Before that battle, I had lost all sense of what we had once wanted to do, I had forgotten all about our dream. But that day... something within me changed. It was like somebody had switched on a light within me. Suddenly, I knew what I wanted to do again. Sorry that it took so long. Sorry that it took me so long to remember.

C H A P T E R  T H R E E
The Present: Year 850

More than 10 years in the Survey Corps had taught her a lot of things, the first of which being that you needed to stay calm, even if everything was on the brink of falling apart. Barely a minute after having transformed into a titan, Eren had lost control over it. This outcome was as disastrous as it could get. But whatever happened, if you remained calm out in titan territory, then your likelihood of dying decreased exponentially.

Just a second ago, Mikasa had leapt away from Eren's fist just in time to avoid being crushed to death. As Nadine watched the scene unfold, Eren repeatedly tried to hit Mikasa, making her heart sink.

The second thing experience had taught her was that you needed to make quick decisions, even if those decisions were cruel. She'd been trained to do that and now that Eren had clearly lost control over his titan, she knew which decision she should be making, knew which decision she would have made on the get go, if that titan wasn't Eren. Her heart was pounding so hard against her ribcage, it hurt.

The part within her which cared about her family more than anything in the world was stopping her. If she did this, then she would be hurting him. But... would it really hurt? Titans didn't feel the pain like humans did, Hanji had already confirmed that.

"I'm sorry, Eren," she said quietly, biting her lip. I'm sorry, Karla. This is for everyone's sake, including Mikasa's.

Her hands shook as she grabbed her blades, before hooking her ODM gear to Eren's titan body. Without a second of hesitation, she sliced open the muscles of his left arm, making it fall down like rubber.

"What are you-" Ian shouted.

"Aunt Nadine!" Mikasa yelled in shock and anger, "This is Eren! He's in there! I know it! You musn't-"

Eren's titan roared, drowning out whatever Mikasa was trying to say to her. He threw out punch after punch with his remaining arm, trying to hit her as she glided around above him. Eren had never been particularly good at hand-to-hand combat and it was showing: his punches were uncoordinated, imprecise and easily avoidable. She quickly manoeuvred her way over to his right arm, slicing the muscle open as well. The titan roared once again, almost in disbelief. Then, an utter silence followed as it just stood there, staring at them.

"Mikasa," she said, landing beside her, "calm down. This was necessary and it doesn't hurt him... he's a titan right now. Clearly, Eren has lost control and until he is able to regain it, he will continue to cause damage and harm others. Those muscles will heal up soon, and if he's regained his control by then, then we can proceed with the mission. If he hasn't... we'll find a way."

At that moment, the titan roared once again, the soundwaves shaking the ground around them. It charged towards the building they were standing on at full speed. They evaded his attack easily, causing him to charge at the roof head-on. With a loud thud, Eren's titan hit his head hard, falling backwards and slumping down on the ground.

She turned towards Rico, Ian and Mitabi, who were staring at her in shock, as if nothing had happened.

"It's not my place to tell you what to do," she said to them, "Captain Ian, Pixis left you in charge. Whatever you decide, I respect it. However, I will make myself clear. Eren is my nephew, so I hope you understand: whatever you decide, I will remain here and protect him for as long as necessary. I want you to understand that I am not telling you to do the same. This is a very personal decision, one I didn't make out of rationality. I hope your decision will not be affected by mine."

If she stayed here alone, she figured she would be able to hold out until the scouts got back. She was sure that they had already noticed the titans' unusual movements quite some time ago. They would most likely already be on their way back. She did some quick calculations in her head. It would be safe to assume that they would be back in about half an hour. If she could hold the titans back until then... Erwin would see Eren's strategic value and with Hanji, Levi and Miche there, they could try and figure out how to extract Eren from his titan.

"I- I see," Ian replied, nodding at her.

"I will stay as well!" Mikasa immediately said.

Nadine shook her head. She had seen this coming. It was true that Mikasa was an exceptional fighter, but she did not want to risk losing her as well. Right now, she wouldn't argue because it wasn't the time to, but if Ian, Mitabi and Rico really chose to retreat, she would make sure that Mikasa went with them.

"The mission has failed," Rico finally said, breaking the silence between the three. She loaded the smoke gun before firing a yellow smoke round. It would let Commander Pixis know that something had gone wrong.

