Media section first then story 😡 ^

"Sumayya." Lydia called me from behind the register where she was writing down catering orders over the phone.

"Yeah, love?" I asked over my shoulder. I wasn't doing anything much, just waiting for someone from one of my tables to call me over or to finish their food so I could serve.

"Bella wanted to see you in her office." She said to me. I nodded and put the tea towel on my shoulder onto the bench and walked towards her office, wondering what the reason could be.

"Come in." Her voice called from the other side of the door once I knocked on it softly three times.

I walked inside and smiled at her before shutting the door and sitting down onto the couch she gestured to.

"Hi, love." She said, her tone of voice not as bubbly as it normally was. Something was wrong. I could sense it. See it even. Not only from the way she spoke, but from the sympathy in her face.

Was I being fired?

"Bella." I said solemnly, all previous energy gone as I looked at her with raised eyebrows, waiting for her to say whatever she had to say.

"Sumi," She sighed, rubbing her forehead and holding her head in both hands.

"I'm being fired, aren't I?" I spoke, a crack in my voice that I didn't expect to be there.

She looked up at me with glossed over eyes.

I was being fired.

"Why?" I spoke softly.

She exhaled and stood up, walking around the desk and sitting on the edge of the couch across me, reaching over and holding my hands.

"You've not done anything bad. We're just over employed in all three shift hours. The boss said that every shift group has to fire two employees each."

And she picked me? Knowing I have two kids to feed and look after?

"You picked me?" I asked her, not being able to stop myself.

"No." She said quickly, squeezing my hands. "No, of course not. I would never. I didn't have a say. They asked for the shift hours and the two people who've worked the least had to be let off."

Oh.

I understand.

Of course, this past month was the most stressful month of my life and not only had I gotten days off more than I ever used to, but I also had days where I would come into work late or have to leave a bit early.

"I understand." I told her sincerely, turning my hands around and squeezing hers back with a smile though my eyes were teary.

A tear slid down her cheek and she quickly wiped it. "I'm sorry, sumayya. I tried. I swear I tried so hard to tell them you needed this job more than anyone. That you're a single mother with two beautiful children to provide for, but you know the boss. He owns hundreds of restaurants and hotels. He has zero empathy for any of his workers."

"I know, Bella. It's fine. Really. Thank you for even trying. If this is what was written for me, then there must be goodness in it."

"You're always so positive. I'm really going to miss you around here." She said, a few more tears escaping her eyes.

"If it wasn't for my religion, trust me, Bella, I would have given up on life a long time ago. But I've learnt that god only puts us in tough situations to help us gain wisdom, strength, experience, knowledge and all things good."

She smiled at me and stood up, making me follow her actions. I wrapped my arms around her and we both shed a few tears. No doubt, Bella was like an older sister to me after all these years. I was going to miss her too.

"You won't miss me too much. I'll come to visit you. We'll meet up and go out to cafes. It's not like we're moving countries, right?" I said with a chuckle as I pulled away.

"Right." She said with a nod. "Just know I did everything I could to keep you here, but I have no say." She spoke sadly.

"It's okay, Bella. Really. Don't worry." I told her sincerely. "Do I leave now?"

"Ugh, I hate this." She said as tears escaped her eyes once again at the question I had asked.

"Okay. Am I allowed to leave now, Bella? I want to leave." I told her with a soft smile, changing my question to make it seem less saddening.

She stayed silent for a few seconds before exhaling. Nodding her head, she spoke. "You may leave, Sumi." She said softly.

I hugged her once again and left the room with a smile, shutting the door behind me and walking to the kitchen.

"Sumayya?" Lyd spoke with a frown. "What happened?" She asked me, making me give her a sad smile. "I got fired." I said lifting my arms up before letting them drop back to my sides with a shrug of my shoulders.

"What!?" She said at the same time as a deeper voice.

I turned around and saw Kyle standing there with narrowed eyes.

"For what!?" He said loudly.

"Kyle, quiet down. Please." I gestured around the restaurant and he looked around with hooded eyes before taking a step closer to me.

"Why'd she fire you?" He asked lowly.

"It wasn't her. It was just the two employees who've worked the least this pass month and that ended up being me."

Kyle shook his head. "No, I'm sure there's another option. You've got two kids. I'll leave instead." He said sternly, turning around and storming towards Bella's office.

"Kyle!" I hissed, walking after him, not being able to stop him since I didn't want to touch him. "Kyle, stop it! There's nothing you can do." I spoke, overtaking him and standing in front of Bella's door.

"If I resign, they'll have to keep you. There won't be enough employees then." He said.

"I don't want you to resign." I said.

"I don't want you to get fired." He countered.

"Kyle, list..."

