I'm still the same as I was. I want to think it will be better to change myself within, but I will forever be a part of me. The good. The bad. The sweet, the stained. The desire, the hunger. If I were to die today, I would not have any regrets.

As I am right now, I don't think I'll ever change. Forever, I'll look back, with the only thing I'll ever see being my pitiful self and my kind self that I sometimes know. Though I probably am not, I feel particularly sinful. I know I'm not fully who I claim to be when I speak. And it might just stay that way. I am a hypocrite, a pathetic self-pitying person with no sense of direction, trying to guide others on their own path of life while I stay locked in the same spot.

Have I come to this acceptance too early, or is it just one of those midnight moments? Either way, my friends are sweet. They're so lovely. I really wouldn't mind if I died today. I'm not very happy. I'm not sad at all. It's a feeling of a storm yet complete serenity, and it's odd. I could quite leave like this, but I'm not sure if I could live like this.

Isn't it ironic? Everyone is saying they hear my words straight from my heart, but it isn't as wholesome as I'd like it to be. I'm not her, and I can't be her forever. She never looks back, from what I'm guessing is out of fear of me. For herself. Does she think of me as much as I think of her? Probably not. I'm not sure if I hope she does either. But because she doesn't, I find it hard to go back when I should. But it's okay. Things will always stay this way.

Considering her circumstances, I'd like to say I see why, but I really don't. Aren't we, in the end, the same person? Yet it feels as if neither of us are making sense to each other. Why do you exist? Why do I exist? As long as we continue to live, these questions are a never ending cycle, left to be unanswered. The most pathetic thing is how neither of these questions mean to ask the same.

I will always see her. She will always try not to see me. I will sleep, and she will rise. When she falls, I will sit by her side, watching her wordlessly.