I smiled as I saw a Muslim family enter the restaurant. I walked up to them and smiled.

"As salamu alaykum." I greeted.

"Wa alaykum salam." The mother greeted and I extended my arm, gesturing for them to walk over to an available table.

I took their orders and then walked to the kitchen. "Two pancake stacks and two big breakfasts." I called as I hung the paper onto the railing and proceeded to make the family their tea and milkshakes.

I always imagined having my own family like them when I got married to Zaid.

We would go out and I would feel the absence of children, but now we would go out and I would feel the absence of Zaid.

I was used to him not being in my life and slowly it felt like life was going back to normal. It had been a week since he had showed up on my mum's doorstep and I haven't seen him since. Yesterday I had returned back to my dad's house and things fell back to their normal routine.

I sighed and put the tea onto the tray for the adults before making a milkshake for the boy who seemed about my age and the girl who was 15 or so.

"Here you go." I smiled at them as I placed their beverages in their respective places.

"Darling," The mother whispered. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but my son has felt interested in you as a potential spouse, InshaAllah. If you're..."

I cut her off politely. Thank god the guy was now gone and it wasn't too awkward. "I appreciate the offer, but I've already got kids." I smiled at her and her mouth fell open slightly.

"Oh, okay then! I'm sorry. Allahumma barik." She said with a apologetic smile and I shook my head with a grin.

"It's fine. Wa feekum." I smiled softly. "Your meals will be here in five."

I walked away and shook my head. This was the fifth maybe sixth time that something like this had happened since Zaid left and I had given the same reason every time.

No one ever questioned whether or not I was married since they probably assumed I was once I said I was a mother.

I remember my dad opening the conversation to me once.

Flashback.

"Habibti, I want to talk about something with you."

"Yes, baba?"

He sighed, licking his lips before holding his hands over mine.

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, okay?"

I nodded, curious as to what he was going to tell me.

"I think we should start seeking a spouse for you." He said quietly as my throat became dry. "It's been two years and I..."

"No." I said, cutting him off and shaking my head.

"Swee..."

"No. No, baba. I don't want to get married. I have my babies with me. I don't need anyone else." I said, narrowing my eyes.

My dad gave me a sad smile. "Listen, it's more acceptable if you get married. One day I'm not going to be here anymore. Neither is your mother. I don't want you to be alone." His voice broke and my features softened as I sighed, squeezing his larger hands in mine.

"Baba, please." I said with an exhale as I pulled my hands out of his grasp and stood up and gave him a pleading look, wanting the conversation to end. "I don't want to get married. I don't think I'll ever be able to get married again after what he did."

My dad gave me a sympathetic look. "Not everyone is like him, habibti." He said.

I shook my head. "Is that why you and mum got divorced? Is that why Jessica and her husband got divorced? Marriage is just trusting someone only to be heartbroken, baba. I don't want to go through that again."

"I don't want you to be alone if something happens to me." He said in response.

"Hamza and Hafsa will be more than enough for me, baba. Please, don't open this conversation again." I said to him and he gave me a small nod as he sighed sadly, getting up to hug me and true to his word, the conversation had never opened again after that.

End of flashback.

The hours passed by fairly slowly after that until I clocked off and bid goodbye to my co-workers and Bella before walking to my car.

I unlocked it and got inside, untying my apron and placing it on the passenger seat before starting the engine only to notice a paper on the front window. "You're kidding me." I muttered.

Since when is it illegal for a worker to park in the own parking space of the restaurant that was specifically reserved for workers?

I got out of my car and took the paper out from under the windscreen wiper before realising it wasn't a ticket.

What the hell?

I unfolded it and my body froze, my eyes widening as I read over the words, my heart pounding against my chest wildly.

How many kids does 'Fayza' have?

I looked around, my breaths becoming quicker as I took my phone out of my pocket and called Justin immediately, getting into the car and locking the doors.

"What's up, sis?"

"Are you home?" I asked him quickly.

"Yes, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked, his voice full of concern.

"I need your help." I said. "I'll be home in ten." 

"Are you okay?" He repeated.

"Yeah. See you soon." I said, hanging up the phone and starting the journey home.

