JULY 21, 2023.

"Come on!" Beomgyu pulled me by my hand, a slight gasp leaving my mouth as we descended into the night. Ever since I told him how much I love going out at night, Beomgyu had the tendency to stay awake to cater to my likes. I always tell him that I won't melt in the sun, but he said that he'd rather have me at my happiest than be tired and formal all day. "Stop being a normal college student and being all reserved because we're out after curfew."

"Because you know it's wrong," I complained, pulling him back for a moment. Beomgyu frowned, giving me his starry stare that hoped to convince me every time. I pitied him when he gave me those eyes because the only one I ever really think of when I peer into others is Soobin–and I never want to describe it that way for Beomgyu, but that's the only way I see it. I know–it's poor taste on my end, and to be wasting time like this when my heart is jailed and abused by another guy–I'm the bad person. "I know you haven't gotten sleep all day. You've been working on editing that script, so don't worry about doing all of this."

"You think everything's for you?" I felt my face heat up, eyes widening in confusion. "You may be seventy-five percent correct, but what if I just want to enjoy the night with you? You'd hate it if we were with others–"

"I caught you right there," I pointed at him, making his smile fall. "Why do you care if I'm out here with other people? I've just proven your motive," Beomgyu sighed, defeated. I crossed my arms out of pride. "I told you, we can do this another time during daylight. I always enjoy going out with you. We can just take a break."

"We don't have to do that. We're already here!" Beomgyu stared at the stars, feeling the soft drizzle of rain fall to his shoulders. I watched him, standing with my knee-high boots, acting like his older sister. Still, he laughed like a kid, and noticing I wasn't joining him, beckoned me forward. "Come look with me, Yewon."

"You're such a kid," I commented, but as I watched him in silence, I pulled out my cam recorder. He took a seat on the grass, bathing in the dark illumination. "Beomgyu."

"Hm?" Finally, he lifted his head, spotting my camera. His face fell, and instead, I have to stifle my laughter at his stoic expression. I never thought he could make such a face. I zoomed into the expression, unable to hold back anymore. I let out a small snicker, closing the camera. "Yewon!"

"I'm sorry, I had to. You're really a kid!"

"I am not a kid!" He stood up, getting ready to pounce. I put my hands in front of me as he ran for me, tripping over himself. "I'll show you what being a kid is!"

I continued to run across the field, dodging his every attack. The moment his hand grabbed mine, we collided, and as I misstep, we plummet into the grass. His hand caught my fall, but we continued to hiss in pain. Beomgyu's other hand held him up, but his figure was protecting me from the rain.

"Are you okay?" I heard him whisper, making me nod.

"How about you? You're the one who landed on your hands," I winced as I opened my eyes, seeing him looking at his arms. "I bet it hurts. Right? You deserved it this time."

"Why, you–" He paused when we locked eyes, searching for anything deeper. My eyes felt heavy just staring, but the moment he smiled, I exhaled nervously. "Aren't you nervous?"

"I... am," I responded hesitantly. "But I should get used to it. Coffins hide all expressions, don't they? If I'm buried alive–"

"You'll be dead."

"I've died, then," I pretended, closing my eyes. Beomgyu suppressed a laugh, shifting what seemed to be closer. When I opened my eyes, he got an inch closer, his clothed elbow holding him up instead of his hand. "You know, we should probably get up."

"No, not yet. I'm having a good time admiring you this close," Beomgyu commented, making my already red cheeks feel like they're growing into a tomato. I knew he was sweet-talking out of something more than friendship, but sometimes, he truly made me question what kind of feelings I felt for him. I couldn't determine what I was feeling for him, but I wasn't going to not admit that Beomgyu seems to be chasing for an eternal–for my immortality. "You're pretty, Yewon."

"Thanks," I quickly stammered, avoiding eye contact. "I look like a fool, though, lying here I bet my hair is everywhere, and I've got droplets of rain on my eyelashes."

"That's what you think," Beomgyu replied, taking his left hand off the grass and hovering it over my face. Before he could place a thumb over my eye, he stopped, a face falling into a frown. "Sorry. Can I...?"

"I'm never going to touch you without your permission. Not after the shit you've been put through," Beomgyu reasoned. He bit his lower lip, casting his gaze to mine. "I wouldn't even wish that on my worst enemy–to be put through mental and emotional abuse, gaslighting, whatever he did to you... and still having to wake up every morning knowing that you still have to see your perpetrator's face."

