Six weeks into the semester, Valerio realized how dissimilar he felt, mentally and emotionally, in comparison to his prior years of attending university.

Art courses were more appealing than gen ed ones in their own ways: 2D Design focused a lot on color theory, lighting, and shadow effects in painting; 3D Design had a more hands-on approach with students creating projects out of plaster, styrofoam, cardboard, etc.; Still Life Drawing was all about capturing every minute detail in a single, hand-drawn image; Drawing Anatomy 3's focal point had to do with achieving an in-depth understanding on how realistic bone and muscle structure should be portrayed on skin.

Major-specific classes were a few hours longer than other courses, but a genuine intrigue in their individual lessons made time fly. Sitting in on lectures wasn't a chore like they were before, nor did they bring about an ever present desire to fall asleep on top of a hard desk out of boredom.

If anything, more often than not, working hard in class was just as relaxing and rewarding as working on personal projects during a break.

Speaking of downtime, Valerio had a lot more than previous years as well. His courses didn't require textbooks. There wasn't a need to study since there were no real tests. He, instead, was given an opportunity to find new hobbies he couldn't pursue before—like weight training.

Most school days ended at 4pm. Grabbing some food and finishing up projects only took about another three hours. That left a good four or five hour long window to fill before turning in for the night to sleep. Since Valerio wasn't part of a certain club anymore, he needed another outlet to help him stay in shape.

So exercising at the campus' gym it was.

Plus, much to his surprise, dance class was also turning out to be a more enjoyable experience than initially anticipated.

Then again, it more than likely had to do with a, dare he say, wonderful companionship which formed with Theodore: the man who had a strange type of charm Valerio couldn't say no to.

***

Lightning strikes were seen in the reflection of wall-length mirrors. Hard droplets pounding against glass resounded through the open space of an occupied dance room. Other students, wrapped in formfitting sweaters and leggings, complained of dreary skies, harsh winds, and biting cold from the central air conditioning which hadn't been turned off yet by maintenance workers.

Valerio, leaning against the wall, toyed with a long strand of hair draped over his shoulder while observing a brutal thunderstorm.

Multicolored leaves danced around each other in a haphazard manner when being swept along by an unforgiving air current. Balding tree branches swayed, moving up and down to wave at those passing by. Visible flags were drenched in cold, refreshing water from dark, menacing clouds above. Neighboring buildings were illuminated by beams of yellow from indoor lighting seeping outward.

The scene was, indeed, dreary, along with being a fascinating, captivating spectacle to witness.

How Valerio longed for more days like those.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

He turned in surprise, thick eyebrows raising toward his hairline.

Theodore had his hands in the pockets of his leggings. Vibrant red from his ballet shoes' ribbons were laced up defined calves and hard shins. Though their shared class was introductory, thick, boxy ends at his toes were an unspoken indicator to show his experience in higher level dance.

Having no sleeves made it easy to take a gander at an intricate red dragon tattoo inked into the skin above his elbow. Impressive detailing continued along his bicep, past his deltoid, and disappeared beneath his shirt—probably to extend along his shoulder or chest.

The tattoo was seen as a metaphor in Valerio's eyes.

He hadn't believed Theodore to be the type of person to modify his body in such a way. Not that they were close enough to really know anything about each other, but still. Considering the design was hidden until now, perhaps he had an affinity to shield his true identity until he was comfortable enough to reveal certain features.

Or maybe that was just Valerio projecting.

"Yeah. Very beautiful."

Theodore tore his gaze away from the window to look at his classmate.

With only a few inches of distance separating them, Valerio could make out small specks of hazel blended within saturated green irises. Spots of darker color were uncoordinated in placement, a lot like seashells naturally strewn along a coastline.

Ocular imperfections were welcomed additions to a rather friendly gaze.

They were also difficult to look away from.

"I'm thinking of grabbing some hot cocoa after class. Maybe go to the library and browse their horror section. Wanna come?"

So, on top of being a fellow pluviophile, Theodore was a literature buff too?

Normally, Valerio would decline an offer to go out with other people. However, the idea of snuggling up with a good book and hot drink in a calm, quiet environment sounded lovely. An unplanned reveal of a few shared interests also made Theodore exhibit traits of someone deemed as good company.

Perhaps...just one outing wouldn't hurt.

"...Yeah. That sounds like fun."

*

Valerio glanced around the cafeteria with a frown.

An impromptu nap after some homework led to a later-than-usual arrival at the dining hall for dinner. The post-school rush he normally avoided took up booths and tables in large numbers. Voices carried around the space, jumbling together. A constant hyperactive buzz planted itself into the environment.