Does this mean he knew? He was clearly talking about the two baby seats in the back of my car. Why wouldn't he come in ask me rather than leaving a note?

If I knew anything about Zaid, it was that he was impulsive. If he thought Hamza was his child, which he clearly did from the note, then I knew he would be mad, furious and more than just angry which means he would have come inside and began yelling at me that I hid the kids.

I didn't hide the kids from him of course. I tried desperately to get into contact with him after I found out about my pregnancy but he was unreachable in every single way possible. I had even tried after I gave birth, yet still there was no way I could find him.

I reached home and parked the car, getting out and walking into the house.

I saw Jessica sitting on the floor and playing with the kids. Their backs were facing me and so I held up my finger to my mouth at Jessica. Mouthing that I'd be down in five minutes before quietly passing the kids and rushing up the stairs to Justin.

"Sumayya." He breathed out after opening his door after I knocked on it. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Zaid found out about the kids." I told him.

Out of everyone, Justin was probably the one person who wouldn't want Zaid anywhere near the kids and so I hoped that he would help me.

:::::

"He might not be sure." I said as I finished explaining everything that had happened to him.

"He knows." He replied. "He definitely knows."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked up at Justin. "How are you so sure?"

"He hasn't bothered you for a week after that day. He probably went off and was thinking the whole time if it could actually be his kid. You said he was rich. I'm sure he already found out somehow if you've got kids or not. Probably hired a private investigator which is why he hasn't been bothering you. He may have thought to himself that they weren't his, but like you said, his eyes are the same as Hamza's so I'm guessing he's not that dumb."

I held my head in my hands and breathed in and out deeply.

"Why wouldn't he come and speak to me then?"

He shrugged in response. "Maybe he needs some time to take it all in, but he just wanted you to know that he knows. I'm sure he'll show up and try talk to you soon."

"I don't want him to take away my babies, Justin." I said as I stood up and paced in front of him.

"Relax, Sumayya. He won't take them away from you. None of us will allow for that to happen." He said, his voice promising. "One thing I advise you to do is tell Abdullah." He said.

I nodded. "You're right."

::::

I cowered in my seat as my dad looked at me with narrowed eyes. "Two weeks ago and you tell me now!" He yelled as he shot up off the couch when I told him I had ran into Zaid.

"I thought he would leave once I told him no, baba! I'm sorry."

"But you told your mum straight away!? What has your mum given you that I haven't? I thought we had a relationship based on love and trust and yet you hide this from me? Something as big as this?" He asked, his voice fading as he now sounded hurt.

"No, baba. Wallah, it wasn't like that! I was never going to tell mum either, but he came there when I was there and she only find out because of that! Only Justin and Fayza knew, I didn't tell anyone else. Baba, I love and I trust you! I just didn't think it'd drag on and I definitely didn't think he'd find out about Hamza and Hafsa. If I had known I would have told you."

He sighed, wiping the tears from my cheeks away as he hugged me. "I should have known. You seemed off lately. I should've known there was something wrong. I'm sorry, habibti."

I told him it was okay and that we could move on from here about what we should do.

"What does...what does your mum think?" He asked me, raising his eyebrows in curiosity.

"She thinks I should do what I think is best for Hamza and Hafsa."

"And what does she think that is?"

"She said every child deserves a dad."

My dad sighed, leaning back on the couch as he ran his hands through his hair and over his face in frustration. I stayed silent, twiddling with my fingers together as I looked at him through my lashes, wondering what was going through his mind.

"She's right." He said, making my heart sink as I started hyperventilating.

"Sumayya? Sumayya! Hey, calm down! Habibti." My dad said as he began breathing in and out to make me follow his actions.

My anxiety attacks had stopped after the twins birth, and now it had happened three times in the past three weeks ever since Zaid returned.

"Come on, sweetheart. Calm down." He said as he rubbed my back and fanned my face with a newspaper.

Eventually I calmed down before throwing myself into my dads inviting arms and crying against his chest.

My biggest and possibly only fear was that Zaid would take the kids away from me.

:::::

"Mummy?"

"Yes, princess?" I said as I brushed Hafsa's hair softly while Hamza played with his new toys beside us. I was sitting on the floor in my room with them and spending time with my babies when Hafsa wanted me to brush her hair.

