Out of all the elements of stage production, costume and set design were Youngbin's least favourite. Not that he absolutely disliked these things, but he'd usually let the set and costume designers take that job. The problem was that this year, he had to be a set and costume designer.

He painted a large piece of wood in a dark blue, on which Kaya would later add flowers and trees and details. He wasn't a painter, or an artist at all. But something about covering a large surface in a smooth layer of paint was somewhat satisfying.

It was a same motion, back and forth, back and forth, with a steady sound of bristles on wood. Maybe he should find more things to paint. Maybe the walls in his room should become a different colour.

"Would peonies be nice for this, or the camellia?" Kaya held up two pink plastic flowers to a delicately woven headpiece made of blossoms and leaves. She was the one to really get into all that costume stuff. She'd been the one taking over costuming ever since she joined the theatre club years ago. Her acting had always been... fine. Better than the average high schooler, at least. But she had an eye for fashion, for art, and especially for colour.

"For Titania?"

"Yeah..." Kaya frowned. "It's probably too ironic with their meaning of marriage and stuff, isn't it? You're probably right."

"I'm- Yeah, no problem?"

Kaya dropped both pink flowers, grabbing a different purple one and sticking them into the crown.

"You don't happen to remember Wanda's head measurements from last year?" She held it up into the light, turning it in her hands. It looked fine. Big enough for Wanda's head, probably. Not that Youngbin really remembered much about the size of her head, only that it was big enough to fit her rather large ego.

"Looks fine to me," Youngbin answered, going back to painting. Wanda was going to let Kaya know if something was wrong. Loudly, and very dramatically.

"You're not the biggest help."

"This isn't really my department, Kaya."

"You chose this." She shrugged, put the flower crown down to start weaving another one. "You could be out there practising Lysander's lines but you decided that you'd rather paint pieces of wood all day. Anyway, what flowers do I go with for Puck? And don't tell me that you don't care. I know you secretly do."

Youngbin only kind of cared, if he was being honest. He'd kind of lost hope for the entire play by now, and nice flower crowns wouldn't save that disaster either. But, also, they wouldn't hurt.

"Green goes with his eyes."

"Doesn't really help the flower question, does it?"

"There's a green flower in Animal Crossing. Forgot what it's called, but, you know."

"You've really got zero passion for any of this." Kaya rolled her eyes, and Youngbin could only give her a sad shrug. Maybe he'd lost it. The passion.

Which, if that really was the case, should've been a very bad sign. Theatre had always been his passion, he didn't remember a time where he wasn't obsessed with it. It'd been his special interest since the very beginning. And the play was a highlight. Every year it'd been a highlight, a glimpse into the world he could one day be part of, a teaser for all those big stage productions that were hopefully to come in his life.

One day he'd be a famous actor, and he'd shout out Mister Davis and think back to theatre class and remember the love he had for it. Remember that he never gave up, that he always knew he'd been born for this.

Just that he had given up. Here he was, staring at plastic flowers, far away from the stage. How was he going to tell that story once he was famous? Instead of 'I always pulled through' he'd one day say 'And then I got scared, so I gave up'.

And then they'd ask him how he made it regardless. And Youngbin wouldn't have an answer, because now his future began twisting in front of his inner eye, and he didn't see himself on the red carpet anymore, but at an audition, turning around and leaving without having tried.

A butterfly effect unfolded in his mind, where he'd be credited somewhere, his name tiny and unreadable, next to Kaya's name in big bold letters, quickly and barely mentioned as 'guy who painted some of the set pieces in a solid colour while daydreaming'.

A name that was going to be missed completely in favour of 'Ben Whatshisname, as Lysander', not picked up by anyone important, not by the Rosebury Committee of Culture and Arts, not by whoever else may have decided to see the play for themselves.

And that would be the end for any opportunities and recommendations, the end for his career, one that hadn't even started yet. All that because he was scared.

