Hey, it's me. I just wanted to rant in this story. I have a lot to get off my chest and it's weighing me down to the point of depression. I am genderfluid. I go by the pronouns They, Them. I also changed my name. It was originally Sara, but I hated it. Reminded me of my family. I am now going by Sam. This has caused some issues. Some people have been calling me Samantha, but it's just Sam. Also, I'm pan and I'm dating someone who's transgender. Nothing else about them that I'm going to mention. Because of this, I've had to hide in a facade. It's tearing me down. My parents don't suspect a thing and I want to keep it like that. But I'm still scared that I'm going to mess up and they'll find out. I'm scared of what they'll do to me. There's no chance they'll be okay with it. They're the most religious people I know. My brother asked once why homosexuality was sinned against. Their reasoning is because the Bible said so and marriage is about having children. He followed up by asking about couples that don't want kids. They said that's perfectly fine. I'm so thankful for my brother asking that because now I know more about how monsterous they truly are. And my father. Oh, my father. He wouldn't think twice about sending me away to Jesus camp. He also used to whip us with a belt when we were younger and he just needs a slight reason to go back to that. If I didn't have my friends or siblings, I probably would've killed myself already. My friends have heard this millions of times, but it still comes back to haunt me. I feel like Sara is just a perfect little girl who had a sort of bad past and is religious. I just need to keep that facade up. I know that Sam is who I truly am. Some people have asked if I'm transgender for changing my name to Sam, but I'm not. Going back to who I really am, I'm someone who you can go to, to rant and I will listen to it. I am someone who will fight for what I know is right. I am someone who can make their own choices about life. I am someone who not be afraid to scream my name. I am someone who will text back after reading a page and a half long text to tell you that I'm here for you. I am someone who has seen struggle and is going through it right now. I am someone who you can laugh with at the latest meme or cry with at the boring ass book you were forced to read. I have the freedom to build my new path with the rubble and ruins from the past. But I can't. I look back and I see who my parents think I am. I can't tell them. Not yet. I've built a brick wall to keep out the hate, not knowing that I've kept out the happiness along with it. Someone once told me we all start out from ash and nothing but we can grow. Sam has started out from the ashes of the past and growing to try and find the happiness they deserve. This is all because I am Sam.