"Why are you sad?" She asked, making me tense, my hand halting before I shook my head and continued brushing.

After clearing my throat, I answered simply. "I'm not sad."

"Hamza and me heard you cwying with gwandpa."

"It's nothing. I'm happy." I said as I leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"I know why mummy is sad." Hamza said, making me tense yet again. "Mummy is sad because our baba came back." He told Hafsa, saying it so casually as he clearly didn't understand the depth of what he had just said yet.

I widened my eyes as I looked at him, putting the brush in my hands down on the floor before turning to look at Hamza. "Who told you that, baby?" I asked him, holding his chin softly as I made him look up at me. He stayed silent. "Hamza." I said, more sternly, putting my hands on his cheeks and looking into his beautiful eyes. "Where did you hear that from?"

"Uncle Justin told Jessy." He answered slowly, his voice soft.

I clenched my jaw, my breathing getting heavier as I nodded.

"You guys play. I'll be back." I said, getting up from my spot on the floor and putting a hijab on as I left the room, barely hearing Hafsa whine about me not finishing her hair as I went straight to the kitchen where Jessica was sitting and typing on her laptop.

"Where's Justin?" I asked her simply.

She looked up at me and curled her lips before looking back down at her screen, ignoring me completely.

"Justin!" I shouted his name. "Where are you!? Justin!"

"Woah, relax! What, man?" He said as he came to the banister from his room at the top of the stairs.

"Come here." I said to him with narrowed eyebrows. He raised his as he exhaled and hopped over the barrier before climbing down the stairs and yet again jumping over the bottom barrier.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"Guess what Hamza just said to me!?" I said, placing my hands on my hips as I glared at him.

"What?"

"He said I'm upset because his dad returned and he said he found out because you were telling Jess in the kitchen." I explained, watching in anger as his eyes widened while he listened to me.

"F**k." He cursed as he took his hand to his head before looking at me with guilt. "Sumayya, I'm sor..." He reached out to touch my arm, making me narrow my eyes further. "Don't. I don't need to tell you not to touch me."

"Sis, I'm sorry! I never realised he was around!"

"Does that matter at all!?" I asked him with wide eyes. "You're twenty-five, for God's sake you should be more observant than that! And who even gave you the right to tell your mum my life story anyway!?" I yelled at him.

He visibly swallowed before looking down and clenching his jaw.

"I trusted you to keep my deepest secret. You not only told your mum, which I couldn't care less about because I honestly don't mind if she knows, but you did it without asking me, and then you somehow managed to reveal it to a three year old." I scoffed.

He looked down and clenched his jaw, clearly knowing his mistake but stayed silent, not uttering a word. He didn't have an excuse. He should have been more careful.

"Well done, Justin. Truly." I muttered, clapping a couple of times sarcastically before turning around as I waked to the stairs, ignoring him calling my name behind me as I unlocked the barrier and walked up the stairs back into my room as I locked the door and threw my hijab off, sitting back down with Hamza and Hafsa who looked up at me silently.

I glanced at the both of them.

I was a bad mother.

I was actually wanting to deprive them of a father because of my own selfish reasons.

"I love you both." I said to them quietly. "I love you more than everything in this world." I said. They looked up at me in confusion as I exhaled.

This wasn't fair on them.

"Do you two love me?" I asked.

"I love you." Hafsa said softly with a big grin and Hamza nodded in agreement. "Me too, mummy."

As I stared at both of them, I couldn't stop the words that tumbled out of my mouth. "Do you want to see your baba?"

Hafsa's eyes went big as she looked at me. Before she could answer Hamza spoke up.

"No." He said, turning around and beginning to play with his action figures again.

"Why?" Hafsa asked before I could.

I wanted to tell him he didn't have to answer and change the conversation, but I was genuinely curious as to why a three year old boy wouldn't want to meet his own father.

"He left us to go to work and he didn't come back." He said causally and I sighed, tearing up as I listened to him continue. "He makes mummy sad. I don't like my baba if he makes mummy sad."

I quickly wiped away my tears and leaned over picking up Hamza from under his arms and putting him on my lap, kissing his face and hugging him to myself as he wrapped his arms around my neck.

