Media section first and then story 😡

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"So, any news, any updates?" My dad spoke while we were sat eating dinner.

It was Monday night. Two days after I had gotten fired and I still hadn't managed to gather up the courage to tell him that...or anyone for that matter.

I guess this was the perfect opportunity.

"I learnt a new recipe today." Jess spoke up just as I opened my mouth.

"Oh yeah? Which one?" My dad said, sounding excited. Now that Jess and I were getting along, quite well actually (say allahumma barik) she was beginning to learn middle eastern dishes just so I'm not always the one who has to cook.

"Moussaka." She smiled proudly making me chuckle.

"That's one of my favourites." I told her making her smile.

"I know. Your dad told me. That's why I learnt it." She said with a grin making my heart break into tiny pieces.

Why couldn't she have been this sweet all those years? I feel like I missed so much of her goodness. I really could have used someone like her to make me feel better all those times.

But I suppose, in a way, she made me stronger. So Alhamdulillah still.

"What about you, Justin?" My dad asked.

Justin shrugged, stopped chewing and looked like he was thinking of what he could update us on.

"Oh," He spoke, once he finished his mouthful.  "I got two new clients today, meaning, I've surpassed the leader for pt with the most clients at our gym."

"So you're leader now?" Jess gasped and Justin nodded with a low chuckle.

"Oh, my gorgeous boy. I'm so proud of you." She spoke, looking like she could've began balling her eyes any second.

"Well done, kiddo." My dad said, leaning over and patting his shoulder.

"What about you two?" My dad said with a smile towards my babies.

I smiled at them as they looked at each other and then at me.

"Well, Hamza and Hafsa are starting school on Wednesday." I told them with a smile.

I answered a few questions they had about the school, like why it was starting on Wednesday which apparently was because they didn't want to put kids straight into a full week in an unforeign environment.

"So, Sumayya. What about you? Any updates?" My dad asked.

"Uh, yeah." I muttered, looking down and sighing as I felt everyone's eyes on me.

"I...uh...I got fired last week." I spoke up, making Jess gasp beside me.

"For what?" My dad said, putting his fork down.

"They were just over employed." I shrugged.

"That's bullshit!" Justin said loudly.

"Excuse me?" I chastised, narrowing my eyes.

Justin used to always curse next to the kids and so I never used to let him spend time with them until he got his potty mouth under control, yet after teaching himself not to swear at least three times in every sentence, he still couldn't control his mouth when he was angry.

"They know you're a single mother with two kids. Why would they fire you out of all those bloody pointless workers!? He continued angrily.

"Well, apparently they chose to fire the workers who've taken the most leave in the past weeks and one of them was me." I said.

"Nah, don't worry. I'll go speak to them tomorrow." Justin said with a shake of his head.

"No, you won't. If I wanted to do that I'd have done it myself."

"You wear a hijab, of course they aren't going to listen to you." He rolled his eyes.

"I don't want you talking to anyone, Justin. If you do, and they happen to call me back, I won't accept so don't bother."

"It's okay, habibti, khayr. Qadr Allah wa mashaa fa'al."

"Exactly, baba." I said with a soft smile. "I've also started wearing jilbab now that I don't have any duties that require dress code, so I feel like in a way, it was good for me. A hidden blessing I suppose."

"You get a lot of those. Hidden blessings." Jess said from next to me, placing her hand over mine and giving me a small smile.

I returned her smile and the table fell silent as we continued eating.

Despite Justin's glares my way, it was pretty uneventful.

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"Come on, kids. We're leaving." I called loudly from the front door, hearing their footsteps run down the hallway until they were satin front of me trying to put on their shoes.

"I'll be back tomorrow night." I told my dad and Jess who were standing in the doorway.

"It's already Maghreb time. I don't get why you're going there only to come back tomorrow night." My dad said.

"I want mum to see the kids before they start school baba. Even if I didn't, I'd go there even if it was for an hour." I told him with a frown and he nodded.

"Of course, I just meant like you could have gone on Friday and stayed over the weekend too." He smiled.

"I can still do that, can't I?" I spoke.

He nodded. "You're right. Forgive me, habibti. My mind is just a bit over the place lately." He said making me nod and hug him.

After hugging Jess and after the kids said their goodbyes, we left the house and I buckled the kids into their booster seats before beginning the hour long drive to my mums house.

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"I'm just going to pop over to the shops to get a few things. I'll be back soon inshaaAllah, okay?"

"Sure, mum. I'm going to give these two a bath then put them to sleep." I said and she nodded, leaving and pulling the door shut behind her as I clapped my hands.

"Come on then." I said to the kids and they followed me into the bathroom with their toys.

After letting them play around in the water for a while, I began to wash them. Once I took Hafsa out of the bath, my mum walked in and I asked her to wash Hamza while I went and got their clothes sorted.