"Yes," I whispered, and before I knew it, his thumb delicately swiped over my eyes. It's cold, and I giggled because he seemed to press a bit harder knowing so. "Hey! Just because I said yes doesn't mean you can act this way!"

"In coffins, if you were buried alive, you'd be burning up," He commented, and soon, his hand rested on my cheek. "But, since you're dead, you won't feel it. You shouldn't feel how cold it is."

"I get it. If you're dead, you don't feel anything," I replied.

"Right," Beomgyu whispered. "Then, if you're still pretending... pretend you don't feel this, either."

Before I could reply, Beomgyu leaned in, pressing his lips against mine. I froze as if the roots tied me to the ground, but instead, it was my heart asking me to let it last. My eyes searched for his, but my heart thumped loudly, and my head synchronized with it for a moment. I ripped the imaginary roots that held my right hand. Quickly, my hand lifted and I wrapped it around the nape of his neck, the one part of him he held when he'd get shy. I pulled him closer, reciprocating the movement of our lips on each other, and let my heart's request of 'letting it last' succeed.

Our feelings may never interlock. They may never grab a hold of each other when one falls off the cliff, because if I was the one holding him, I'd willingly let him go.

But for now, I can continue pretending–because that's what he wants–and I'll pretend a little more to soothe his heart and mine. Even when it'll hurt at the end.

We slowly separated, his forehead intertwining with mine. "I wanted to tell you," Beomgyu paused, swallowing hard. I felt his body heat up like the sun, running it through my veins. "That moths exist in the daylight, too."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

"Moths aren't only nocturnal. Some moths mimic their sisters, butterflies, and live in the light," Beomgyu exasperated, eyes searching mine. "I'm saying this because I want to encourage you, Yewon, to live life with the rest of us. It doesn't matter what people think of you. I promise that you will survive, and I will protect you. You don't have to live in fear if other moths... live in happiness while basking in the sunlight."

I looked away and up at the stars. They blinked at me, wondering if I'd say something. "Really?" I exhaled, causing him to nod. "Will I even fit in?"

"Yes," He said. "You will."

I gazed back at him. "Don't say that just because–"

"Because I like you, Yewon?" He confessed. I was speechless, and he must've seen my surprise written all over my face. "Don't look at me like that. Everyone knows that I'm smitten for you, Yewon–except you. I have cared about you since that day I met you in the journalism room. I have wondered, and waited for the day I could tell you this."

"But," I paused, hesitating. "I'm not ready."

"I know," He swallowed. "I know you aren't. I never expected for you to even consider it. The fact that what we did just happened is enough, and that anything more would be heaven on earth. However, I already figured you'd say no."

"Beomgyu," I frowned, slipping my hand down to his cheek. "I never said no. I just don't think that I can have another relationship at this moment."

His eyebrows raised. "You... you mean to say that–"

"I don't know what I feel. But it's not nothing," His heart was beating fast. "So for now, just please give me time. I want to finish my business before I start something new."

"I understand," Beomgyu said swiftly. Unlike Soobin, when Beomgyu didn't hesitate, he meant it. "Take all the time you need. I... will wait until the end of eternity for you."

I looked between his feline eyes. They were starry and beautiful. They held fear, but clouded it for courage. His bravery trumped all traits, and I saw the corners of his lips raise. "Shall we head back to our dorms so we can work on the ending? I know that it's on your mind."

"Okay," I hushed. He got up first and helped me up, walking back to my dormitory first before he bid me farewell. As I watched him walk away, standing there, I took my phone out of my bag, looking at my phone.

I clicked on his contact.

Five messages of his that I left on read–the last one being when he asked me about the film.

I finally found the courage to text him back.

Evening, Soobin.

When you see this, you'll be blocked. I did tell people. I'm not afraid anymore–not of you, not of our past, and surely not of having to revisit it. I realized that the more I cowered in front of you, the more power I gave you over me. I won't let that happen. Ever again.

I bid you good luck in life. You're going to need it. Thank you for everything,
and goodbye.

After I sent the message, I blocked him, and went to another contact. I typed a few words on my screen, sending it, and letting it linger when I turned my device off.

"You're back," Yoona commented, yawning. I nodded, heading to my computer. "About to work on the ending? What made you want to change it a few days before the deadline?"

"I... became honest with myself," I nodded, opening it up. "If I lied to myself, Yoona... I'd be just as bad as he was. I'd be telling a story that would have never gotten a proper ending. It wouldn't be right."

"I see..." She trailed off. "Then, what are you changing it to?"

I stared at the screen.

"I'm changing it to..."