"I knew there wasn't a secret weapon," she said as she lowered her arm, "I can't believe this. So many soldiers are dying, for what? The mission's failed already. We should retreat."

Before anyone else could say anything, a soldier had rushed towards them in distress.

"Captain Ian!" He said, panting as he yelled, "Three Titans approaching from the front! A 10-metre and a 6-metre class!"

"From the rear, as well!" another shouted from behind them, "Two 12-metre classes, a 7-metre class and a 15-metre class coming this way!"

Nadine turned around to look, silently assessing the situation. Seven titans in total, she thought, it wasn't the end of the world.

"I agree, Ian! We must retreat. Look at him! He's completely lost control. There's no way that hole is getting sealed today. We should try and cut our losses while we can," Mitabi said.

"Yeah," Rico agreed, "And it looks like we have no choice but to leave him here. You should return with us, Squad Leader Nadine, I understand he's your nephew, but there's no saving him now."

They were interrupted by the sound of loud and heavy footsteps. The titans were getting closer and closer by the second.

"Hey, what's wrong! Give the order!" Mitabi shouted, panic obvious in his voice, "Ian, it wasn't your fault! The plan is a long shot, everyone knows that. It was worth trying, and we took our best shot! Come on! Our squads will climb the walls."

Mikasa's eyes had widened, clearly realising that they were going to leave Eren there. Something changed in her expression, as if she had convinced herself that Nadine and her alone would not be enough to protect Eren. She raised her blades, walking towards them with purpose.

"Mikasa. Stop," Nadine said, holding Mikasa back, "This choice is Ian's to make and you cannot blame them for wanting to retreat. Their comrades are out there dying for Eren, when they don't even know how much value Eren's life will bring to the table. If our roles were reversed, if Eren and Armin were out there dying for someone else, you wouldn't want this to continue on either"

The least she could do was respect their decision. Whatever they decided, it wouldn't change her course of action anyway, she thought, turning around and gripping her blades more tightly. She scanned the area, locating the four titans coming from the rear.

"Squad Leader Nadine!" Ian said, just as she was preparing to jump off the building, "Wait!"

She turned around, catching herself, before staring at him with raised eyebrows.

"Rico's, Mitabi's and my squad will take the three titans in the front. Squad leader Nadine, I trust you will take care of the rest."

She nodded slowly as understanding dawned upon her. She inclined her head towards him as a sign of respect. This decision he had made, it wasn't an easy one, but he had made it.

Turning around to leave, she leapt off the roof, hooking her ODM gear to a nearby building. The titan was maybe 70 metres away, definitely starting to get too close. Even as she maneuvred herself into position, she could hear their arguing.

"What?" Rico was shouting.

"I'm the one they left in charge!" Ian interjected, "Shut up and follow your orders! We can't leave Jaeger defenceless. I'm changing up the plan. We protect Jaeger from the titans until we can retrieve him. He's still valuable as one of humanity's last hopes. We cannot just abandon him like this. We can be replaced, but he can't be."

"The failure of that dysfunctional human weapon has already cost several hundred lives! You're saying we should bring him back, so this can happen again?" Rico was shouting behind Nadine.

All of a sudden, the titan she had been keeping an eye on started running. So it was an Abnormal after all. She spun around, rushing towards it at full speed, a familiar sense of calmness taking over her. The titan was flailing its arms around wildly, but she avoided the swings effortlessly. Before it could register where she was, she had sliced cleanly through the muscles in its right arm. The arm fell down in an instant, as useless as rubber. Without pausing even a second, she did a somersault mid air to turn herself around, slicing out the nape cleanly. The titan hit the ground with a thud. Hooking herself to a nearby building, she crouched down, hanging from the wall as she sized up the remaining three titans.

She looked in the direction of Ian, Rico and Mitabi for a second, remembering the words Ian had just said to them. With those words, her respect for Ian Dietrich skyrocketed. It was one of those hard decisions, decisions only very few people would have the guts to make. After all, who wanted to willingly admit that they were dispensable? An immediate thought came to her, making her lips curve into a small smile. Erwin would definitely have liked him. If he ever wanted a change of scenery, the scouts would welcome him with open arms.

Looking up, she saw the next titan approaching her. Without hesitation, she moved towards it, killing it before it could register anything. Two down, two to go. She spied the 12-metre class and the 15-metre class in the periphery of her vision. A minute later, she had cut both of them down. She was about to turn back to see what Ian's squad had decided, when she spotted more and more titans coming towards her. Was Eren's titan body attracting them? This could get tricky if it was.

