My wings are powerful. They can lift me from dead air and up into the sky, where beautiful thermals could flow around me gracefully. My wings can maneuver my feathered body swiftly around in a forest, narrowly avoiding thorny branches and swiping cats.

Cats were truly the worst. They had no fear, at least, no fear for me. They usually didn't outright attack me unless they had a reason, but they were ferocious beasts when they wanted to be, truly. They would hiss and claw at me, thinking there was no way they wouldn't come out on top. That's the worst part. They don't back down. And the only way to get around them is by being faster and more agile. No way I'm taking down a cat with this body.

Off topic. It's not about cats. But that's my life now. For someone else, cats may not be a probably unless you're allergic, but I always have to be wary of them. Cats, other birds, bigger predators. Humans.

Humans are the worst, actually. They'll coo at you, say meaningless words that'll lull you into security, then clip your wings, throw you in a cage and call it a day. You can't out maneuver humans. They're smart. Intuitive. Rulers of this planet.

They've created tools, and cars, and truly wonderful machines. They grow food in abundance for millions, pollute the planet for everyone, and slowly but surely destroy everything.

Yeah, I'm not fond of them, or any truly intelligent species really. Nothing good comes from having knowledge. Well, unless you're a Pemalite. But that's not likely, since they're all dead.

I guess I'm feeling angst tonight. Another botched mission. Rachel nearly got her furry, bear head torn off.

Well, not nearly. It did. I don't know how it happened. One moment she was fine, the next, her head was hanging on by only a few bloody strings. She immediately lost consciousness, but she managed to morph back to human form. None of us know how she did it. It's unheard of to morph while your life is basically already gone. Ax told us so.

After we managed to escape, he disappeared into the woods. He was affected by what happened. They all were. They always are. Every mission seems to go the same.

Me on the other hand? Ever since I've been stuck in this body, I can only do the bare minimum to help. I haven't experienced the horrors of being a mindless ant getting its body torn to pieces, or a shrew in the middle of mind-numbing panic.

I wouldn't know, but Rachel tells me almost everything. She puts on strong face, but I know she's just as affected by it as everyone else is.

I look down at her from a high branch on my tree. After everyone went home after the mission, to see their siblings and parents, to be with the ones they love most after another harrowing night, I come here. To my clearing.

Since my body was permanently morphed into a hawk, I can no longer go back to my family or home. Not that I would even if I was still human, I still tend to miss those comforts.

So I come here to my tree, above the grassy clearing with hundreds of mice and other critters. Tonight, instead of going home, Rachel came with me. She is sitting at the base of my tree, head back, eyes closed, and hands clenched around her knees.

It was too much for her. I see how her eyeballs frantically move beneath her lids, the way her fingernails harshly scrape into her skin.

She's beautiful, but seeing her like this is no treat. I admire her golden hair shining in the setting sun one last time before speaking.

<Rachel.>

Thought-speak of course.

She startles and gasps like somebody shot her. I wince.

<Sorry, didn't know you were sleeping.>

"I wasn't," she grumbles while rubbing her eyes. Despite being so high above her, my hawk ears can basically hear her perfectly. All of my senses are 100 times better as a hawk than as a human.

I stay silent for a moment, then flap my wings and float down to her. She holds her arm out, and I gently land there. I'm careful my claws don't dig into her. Its too easy to cut her with my claws. Bad for Rachel's delicate skin, good for cutting Hork-Bajir and Taxxons. And catching prey.

Her fingers absentmindedly rake through the feathers on my back. I stiffen. The hawk in me refuses human touch. It's foreign and starling. But the human in me desires more of it.

<Rachel...> I say once more. Her eyes steady on me. I know how I look to her. Beady eyes that seem like they are forever glaring and serious. But I try to look soft while looking at her.

"I'm fine, Tobias." She smiled weakly at her, her fingers slowly stopping. I mentally beg her to keep going, wishing I could hug her or do anything.

<Don't lie to me.>

She slowly blinks, but her face reveals nothing. We sit in silence for a few moments. I notice a small rabbit scurrying some feet away from us, usually a delicious meal, but right now I'm more focused on her.

"It's hard, Tobias. You know that. It's never going to be easy. I just have to get used to it."

<That might be true, the part about it not being easy. But you're human, Rach, and a kid at that. You can't be expected to be Xena just because you have these powers. You're allowed to hurt. You're allowed to cry once in a while too, you know?> My voice fades off as I notice her lips tremble.

She shakes me off, and with a flap of my large wings I settle in the ground. She frowns at me.

"Don't say that to me, Tobias. My role is to be the un-fearing Rachel. The one who jumps directly into the danger. The one the others can rely on to be strong. I can't afford to be weak and let my emotions get the best of me. I can't afford to just sit her and weep and be human! I-" she stumbles to a halt when she realizes that she's started to shout. Her body turns away from me.

She doesn't want to be human?

I stare at her for a moment. She refuses to meet my eyes.

<You're wrong.>

I feel a desperate urge to fly away at that moment. I suddenly just want to be soaring through the skies. A bird with no problems or thoughts.

My bird mind takes over just like that. My wings flap frantically. Too close to the ground! Human too close! Up, up! I'm above the tree line before she can say anything to stop me.

