"Mummy?" Hamza's soft voice spoke up from the bed as I was changing into my work wear. I shut my eyes and stopped my movements, staying completely still as he stirred and turned around, blinking his eyes open.

"Mummy?" He said a little bit louder before he sat up in the bed and looked around until his eyes found me. I quickly finished pulling my blouse on and doing the buttons before walking over to him and trying to make him lie down again.

"Shh, I'm coming, baby. Go back to sleep." I whispered, praying that Hafsa didn't wake up also.

"I'm not sleepy." He said as he stretched out his arms and released a yawn, his little mouth opening wide.

"No, you are." I told him.

I was going to be late for work.

"I'm not." He said as he shook his head, his eyes losing their tiredness every second that went by. I sighed loudly, rubbing my forehead.

"Come here." I exhaled, finishing off my work outfit before picking up my bag and walking to him and picking him up into my arms, taking a small blanket off the end of the bed and putting it over his back as I walked down the stairs.

"Hey, Jess, look who's up early..." I trailed off as I prayed that she would be able to take him away from me so I could leave for work.

"Hey, Hamza. Good morning." She said with a smile as she stood up off the couch and walked over to me. Hamza mumbled a good morning back but when she reached for him, he wrapped his arms around my neck tightly, not letting go.

I sighed and she shrugged, turning back around and sitting down as I fished my phone out of my pocket, dialing Bella's number. She answered quite quickly.

"Bella, my son just woke up and he won't let me leave. I'm going to run a little late."

"No, you can't do that." She said with a tone that left room for no argument. "I'm sorry, Sumayya but the restaurant is packed for some reason and I need you here on time."

"Bella, I can't..." I trailed off, my voice pleading with her to give me some leeway, even if it was an hour.

"An hour!?" She repeated the words I hadn't even realized I had said out loud.

"Bring your son in." She said. "Bring his toys. He can play in the locker room. Bring a door stop too so he can't get out. I need you here asap." She said, not giving me any time to say anything as I heard the phone call end making me shut my eyes in frustration.

"Why'd you wake up so early, baby?" I muttered, not expecting a reply. I walked to the car in a hurry, buckling him in before running up the stairs and taking a few of his favourite toys. After placing a kiss on Hafsa's forehead, I went back down, telling Jess I was taking Hamza with me before I put the toys next to him and began driving to work.

"Mummy, I'm hungry." He said, making my eyes widen as I turned around for a second, looking at him. He just said hungry. He pronounced his 'R' properly.

"Say that again." I said with a grin, laughing when he repeated the sentence once more.

"MashaaAllah. Mummy, you just said the letter R." I spoke giddily, my frustration fading as I smiled at him through the rear view mirror.

"I'm hungry." He whined again and I sighed, a smile still on my face as I told him he can have pancakes soon.

Eventually I arrived at the restaurant and I was five minutes early which was good since I could get Hamza set up in the locker room with his breakfast before starting my shift.

I placed all of his toys inside before setting up a barrier that was laying around my room. I had used it when they were crawling but there was no need for it after they grew up a little. I guess it came in handy now.

After taking him a plate of pancakes with some fruit which he sat and dug into, I started working. It was only the start of the day and I already felt tired.

Great.

::::

"I'm sorry I called you in today, Sumayya, but I didn't have another choice." Bella spoke quietly and I turned around to see her leaning against the doorway of the locker room, her arms crossed across her chest as she watched me sway Hamza in my arms. He had just dosed off which was perfect timing for me to start the second half of my shift.

"It's okay." I answered quietly. "Thanks for allowing this." I said with a soft chuckle, gesturing around to the absolute mess Hamza had made. I'm glad he wasn't high maintenance. I came to check up on him once every hour and every time he was in his own world playing with his toys or eating something my co-workers gave him. They all fell in love with Hamza.

"Anytime." She said, watching me as I laid him on the couch in the room, moving a bench next to him so he didn't roll over and fall seeing as though the couch wasn't very wide. "He's very lucky to have a mother like you." She said as I kissed his forehead before standing up and tying my apron. My hands halted and I looked up at her with a smile.

"You think so?" I asked softly before stepping over the short barrier and standing next to her.

"Of course. You're such a hard worker here and then you go home and look after your children. I don't know much about your personal life, but I do know you don't have a husband and you support them on your own, so kudos to you, my love. You're a strong, independent woman and you deserve all the respect in the world." She told me, her eyes looking straight into mine, her words clearly coming from the heart and making me tear up.