With so many people around, it was difficult to find a free table.

Now, Valerio knew, if needed, he could simply ask if he could grab a seat at a less occupied section. But doing so would open up the floor for strangers to introduce themselves or attempt to make friends to keep things from being awkward.

Yuck.

"Hey, Valerio!"

Like a gift from the universe, Theodore was caught waving from his spot at a two-seater table. The chair in front of him was vacant. His free hand made small tapping gestures in front of him to beckon his...acquaintance over.

The choice was either take Theodore up on his offer to eat with him, or risk sitting in a group of unfamiliar faces.

It was pretty easy to come up with an answer.

Besides, Valerio and Theodore had become more accustomed to being in each other's company. The initial awkward phase of their growing relationship died down with each shared trip to the library. Splitting snacks from time to time was no longer an odd gesture.

Theodore was a more ideal tablemate than most. He accepted Valerio's preference of staying silent during mealtimes without issue.

Eating together was...a nice change.

"Thanks for the invite."

"Sure, sure." Theodore leaned his face against his hand, the moldable flesh of his cheek pushing inward and scrunching up the corner of his left eye. "What're you having?"

"Just a green salad with croutons, tomatoes, and french dressing. When I saw how packed it was in here, I figured taking the time to grab a dessert or another small snack would make it impossible to find a seat."

"Oh, perfect. Hey- do you like seaweed? Like, the little sliced chip thingies?"

Valerio's hunched form perked up. "Yeah, why?"

"A friend of mine brought a whole bunch of packets to school for some of us to try." Theodore reached into his backpack and pulled out a rectangular-shaped package. "She let me eat one of hers, but I wasn't really about the taste. She left before I could give this back to her, so I figured I'd hold onto it for another friend. Since you like it, I'm glad I kept it."

The plastic packet was placed directly into Valerio's hand. Warm, calloused fingers rubbed against his during the trade-off.

A featherlight touch was fleeting, yet the tingly sensation left behind in its wake was persistent.

"Thanks."

"Course." Theodore's smile grew. "Anytime."

*

Theodore:

Hey

Valerio

Heeeeeeeeey

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

Valerio:

?

yeah???

Theodore:

Are you busy on this fine evening??

Valerio:

no?

why?

Theodore:

A couple of my buddies invited me out to a movie and I wanted to see if you wanted to come with

Maybe

Possibly

🥺🥺🥺

Valerio:

Uhhhh idk Theo

group hangouts arent really my thing

Theodore:

omg

OMG

YOU CALLED ME THEO

DOES THAT MEAN WE'RE FRIENDS

Valerio:

umm 

i thought i made that clear when i gave you my number

weve been friends for a little while now

sooooo

Theodore:

DOES THAT MEAN I CAN CALL YOU LERIO

??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Valerio:

sure???

Theodore:

😝🤪😭😁😆

Lerio:

well youre welcome i guess

Theo:

I'm so happy you have no idea

😭😭😭

But seriously

I won't make you come if don't want to but I'd really like to hang out with you

Lerio:

...ill think about it

Theo:

?!

That's not a no!!!!!

Lerio:

its not a no

congrats you can read

😂

Theo:

Why must you be so mean to me 😭

Lerio:

😝😂

*

"Your mom painted this?" Theodore asked, referring to the realistic painting hanging by the door. "She's super talented."

"I'm glad you think so too." Valerio's chest grew warm as genuine pride came over him. "Mom's the reason I decided to pursue art as a career. She's a well-known painter who does commissions for people as a job. She's had a few pieces up in museums and at auctions before.

"My dad actually met her back in the day because a friend bought a piece from mom, and he really liked it. They ended up exchanging numbers to keep in touch after he bought a painting off her too. It was a portrait of a beach landscape that they keep in the living room at home. He's had it for almost twenty five years."

A quiet wow received a chuckle in response.

"Okay, enough ogling. You said you were challenging me in cart racing, and I'd like to give you a demonstration on why that's a really bad idea for you."

"Dude, you haven't faced a champion like me before." Theodore tilted his head up in purposeful, exaggerated arrogance. "I'm so confident that I'll win, let's make a bet. If you lose, I'm taking over your bed, and you're sleeping on the floor."

"This is my room."

"Yeah, and? Sounds like you're expecting to lose since you're already picturing yourself in that position."

Valerio raised a single eyebrow. His lips curled into a challenging smirk.