Or maybe it wouldn't affect anything. But maybe it would. And 'maybe' was a word that had always haunted Youngbin, and was going to haunt him to the end of his days.

"Maybe go with those," Youngbin said, more absentmindedly, pointing at a pile of plastic daisies, just to say anything really.

"For Puck?" Kaya furrowed her brows, looking at the flowers, then at Youngbin. "They're a little delicate, aren't they? I'd want something fresher, more mischievous. Maybe- Well, I guess the size would be fine though. I can try, and then incorporate some bigger ones?"

Youngbin nodded. Not that he really cared all that much. Only a little. Kaya began picking out flowers, tying them into the headpiece, and Youngbin watched her. She did it so easily. She'd already crafted four of these crowns today, and she'd found a steady rhythm, complicated movements now seeming so easy and simple.

It was mesmerising to watch. To get lost in. Except that Youngbin really shouldn't get lost in someone else's work when there was still a large chunk of wood unpainted. He inhaled, dipped his brush back into the paint, and continued with his work.

"You okay?" Kaya asked, not looking up from her work. "You're out of it."

"When am I ever in it?"

"Usually. Like, most of the time, actually. At least two months ago." She was going to blame it on Alex. Youngbin knew. "Something up with Alex?" Come on.

"Why do you always think he's the cause of my problems?"

"Okay, first of all, I didn't say that-"

"You thought about it."

"I might've. But I didn't say it. And second, he has kinda been the cause of your problems. I mean, you were miserable before him, but then you got more miserable, let's be honest."

"I didn't get more miserable." He did, but only for a while. He had it all figured out now. Or at least a decent chunk of things had been figured out. A rather sizable amount of figuring out had happened. "I think I got less miserable, actually."

"You're saying that now." Kaya's rhythm still didn't slow or change. "But that's the thing with these on-off relationships. You're fine and then you're not and then, oh, everything's perfectly fine again, until it isn't, and then the cycle of bullshit starts again."

"It's not an on-off relationship though? You wouldn't- You wouldn't really understand." Maybe she would actually understand, but that meant that Youngbin had to tell her the truth. And for that it seemed too late. It'd been too late since day one, really.

"I don't understand. You're right." She pressed her lips together for a second, then exhaled and shook her head. "If it isn't Alex, what else is bothering you?"

The paint stroke slowed down, and Youngbin lost himself in each bristle scratching over the wooden surface. He bit his lower lip as he thought. What did bother him? Nothing. He'd been fine all day. He'd been fine all week.

He spent the lunch break with Alex in the library, doing maths homework with him. It was great, it was fun, and Alex was discovering that maybe he didn't suck that much. He had a nice chat with a teacher, Miss Clair. He ran into Leia, who'd smiled at him.

Things were pretty good. Until he had sat down backstage, muffled voices fucking up their lines behind the curtain, while Youngbin sat here painting a piece of wood. His hand now froze completely. Of course. Of fucking course.

"I don't really like doing this."

Silence, then Kaya nodded.

"I know. I can tell."

"So?" Youngbin dropped the brush, stretched his back. "What am I supposed to do about it? I mean, I suppose it's fine. Someone has to do all of this. If I'm needed here, behind the stage, I don't mind staying. But-"

"You're really not needed, Bin. You've done a shit job at painting so far. No offence."

"Offence very much taken."

"But seriously, if you think you're missing out on performing, let Mister Davis know. He's gonna pull a whole new role out of his ass just so he can put you on stage. Or throw one of these idiots off stage so you can take their place. I've been telling you-"

"You've been telling me a lot of things. You also told me to not do it. In fact, you said, verbatim: "You know what happened last time." So I'm not really sure which advice of yours I should be taking."

"You take my most recent one." Kaya dropped the finished flower crown for Puck, then leaned over to grab the brush Youngbin had abandoned, working on what was supposed to be his piece instead. "I like to change my mind depending on what I think is the best in your situation. And sometimes I just go for the exact opposite of what you want, because I think you just need someone to oppose you."

