MARCH 14, 2023.

I was the first one in film class. Professor Park saw me from afar, beckoning me over excitedly. "Oh, Yewon, you actually showed up!" Professor Park exclaimed as I made my way up, students beginning to trickle in. She crossed her arms, looking at me with narrow eyes. "To be honest, I thought you'd deny the offer, considering how quiet you are. Now that you're here, I can ask you: Are you fine with it?"

Hesitantly, I thought about it for a moment–but eventually, with factors that could potentially benefit me in the future, I nodded. Professor Park began to smile, nodding in response. "I guess Yoona was right: you really don't like speaking. Well, anyway, sounds great. Then, let me introduce you to the person you'll be working on this project with. Beomgyu!"

Seemed like perfect timing, huh? She called out to someone behind me, and as I turned, he's only a step or two away from me. I took a step back, almost having a collision with Professor Park's desk, but not enough to eventually fall. His features were all familiar, and I almost widened my eyes at the realization.

It's that boy. "Sorry. Was I... interrupting something?"

Brown hair. A longer cut, long under his ears but not long enough to reach his neck. Dark brown eyes and a sharp shape. Just like a few days ago, he wore something rather colorful, and at the sight of it, I winced. The only difference between then and now is that I could absorb some of his features instead of using them as an escape. "Are you two acquaintances? You're not saying anything."

"We've met recently," He nodded, turning to Professor Park. My eyes dragged down to his nose, shaping his lips, back to his crinkling eyes. If he heard more than he should've, perhaps he knows too much about me. Is that why he's not making me talk? "There's no need for much introduction. We can handle that ourselves since we'll be working together for the whole year."

Whole year? No way. I didn't think the side-project was so important. "I see. That saves me from warming up, then!" Professor Park began to talk about the project which was actually a film for the Seoul Short Film Festival in the Spring. She gave more detail than my short synopsis, but I began to tune everything out at the sight of him. He witnessed our meeting, and if anything, could recognize either one of us again.

"So, are you both on board?"

"Yes," He bowed his head, and I felt a slight shift against my arm. I flinched, taking a step over, and bowed my head as well. He caught on, sticking his arm closer to his side. "Thank you for the opportunity, Professor Park. We won't let you down."

"Good to hear. If you have any questions, don't be scared to ask. We can talk more after class if needed," We both nodded and I cascaded up the stairs, my back to the nearest door. Beomgyu doesn't hesitate to take initiative, taking a seat right next to me.

"Beomgyu," He reintroduced himself. "I'm a freshman."

I didn't say anything, taking out my notebook to prepare for class. Beomgyu seemed to frown, staring at it, and once I opened my notebook, he hummed. "A freshman too. That's pretty cool."

I flipped to a new page and Beomgyu instantly took one of my pencils, drawing something. I gave him a bewildered look, but eventually, after seeing him ignore it, I ignored him too. It took him a minute to finish, and when I gave it a look, it's a version of me... that smiled.

As I stared at it, he slid my pencil back, making me face him. "Since the class isn't starting yet, do you want to plan out how our film can go?" I pursed my lips, agreeing. Quickly, he grabbed his spiral notebook, flipped to an empty page, and wrote our names at the top.

"The student film theme Professor suggested this year, if I remember correctly is..." He quieted down, writing it out.

'Memories are the Most Beautiful Memorial.'

The fuck? That sounds so stupid. Beomgyu spared me a glance, chuckling at my furrowed eyebrows. "They want us to make a film about how memories are vital to someone's life."

Oh. That makes more sense. "Well, let's put down some words!" He exclaimed, writing the first word: 'youth.'

On the second line, I wrote, 'insects.'

"Insects?" He questioned, eyebrows raised. "Clarify."

At his request, I added, 'focusing on the beauty of nature and insects and tying into–' Then, I made an arrow drawing it to his word.

"Ah, I see!" He exclaimed. "I like that idea. What about the people?"

On the third line, I wrote, 'relationships.'

"All of it is too broad, I think. We're going to have to dumb it down if we want to cater to the right audience," I agreed with a slight nod of my head. "Well, it's okay. At least we got some of it down, right?"

The silence came, and Beomgyu was relieved we got something done. It wasn't long, though, before my eyes had encased the tall figure entering the door with a friend, arm around his shoulder in maroon. I swallowed, lowering my head, hands tightening around each other. "Soobin, you're seriously so funny," His friend laughed, a charming chuckle resounding in the slightly filled lecture hall. "But you can't say those things! You used to date her!"

What?

"What? I'm being honest. She thinks that she can overwhelm me by doing absolutely nothing, but it's not working!" He defended. I lifted my head, watching his friend hit his shoulder, but his head suddenly lifted as well. We made eye contact. "You can't deny that it's weird. As much as I'd like to sugarcoat things, it's really weird. I'm trying to be nice, and all I get are judgmental looks."

Who was he talking about? "Yewon? Yewon, are you okay?" I heard from my side, but I've already tuned out most of his voice. I lasered my eyes into his, hoping that he'd feel it burn, but instead, they continued talking.

"What's her name again?"

Don't say it. Please. Don't say it.

He placed a finger over his lips, teasing his friend with a grin. My heart began to palpitate in fear that it would all be released, and his friend would immediately know it was me. His eyes left mine to look at his friend for a bit, but then, he spared me a glance. My soft breathing became exhales for help, but only I could hear it pumping into my ears.

"Secret."

