a/n~ had this 95% finished before the glitch so i powered through and finished it hahah. but i really hope they fix it soon

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     BEFORE THE OUTBREAK, Josie didn't realize how much she took hot showers for granted. As kids, especially in the winter months, Josie and Pietro would have to constantly be told they couldn't keep using up all the hot water. But being just kids, they didn't think much of it.

When the 4 make it back to Tommy and Maria's house, Maria tells them if they keep it under 15 minutes, there'll be enough hot water for them both.

Joel insists that Josie go first, and she doesn't put up much of a fight as she gratefully accepts the clothes from Maria and heads into the bathroom.

As much as she wants to just stand under the hot water, Josie manages to keep her shower under 15 minutes. After she changes and walks out of the bathroom, Pietro asks if she wants to take another walk around the town. She happily accepts, and Tommy reassures her that the door will be unlocked and they can just walk right in when they're back.

The next hour is spent aimlessly wandering around, and more than once Josie looks at Pietro as if to make sure he's real, and he's really right in front of her. Pietro does most of the talking as he answers his sisters questions about the town and what the people are like.

When they get back to the Miller home and see Joel standing outside leaning against a wooden pole, Josie knows something is wrong. She turns to Pietro, who seems to know what she's going to say.

He pulls his sister in for a hug, squeezing her tight. "I'll be inside with everyone else, okay?"

Once the door clicks shut, Josie approaches Joel and slowly places an arm on his shoulder. He tenses up at first, since he wasn't looking up and didn't expect someone else to be there. Once he sees it's Josie, he's visibly relieved.

"Joel, look at me." When he does, she continues. "We're fine, and we're safe now. Okay?" She takes his hands in hers and watches as his breathing starts to return to normal.

"I just saw, someone... thought I..."

"Someone you knew?"

Joel shakes his head. "A woman, she just... reminded me of Sarah, that's all."

Josie says nothing, instead opting to step forward and put her arms around Joel. He reciprocates the gesture, and is thankful Josie doesn't comment on him still trembling.

When they finally head back inside, it's not lost on Josie that Joel avoids even looking in his brothers direction. His hand remains tightly holding hers, and he just follows her as she walks to the fireplace. Tommy excuses himself and heads upstairs.

Josie recognizes one of the names on the chalkboard above the fireplace, and the dates next to her name.

Sarah
7/28/89 - 9/27/03

She wonders who Kevin is.

Maria enters her home through the back door and hands Josie and Ellie thick coats, telling them to try them on as she tells Joel that Tommy will be getting one for him later.

She offers to trim their hair, stating that she noticed it's probably been a while since they've had a hair cut. Joel politely declines, Josie eagerly accepts, and Ellie is somewhere in the middle. She wants to say no, but ends up accepting the offer as well.

"Noticed you guys looking at the little memorial that Tommy made," Maria begins cutting Ellie's hair.

Joel walks over to the fireplace, and Josie spots the exact moment he reads his daughters name.

"I'm sorry about Kevin," Josie offers a sympathetic smile.

"Thank you, he was my son. I want to make sure this baby grows up knowing who their brother was," she pats her stomach.

After both girls finish having their hair cut, Maria instructs them all to put on their coats so they can head to the movies.

Once they enter the large building, Joel quickly disappears in the crowd. Worried, but wanting to give him space, Josie reassures Ellie that it's okay to sit by the other kids as she goes to stand by the adults in back.

About 10 minutes later, Josie grows restless as she still hasn't spotted Joel. She looks around the room again, this time making eye contact with Tommy. He nods his head towards the exit, and Pietro makes an appearance just then.

"You go, I'll keep an eye on Ellie," he reassures her.

After another promise that they'll come find her eventually, Josie follows Tommy out of the building.

Once they're back out in the cold, Josie breaks the silence.

"Maria told us about the baby, congratulations," Josie smiles. "Are you hoping for a boy or girl?"

Tommy chuckles, noting the vast difference in Josie's reaction versus his brothers one.

"Honestly? A girl."

"You'll be a good dad."

"You say that like it's a fact," Tommy sounds surprised.