"No, you listen. I can go find a job anywhere. I can live on the street. Work hard labor. Survive with little money. You can't. You're a woman. You wear hijab and people are ignorant f*cks and you'll find it harder than me to get employed. You have two kids to provide for. You need this job. The hours work for you. The pay is enough. Everyone loves you."

I felt like hugging him. He was the kindest person ever. This was a fitnah in itself.

"Kyle, stop this." I spoke. "We shouldn't be having such a conversation. Please. You know my morals."

"Sumayya, I care for you. I told you this countless times. If you weren't required to marr..."

"Kyle." I cut him off.

"I mean it." He replied.

"Don't mean it." I told him.

On a number of occasions, Kyle had told me that he would look to marry me if I could marry non Muslims. Every single time I would tell him to stop and leave me alone. I wouldn't speak to him for weeks on end until he would apologize. Now, after not hearing anything of that sort for nearly a year from him, here he was again.

"You still love him, don't you?" He asked me, making me gasp.

"Kyle, that is none of your business." I whisper shouted. "Stop acting like I owe you any answers. Stop acting like you and I are closer than just co-workers."

"You can't even say friends." He said, looking at me.

"Because I can't be friends with someone who has feelings for me." I said. "Astaghfirullah." I muttered to myself.

"S..."

"I need to leave. It was nice knowing you. Thank you for everything you've done for me all these years, but it's best for me to leave and for us to cut contact." I told him, not waiting for a response before I walked away. Hugging Lydia and a few other co workers, only the females of course. I gathered my belongings from my locker and left the key on the couch, leaving from the back exit and getting into my car.

"SubhanAllah." I muttered, holding the steering wheel and resting my forehead against it. After calming myself down, I realized that I needed some retail therapy. I hadn't had time to myself for as long as I could remember and so I felt deserving.

Granted my retail therapy would be me shopping for things for my kids more than myself. But they were my life and making them happy made me happy anyway.

I drove to the shopping centre and parked my car, locking the doors before walking to the shops and preparing for my hour long therapy. I would probably leave here with a few things, but window shopping made me happy also.

:::::

About an hour had passed and I had purchased a new jilbab which I chose to wear as soon as I bought it, changing in one of the change rooms in the small Islamic store and putting my work clothes in the bag instead. I was sipping on a boost juice, walking closer towards the exit of the centre when someone familiar caught my eye.

Kubra...

It was her. I was sure it was. She didn't have a hijab on, her hair let loose. She was wearing white converse runners and black jeans with a baggy white hooded jumper. Her hood was on, covering most of her hair I suppose, but the front parts were hanging out, framing her face.

My eyes were wide and I hadn't even realised that I had stopped walking until I snapped out of my reverie.

I looked around her. She was with three girls and two boys, all dressed in similar attire.

Just leave her be. A voice in my head said.

Enjoin good and forbid evil. Another voice encountered. 

I agreed with the second voice. What kind of sister was I if I didn't even try to guide my family?

I had a responsibility, an obligation, a requirement, to invite to the path of Allah.

If I couldn't even try to save my family from the Hellfire then what was I useful for?

If someone truly cares for you, they will advise you and invite you to truth.

Surah al 'Asr.

The thing that differentiates us from the disbelievers is that we try to help one another as best we can. We try to make it to Jannah with our friends and family. We advise and call to Allah to save not only ourselves but those who we care about. Our brothers and our sisters in Islam. 1.8 billion of us.

The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers.
Surah Hujurat-10

And so, with that in mind, I threw my empty boost juice cup into the bin beside me and walked over to her.

"Kubra." I stated. "Assalamu alaykum." I said.

Her eyes widened as she looked at me, her eyes filling with fear and shock.

The other people in her group all eyed me and my outfit. What a great day to choose to wear jilbab. And I mean that seriously.

Alhamdulillah.

"What are you doing?" She whispered angrily at me, taking a step closer. The shock in her eyes were replaced now by what looked like embarrassment.

Nice.

Thanks sis.

"I was just walking by and recognized you." I said with a small smile.

"I'm sumayya, kids. Nice to meet you." I said simply, nodding my head at them.

They all mumbled 'nice to meet you' and stuff back out of common politeness and etiquette.

"Can you go? You're embarrassing me." She whispered so only I could hear. Her eyebrows were narrowed and I looked at her with pity.

What a low level to be at when someone is ashamed of someone they know simply because they are dressed in the way Allah commands women to dress like.

I should be embarrassed standing next to her. But I wasn't cruel. She was. But with the will of Allah, hopefully I could change that. Soon.

"Embarrassing you how?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow.

"Sumayya, leave me alone." She said, with narrowed eyes, holding my arm and forcefully dragging me away from her little group of friends. "What do you think you're doing!?" She whisper shouted once we were outside the shopping centre, out of sight.

"What was I doing!? Kubra, what on earth do you think you're doing!? Why aren't you wearing your hijab?"

