to my darling,

i feel that almost every hospital in the world has a standard smell, they always smell like antiseptic, bloodied bandages and a concoction of hope and bleakness. i visited the hospital again today, but this time i managed to catch the words between their hushed whispers. they were discussing something about amnesia,head injury and emotional trauma.

the doctors keep telling me i should remember what happened by myself and if i can't remember its probably for the best. but i want to remember. i don't want to have memories perforated with gaps and hollows, i want to know what happened. i don't want the empty holes that gnaw on my past memories to grow. i need to fill them till they're brimming again. it doesn't matter if they're good and bad, i am tired of feeling like a void which can never be whole.

what happened in school? please tell me. i want to know, i don't want live a hollowed existence anymore.i want to remember what did i ever do to not make you reply to me, i want to apologise to you properly for whatever it is that i did. i hope you forgive me and i hope you reply this time.

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