It'd been a long time since someone outside of his family tried to test him at a videogame he excelled at.

Oh, how fun.

"Fine then. If you lose, you have to buy me extra snacks for the rest of the week."

Theodore rubbed at his chin in contemplation. "Wait, how much extra are we talking? I already bought you your veggie snacks for the week."

"You'll have to double whatever I have left."

"...Deal. But on one condition. If I do end up losing, we have to do best two out of three."

Valerio's hand braced over his stomach in accordance with sincere cackling. An accidental snort made him double over as he laughed even harder.

Theodore's own sounds of merriment joined in, random inhales mimicking the sound of an excited seagull.

They had to lean against the bed, and each other, to keep themselves from falling on the floor in two giggling heaps.

*

"Now, why in the world would I go to the café for a seasonal drink when I could make one in my own room and save, like, eighty thousand dollars?"

Valerio attempted to stifle a laugh by nibbling on his lower lip. He couldn't contain his smile, though, and tried to hide it by gazing down at the assortment of items sitting on the table.

Fall was in full swing, meaning pumpkin spice/apple cider everything was back in stock. Beverages, donuts, breads, cookies, and an assortment of other flavored snacks made their way onto the menu at every eatery on campus. Prices for seasonal items were elevated in comparison to normal treats.

So when Valerio mentioned he wanted something autumn-y to drink, Theodore took it upon himself to bring out his own ingredients.

They were in the process of adding caramel syrup to large cups. A blended concoction of blonde coffee mixed with milk, vanilla syrup, pumpkin spice, and ice was waiting to be poured. Opened containers of different spices were grouped together. Additional bottles for chocolate and caramel drizzle stood beside a brand new container of whipped cream.

Heated up store-bought sugar cookies were still sitting in the microwave, allowing a delicious, sweet scent to float around the room.

He may not have been in his own space, but being in Theodore's room gave Valerio a snug, homey feeling.

"Alrighty, so now that that's all done, we're going to pour in the icy mix."

"The mix looks kinda thick to me, Theo. Are you sure we won't make a mess? This is a brand new flannel."

"Pfft, I'm positive. Here, let me show you."

Valerio's eyes widened as a larger body moved closer to him from behind. The back of his hands were grabbed, guided toward a full blender already missing its top. Their frosty drink made his fingers cold upon impact. 

A fierce, intense heat, however, sprouting throughout his body was deemed a more important temperature shift.

Goosebumps crawled up the length of Valerio's neck. Quiet breathing became more labored. His eyes traced along the darker toned skin belonging to larger hands which cradled his own.

His smaller, more slender fingers peeked from behind Theodore's.

They'd probably fit well together if they were interlaced.

"There- see? I told you I know what I'm doing."

Valerio blinked rapidly to bring himself out of some rather self-indulgent thoughts. He took in the sight of two cups mostly filled with their experimental homemade frappe. An uncapped container of whipped cream stood beside a few open bottles of cinnamon, nutmeg, and additional pumpkin spice.

An attempt was made to grab the whip cream. 

Theodore reached for extra caramel drizzle at the same time.

Valerio tried, and failed, to hold pack a surprised squeal when accidentally receiving a gentle poke in the side by a sharp elbow.

"Oh- my bad, Lerio. That didn't hurt, did it?"

"No- no. I'm, uh, you know..."

The rest of a short explanation was muttered out of minor embarrassment.

"You're..?"

"T...ckl..."

"One more time."

"I said I'm ticklish!"

Green eyes widened before filling with clear mischief. A daring smirk joined them as well.

"Is that so?"

"Don't you dare." Whipped cream was picked up to use as a weapon. "I swear, Theo, if you ti-ckle me-!"

Valerio was reduced to a screeching, cackling mess. He tried to squirm his way out of a tight grip, but strong arms held him close by wrapping around his waist. Incessant jabs against his muscles made him snort, squeak, and shout in minor protest. Laughing so much made his heart beat even faster in his chest.

The organ almost leapt out of his throat when a delighted chuckle was heard directly by his ear.

*

"Come on, come on- push for two more. I know you've got it in you."

Valerio could only grunt in acknowledgement.

Stray locks of hair clung to his sweat-riddled skin. Soft end pieces tickled the back of his neck with a few crawling beneath the hem of his shirt. The damp material running down his back pushed a welcomed cold against his heated body.

Both hands had a strong grip around a metal barbell.

Both legs shook as he went down for an extra set of squats.

Theodore's fingertips brushed against the back of trembling forearms. He pushed his a bit forward in preparation for taking some of the weight, courtesy of his role of being Valerio's spotting partner.