"My hijab is my problem, Sumayya. You have no right to embarrass me in front of my friends like that." She spoke.

"One, you have no hijab on for it to be a problem if you haven't noticed, two, I asked you where it was, three, I did nothing to embarrass you and four, if you're ashamed simply because I am wearing jilbab, then you really need to check yourself and fear Allah. How dare you be ashamed of the clothing Allah wants us to wear?" I spat, pointing a finger at her with narrowed eyes.

Her eyes widened at my loud voice. I now knew why Zaid was so angry at her. If this is how annoyed I was getting at her attitude I could not begin to imagine how much this annoyed someone like Zaid.

"You have no righ..."

"I don't care! Kubra whether you like it or not, I see you as nothing less than a biological sister and when the time comes I will be there for you to cry to, to explain your worries to, I will be there for you to laugh with and right now I'm here to tell you off and advise you." I said openly.

"A biological sister!? My brother left you! We're not sisters, Sumayya. You've got no..."

I cut her off. Her words did cut me a little bit but I didn't make it obvious. I couldn't lie. She was hurting me. For someone who I saw as a sister to be so rude, careless, angry and ashamed of me hurt me greatly. My heart was pounding but I kept a straight face as I spoke.

"I have no right, I get it. So who does have right? Huh? Zaid?! Do you listen to him?"

She looked away, an ounce of shame showing in her eyes.

"Your brother is hurting because of you, Kubra. This isn't how he wants your guys' relationship to be like. He only wants what's best for you and if you keep acting like this, then he's going to cut you off completely. You need your brother."

I told her slowly, my voice now low.

"Grow up, Sumayya. He's just a controlling freak. He doesn't care about me. If he did, he would let me be happy the way I am."

I scoffed, not believing my ears.

"The way you are? Is this the lifestyle that makes you happy, Kubra? Disobeying your Lord? Does that make you happy?" I spoke clearly, making sure I got my point across. She looked away and rolled her eyes, but they almost seemed forced as if she was trying to hide her actual feelings.

"If going out with no hijab, wearing tight clothing, behaving immodestly, free mixing, upsetting your family, disobeying your elders makes you happy, then you're lost and you need to find that fear of Allah that I know you have deep down and bring your imaan back up, Kubra."

"Who are you to question my imaan? Only Allah knows what's in my heart." She spoke confidently.

"There's no such thing as only god can judge me in Islam, Kubra. We have an obligation to enjoin good and forbid evil where we see it. We have to look out for our brothers and sisters. You can be doing 50 good deeds behind closed doors, but that does not mean I am allowed to ignore your mistakes."

Back before I had any knowledge of Islam, I was the same as kubra. I always thought that no one should judge anyone. But this isn't judging. This is helping.

What's a good companion if they don't want to save you from the Hellfire by advising you?

"Whatever sumayya, this has gone on long enough. I need to go. You mind your own business. Go give false hope to my brother or something like you've been doing all this time." She spoke as she rushed back inside, leaving me alone to willow in my thoughts.

False hope?

How was I giving Zaid false hopes?

Is that what he was thinking I was doing?

No. It couldn't be. I had told him countless times that I wouldn't get back together with him. And I had told him that despite the desire within myself to become a family with him and the kids.

I wiped a stray tear off my cheek and walked to the car. The bags in my hand feeling heavier than ever. 

I had come here to do retail therapy and every goodness I felt while being here after being fired was gone just like that and now, I was feeling worse than I was before.

I got into my car and drove straight to Zaid's house. I had to get this over with once and for all.

It took me half an hour to get there. A half an hour that almost felt like two hours but I arrived nonetheless and got out of my car. After taking a deep breath I walked to the front door and pressed the doorbell waiting for the door to open. Eventually, Halima opened the door with a wonky hijab and unmatching skirt on.

"Assalamu alaykum." I said with a soft smile as she raised her eyebrows and returned the greeting.

"Are you okay? You look like you've been crying..." She trailed off, her voice fading.

"Who's home?" I asked instead, not wanting to tell her that I was upset.

"Just Zaid and I." She spoke.

"Where is he, love?" I asked as I took off my shoes and stepped into the house once she stepped aside.

"His office. Second door to the left." She answered me.

I nodded and walked down the large hallway, hearing Halima shut the front door.

I heard her foot steps fade as I reached the big double doors that were shut. I knocked on the door and waiting for a response.

"What?" He called.

"Can I come in?" I spoke out loud so he'd hear me through the door.

No longer then five seconds later the doors slid open and there he was across me, wearing a casual black tee with gray and black adidas tracksuit pants.

Why was he so good looking? MashaaAllah.

SubhanAllah it only made my life harder.

I averted my gaze quickly, looking away from his bearded face and joining my fingers in front of me.

"Sumayya?" He spoke, tilting his head lower to look at my face. "What are you doing here? Are the kids here?" He asked one after the other.

