my dearest darling,

i was flipping through old newspapers today, my mom had told me sort out the attic. i saw your face imprinted on the yellowed pages, and for a while my heart forgot how to beat. the picture was clicked in an unflattering angle, but you still managed to look as beautiful as ever with your chestnut locks and sparkling eyes.

i should have been content with your picture, but i read the whole article. i remember forgetting how to breathe after reading it, my lungs collapsed and my larynx was jammed in my throat. even the air around me felt asphyxiating. my body shook and convulsed with undying sobs. i cried until my eyes ran out of tears, till the the cacophonous shattering of my heart dimmed.

my heart jumped out my torn and bloodied chest, breaking each and every single one of my  bleached ribs. it thrashed on the wooden floor, splattering drops of crimson everywhere. my heart wailed for you, every atom of my being yearned for you. my body floated in the pool of  chlorinated lachrymose, and all i wished for was to drown in those saline torrents.

my brain finally managed to force itself to accept the cruel reality. i finally accepted what the gunshots i heard meant. i am sorry, for everything my love. you deserved so much better, you deserved to the sun and all her flowers, you deserved the sea and its colossal beauty. you'll never be able to become a molecular genetics researcher, you'll never be able to touch again, to love again. i know you've gone already, but i don't want you to leave. please come back, i'll do anything. just come back, please. it doesn't matter if you never reply to me, i just want you back. i want you alive, with your heart beating against your creamed milk ribs. i want you back in this world, running freely under the cornflower blue sky and breathing in the cool zephyr that smells like honeydew and freshly blossomed jasmines.

i remember the first time i told you i loved you. we both were lying down on the dew studded grass of my garden, next to the rosebush you gifted me; looking at the starlit sky. in that moment, all i could feel was carmine blushed love dripping from the crevices of our bones; staining the emerald grass. i whispered to you that i loved you, and you whispered it back to me. the euphoria that erupted in me that day, still resonates in me till this day in each and every crack of my heart. i still love you, i don't think i can stop loving you. i want you back, but i know i can't have you. i am sorry this world didn't give you the love you deserved. you had such big dreams, you wanted to make scientific discoveries, you wanted to love, you wanted to grow and spread your honey dusted wings, but all of that dissipated with a single bullet.

my darling, no matter where you are i love you.i hope you're in a better place now. i hope you're away from the monsters that encircle this planet. i hope you're happier now. i love you forever. i'll always love you.

yours forever and ever

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