"Class has begun!" Our professor called out, silencing the students. I felt like jello, pouring myself into my seat as Beomgyu furrowed his eyebrows. "But, today will be short. We're going to be starting a semester project, and you can find the instructions online. Today, you'll just be pairing up with one other person. It'll be a research paper. Please choose your partners wisely because you won't be able to change them later. Class adjourned."

People got up and began to walk around, Beomgyu beginning to hum for my attention. "Yewon, would you like to–"

I pushed myself out of my chair. Beomgyu called out to me, but I ran through the backdoor and down the hall to the nearest bathroom. Filing through the cascade of women, I went to the last stall, locked the door behind me, and let the waterfall flow.

Soobin came bearing a fruit that held all my sins and prayers mixed into his skin, and tossing it around, he played with it. If it were to ever drop and become bruised, it would wound me–and after one moment of dropping the fruit, he had a desire to continue. By the end of the year, I'd be a pulp, dry of my soul and integrity.

"Secret."

God. Secret, huh? It was going to stay a secret because if you ever let my name leave like a rumor to someone else, chaos would ensue. I'd begin to speak again, drown you in my words, and let it consume you like a raging storm. I would never let you live. That should've been my plan from the beginning, but I gave you peace because I still respected you like a second chance. Slowly, piece by piece, you're chipping away at me, and I'll make sure by the end of it, you're already dead.

I'll get my fucking revenge, even if I lose it all this time.

Hurling, gut-wrenching, I sat there in silence. After a few minutes, I went to the sink, washing my mouth out with water. I looked at myself in the mirror–eyes slowly taking in the exoskeleton in front of me. This is who I am. I am the shell of a woman who once loved what she knew.

Time passes by, a minute, then two. I exited the bathroom, hands in my pockets, but the peace ended as soon as it came. "Yewon."

I swallowed. Soobin.

"Here are your things," He held my bag, leaving it out for me to reach. The plague was spreading onto the strap. I stared at it, and before I knew it, the bag fell to the ground with a thump. "I didn't know you had the same class as me. I guess I'll be seeing you more often."

I don't want to see you. Please don't look for me. As I picked up my bag contaminated with his touch, Soobin leaned forward. I took a step back, keeping my distance. "Since I did something good for you, like bringing your bag to you..." He trailed off, a tilt of his head being the finishing touch. "Shall we be project partners?"

I remained stoic, hanging my bag on my shoulder. He frowned, eyes peering into mine. "Come on, I did you a favor!" He did. "Let's make a deal. If we're partners, I'll leave you alone after. You've got the mind, I've got the work ethic. We can make this work."

We can make this work, he claimed, but the relationship folded like my stomach over the toilet. No, in fact, we'll never work. But, the deal sounds enticing, and I know I'm making a mistake by letting him walk all over me. If I can gain the upper hand somehow, bringing his pride to a close... could I finally get rid of him completely?

"Do we have a deal? Your eyes are telling me 'yes,' but your frown is telling me 'no,'" Soobin complained. He put up his finger right in front of my eyes. "One chance. All you have to give me is another, one chance."

Do this for the upper hand, Yewon.

I sighed. When he assumes I've given in, he beamed a smile that had always been one of glorious joy and a shit load of lies. "Thank you for complying," As I straightened, his hand quickly reached for my chin, and I swatted him away. He whined. "Yewon, you have to speak to me, though! How are we going to do our research paper."

Over my dead fucking body.

"Yewon," He continued to coo, taking a long stride toward me. I was backing up to continue a reasonable space between us, but when I slammed back into a wall, I knew it was over. Soobin trapped me between his arms, a light breath concealing what could be loathing. As he inched toward my face, his lips retracted toward my right ear, the hushed sigh making me tremble. "Let me hear your voice after two years, Yewon. Please. Let me hear it."

I tried to push him away, but the first time, he gained stamina, not wasting time in pinning me there and grabbing my chin. His eyes flashed anger, no, something more than anger. He grimaced, tightening his hold on my wrists. Seeing the fear laced in my open mouth, he chuckled bitterly. "You can't fight it forever. You'll just have to face it: You were always going to come back to me."

"Soobin?"

Soobin's head spun to my right, away from my weakening body. He pushed himself off by my wrists, a stoic expression written on his face as he looked around the corner. I glared, shakily breathing, feeling my skin burn. It was as if acid was poured all over me, the sensation killing me slowly.

Finally, he spared a glance at my vulnerability. There was an unreadable change in his eyes, and doesn't say anything.

"We'll meet again, Yewon," He mouthed in silence before walking away, not sparing a look back. I'm left alone by the girl's bathroom, my walls breaking the moment he's out of sight. I huddled closer to my knees, my legs to my chest, balling into my defense mechanism like an animal would.

"You were always going to come back to me."

No. No. I've done everything in my power to stay away from you. Don't say such a thing. Don't make me think that I've been on the chase for you. I held my ears, hands over them like he's screaming, telling me that I'm wrong.

The tears fell. They became quiet sobs, and nobody can save me but myself.

But I'm not ready to be saved–I want to keep fighting, bruise by bruise until I grab the fruit of him and waste no haste in digging my nails into it. I need to survive long enough to see him dead.

If he was going to use me for his benefit, I was going to throw it right back at him.

When he murdered me two years ago, I swore that my exoskeleton was going to hold the next knife. I promise that my blood will stain him,

and I will wipe the weapon clean of the sins I collect.