Months have passed,
since I looked at myself.
Months have passed,
since the mirror betrayed.

I look in the mirror,
I know, not again.
But I look inside it,
oh God, what's that?

My body is changing,
for the worse I might add.
Kilos and kilos,
too many to count.
Kilos and kilos,
I can't gain anymore.

They tell me I'm fine,
they tell me I'm thin,
but I don't understand.
Is this all in my head?

Fears are falling,
the voices are speaking.
Diziness takes over,
my body falls down.
I'm weak, like never before.

Every single time,
I stand up from my bed,
the world spins in my head.
I go to the shower,
but first look down.

My belly is growing,
my cheeks are so chubby,
and everytime I smile,
my two chins are showing.

Later that morning,
I eat way too much.
Guilt takes over
as I watch her eat,
no gain whatsover.
While here I just stand,
I breathe and I'm done.
Jealousy controls me
and I glare at her perfect figure.

Guilt makes me think,
and the voice in my head,
makes me do things,
I promised I'd never do.

Some hours later,
no food inside my mouth.
Some hours later,
I feel like I'll faint.
But lunch comes soon after,
and I eat half my food.
Someone else wants it
so I'll give it to them.
And all my dear food,
I no longer eat.

I look in the mirror,
my stomach is flat.
"Finally!", I yell,
my happiness short lived.
I feel my legs giving in,
and my vision going dark.
Dots across my eyes,
and my head weighs too much.

I catch myself in time,
I don't fall on the ground.
I almost lost it,
I was so close, I felt it.
It had been a while,
since it had happened.
So many months,
I ate as I liked.
But now I look in the mirror
and I break down and cry.

Funny thing is,
as soon as I caught,
a smile spreads on my face.
I finally did it.
My body is perfect,
at last.
I smile through the pain,
because I got to my goal.
I'm right at the place,
I wanted to be.

They told me to starve,
they told me hold on.
I wasn't going to listen,
I thought they were lies.
I read so many stories,
of people who died,
because a voice in their head,
told them to stop;
a look in the mirror,
they saw more than there was.

But I'm not like that.
I saw truth with my eyes.
A truth that scarred me.
But the little voice in my head,
rose above all the others.
Once again I listened,
and look where I'm at.

I'm going to die soon,
but at least I'll look good.