"Uh, no. I came." I told him looking up only to look back down once his eyes widened.

"Have you been crying?!" He said, alerted. He held my chin and tilted my head up, looking into my eyes with his narrowed ones before letting go once I moved my head to the side.

"What happened?"

"Can we go inside?" I asked.

He nodded quickly and stepped aside, letting me walk in before he shut the door behind me.

The room looked plain and simple. The decor was modern. Black white and grey accessories.

There was a double seater black couch on one corner so I sat there, Zaid sitting on the other end right after me.

"Who made you cry?" He asked without waiting for me to start talking.

"It isn't important." I said simply.

"Sumay..."

"Zaid, please." I stopped him. There was no way I'd tell him that I got fired and then ran into his sister and got a mouthful from her.

"I came here to speak to you about something."

"Okay, I'm listening." He said simply, crossing his arms over his chest as he faced me, his shoulders bulging and making me feel even smaller beside him.

"I've actually told you this before but I wanted to repeat it. Zaid, I don't want to lead you on. I know we speak now and again, but I'm telling you again, Zaid, we won't be a family."

"Sumayya, what's making you say this again? We were making progress."

"Progress?" I said. "You are making progress with the kids. Not with me."

"Sumi, you know you want to be a family. Why are you upsetting me and the kids and yourself over your ego?"

"Ego? You think it's because of my ego?"

"What else?"

"The pain, Zaid! That's what! How do you expect me to get back with you when the worst years of my life were because of you."

"I'll make you forget them. InshaaAllah I'm going to try give you the best years of your life until the day I die. Just like how we were before I left! Except this time, with two beautiful kids. Our kids. A family. It's what we always dreamed of." He spoke, looking at me through hooded eyes.

I looked down, staying silent. 

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"I don't know, Zaid." I sighed, putting my head into my hands.

"I won't leave you again. I can promise you that. Even..."

"I'm scared of myself." I told him. I knew he wouldn't leave me again. I knew he still loved me. I knew how much he wanted to be a family and only Allah knows how much I wanted that also. "I'm scared that if I choose to go ahead with this, I won't be able to forget the things that happened and our marriage will be toxic. I don't want a marriage where I constantly remind you of what I went through every time we argue. That isn't good for me, you or the kids."

"You won't. Well, you might, Allahu alam, but eventually I feel like that'll stop. You won't feel the need to do that anymore."

"Zaid, what about what people will say?"

"Since when did you care about what other people say?" He asked me with a smile making me blush. He was right. I never cared enough to even wonder what other people said about me.

"Since I'm a single mother with two kids, Zaid." I spoke. 

He shook his head. "And I'm their father. We had the kids when we were married. We never did anything shameful." He spoke.

"Still..." I began but he cut me off.

"Still? Still what? Sumayya, stop acting jahil. If there are people who would eat the flesh of their dead brother and sister, then so be it. Let them. You know that when people gossip all their good deeds will come to us until they're left with none. And even then if that isn't equal, our sins will be lifted off ours and placed onto their shoulders InshaaAllah."

I stayed silent. He was right. It was just hard to know that you're the talk of the town when you have two kids who look up to you as their role model.

"What about your parents?" He spoke again after we sat in silence for a few moments.

"What about them?" I looked up at him.

He cleared his throat and spoke almost shyly. "Like, if we were to, you know, bi idhnillah get back together, what would their reactions be?"

"They both want what's best for Hamza and Hafsa." I said.

"What do they think that is?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"My dad once told Justin that if there's anyone he'd want me to be with, it would be the father of my kids." I told him honestly, making a small smile break out onto his face.

"Your mum?"

"I suppose she agrees." I shrugged, basically ending the conversation. I got up off the couch.

"I should go." I said.

He nodded, obviously seeming pleased with the conversation we had. I nodded also and sighed, turning around and walking towards the door. Just as I pulled the doorknob open, his voice stopped me.

"Sumi?"

"Hm?"

"You should wear jilbab more often." He said with a soft smile and I looked down at my plain outfit feeling proud of it.

I gave him a small smile in return before quickly turning around and leaving, no doubt with a blush on my face.

This whole 'meeting' was awkward and quiet, but now that we had this conversation, my mind was even more jumbled than ever.

I had come here to speak about his false hopes and tell him we'd never be together, yet here we were basically doing the exact opposite.

How did I come with intentions of ending this whole thing, but was about to leave having made more progress in the past hour than we have since he showed up two months ago?

And why did that, for some reason, make me happy?

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OOOOOHH SOME PROGRESS 😭😭😭❤️❤️

Jheeze what is this the fifth chapter today 😪 my fingers hurt :( but anyways, most of it is done alhamdulillah, just a little more remains ❤️

What would you guys like to see in the epilogue? If I get any suggestions by tonight, I'll try my best to include them InshaaAllah xx