She didn't have the time to think more. She propelled herself towards one of the many approaching titans, keeping low.

After a while, it fell. And so did the next one, and the next. But somehow, more kept coming, slowly, but surely. They needed to figure out a way to get Eren back safely. Sure, she could try to hold on until the scouts got back, but if this many Titans were streaming towards them, she would run out of stamina before long.

She snuck a glance back at the spot Eren's titan was slouching in, her eyes widening in an instant. Although Ian, Mitabi and Rico were no longer standing there, most likely after having finished arguing, she spotted Armin's small figure standing over Eren's titan form and talking to Mikasa.

When had he gotten there? She wanted to talk to him, but in her second of inattentiveness, the approaching titan from behind had reached out to grab her. Jumping out of the way in the last second, she used her ODM gear to hook onto a nearby building, taking the titan out while zooming past it.

She cursed. She needed to focus on killing titans, but how was she to do that, when Eren, Mikasa and Armin were all here? Not to mention that without Nico by her side, it felt like her senses were dulled. With him, there had always been a second person in her head and though they had never been able to read each other's thoughts, they had been able to get an understanding of what the other was about to do across to each other.

She waited for another titan to approach, cutting it down once again before it could even turn its head to look at her.

She had lost track of time as she killed one titan after the other. How long had she been there now? 10 minutes? 20? 30? She was in a trance-like state, during which she acted completely on auto-pilot. A fleeting thought popped up in the back of her mind, Shouldn't the Survey Corps be back by now? She couldn't tell. This happened often and when Nico had still been by her side, this trance-like state allowed them to fight in complete and utter efficiency, only concentrating on each other's movements and taking in only the necessary information from their surroundings.

Over the past year she had been able to feel her body getting heavier, her movements more leaden. She didn't know why and she had had no time to dwell on it.

She twisted around, another titan falling to the ground behind her. Just as she was about to search out her next target, multiple loud thuds made her senses focus. Suddenly everything was clear again, as she shook herself. Heavy steps, heavier than those of a normal titan's. That's what she had heard. As she turned around to look at the source of the noise, her eyes widened in surprise. A massive boulder was floating through the streets of Trost. Or at least, that's what it looked like.

Eren was doing it.

The sight of the boulder being lifted caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. This was... She didn't have the words to describe what she was feeling. This was unprecedented, incredible, surreal. They were... so close. If he made it... if Eren really made it then that would mean they could regain Trost. It meant that they would be able to save Wall Rose from falling the same way Wall Maria had. It would mean saving millions of lives.

This... this was incredible. This was what the scouts had dreamed of for years. Though her dream of freeing humanity had long since disappeared into the pits of despair, seeing this caused a spark to ignite within her.

All the people who had died on the previous expeditions... all the people who had given their lives and their hearts. Maybe, everything would finally be worth it. The emotions overwhelmed her without her realising and a tear slid down her cheek.

"Defend him at all costs! Protect Eren until he reaches the gate, even if it costs you your life! Don't let any of the Titans near him!" Ian's shout brought her back to reality.

She didn't need to be told. The area Eren was walking towards didn't have any buildings. That meant that the soldiers would have to go on the ground. It was close to suicide, a blood bath.

Her heart tightened as she saw Mikasa and Armin among the soldiers, but she bit her lips. Mikasa was good, she'd be able to defend herself and Armin.

Hooking her ODM gear to the body of a nearby titan, she swung herself upwards in a roll, cutting the back of its neck in the process. Everywhere, people were being eaten but she gritted her teeth, continuing onwards. There were too many for her to kill. She jumped from one body to the other, continuing in a zig-zag line and cutting up necks along the way.

Eren was so close now, so close.

And then, with a massive crash and a shockwave blowing all the hair out of her face, the boulder was there, blocking the hole.

Eren had done it.

Humanity had done it.

This... this was humanity's first real victory against the titans. The faces of her fallen comrades, of all the team members who had died while she had been in the scouts flashed before her eyes and she was stunned speechless. She imagined them, standing together, looking at them at this moment. It was unbelievable. The Survey Corps had done nothing but lose to the titans up until now. This was what they had wanted for years.