"Oh, come on. Don't go all soft on me." She chuckled as she wrapped an arm around me as we shared a hug.

"Bella, you don't understand how much that means to me. I appreciate it. Thank you." I said through a sniffle, barely managing to keep the tears at bay.

"No need to thank me, Sumi." She said with a grin. "Now get back to work." She said with a wink, making me laugh as she went towards the kitchen while I walked the other way to the front counter.

I began the second half of my shift and work went on as usual for two hours before someone walked in through the double doors...a face that was familiar, but different. More mature. Grown. Still beautiful.

My mouth fell open as I stared at her, my eyes wide as she looked around the restaurant before her eyes fell onto me. Her breath visibly caught in her throat as she swallowed and licked her lips, taking a deep breath in and out before she slowly walked closer to me.

There was only a year and a half between us, but I had always seen her almost like a baby sister when I was married to Zaid because for the whole first year of our marriage all the way up until Zaid left me, she was always coming to me for advice or help, even when she wanted me to talk to Zaid or either of her parents for anything. She was still gorgeous, even more gorgeous now that she had matured completely. Her hair was covered in a black hijab and she had a plain navy blue dress on with white converse and a black leather jacket hanging off her arm. Her eyelashes as long as they always were and her skin fair, not a trace of imperfection.

"Halima..." I said slowly, my voice sounding croaky as I looked at her my eyes slowly closing back to their normal size as I cleared my throat.

"Sumi." She replied, once again licking her lips as she stared at me.

My heart pounded against my chest and my hands, my arms were itching to hug her to my chest. Both Kubra and her were my sisters, regardless of the fact that we didn't share blood. In that short year that flew by, Halima and Kubra had become the two sisters, siblings that I never had.

"Can we talk?" She said. "Please?"

"I'm working." I answered her.

"I'll wait outside." She said quickly. She was a pushover. She was never able to say no to anyone or stick up for herself.

Kubra was also following in the steps of her sister but I didn't know how she was now. In the year that I spent with them, I had slowly made progress with them to a point where they could say no to Zaid, but still, as soon as he would raise his voice, they'd cower away and agree.

"I still have an hour left. Did you come with a car?" I asked her.

"I got dropped off by a friend, but it's fine. I'll just wait outside." She answered, making me sigh.

"You can wait in the locker room." I said. "Come." She didn't look so sure but nodded anyway, following behind me as I gestured for her to walk in.

"I'll be done in an hour inshaaAllah. In the mean time," I paused, looking over at Hamza who started stirring. He'll be up in two or three minutes. "You can meet your nephew Hamza." I answered softly and she turned to look at him, her mouth falling open as tears pooled at her eyes. She looked back at me, almost about to say something but I walked away. We'd have plenty of time to talk later.

The time seemed to go past slower than usual as my mind was reeling with what was to come. I guess I didn't blame Halima for anything, but I still felt hurt. I needed to hear her out.

Eventually I had finished and so I signed my name off, walking to the locker room and standing at the doorway silently as I watched Halima play with Hamza, pretending to make truck noises as she pushed it along the floor, he did the same with a little motorbike in his hand.

"Baby." I said as I walked in and his eyes lit up.

"Mummy!" He shouted in excitement as he got off the floor and ran to me, extending his arms in the air so I could pick him up which I did gladly, kissing his cheek.

"Are you having fun?" I asked him as I sent a small smile to Halima who stood up off the ground, dusting the back of her dress.

"Yes, me and Halima were playing cars." He answered me and I smiled with a soft laugh.

"That's great, baby. Do you think we should go now?" I asked and he looked at me and nodded. I put him back down and took my bag out of my locker as we gathered the toys and put them into the car. I fastened Hamza's belt and shut the door.

"Come on, we'll go get a bite to eat." I told Halima and although she looked nervous about getting into the car with me, she gave me a stiff nod, sitting in the passenger seat.

Even if I did blame Halima for everything, which I obviously didn't, I would never have it in me to be rude to her or make her feel bad. She was such a pure soul and judging by her behavior, she's still the same as she was back then.

"So," I said as I pulled onto the road and began driving, noticing that her hands were slightly shaking in her seat. "How've you been?" I asked, trying to ease her worries.

"Uh, I've been doing okay, alhamdulillah." She answered, clearing her throat before asking how I was.

"Getting by." I answered simply. "Never a eventless day with Hamza and Hafsa. Isn't that right, baby?" I said, Hamza looking up at the last word and nodding his head even though he probably had no idea what I said.