This is ridiculous. I like my hawk body, I like not having the responsibilities and pains of being a human. But sometimes it still hurts. Sometimes I just want to lay down on a bed, throw on the Animaniacs, munch on popcorn, and just sob. Sob about human things, like being bullied, or about a girl refusing my confession, or even about the fact that I'm in the middle of an intergalactic war.

I don't know anymore. I just need to get away for a while. I let the hawk mind consume me. All it want to do is enjoy the warm air, and search for plump critters for dinner.

Perfect for me.

—————————————————-

A week later, I fly upon Ax during his morning ritual.

<Hey, Ax-man.>

He doesn't answer me, but one of his eyes stalk eyes look at me to let me know he heard me.

I settle into a low hanging branch nearby and wait for him to finish.

A few moments later, he walks towards me.

<Tobias, I haven't seen you since the last mission.>

I shrug as well as a bird can shrug.

<You know how it is, got busy.>

He nods formally at me.

>I see... Prince Jake was asking about you, anyway. Another mission. Rachel was also wondering where you went.<

I mentally sigh. How Jake found another mission for us so soon is beyond me. Doesn't he realize we all need to mentally recoup before we go out and risk our lives again?

Sorry. They. Not we.

And Rachel asked about me?

I follow Ax around for a little while, talking about different things. He's seemed to pick up a lot about Earth from his almanac. He might even know more than I do at this point.

He tells me that Jake is planning a meeting tonight. Ax, of course, isn't going like always, but I'm expected to go.

That might, I land in the rafters of Cassie's barn. I carefully watch a trio of baby owls, who all stare at me like I'm about to attack them at any moment. One of them coos at me experimentally, and in response I softly squawk at it. It clambers closer to the edge of its cage, curiosity overtaking its instincts to cower. The other two chirp in protest, but it doesn't listen.

My hawk-side is disinterested in the curious one. It's too scrawny to be a good meal. So, I float down in front of their cage. The little one startles and but settles down once it notices my calm demeanor. I hop closer to the cage until I'm inches away.

The little one chirps at me in question. It pushes its little head against the cage, almost getting it through.

I lean forward, internally smiling at how cute this creature is when-

"Tobias no!"

I jerk away and accidentally hit the cage with my wings. All three baby owls start to screech and cry. I look up to notice a disappointed Cassie glaring down at me.

"What did I say about eating my patients?" She puts her hands on her hips.

<I wasn't, I was just->

"Tobias?"

I'm suddenly swept up into the most uncomfortable embrace I've ever been in.

Rachel smiles down at me, but quickly realizes she's being mushy and throws me away.

I flop to the floor ungracefully, unable to comprehend what just happened.

I glare at her from the ground. Thankfully, it was only a few feet, so I'm okay.

"Tobias, what happened to you?!" Rachel glares back at me, but her eyes express too much happiness for me to feel affected by it.

<Sorry, I didn't realize... I've been tracking Yeerk movement and lost track of time... Can't wear a watch anymore, right?> I attempt to patch things over, with a small laugh. I guess that excuse would usually work, but days have gone by. Even without a watch, it's a given I would have noticed that.

Jake interrupts before Rachel and I can say anything else.

"Guys, Marco and I found something....."

After the meeting, we all go our separate way as usual. Rachel makes a point to stay by me, even morphing into an Eagle. We fly in silence for an hour. It's nice.

Flying is something I'd never give up.

We land on my tree. She morphs back into human. She lazily hugs the tree, and looks at me.

"I said something to upset you. That's why you disappeared."

<I didn't disappear. I've been here the whole time.>

She immediately adopts a frustrated look.

"You stopped coming to see me after school. You come by me every day Tobias. And after last mission, I just didn't think..."

She struggles for words, which has never happened to Rachel since I've known her. Not even once.

I understand what she's trying to say. It still hurts though.

<I get it Rach. Were you having nightmares?>

She mumbles yes. Tension leaves my body. I can't be angry at her. It's not her fault. She did nothing wrong. She's just dealing with this like we all are.

She didn't even say anything wrong in the first place. It's time to get over myself. Instead of comforting her, I got offended by something she said and shut myself down for a week.

<It's okay. I understand. I'm sorry for being childish and for not being there for you.>

She looks at me. It's clear she's holding back tears. I'm struck with the thought that her eyes are truly beautiful, even when they are wet with un-shed tears. But I don't want her to cry. Not over me or anything else.

For a few moments, we just look at each other. Hawk and girl. What a pair.

I can't help but wonder what it would be like if just the two of us ran away. No more fighting. No more death and killing. No more space aliens trying to enslave humanity.

No more morphing.

For Rachel, at least.

But she could morph for fun of course. To swim as a dolphin, jump like a kangaroo. Let her be a kid....

That's what we are right? I used to be a kid.

It's all so confusing.

Rachel looks away from me with a pointed cough. I can tell her cheeks are pink even though she's turned away from me.

I don't understand my life anymore. I don't understand my body, or my friends, or anything else. Everything feels wrong and everyone seems so jilted. Everyone I use to know is a different person now, living different lives.

But at least I have Rachel. Rachel has stayed the same since day one. I can always count on her for that. And even when she's feeling down and scared, I know that she's strong enough to do something about it.

The day that she isn't strong enough is the day I truly fear.

<You know, you would look good with short hair.>

"You think so? I guess it would be more manageable if it was shorter. Maybe I'll just shave my head! Wayyy easier like that!"

Yeah, she's still the same. I may not be, but she is.

I want to protect her.