"I don't like baba too." Hafsa said as she walked to me. I hugged her as well before sitting them both on my lap.

"I want you both to like baba." I said to them, forcing the words out of my mouth. "I told you already Hamza. Baba loves you. He just has work. Maybe he will come back soon." I smiled but he shook his head. 

"I don't like baba." He repeated.

I sighed. "If you don't like baba, mummy will be sad." I said, looking at him.

He stayed silent as he watched me, not saying a word as he put his fingers in my hair. "Can we watch Zaky and go to bed?" He asked me and my mouth fell open at the way he had changed the conversation so casually. This kid was growing up way too fast.

"Yes! Yes! Can we watch Zaky please!?" Hafsa said, and just like that the conversation about Zaid was closed.

I nodded, finishing Hafsa's hair quickly and tying it into a high ponytail before changing them into their pyjamas. Funny thing was they both had the same pyjamas. Cars. From the boy's section.

I wasn't complaining though. It was cute and I guess even though I had tried desperately to forget Zaid, the fact that Hafsa was already taking after his hobby as an interest despite being a girl was absolutely adorable.

"Come on, then."

We laid down on the bed with them on either side of me and I pressed on a longer video than we normally would. After also playing Surah ash-Sharh a couple of times which they had recently memorised, I turned off the lamp and made them recite the dua for going to sleep before running my hands up and down their backs as that was what soothed them to sleep.

Unfortunately there was no one to soothe me to sleep and with thoughts running through my mind, I stayed up until fajr and then read Quran until it was time to get ready for work.

::::

"Gosh, you look horrible." Kyle muttered as I walked in, tying my apron around my waist and rolling my eyes. "Thanks."

"Being honest." He shrugged. "Lying is haram remember." He smirked at me and I chuckled.

"Shut up." I muttered as Henry handed me his notepad.

"Thank god you're here early." He muttered. "Table eighteen is a pain. They're waiting for a fresh fruit platter because one of the strawberries were a little brown."

I nodded. "Okay, thanks Henry. Have a nice rest." I smiled and he nodded, clocking off before he left.

I got into work and time seemed to flow by. I clicked off and said bye to everyone before walking back to the car park, but before I could get to my car, a hand wrapped around my arm. I turned around in fear only to come face to face with Zaid, my breath hitching in my throat as he pulled me away.

"Zaid, stop!" I said as I tried rooting my feet to the ground and tried pulling my arm out of his grip only to have him stop and glare at me.

"Stop what? We need to talk and you know it!"

"I don't want to talk to you!" I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to leave you alone now." He muttered, looking at me with his jaw clenched.

I stayed silent, looking up at him, my breaths ragged as I moved my arm. "You're hurting me." I said. His grip loosened even if it was a little bit.

"We're going to talk whether you like it or not, so stop making a scene." He stated and I knew there was no convincing him.

I could either scream bloody murder or just agree and not 'make a scene,' as he said.

"Fine." I spat. "I can walk on my own. Let me go."

He looked at me before looking convinced that I wouldn't run away and so he let me go.

I followed behind him, sending Jessica a quick text that I knew she wouldn't reply to, telling her I would be late.

"Get in." He muttered as he pulled open the passenger door of his car.

I rolled my eyes and sat down. He slammed the door shut behind me and soon after walked to the passenger seat.

He started the car and I glared at him. "We can talk right here." I said, but he ignored me, driving silently to a secluded picnic car park nearby. The weather was pretty cold and so the park was empty.

Thank god he drove fast. The whole car ride was awkward. I looked out the window the whole time, his smell that I had missed so much was surrounding me and it sort of eased my nerves as much as I didn't want to admit it.

My insides felt funny. I never thought I would have missed driving with Zaid, but clearly I had and it took everything in me not to start crying or hyperventilating.

I rolled the window down before he turned off the car in order to get some fresh air circulating the car.

"Go ahead." He said, making me narrow my eyes at him. If looks could kill, people would be praying his janazah right now.

"Me!? How about you go ahead! How dare you!?" I shouted as I turned to look at him in pure rage.

"You stole my kids from me!" He shouted back, making me widen my eyes.