"One more, and we'll call it after that."

"You said that four squats ago, Theo."

"Okay, well, I'm serious now."

Shaking his head, Valerio pushed himself to commit to one more deep bend. His head fell forward in fatigue. His thighs shook and burned from exertion. Both eyes scrunched shut. A sharp intake of air was followed by another groan.

"C'mon, Lerio, you got it."

With one final maneuver, Valerio stood up, completing his workout. He had to brace himself against the barbell after securing it back to the rack it was previously resting on.

A firm palm gave gentle rubs in between his shoulder blades, receiving a long, grateful hum. Heavy breathing almost stopped in regard to a bigger body hovering against his own.

Theodore's whispered "nice job" made Valerio's already dusted cheeks turn even more red.

***

In short, life was peaceful. In an honest, fragile way.

What he had with Theodore—it was refreshing. It was enthralling; invigorating; freeing.

Their friendship was unlike anything Valerio experienced before.

He didn't ever want his new relationship to end...

...Which was why he nearly kicked himself in the foot whenever his heart raced, his hands got clammy, he stammered over his words, or he found himself unable to do anything but stare in awe whenever Theodore walked into the room.

Valerio's newfound crush was an enigma because, even though he was certain in his Bisexuality, he'd never actually formed romantic feelings for someone of the same gender before. Steamy encounters with other men never led to anything in terms of romantic attachments. Not after graduating from high school or in college when he was still single. Before getting into a committed relationship with Julianna, Valerio honestly assumed he was Bi when it came to sex and Hetero when it came to romance. 

But now, Theodore's presence was changing that belief.

And it sucked. 

A lot.

Because of all people, why did Valerio's Bi awakening in terms of emotional affection have to be directed at his best friend?

It was also frustrating that, while open about many details about himself, Theodore never outright stated what his sexual orientation was.

With the way his smiles softened when they talked, his body pointed towards Valerio whenever standing in a big group, his gaze lingered a little too long when working out together—simply assuming Theodore was into men based on the way he acted was unfair. 

Valerio didn't believe in stereotyping others; so unless Theodore himself stated he liked men, until then, the understanding was he didn't.

Their close, intimate relationship was purely platonic.

Any attraction felt was...completely one sided.

"-erio? You okay?"

Valerio forced himself out of his rampant thoughts. He found himself fiddling with the torn wrapping of his veggie burger. 

"Sorry. Kind of just...spaced out a little bit."

"I noticed. Is something wrong? You know I'm here to help if you need me."

If there was one person Valerio couldn't, and didn't want, to lie to, it was Theodore. They'd gotten close enough for honest confessions to come out with ease. When it came to personal struggles, fears, instability, or just needing an ear to listen, as promised, they were always there for each other.

This was different, though.

This personal hurdle was something they really couldn't talk about.

Not when doing so could tear apart the amazing connection they had.

"...I guess I'm a little stressed about one of my classes," Valerio answered, purposely not maintaining eye contact. "Things have ramped up a little in my Drawing Anatomy class. Our midterm is a take-home assignment where we have to do a portrait sketch of an actual model. My professor said we could choose who we draw, but I don't really know who I should ask."

"I wouldn't mind doing it." Theodore bumped their shoulders together. "I've wanted to see some of your work for a while anyway. And me being your muse for the day? It's already making me feel special."

Valerio wanted to scream to the heavens that Theodore was already special, but he settled on a quick appreciative statement instead.

To keep himself out of a dark headspace, attention shifted toward the football field in front of them.

The marching band was in the middle of a run-through to clean up a few sections of their show. 

Their musicality was superb: solo trumpets played long, steady notes; sousaphones carried a hefty weight in their rumbling blares; saxophones belted out jazzy melodies with impressive zest; flutes and clarinets pranced around each other with well-timed flicks of shared notes.

Listening to the familiar sound of a polished field show made Valerio sigh.

He missed being part of something so grand.

"Y'know, had I not pursued art as a degree, I would've pursued music."

Theodore shifted to lean against one of the bleachers behind him. "Really?"

"Mhmm. Growing up, before my dad decided to pursue fashion, he was really into music. Was even in a band when I was young for a couple years before deciding to leave that life behind. It...had a really big impact on me. Music was a really substantial part of my childhood, and it followed me throughout most of my life. It was a hobby I picked up as an extracurricular in elementary and middle school. It followed me through high school too, and it made up my entire schedule for the day as a senior.

