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Chapter 15 - The Epiphany


"Twenty-eight," Tobi declared happily as he finished counting the polished pebbles from his Mancala store, while Tiger purred peacefully next to us.

The two of us had been winding down after Seren and Peter had departed about an hour before. The couple had adjusted to the idea of Tobi's lucidity relatively quickly after the initial shock of finding out what I'd done.

Staying for some of our home-made lemon cake, they'd both listened attentively as we disclosed to them how we'd obtained the citrus fruit from Linn the previous day, having ventured there on a transport-bus with Tobi posing as a civilian.

Both Seren and Peter had reiterated that they thought I may be taking too many unnecessary risks. And while I understood their concerns, I'd assured them that to obtain as much information on the Katki as possible, I'd felt compelled to observe him in different situations.

I'd neglected to mention that I also genuinely enjoyed Tobi's company, and that part of our trip was irrefutably for pleasure rather than purely in the name of science.

"That means you must have twenty," the excited blond continued with a cheeky grin. "So, I win. Again."

It was the fourth game in a row he'd won, so I couldn't blame him for being spirited about it. His vibrant countenance sparkled with life as he revelled in his victory.

"How are you so good at this already?" I smiled back as I started packing the set away. "Did you secretly play this before I met you?"

"Trust me, my life wasn't this much fun before I woke up here," he reminded me.

"I know," I replied sympathetically. "For what it's worth, I thought you acted your part really well earlier. If it wasn't for Tiger trying to get your attention, I think we would have got away with it."

"But we didn't get away with it," he pointed out. "One mistake and look at what happened."

"It just means we need a little more practice, especially when it comes to ignoring Tiger," I said, hoping to encourage him to continue to work with me. "Seren and Peter were fine with it, weren't they? It worked out all right in the end."

"Yes, but next time the consequences could be more serious," he sighed, his crystal blue eyes looking meaningfully into mine and his tone turning a little more solemn. "And from what I gather from the conversations I heard between you and your friends today, it seems you're risking way more for me than you've been letting on, Matty. I don't know how to thank you for that."

Then before I knew what was happening, Tobi was leaning forward and closing the small gap between us. His soft lips landed on mine and stayed for a full second before he resumed his previous position.

Despite the purity and apparent innocence behind it, I was undeniably taken aback.

Tobi noticed and his face fell slightly.

"I shouldn't have done that?" he asked with sincerity.

Stunned into silence for a few seconds, I gathered my wits and attempted to form a rational response.

"No, it's fine," I assured him truthfully. "I'm just surprised. That's never happened to me before."

"You've never had a kiss?" he asked, looking confused.

"Well, yes, of course I've kissed," I replied. "It's just only ever been with girls before. I meant I've never been kissed by a man."

Tobi's eyebrows shot up and he looked baffled as he clearly tried to process the information that I was giving him.

"Men and women kissing each other?" he mused. "Oh. Wow. That's weird."

I laughed.

"What?" he asked, smiling.

"Well, it's not weird, it's normal," I pointed out.

The platinum blond paused for a few seconds in silent contemplation.

"It's ... normal?"

"Of course. How else would we procreate unless we were attracted to the opposite sex?"

"Procreate? What do you mean?"

"Making babies," I clarified. "Have you never been told where children come from?"

"Not specifically," Tobi looked perplexed when he spoke. "They're born outside the Kinnisvara. That's all we were told. It was never part of our training, so we didn't need to know any more than that."

Trying to make sense of this revelation in my own mind, I considered that maybe intimate relations between men and women had been prohibited in the Katki community because the Andekas were trying to prevent them from reproducing.

But then again, since the Andekas were the ones who granted fertility, any fears of the Katki reproducing were surely unfounded?

It occurred to me then that I'd assumed that the Katki were doing this through imposed restrictions and not through choice, and I decided I ought to check my facts before continuing.

"Tobi, were you under instruction not to kiss women?"

"No, I just don't like the idea of kissing them," he replied nonchalantly as he shrugged his shoulders.

How odd.

"You're saying that given the choice, you'd rather be kissing men than women?" I reaffirmed, searching for some further clarity to ensure I hadn't misconstrued what he was telling me.

