered, sounding hurt.

I looked up at him.

"Promise me by Allah, Zaid. Promise me by our Lord, that you will never leave again, even if, God forbid, it comes back." I told him, narrowing my eyes.

"I promise." He said quickly.

"By Allah, Zaid." I said.

He stayed silent, looking deep into my glossy eyes and looked down with a sigh before facing me again.

He looked down at me, taking in a breath before his warm hands cupped my cheeks and he ran his thumbs up and down my cheekbones as if wiping away tears.

"Wallahi, Sumi. Wallah, I'll never leave you again." He said. I didn't even feel the need to tell him to promise me once more. The tone of his voice already showed me that he meant what he said. "The only thing that can take me away from you or the kids is death, okay?"

I had tears gather in my eyes as I looked into his ones. His eyes had never ever looked so beautiful to me before.

"We're together here, now, and there, soon, inshaaAllah and I won't ever let you go no matter what from now on." He looked straight into my eyes, his stare piercing through my soul with such honesty that there was no way I could have looked away. He had me captured and I couldn't have been a happier victim.

"You believe me, don't you?" He asked, his eyebrows relaxing as he was now the vulnerable one, looking at me with hope.

"Your eyes haven't left me an option other than to believe you." I said to him softly as I bit my lip, feeling my heart swell with love. Feeling my tears escape. Feeling happy. Feeling complete.

"Just like you never left me an option other than to love you." He muttered, rubbing his thumb over my lip and releasing it from my teeth.

"You had an option." I said. "You just chose to come back, alhamdulillah." I smiled at him.

He shook his head no with closed eyes as he inhaled, leaning forward and kissing me on my forehead, his lips lingering on my skin for a few seconds. "Wallahi, coming back was far from an option for me." He said before wrapping his arms around my smaller form and pulling  me into his chest, hugging me tightly as we inhaled each other's scent.

:::::

OI OI OI HOW WAS IT CAUSE I AM IN LOVE AND I AM SCREMMING AND I AM OMG YES I LOVE IT ALHAMDULILLAH

YAAAAAAY FINALLY SUMI JHEEZE

I know guys, the only bad thing is that this was sort of sudden, but I'm finishing this story in four chapters and I didn't have any more time to waste with making a gradual ending unfortunately, but on the positive side, it was also like a surprise init so appreciate me still pls :(

I love you guys so much, thank you for the support! Because wallahi the support these past few days has beeeen amaaazingggg!

I'll see you at the next chapter, which will be tomorrow, unfortunately I didn't have time to work on it today so I couldn't finish it :(

Assalamu alaykum ❤️