"That's your way to give me advice? You used to just agree with me all the time, you know. I liked that."

"Of course you'd like it if I allowed you to be tied to your comfort zone. But now I really want nothing more than to give you a hefty kick in the ass. Don't care if you don't like it. I'm your best friend, it's my job to push you."

"Your job is to cradle me like a little baby and tell me that I'm right all the time, actually."

"That can be Alex' job." Somehow, Kaya's brush strokes looked so much smoother than Youngbins. "He can hold you and say 'ooooh, Youngbin, I love you soooo much, you're so perfect and right and please never do anything that could stress you out!'. And I can dropkick you into the arms of danger."

Loud laughter, the disgusting kind that triggered fight or flight within Youngbin every time, echoed from behind the curtains beyond which laid the stage. Laughter of boys that loved nothing more than making a fool out of others while simultaneously making a fool of themselves. Then, loudly yet firmly spoken words by Mister Davis.

"Okay, look at it this way." Kaya didn't stop painting, but the strokes were perfect even without her looking at what she was doing. Somehow, Youngbin wasn't even aware there was such a thing as perfect brush strokes. "The play is going up in flames. These guys over there are fucking up the last highschool play you will ever experience in your life. And all you can do is to walk up to Mister Davis, look him in the eyes, and say that you'd like to take up a role, any role he is willing to give you."

Youngbin sighed, rolling his eyes. "I know, but-"

"No, listen. You have to take one step, say one sentence, and you could save this production from certain death. You are, in fact, the only hope for this whole thing. And you have to do a single thing. The rest is easy as hell, because you already know basically every line of this play. Now name one reason why you're not doing it."

"I'm scared," Youngbin answered, quicker than expected, but with a firm tone in his voice.

"Okay." She nodded, then got up, stretched her legs, and held out a hand to Youngbin.

"What are you doing?"

"You're scared. That's what's holding you back. So we'll ask together, and then you won't have to be scared. Come on."

"I'm not- no, I-"

"You're unhappy, come on! Get your ass up, we're doing something that's gonna make you happier!"

"Is getting bullied again going to make me any happier, do you think that?"

"You're not gonna get bullied because Alex will beat anyone's ass for you. So will I. I've got a gym membership now." She tilted her head with a grin. "And literal Regina George is on your team too. And Alex' gorgeous giant goth girl. And the pink haired ankle biter. And the goth girl's brother, and even Wanda, who, may I remind you, has a crazy german lawyer as a father. It's not like you're alone this time."

Youngbin blinked, slowly. Froze. Then grabbed Kaya's hand.

Right. That was something that had very much changed. He wasn't alone.

Mister Davis looked as though he was about to cry. So did Wanda up on that stage as she desperately tried to stay in character while talking to world's shittiest Nick Bottom, who broke out in laughter every time the word ass was uttered.

Youngbin inhaled, scolding himself for really thinking that taking any role could save this disaster of a play. It could not. It never would. This was doomed. And if Kaya hadn't held his hand so tight that his fingers had become white, he would've just turned around and returned to his slow painful process of painting and dying on the inside.

"Stop, stop, please. You're- This is-" Mister Davis waved his hands in the air with a dramatic sigh. "We shall take a break. Please, please, especially you, Mister Bottom-" A snort came from the watching actors, most notably Ben. "Collect yourself. Calm. I expect professionalism on stage, I hope you understand."

"Oh, professionalism he will get," Kaya murmured, squeezing Youngbin's hand, "with this handsome fucker right here."

Youngbin had to fight every muscle in his face to not violently roll his eyes until they fell out of the sockets.

With yet another sigh, sadder than the previous one, Mister Davis fell into his chair as the actors climbed off the stage. Wanda passed the two, and threw a glance towards Youngbin. One so pathetic and sad, begging for him to do something- Youngbin was going to disappoint her, he knew that. Even if he got a role now, that wouldn't change much about this disaster.