"We've won," the whisper escaped her lips, "we've won."

She was suddenly reminded of her and Nico's dream. That feeling of determination she had once felt, that feeling of having hope. Everything rushed back to her in that one moment.

She looked up at the sky.

"Do you see that Nico?" She whispered, "Do you see it? Eren... your little nephew Eren, won against the titans."

And at that moment, she wanted nothing more than to return to the Survey Corps. The previous year, she had lost all sense of direction, but today, she had seen something happen that had never happened before. Humanity had finally won.

She knew what she needed to do now, knew what she wanted to do. It was as if life had found its meaning again. She stared for a little longer at the boulder plugged in the middle of the wall, before she stood up resolutely.

There was no time to relax.

She could hear movement behind her and a few moments later, it fell to the ground like all the others. She at Mikasa, Armin and Eren. The other soldiers had been told to retreat by now, but they still needed to get Eren out of the titan's body. She had already changed her course towards Eren when two massive titans approached her from both sides.

She cursed before swerving out of their reach. She swirled around again, grasping her blades tightly as she hooked herself to one of the titans and sliced away its nape using the momentum to take care of the other in the process.

She didn't look back as they fell to the ground behind her. But as she once again directed her gaze towards Mikasa, Eren and Armin, her heart stopped completely.

Two titans were looming over them and one was reaching out. She was too far away, on the other side of the open area without anything she could hook her ODM gear to.

Her eyes widened and her heart hammered in her chest. She started to run as fast as she could. She would never get there on time.

"Eren! Mikasa! Armin-!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, so loud that her throat hurt.

No.

Not now. No. Not again.

She was so far away.

The titan raised its hand. She tried to find something to hook her ODM gear to.

"No!" she screamed.

She was blinded for a second by a flash of the sun reflected on a blade. Her eyes stung as she tried to blink the pain away. As she opened her eyes completely again, she saw the two titans falling to the ground in front of her.

Relief washed over her before she had registered anything else. Her knees skidded on the ground as she reached the trio and pulled the three of them into a hug. Eren was being supported by Armin, looking exhausted, but they were alive. Alive.

For just one second, she had thought that this would be the end. For just one second, she had thought that she would lose them too.

All of the scenes in her nightmares had flashed before her eyes, all of her fears had engulfed her in that one second. She was so glad to be able to hold them, it assured her that they were still there.

"Oi brats!" A voice shouted from above. It made her jump in surprise. "What's going on here?"

She hadn't heard this voice in a year, but recognising it was easy. No one else talked in such a condescending tone.

It caused her to be thrown violently down memory lane. She was reminded of the Survey Corps headquarters, of all the good times, the bad times and everything in between. She was reminded of the daily life she had once had, of the people who had surrounded her. Kaden. Dita. Florence. She wondered whether they were still alive. The team leaders in her squad, had they been replaced? Who'd joined? Who'd died? She hadn't gone to see them in a year. Hanji. Miche. She'd have known if one of them had died, so they were still alive, right? Throughout last year, she'd tried her best not to think about it, but being confronted with those memories like this made her wonder.

She'd left them to die, abandoned them to their fate. Sure, Dita was capable, that was why she'd appointed him as her replacement for the time being, but that didn't change the fact that she wasn't there with them. She'd abandoned them. Shaking her head, she forced herself to push those thoughts out of her mind.

She was about to stand up, when a heavy weight pressed into her arms. Eren had passed out. Immediately moving to prop him against the walls, she stroked the loose strands of hairs out of his face caringly. Watching his face, she could not help thinking how Eren had grown up so much. She remembered the time he had been small enough to fit in her arms like it had been yesterday.

"Mikasa, Armin, please take Eren to Commander Pixis. One of the medics will take a look at him."

Then, she turned around slowly, standing up from her kneeling position.

"Levi," she said, her voice barely a whisper, still hoarse from yelling. A gust of wind blew apart her already loose bun, making the waves of black fall onto her shoulders. The edges of her lips curved upwards, "I'll explain all of this later. Erwin will want to hear this."

A/N: Soo school started again this week and my god, I'm absolutely flooded with work. I mean, what was I expecting with three exams and a test coming up. I go to school in Germany and I'm in my final two years of school which means basically all my grades count towards my final grade...

It's a rubbish school system because it means never-ending stress xD.

Anyway, next chapter might take a while as well.

Take care :)