"I don't want to wear this one, mummy." Hafsa whined as I put on her purple pyjamas that I'd packed.

"Too bad, Hafsa. We don't have anymore here." I told her as I buttoned it up quickly despite her wriggling.

"But mumm..."

"What, Hafsa?! I'm telling you we don't have anymore. What do you want me to do?" I said loudly, looking at her with narrowed eyes.

She stayed quiet and looked down, tears pooling at her eyes.

"Go lay down." I told her while my mum brought in Hamza wrapped in a towel. She placed him on the floor in front of me and I quickly dressed him.

"Is she crying?" My mum asked me, looking at Hafsa with a frown.

"Leave her be." I told her, glancing at Hafsa who was face down on the pillow sobbing.

"Oh, but look..."

"Mama, please. You know I raise my kids the way I want to in terms of discipline." I said and she sighed, leaving the room quickly with her own eyes pooled.

"Come on, Hamza, put this on too." I said as I handed him the pyjama top that he slipped over his head.

"To bed, yallah." I spoke up, getting up off the floor and patting his bum. He climbed the bed and sat beside Hafsa's crying form.

"Get up, Hafsa." I said, sitting down on the corner of the bed with my Qur'an on my lap. "Hafsa, come on." I said, leaning over and turning her around.

She looked at me, her wet cheeks shining in the light. It broke my heart to see her like this, but I knew this was what I had to do sometimes to make sure my kids weren't spoilt.

"C-can you, wead suwah Wahman?" Hafsa spoke in between hiccups.

"Surah ar-Rahman? Of course." I said, wiping her cheeks with my sleeve before opening up to ar-Rahman and clearing my throat before I began reciting.

It took around ten minutes give or take and by the time I was done, the kids had already drifted off into sleep.

After praying isha and changing into my own pyjamas, I walked downstairs where my mum was reading a book.

"Mum, can we chat?" I spoke up softly so as to not startle her.

She looked up at my voice and nodded with a smile, putting the book down and onto the coffee table beside her.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

I looked down at my hands and cleared my throat. It sort of felt awkward having this conversation with my mum, but at the same time, she was my biggest and greatest advisor and I really needed her advice right about now.

"I spoke with Zaid the other day." I said simply.

"About what?" She asked.

I sighed. "Mama, I don't know. I want to get back with him, but I don't. He confused me even more."

"You want to get back with him?" She asked.

"Well...yeah, I guess. I mean, like baba once told me, if there's anyone I should be with, it's the father of my children." I said.

She nodded. "Of course."

"Do you think I should get back with him?" I asked her, needing her 100% clear cut advice.

"I do." She said, shocking me as I widened my eyes and looked at her. "Don't look at me like that." She laughed. "I've been waiting on the day you finally admitted you wanted to be with him."

"What?"

"Sumayya, look. I always admired your marriage. You two always seemed so happy, so content, so comfortable with each other. Believe me, I looked up to your marriage while I was married to your dad. I remember one day you had an argument at our house."

I remember that day too.

- flashback -

"Are we going to my mums now, babe?" I asked loudly as I walked down the stairs to see Zaid watching tv.

"Yeah, lets go." He said, standing up and turning it off. "Lemme go grab my keys." He said once he felt his pockets and realised his keys weren't in there.

"I'm in the car then." I called, putting my shoes on and walking to the car, remembering I couldn't even get in without him unlocking the door. I leaned against the passenger side, waiting for him to come down in the cold after I sent my mum a message telling her we'd be there in ten minutes.

"Sumi!? Where are my keys!?" He yelled so I could hear him from outside.

"Wherever you left them, Zaid!" I called back, rubbing my hands over my arms to warm myself up.

After waiting for another five minutes I groaned and walked back inside, seeing him flipping over all the couch cushions and messing the whole place up.

"What are you doing!?" I said, looking at the absolute madness that had taken over the living room. No doubt the bedroom was the same.

"I'm looking for my keys, Sumayya. What does it look like I'm doing!?"

"Do you have to mess up the entire house!? I just cleaned up today!" I said, placing my hands on my hips. 

"How about you help me look instead of chatting nonsense in the corner?" He said, standing up and running a hand through his hair.

"Excuse me? Chatting nonsense?" I muttered. "If you hung them on the key hook where they're supposed to be we wouldn't be having this problem." I said to him with narrowed eyes.

"You said you cleaned up, you probably put them somewhere." He replied.

"So now it's my fault?" I scoffed. "Whatever. I'm going with my car. Are you coming or not?" I muttered, taking my keys off the key hook and walking out the door without waiting for an answer.

I stayed in the car for two minutes before beginning to pull out of the driveway with a shake of my head, but right as I was about to pull onto the road, Zaid walked out, his shoulders tense and his face full of anger as he slammed the door shut and walked to the car, pulling the passenger seat open and getting in.