Josie shrugs, "I like to think I'm a good judge of character. I don't know you, but I know Joel. And how he has spoken about you on the rare occasions I've asked. And Maria mentioned earlier, how much you've helped shape the town into what it is today. Plus, it's in how people look at you. When we got our tour earlier, I saw how people smiled and waved, and not just at Maria. They looked at you smiling, not out of fear. You're a good person."

They stop just outside of the workshop, and Tommy turns to face Josie.

"Before we go in, I just wanna thank you. I really needed to hear that. Joel was... less than enthusiastic and I've already started doubting myself. And I just want to say, I know you'll probably follow Joel, and out of spite with how upset he is at me I wouldn't put it past him to leave, but I just want to let you know you have a place here, whether Joel stays or not."

"I really appreciate that Tommy, thank you."

"And let me know if my brother ever breaks your heart, so I can kick his ass."

After a quick hug, the 2 enter the workshop and find Joel sitting on a stool, staring at the ground. Once he sees that it's only Tommy and Josie, he relaxes a little.

"The guys said we might find you here," Tommy starts off the conversation.

Josie walks over to Joel, who puts his arms around her and plants a gentle kiss on her forehead. "You okay?" He asks.

"I'm okay," she smiles, leaning on him as she stands between his legs.

Tommy places a good looking pair of boots on the table. "Figured I'd save you the trouble," he turns to Josie, "Maria's gonna get your shoe size when we get back to the house tonight, we should be able to get you a new pair by tomorrow morning."

"I'll give you two some privacy," Josie gives Joel a kiss on the cheek and steps towards the door, but is pulled back into his arms.

At the same time, Tommy shakes his head. "You can stay. My brother may be too stubborn to admit it, but you're family now too. But anyway, Joel, I shouldn't have said what I said. I know you're happy for me, it just... it's complicated for you. And I'm sorry. You gonna let me off the hook or what?"

"This ride to the University, is it a suicide mission?"

Tommy sighs, "no. It's dangerous but nothing you can't handle. Just prepare, do what you do."

Josie speaks up next, "you've had people go that way... and come back?"

"All of 'em. What is this?"

"She's immune."

Josie doesn't question Joel's decision to tell Tommy, but she does turn to look at him, surprised.

"What??"

"Ellie. She got infected but she didn't get sick. Tommy. It's real."

He looks to Josie, still in disbelief.

"He's right. When we first met her there was already more than one old bite mark. And she got bit right in front of us."

Joel continues, "that was months ago. Months, Tommy. She's immune."

Tommy pulls another stool to sit across from Joel and Josie. "From the beginning."

When Josie looks at Joel, she can tell he's starting to feel anxious, so she tells it.

"It was Marlene. She hired us to smuggle Ellie to some Fireflies. It went bad. When Joel said Tess was alright, that wasn't true. She got bit and died in the very beginning. She made him swear that we'd still take Ellie. It was Tess' dying wish. We made it as far as KC, and then..."

Joel finally finds his voice. "Her and Josie have saved my life multiple times, one of those times I was saved from a kid. Five years ago I would've destroyed him and not blinked twice. But Josie had to shoot him to save me."

"Joel it's okay. I didn't —"

"No, damnit it sure as hell ain't okay. I was too slow and too fuckin' deaf to hear him coming. And we saw a man kill his own brother to save Josie and Ellie. You know what I did? I just watched. And today I thought that dog was gonna tear Ellie apart because it smelled somethin' on her. And all I did was stand there. I couldn't move, I couldn't think of anything to say. I just... I was so afraid."

Josie turns to wipe Joel's tears. She know she needs to get these words out, so she simply wraps her arms around him and hugs him tight. He reciprocates, and she can feel his body trembling as he fights back more tears.

"I know you think I can still handle things, you both do, but... I'm not who I was. I'm weak. Lately there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere and my heart... feels like it's stopped. And I have dreams. Almost every night."

"What kinda dreams?"

"I don't know. I can't remember every time. Sometimes it's Sarah dyin' all over again, sometimes things get jumbled up and I watch Josie take the shot, or get attacked by clickers and I can't do a fuckin' thing. But the nights I can't remember, all I know is that when I wake up... I've lost something. I'm failing even in my sleep. That's all I do. It's all I've ever done is fail everyone, again, and again."

Something dawns on Tommy. "You want me to take her."

"I'm just gonna get her killed. I know it. I know it. I have to leave her."