"He's adorable, Sumi. Allahumma barik lahu." She said softly, looking at him, her eyes filled with love already at her nephew.

"Ameen." I answered. We spoke about Hamza and Hafsa for a bit until we came to a diner not far from my restaurant.

After we ordered and were waiting for the food, I spoke. "So, did he tell you to come talk to me?" I asked her, crossing my arms and placing them on the table as I looked at her swallow.

"No. He doesn't know I'm here. He told me to stay away." She answered and recognition flashed through my eyes. So that's why she was so nervous. She had come to see me without his permission.

"Why does he want you to stay away?" I asked, raising a questioning brow.

"He said that he wants you to first accept him and then we can get together after."

"I'm not going to 'accept' him." I said quickly, trying to convince myself more than her. Thoughts of getting back together with Zaid had been clouding my mind the past few nights and as much as something within me wanted to forget everything and just start a family with him before wasting any more time than was already wasted, another part was telling me that I'd be stupid to forget all the pain he put me through.

Her eyes snapped up to look at me, wide as saucers. "B-but...Why not? I thought you loved each other?" Halima asked, her voice wavering as she looked at me, eyebrows raised in question.

"Loved. Past tense." I spoke with a sigh.

"He still loves you. He never stopped." She said quickly.

I raised my brow. "Did he actually send you to say this to me?" I asked her.

"No, wallah Sumi he told me, he told all of us to stay away, even when mama and baba wanted badly to see the kids he wouldn't allow it." She said. The waiter came and put our food down, I put the chips on my plate onto Hamza's and squeezed tomato sauce on the side. "They're hot, baby, so be careful." I said to him and he nodded, leaning back in his seat as he waited for them to cool a little bit. He was being such a good boy today, MashaaAllah.

"He doesn't want you to feel rushed." She said once the waiter was gone.

"Halima, you have no idea how much I suffered because of your brother when he left me. Imagine, you've only just adjusted to your new life, you have routine, you're 150% happy and then one day everything is ripped away from you. Gone. You have millions of questions but have no way to get answers. You're crying and have no one to turn to. You're alone. Everyone whom you've been with has packed up and left. I cried every single night. For months on end. Then, just when I thought things were looking up and I was adapting, I find out I'm pregnant. At nineteen years old. No husband. No money."

"My brother said he lef..."

"I never touched that money." I said with slightly narrowed eyes. "Would you use money that your husband gave you after basically throwing you away like a used rag? Money that felt as if he was trying to get you to leave and forget about him? I left the house that day. As soon as he left the money and the house was transferred to my name I left."

She sighed. "I'm sorry." She said softly and I glanced at Hamza as he put the phone in his hand on the table, watching Zaky as he started eating the chips.

"For what?" I asked.

"That you had to go through all of that."

"I'm going to ask you a question, Halima." I spoke up and she nodded her head slowly, her rosy cheeks reddening further.

"What did you do? You and your parents. When he told you he was going to leave me? Explain it to me, because by Allah Halima if I had a brother who wanted to do that to you I never would have allowed it." I spoke truthfully and she looked down, clearly ashamed.

"Explain to me everything from start to end. This could be your only chance to do so. Wallahi Halima I'm hurt. I loved and still love you just as much as I could have possibly loved a sister who was related to me by blood, but I'm hurt. Hurt that you couldn't find a way to stop me from hurting, stop him from hurting me."

A tear slid down her cheek and I felt my insides churn. I exhaled, reaching over and holding her hand softly. "I just need an explanation. Please." I whispered, a line tear sliding down my cheek.

She nodded, sniffling a few times before wiping her cheeks dry and taking a breath.

"Well, one night my brother was at our house. It was when you went to visit your grandparents with your parents, but Zaid had work. He came to our house after work and said that he was feeling nauseous. He fainted and we took him to the hospital. They ran a couple of tests and straight away the results of cancer came out." She wiped a few more tears and I squeezed her hand.

"That night he fought with the doctors. They told him he had to stay in hospital from that day onward, but he told them he couldn't and eventually they let him go home. He didn't want you to know anything was up before he found out fully what it was, even though I think he was just in denial. The doctors told us 100% what it was. The next day we went to the hospital again. He didn't go to work. They did more tests and then said that he only had a few months to live if that. 97% of his bone marrow was already cancerous and they said it was vital that they started chemotherapy straight away. They didn't give us any hope. They said he'd be gone within 3 months and his chance of survival was extremely low. Close to none."