I drove faster than normal, not that it affected Zaid at all seeing as though he raced with cars as a hobby, and we arrived at my mums house in ten minutes.

I rang the doorbell, forcing a smile onto my face as I hugged my mum and dad.

"Assalamu alaykum, Zaid. Are you okay?" My mum asked him as he walked in after me.

"Wa alaykum salam, mama. I'm good, alhamdulillah." He said, also forcing a smile. As we walked into the living room, I could tell my parents were looking at each other, silently asking each other what could've happened. They knew we had fought.

Hell, it was obvious from the moment they opened the door.

"What did you two do today?" My dad asked in conversation.

Zaid and I looked at each other for a split second, deciding on who would answer.

"I was at work, mainly." Zaid said simply.

"Yeah, and I just cleaned the house." I said on purpose, and although I felt zaids glare on the side of my head, I didn't look his way.

"I cleaned too." My mum said.

"Clean what, mama?" I laughed softly. "It's only you and baba." I said with a smile and raised eyebrows.

She laughed also. "Well, when your babas here, the house ends up in a pig sty regardless." She mumbled. "Are you two hungry?"

"No, mama. Thank you." Zaid answered with another forced smile.

"What's happened?" My dad spoke finally, his eyes half narrowed as he looked between the two of us.

"What do you mean?" I asked, clearing my throat.

"Come on, habibti. Look at you two. It's like you're at a funeral home audhubillah." He muttered.

"Zawj, let's leave that conversation. It's their business." My mum said, looking at him through the side of her eye.

"No, babas right. Let's sort this out." Zaid said, standing up quickly and gesturing for me to walk ahead.

"Zaid, stop. We can do this at home." I muttered, narrowing my eyes at him.

"No, we can do this now. Mama, baba, do you mind if Sumi and I speak in the kitchen for a bit?"

They both shook their head.

"Zaid." I chastised.

"Get up." Zaid said sternly but when I didn't move from my spot, he exhaled, holding my hand and lifting me up effortlessly, pulling me behind him to the kitchen and shutting the door behind us.

"Was that necessary?" I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yes. I hate being mad at you. Let's sort it out." He said, crossing his arms over his chest also and leaning against the counter opposite me.

"Fine then." I said with a shrug. "Was it necessary that you messed up the whole house while looking for your keys?" I asked him.

"I was in a rush."

"No you weren't, we were just coming here."

"Fine. I was mad because I couldn't find them. I never find things where I leave them."

"I put your things where they're supposed to be."

"Don't. Leave them where I leave them. I'll move them later."

"I clean the house and you mess it up, Zaid." I said rolling my eyes.

"That's what husbands do." He smirked.

"Zaid." I muttered, trying to hold in my laugh.

"What? It's true. Your mum said the same about baba." He replied.

"Whatever. I'd still appreciate if you didn't mess up the whole house while looking for keys."

"I'd appreciate it if you actually helped me instead of telling me off."

"I wasn't. You were just messing up the house. And I was cold outside so I was in a bad mood I suppose."

"You should have come inside earlier. Why'd you wait in the cold for? You'll get sick." He chastised.

I shrugged. He rolled his eyes. 

"Are we done?" He asked.

"You have to help me clean the house when we go back." I reasoned.

"You have to help me find my keys." He responded.

"Deal." I spoke.

"Deal." He said. We both laughed and I shook my head as he stepped forward and hugged me.

"I hate being mad at you." He muttered into my hair.

"Me too." I said simply and just like that, we walked back into the living room and continued on with the night like we usually did.

- end of flashback -

"The way he took you to the kitchen and you sorted everything out in two minutes. MashaaAllah."

"Yeah."

"Listen, I think it'd be best to get back with him. The kids need a father in their life. What better man than their own dad?"

"Yeah, but they can still have him in their life without me being married to him."

"Sumi, habibti, listen, you know best how different life is while your parents are married and while they're divorced. Plus, you were 22 at the time. Imagine how much harder it'll be for your babies."

"So what do I do? How do I go about it?"

"Go out together. As a family. You him and the kids. Get comfortable with one another. Let the kids see you together. Eventually it'll all just come in due time, if Allah wills." She smiled.

"I feel like it'll be awkward." I said.

"It's only like that now. Once you spend time together it'll be like old times." She said, making me smile at her.

"InshaaAllah." I said. "I also got fired." I told her.

"Why!?" She said in shock and then I went on to explain that to her as well.

Looks like tomorrow I'd be telling Zaid we can try to move forward slowly. Let's see how that'll go.

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Comment your favourite Surah by your favourite reciter right here so people can listen and you can gain ajr :) x

Also, I can't finish this book tonight because we are getting visitors and you know how long that it. So tomorrow inshaaAllah x this is the last update for today

Set your alarms for Fajr now x

Assalamu alaykum ❤️