"Joel—"

"I mean it's why you took off on me right? To make up for the things we did? Well here's your chance to bring your kid into a better world. You're younger, still strong, you said it yourself, you'll come back. You have to take her. And you can't tell anyone, not even Maria. Tommy you're one of the only ones I trust. If anyone else sees those bites on her, what's under her skin, they'll shoot her. It's the last thing I'll ever ask of you. I swear."

"I'll take her out at dawn."

Finally, Josie steps back from Joel, shaking her head when he reaches a hand out.

"How could you?" Fresh tears fall down her face, and she doesn't bother to wipe them away. "I know I've basically just been cargo too, but was that your plan all along? You knew what you signed up for, and I get that you're scared but you can't just abandon us now that we're almost there Joel! She trusts you and you want to just dump her on a stranger?" She turns to Tommy, "I swear I don't mean to offend you. You've been amazing to us so far but she will not make that journey with you."

Tommy reassures her he understands where she's coming from, and she turns back to face Joel. "I... you just said it yourself Joel he's gonna have a fucking kid! And you want to ask him to make that journey with her?? I'm that incapable that you think the three of us couldn't get it done like we've been doing for months and months?"

"Baby, no I—"

"No," Josie shakes her head again. Deep down she knows he isn't saying shes incapable, but the fact that he's asking Tommy to do this by himself, stings a little. "It is completely unfair of you to ask that of him, even if he's your brother. I know where to go. I'm taking her tomorrow morning. And I guess this'll be where we go our separate ways because if you'd do something like this without even talking to me about it, then I don't know you as well as I thought.

"Josie.."

"I don't think I want to hear anything you have to say," she faces Tommy again. "I'm sorry we've put all of this on you. If I could just borrow a horse, get my gun and bow and arrows back, Ellie and I will leave at first light. I'll bring the horse back afterwards before I... before I figure out what I'm gonna do next."

Without a second glance at Joel, Josie leaves the workshop, slamming the door behind her. She hears something break, and assumes Joel's finally allowing his emotions out. A few seconds later, she hears the door open and can tell someone's jogging to catch up with her. She half expected it to be Joel, but is still surprised to see Tommy.

"I'm going with you."

"Tommy, no we can't ask you to—"

"You're not asking. Joel did, but that's... I think he's still working through a lot of stuff, I mean you probably know him better than I do at this point. But like you said, you know where to go. So do I, and I've made the journey a couple of times over the years. I know I got a kid coming, but that's exactly why I want to help. We'll leave at first light like you said, and we'll take her there and come back. We'll be back in two weeks tops, and I meant what I said, you still have a place here no matter what happens between you and my stubborn brother. Okay?"

Josie thinks of Pietro, and how she doesn't want to leave him again. She decides that after they get Ellie to the Fireflies, that she will come back.

"Okay. Thank you."

Tommy offers to walk Josie to her home, which she's already dreading the fact that it's still her home. She knows she'll have to talk to Joel again before they leave. Josie insists she'll be okay, and he just gives her directions before going off to find Maria.

As Josie walks, she thinks about everything that's happened from the moment they left the Boston QZ. She knows that Joel deciding to not go has nothing to do with her and their relationship, but it still feels like he's abandoning her.

When she reaches the house, she's silent as she enters. After wandering around downstairs, Josie slowly walks upstairs. Only 1 door is shut, and she assumes Ellie is inside. Walking a little further down the hall, she sees a door open just a few inches. On the bed sits Joel, his head in his hands. As much as she wants to avoid him, Josie also sees her backpack on the bed right next to him.

Deciding to just get it over with, she walks into the room and grabs her backpack. She saw a 3rd bedroom next to Ellie, but decides it'll be better if she just sleeps in the same room so it'll be easier to get up in the morning. Even if that means sleeping on the floor.

Before she leaves the room, she makes the mistake of turning around to look at Joel. He sat up the moment she entered the room, and was silently watching her, tears still in his eyes.

Joel wants to speak up. God, he wants to say something and make things better with Josie. He fucked up, and he knows that.

He just doesn't know how to make it right.

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a/n~ SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER! i promise they ARE going to talk before leaving but this chapter is already 2.6k+ and it would've been like 5k if i included joel and josie's conversation. next chapter picks up right where this one ends, promise!