"Oh by god, Mister Lee." Mister Davis closed his eyes, shook his head, didn't even look at Youngbin. "What am I going to do once you are gone? How are these rascals supposed to learn to behave?"

Youngbin didn't answer. Not that he really had an answer, or any kind of commentary. He wasn't one to teach any rascals anything, especially not how to behave- or how to be a decent actor.

"It doesn't seem to be going well, Mister Davis?" Kaya asked in her kindest voice, and she bowed her head. Mister Davis pressed his thin lips together, then sighed another time.

"The kids aren't taking theatre as seriously these days. But they're all we have. The talented passionate actors, like you, or her-" He gestured towards Wanda. "Are leaving us, abandoning us..."

"Oh, no..." Kaya shook her head, a pained expression painted on her face. Then she gave Youngbin a tight, very tight squeeze. "How really, truly saddening. Heartbreaking, even. If only-" She paused, squeezed Youngbin's hand again. "If only-"

"Uhm." Youngbin cleared his throat, unsure as to what he was even supposed to say. He felt his heartbeat speeding up in his chest, squeezed Kaya's hand in return in order to avoid his fingers getting numb again. "I know it's pretty late, so, it's fine if this can't work out, but I would be- Uhm, I suppose I'd be okay with taking over any role that should happen to open up ag-"

Mister Davis' eyes now flew open, sparkling, as he stared at Youngbin.

"You would?"

"Only if possible, I don't want to take away any-"

"Any role?"

"W-well, whatever would be suitable?"

"Mister Harring!" Mister Davis jumped up from his chair to turn towards the group of younger actors taking a break and chatting, and Ben now looked up with raised brows. "Mister Ben Harring, I would like to let you go from your role as Lysander."

Well. Damn. That was quick.

Ben's eyes narrowed as he looked at his teacher, then he shrugged.

"Okay." He turned back to his friends, continued the chat. Had he misunderstood, perhaps? Or, more likely, did he just not care? The latter was the case, probably.

"Mister Lee." Now Mister Davis held out his hand, which Youngbin quickly took and shook. The teacher didn't seem to mind how sweaty and cold his hand was. "Congratulations. I had been envisioning you as Lysander since the very beginning. I'd been lying awake at night praying that you may come to your senses and ask for his role after all-"

"No problem, really, I- Thanks for-"

"I, too, had been praying for him to come to his senses, Mister Davis! Aren't we just lucky to have Mister Lee?" Kaya grinned and patted Youngbin's back a little too hard.

"Truly! Knowing you, you already know every single line and position of your role, don't you?"

Now, Youngbin wasn't that obsessed with Midsummer Night's Dream. He maybe knew half of his lines, and probably not in the completely right order. But that was nothing he couldn't fix in a pretty small amount of time.

"God, the Cultural and Arts committee will be elated to see you on stage again!" So will be half of the school. And the Instagram meme pages. Youngbin exhaled. There was no going back now, he'd locked in his fate.

Congrats, Youngbin. You ran back into the same old trap. Except maybe this time he'd fight back.

Youngbin nearly stumbled over his own feet when he stepped out of the atrium door and almost ran into Alex. Following Youngbin, Kaya also almost crashed into him, though she was far from being as delighted about seeing Alex as Youngbin was.

"You!" Youngbin exclaimed as he found his balance, and Alex grinned, because what else did he ever do?

"Me!"

"What are you doing here?" He stepped aside, taking Alex' arm as though it was automation.

"Technically I was here for detention?" He scratched the back of his neck, a smug expression on his face. "But like, not really, because it's not like I've gotten detention anytime in the near past- I mean, they stopped giving me detention because they know I don't show up."

Now a sigh came from Kaya, who'd taken her position on Youngbin's other side, her arms crossed and eyes narrowed. She'd attempted to stop complaining about Alex to Youngbin, though it was clear she was holding back every time he just mentioned his name, but she definitely didn't shy away from letting Alex know that she didn't like him all that much.