"Then what? He came home to me completely normal?"

She nodded. "He told all of us not to dare mention it to you until he made a decision. Three days later he told all of us what he had decided to do."

"Leave me." I said softly.

She nodded.

Neither of us had touched our food. It was a stupid idea to order food anyway, clearly we weren't going to have this conversation over a nice meal.

"My dad told him no. It wasn't right to do such a thing. My mum was crying. I don't remember clearly, I don't think Kubra was in the room. I was shocked. He explained to us that he was going to die regardless and he didn't want you mourning his death for the rest of your life." She wiped away her tears again, but to no avail, a fresh set were waiting in tow. Tears had also pooled at my eyes but I was managing to keep them at bay for the sake of Hamza.

Alhamdulillah he was still engrossed in his video and chips.

"My mum said that she didn't think it was right, but if that's what my brother wanted, he should do it. She didn't want to stress him out more than he already was, I guess. The doctors told us separately that he had to be kept happy at all times, however happy he could be at that stage."

"You?" I asked. "Your mum and dad never loved me 100% but you always did. You knew me. Did you not tell him that wouldn't have been what I wanted?" I said, a few tears sliding down my cheeks.

She nodded, looking at me. "I did. Wallahi Sumayya I told him. I said that you would be more hurt if you found out we lied to you of his death. I said you deserved to spend more time with him. That you would never forgive us if you found out he had died and we had robbed you of your time with him, but he didn't listen to me. He never listens to me Sumayya, you know this. He just told me he'd never allow you to find out of his death. The next day we came to your house for dinner. It was a goodbye. You didn't know." She spoke and my eyes widened.

I retracted my hand, remembering the night clearly. How had I not realized then that something was up? Everyone had hugged me but none of them had hugged Zaid goodbye that night. Back then I never really thought much of it and didn't mention it to Zaid so as to not hurt him, but now it made sense.

"That day he had quit work and come home early to cook with you. Three days later we left to Canada to start his treatment. We changed all our numbers and sold our properties. It was all Zaid's idea and by Allah Sumayya he only did what he thought was best for you. He didn't want to hurt you."

"You couldn't stop him?" I asked, though it wasn't much of a question. More like a statement.

"He's changed, Sumayya. He's the same as he was with Kubra and me as he was before you married him. Even worse because he has been so stressed. He's unbearable. Kubra and him  don't get along whatsoever." She said softly, looking deep in thought.

I sighed.

"I don't know what you want from me, Halima." I said softly. "Why'd you come?"

"My brother loves you, Sumayya. He loves you so much. He's already absolutely in love with the kids. He's getting their rooms renovated already. I'm scared that he's going to lose his mind."

"Don't, Halima." I spoke, shutting my eyes at the image of him getting caught up in false hopes. "Please don't try to put this on me."

"I'm no..."

"You're playing the guilt card. Whether you know it or not. You can't expect me to get back together with him just so he doesn't hurt or break apart when that's exactly what he did to me."

"What about the kids?" She asked softly after some silence.

"What about them?"

"Don't you think they deserve a dad?" She countered softly.

"They always had one. He just wasn't around. Now he is. If they want, they'll see him, if they don't, I'll make them. I'm giving your brother a chance to build a relationship with them. I can't do any more than that."

"Sumi..." She trailed off, tears brewing in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said simply even though I really had nothing to be sorry for.

She exhaled. "I should go." She said as she stood up.

"Eat." I said, gesturing to the food, I don't know why, but even if our topic wasn't about rainbows and unicorns, even just speaking to her made me feel happy and I didn't want her leaving so soon.

"No, I really should go." She said, shaking her head.

I sighed. "I'll take you." I said. It was already almost Maghrib time and I wouldn't feel good making her go home alone.

"No, it's fine. You eat. Let Hamza eat." She said with a smile his way. He looked up at the mention of his name and I smiled down at the sauce all around his mouth and fingertips.

"Wait five minutes." I said to her as I went to the counter to pay for the food, telling them to put them in containers for take away which the waiter quickly did before handing me the bags.

I picked up Hamza and we walked to the car. "Sumi, I can catch a bus, really." She said and I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, Halima. Listen, just because I no longer am with your brother, that doesn't mean I don't care for and love you, okay? It's almost Maghrib and if I didn't know you got home safe I'd be worried."

She wiped a tear off her cheek and I sighed, pulling onto the driveway. If only things were different.

QadrAllah.