"Of course," he confirmed.

"And from your reaction it seems ... that's normal in the Kinnisvara?"

"It is amongst the Katki," he answered thoughtfully. "We weren't really allowed to mix with the others unless we took the Ravim, so I don't know about them. I just know that I've certainly never heard of anything as bizarre as men wanting to kiss women before."

"And the women feel like this as well?" I probed further, pointing to my lips. "They don't want to kiss men that way? They only want to kiss the other women?"

"Sure," he responded casually. "It would be weird if they wanted to kiss us."

I sank back into my chair and let all this information sink in.

Tobi had been living in a world when men and women didn't feel inclined to be intimate with each other, whereas my reality had always been the polar opposite. I'd never heard of men kissing men or women kissing women before.

It seemed like a strange coincidence that that kind of statistical anomaly would occur when partitioning the population into Katki.

Unless ... it wasn't a coincidence.

Was it possible there was a whole a section of society who were naturally only be attracted to those of the same gender? And that those people were being separated from the rest of us at birth? Was it conceivable that the Andekas weren't segregating people based on how much of a threat they posed to society, but based on their gender preferences?

Is that what the template was doing?

That seemed ... highly illogical.

My head was swirling, and I tried to push back the rising tide of confusion. At this point it was only a theory based on circumstantial evidence. I knew I needed more proof.

"So, does that mean I shouldn't kiss you?" Tobi asked, snapping me back to reality after I'd been silent for a while. "I did something wrong, didn't I?"

It was only then that I realised I'd been staring through him while I'd been thinking. He must have noticed my blank expression and misunderstood.

Being faced with the direct question forced me to refocus my attention onto the porcelain angel and think about the answer.

The truth was, I genuinely hadn't minded him kissing me, and I certainly didn't want to put Tobi off doing anything that was in his nature while I was still making observations.

Smiling and reaching across the small gap, I took both of his hands in mine and attempted to reassure him.

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's fine."

"So ... you didn't mind?"

"No, Tobi, I didn't mind at all," I promised him. "I'm a scientist. New concepts and varied experiences are part of what science is about. Exploring diverse ideas is part of who I am."

Just to make sure the message was received, I leaned forward slightly and kissed him on the lips, the same way he'd kissed me. If this was part of the life that Tobi was using to living, then I decided I'd do my best to meet him halfway.

Smiling, I pulled back, with my hands still wrapped round his.

"All right?" I asked, and the Katki nodded shyly in response. "Great," I nodded too, pleased that Tobi seemed to be feeling a little more comfortable. "Shall we get some dinner? We can get some extra practice at making it look like you're taking the Ravim, if you want to?"

Later that evening, after we'd both eaten and read a little, I noted my current hypothesis in my journal. Even as I was writing, with my legs folded under me while sitting on my bed, the concept I was proposing seemed preposterous. Yet it was the only explanation I could think of that made sense given everything I'd seen and heard from Tobi since he'd been free of the drug.

After putting the journal away, I let my head rest on my knees as I listened to the distant sound of my blond companion brushing his teeth.

The Andekas were telling civilians that the Katki were dangerous. But from what Tobi had told me, they had to know that that wasn't the truth, because they only drugged the Katki once a month for the Mart. So, the template must be being used for some other purpose.  

Had I just uncovered the reason the Katki were being separated from the rest of us?  Could this be the secret that Six Eight Three Two had been under instruction not to divulge?   In trying to find a cure, had I inadvertently asked questions about the Katki that the Andekas had instructed him not to answer? Was that what had caused the internal conflict that I suspected may have killed him?

And if the Andekas were segregating people based on their gender preferences, the big question was, why?

Unable to think of a logical reason, I decided that first, I needed to corroborate what Tobi was saying. Not because I didn't believe him – I felt like he was being honest in everything he'd told me. I needed to do it because I was a scientist, and hearsay was not the same as proof.

Taking a deep breath as Tobi climbed into bed beside me, I resolved to test scientifically as much as I could, whenever I could, and in the meantime, I'd try to rest so that my brain could operate the way I needed it to for the task ahead.

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