"When it was time to decide a major for college, I wasn't sure if music was something I actually wanted to do as a profession- because I've heard that sometimes dreams stop being dreams when they turn into work. I still wanted to have it in my life, though, because it was something I really loved. So for my first two years of uni, I was part of the band. Marching and symphonic. But because I ended up taking a year off, when I was finally able to get my schedule together for the semester, band class was already filled up. Which meant no music for me."

A hand settling on his shoulder made Valerio turn away from the field. He looked between a pair of green eyes full of both understanding and intrigue.

"If you're still unsure, why not pursue it as a minor? Since you've taken a couple classes, that means you're already on your way." Theodore spared a passing glance at the band. "I think it'd be good for you- to take that step. That way, if you ever do decide you want to pursue music as a professional, you have some starting ground to move your way up. And if not, well, you'll have the bragging rights to say you went to school for something you loved."

Theodore's idea sounded outlandish. 

The point of going to college was to decide what the future had in store.

There wasn't room for uncertainty.

"I don't know. Wouldn't that be a waste of time?"

"Not if it's important to you." 

Valerio didn't know what to say to that.

For most of his life, old friends, his ex included, constantly told him how important it was to make concrete decisions. How staying firm in the way someone thought or standing by what they believed in was so crucial. How having an undetermined mindset would lead to nothing but hardship in life—because not knowing what to think meant not having any solutions.

Theodore's outlook was unheard of.

Still, Valerio couldn't help but turn to give his full, undivided attention.

His actions were mirrored to reflect how, of all activities happening around them, the only one of importance was their conversation.

"If music makes you happy, you should go after it if you want it."

"But- isn't it too late to change my mind? I mean, I'm already a junior."

"Well..." Theodore traced along one of his friend's arms with delicate fingers. "We're both young. You haven't even turned twenty two yet. It's way too early to legitimately know what we want to do with our lives.

"I have another friend of mine who's changed his major five times. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being unsure. There's nothing wrong with changing your mind, especially when it comes to choosing a career that's going to follow you for a really long time. Our...our personal tastes change. Likes and dislikes can change- at any time. Life is full of twists and turns that can throw us off the path we're already following. And it's okay. It's okay to be uncertain. Believe it or not, I was too.

"When I first started college overseas, I went to film school with a minor in musical theater. After taking the time to figure myself out, I realized dance was my true calling. Now, here I am. Was film school a waste? Not at all. Because it let me steer myself on the path that was right for me. It also gave me pretty awesome skills I can use for other things.

"To be honest, I think the waste would've been me knowing all along how much dance meant to me. Film school was still valuable and taught me a lot of great things, even if I didn't pursue it in the end. Just like if you decide not to pursue art or music in the end, either way, you're left with more than what you started with. And that alone, to me, made switching majors, and switching schools that aren't even in the same country, worth it."

Valerio was taken aback.

The notion of pursuing music made his heart swell with desire. Part of him, deep inside, yearned for its dear, treasured existence.

But could he really go for it?

"What matters in the end, Lerio, is that you're happy. That you feel fulfilled and proud of yourself. Other people's opinions on what you do with your life aren't important. What matters, what takes precedence over everything else, is you taking steps to live a life that means something to you. Everything else is just background noise."

Theodore telling Valerio to follow his dream in an unabashed, unregretful way—it was validating.

Whether he actually decided to go through with it was, as many things were, up in the air.

But the choice of deciding to take that leap was in his hands, and his hands alone.

His revelation was so astounding because, aside from his parents, Valerio had never been told in such a frank but sincere way to do what made him happy. Almost everyone who ever stomped through his life only used him as a means to better themselves in some way.

Then there was Theodore, giving life-changing advice just because he felt like his friend needed it.

The entire scenario was so overwhelming, Valerio didn't realize he was close to tears. Not until he was pulled into the softest, warmest hug he'd ever received in his entire life.

Theodore's skin smelled like cinnamon, and his hoodie like apples.

His ear was cold to touch.

His shorter hair caressed Valerio's skin with the fragile delicacy of an enamored lover.

Within Theodore's arms, the world was quiet. There were no pessimistic thoughts or fear in terms of breaking down the high walls built to keep people out.

No, in Theodore's arms, Valerio felt safe.

They parted so light tears could be brushed away. 

"You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just..." Valerio gave himself a mental greenlight to ask for something he desperately wanted. "Do you- could you hug me again?"

Instead of saying anything, Theodore reopened his arms with a kind smile.

Their shared safe haven was further solidified by a reciprocated embrace.