She gave me directions to their house and in half an hour, we had arrived in front of the driveway. The house was big, just like their old one. It was double story and long. It wasn't too extravagant, but...well, they had money.

"Thank you, Sumayya." Halima said a small smile my way. I reached over and hugged her tightly, inhaling her floral scent as she wrapped her arms tightly around me. SubhanAllah. This must've been what longing and reuniting felt like. I wondered how it would feel to hug Zaid after all these years, but I quickly ridded of that thought.

"I love you, Sumayya." She said.

I clenched my teeth, trying to keep my tears away.

"Love you too, sis." I whispered with a sigh before we pulled away. She wiped her cheek and released a deep breath before turning in her seat to look at Hamza.

"Hopefully I'll see you soon, Hamza." She said to him with a grin.

"Okay." He answered with a soft smile as his eyes began closing and he drifted off into a deep slumber. She gave me one last smile before she turned to leave when the front door opened. A soft gasp left her lips and her body stiffened.

I didn't have to see him to know it was Zaid.

"Bye, Sumi." She said as she got out of the car and shut the door, bowing her head down as he walked closer to her in long strides.

I drove around the driveway slowly, looking in my rear view mirror to see him take a hold of her arm tightly and start yelling. I shut my eyes and exhaled, putting the car in reverse and going back in front of them. I pulled the hand break and got out of the car, slamming my door shut.

"Leave her alone, Zaid." I spoke loudly, narrowing my eyes as I walked around the car and closer to them.

"This is none of your business!" He shouted, narrowing his eyes at Halima who looked about ready to burst into tears.

"Leave her arm, now! I met up with her!" I said, lying for the benefit of them both.

"You're lying. For god's sake!" He shouted as he pushed Halima towards the stairs that led to the front door. "I told you to stay away until I said so!" He yelled, watching as she stumbled over her feet and fell onto the stairs.

"What are you doing!?" I yelled, walking to Halima quickly and holding her arm, pulling her up behind me so I was in between the both of them.

"Sumayya, this is between me and my sister. Move." He ordered, narrowing his eyes at me.

"I'm not going anywhere until you calm down and apologize for screaming at her and pushing her into the stairs." I spoke clearly, narrowing my eyes so he knew I wasn't going to back down.

"Sumayya. I'm not saying it again. Move. Now." He seethed, his fists clenched at his sides as I felt Halima clench my top in her fist.

"I'm not going anywhere until you calm down! What's it to you anyway? So what if she came to see me!?"

"I don't want her rushing you into anything!" He yelled at me.

"Rushing me into what?" I yelled back. "I'm not moving towards anything to be rushed into it, Zaid! Get that through your head!"

He took a step closer to me, his chest almost touching mine as we both heaved, breathless. "I love you." He spoke, looking deep into my eyes, the blue swirling in them almost tearing my heart apart. This was the first time I had stared into his eyes, the first time I had gotten so close to him.

"I don't." I said.

"You're lying." He answered me, narrowing his eyes further and speaking quickly, not leaving me any time to think about a response. "You're hurt and I understand that, but we have kids and you're being selfish."

I gasped, taking a step back. "Me? You're seriously accusing me of being selfish? Are you mad? Have you lost your mind?"

"All you have to do is forgive me. We can move in together and we can build our family. The more time you waste, the less time I get with my kids, don't you see that?" He asked me. I noticed that Halima was gone now and it was only us two in the driveway. "Can't you see that I only left you for your own good?"

"Weren't you able to see that I loved you enough? I would have wanted nothing more than to be with you through anything and everything you went through!" I shouted, tears now freely flowing down my cheeks as all the stress, anger, hurt, sadness and despair that I've been bottling up for the sake of my kids came crashing down. I sobbed and my voice went quiet as his narrowed eyes returned to normal, his rigid shoulders slouching as he looked at me break apart in front of his eyes, because of him. "I never would have left you. By Allah, Zaid, I would have hurt so much less if you let me suffer with you through everything you went through then leaving me to suffer alone without you." I hiccuped and took deep breaths in. "I can't be with you even if I wanted to, Zaid. I suffered too much at your hands." I spoke with a shaky voice, staring up at him before looking down and sighing.

I walked to the car and pulled the door open, his voice stopping me right as I was about to get in.

"Do you want to be with me? Be a family?" He asked slowly, staring at me with red eyes and wet cheeks that matched my own.

I swallowed and got into the car, shutting the door before driving out of their driveway.

Badly.

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