Was he serious right now!? Was he actually serious!?

"Excuse me!? My kids don't have a father because he left! Okay!? He left and got rid of every single form of communication! Don't you dare try and blame me!"

"I want to know everything about them!" He screamed, making me scoff.

"You think you deserve that luxury!? Do you seriously think you have that righty after all you did to me!?" I shouted. I wasn't sure whose voice was louder, but we were both definitely going to have sore throats after this.

"They're my kids!" He yelled, pointing at himself as his eyes narrowed further.

Wow. I scoffed and shook my head. "You know what? I can't do this." I was either going to murder him or kill him. "Your kids." I muttered with a scoff, taking off my seatbelt, trying to open the door to get out but the doors were locked.

"Unlock it!"

"No!"

"Zaid!"

"We're going to talk!"

"I don't want to! What do you not understand!? I thought I could! I thought maybe I'd find out why you left me, but clearly not! You don't deserve my time. They're my kids! They love me! I tried contacting you! I tried contacting you every single day for months after I found out I was pregnant! I had the most stressful pregnancy possible because of you! My kids went through so many risks in my womb because of you! You left me! My mum and dad divorced! I had no one to talk to! No where to go! I was alone! Alone and pregnant! I tried contacting you every single day! You and your parents! You and your aunts and uncles! Even your bloody cousins! I went to to your business and asked everyone where you were!" I raged on as he watched me completely silent, not uttering a single word nor a sound, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly while he faced me. I don't know if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I was sure I saw sympathy and guilt flood his eyes.

"You left." I said, my screaming dying down to a mere whisper as my voice broke and the tears escaped my eyes. "I didn't leave you. I never would have left you." I told him honestly. "You left me. My children were under stress in my womb because of my constant anxiety attacks and my depression, because of you! I could have lost my babies because of you." I said with a sob as I remembered the constant doctor and psychologist appointments that I had to go through in hopes of my stress not killing my own babies. His eyes were now glossed over and a few lone tears slowly slid down his stubbled cheeks and past his jaw. It felt good. Seeing him hurting made me feel like crap, but also made me feel like I wasn't alone. "I cried every single night and day to Allah, praying that He helped me and protected my babies and Alhamdulillah, He did. I have my Lord and my babies with me. I don't need you. We don't need you." I said, hoping it would strike a cord in him and from the way his jaw clenched and his body tensed, I knew it did.

The car was silent, the air around us filled with a level of tension I had never felt before.

Having my outburst to him finally had lifted such a large weight off my shoulders. I felt free, relieved, accomplished.

He stared into his eyes. It looked like he wanted to apologise but he knew what I was thinking.

A flimsy 'I'm sorry' would never ever suffice or compensate for what I went through...so he said something else.

He gave me his reason.

Why he had left me all those years ago and I didn't know how to feel about it.

:::::

Finished!!!!!!

What do you think the reason was!? Take your guesses in the comments. :) I'll update the next chapter once there are let's say....10 guesses...or before that, depends on my mood tbh.

I hope you enjoyed that chapter. :)

LESS THAN A MONTH LEFT FOR RAMADAN!
Remember the sahaba, may Allah be pleased with them, used to prepare for Ramadan SIX months before it came! What are you doing in preparation for the blessed month???
If logging out of Wattpad and not touching your phone for the next few weeks leading up to Ramadan and even during Ramadan is what YOU need to do in order to make sure you spend every moment in worship, then do that! Don't let shaytaan sway you into thinking it's okay.

SubhanAllah, do everything you can in preparation and after Ramadan so that InshaaAllah, once you've reached the end of it, you'll be saying 'Alhamdulillah, I've done everything I can, I increased my Ibadah and I feel closer to Allah'
On the hand, imagine saying 'SubhanAllah, I could have done this and this, I could have read more Quran, I could have prayed more, I could have woken up for tahajjud'
Spend your time in these next two months wisely. Very wisely.

Grab a piece of paper and make a daily checklist of the acts of worship mentioned above, and InshaaAllah, every day as you do them, tick them off!

If you have ANY questions, leave a comment or message me and I'll get back to you asap, inshaaAllah :) ❤️

As salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. ❤