"Well, I wanted to kind of make it up to that poor lady Miss Fernandez. So I just like... showed up. Not that I'm trying to make up for all the lessons I didn't attend through self imposed detention or anything."

"And bothering her even more is your way to apologise to her?" Youngbin furrowed his brows, unable to fight a smile.

"Hey, I don't think she hates me all that much." Alex raised the free hand that wasn't being restricted by Youngbin's firm grip in defence. "I think we could do a little bit of bonding and maybe she'll end up delighted to see me!"

"Oh, you're both very insufferable. A great duo, really."

"Hello to you too, Kaya!" Alex had gotten used to that. Perhaps he thought it was just friendly banter from Kaya's side- Well, no, it was obvious that this was nowhere near friendly. But it could be. Maybe. Some day. "I think we are both tough on the outside but soft on the inside. That's why we could be a great duo. Or we'll drive each other insane."

Kaya opened her mouth almost involuntarily to let out another comment, though it quickly shut again as Youngbin threw a glare at her. She didn't mean it like that. She didn't mean it as much as she liked to make it out to be.

"And you decided to pay me a visit after detention?"

"Technically I'm just here to pick up Zander. Lani usually drives him home but I was gracious enough to take that task off her hands." Alex looked past Youngbin into the atrium. Zander was still in there somewhere, potentially held captive by Mister Davis.

"Were you forced to pick him up?"

"I was not!" He crossed his arms, brows furrowing as a displeased look washed over his face. "Lani asked me, nicely, and I said yes." Now a smile did shine through ever so slightly. "Maybe the fact that I get to see you also played into that a little."

"Gross," Kaya said.

"Gross," Youngbin repeated, reaching up to Alex' face to pull him down a little, placing a kiss on his lips. He could do that all day. In front of everyone that walked by too, just to remind everyone that Youngbin wasn't to be fucked with anymore.

They separated again after two mere seconds or so, and he could feel the eyes of Kaya on him, probably annoyed, or maybe somewhat disgusted. He decided to not turn around and check.

"Y'know, I was kinda hoping you guys skipped the honeymoon phase, but no, it's just delayed! If y'all would stop being all over each other, maybe-" Kaya was cut off, which was probably for the better.

"Lex! You here!" What a strange nickname. Weirdly cute. And surprising to hear it from Zander of all people, who walked up to the group now, slapping one hand on Alex' shoulder.

"I was going to pick you up, hello."

"Pick me up? Not your lovely boyfriend, Sir Lysander?"

"That's his name?" Alex raised his eyebrows, and Youngbin felt as though he should say something. Though now out of all times he actually felt... What, embarrassed? His cheeks were heating up, certainly, when Alex looked at him.

"Oh, yeah, go tell him what you did!" Kaya poked him in the ribs, a grin plastered across her face that, as uncomfortable it felt to him, beamed with pride. But Youngbin pressed his mouth shut, avoiding Alex' eyes that were filling up with curiosity.

Why didn't he just say it? Was it that hard? Was it that bad to be praised for overcoming his fear? To be fair, Youngbin had never liked praise all that much, but-

"He got the roooole!" Kaya dragged out the last word in a cheer, waving her hands around in the air to celebrate. Zander joined in, though a little less enthusiastic, and Youngbin had to fight a grin.

"Oh, wait, sick! For your play?"

"Yeah-"

"That's so cool! Bin, congrats, I'm so proud of you!"

Ah. There it was. A buzz, a tingle, flowing through his chest and then into his cheeks.

"Lysander..." The name sounded so smooth when Alex said it, as though he was Hermia herself. "I like that more than Romeo. Sounds cooler. Playing a cool guy, huh?"

"Honestly-" Youngbin finally looked up, just to be almost blinded by Alex' smile, radiant and excited. "He's kind of silly. The whole story is pretty silly."

"Right. It's the one where someone-"

"Someone fucks a donkey, yes."

"See, I remembered!"

Youngbin chuckled, nodded. He did.

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WC: 4006

oh god. RAAAAAAAAAAAH. awoo.