Chapter Twenty-Six

Finnegan blinked. He frowned and tilted his head. He studied Cassandra closely. He wanted to look into her green eyes but she seemed to determined to keep her eyes on the floor now that she'd spouted a truth that couldn't possibly be true.

"Come again, then?" he urged.

"I said, I can't read the map. I never could. The seal tells me it's Montana but I couldn't tell you where in Montana it is," Cassandra whispered.

Finnegan took several steps back and sat down hard in the arm chair beside the door. "Why on earth did ya tell me that ya could?"

Cassandra shrugged as she flopped down on the edge of the bed. "Because, I wanted an adventure. I wanted a way out of my life and I knew that you would not give me the chance to come with you unless I could read your map."

Finnegan's first instinct was to scoff and tell her she was wrong about that. He wanted to get angry and be upset but then he realized that she was right. Back then, what seemed so long ago now, Finnegan would have left her behind. He wouldn't have brought Cassandra with him had he felt like she had nothing to offer him. He was a different man now; had been a different man for quite a while.

With a sigh, Finnegan rose and went to sit beside her on the bed. "Little Cass, I want a life with ya. You're my best friend and I love ya more than I've ever loved anyone or anythin' else. We'll figure out the map. We'll show it to Calvin and Seamus and between the four of us mayhap we'll learn to read it. All I know is that I have to have the treasure to have the future with ya that I want and I have to have ya with me. I know that today scared ya a bit but it was a fluke, Little Cass. An accident."

Cassandra stared hard at him a moment as if she were very confused. "That's it?" she whispered.

"What's it?" Finnegan asked, leaning closer to nuzzle her neck. She tasted so sweet and he truly could not get enough of her. She made him feel lighter, higher, better than any bet or whiskey ever had.

He felt her tremble but she pulled away from him and put her hand on his forehead to stop him from following her neck. "You aren't angry?"

"Angry? No, I feel no anger toward ya. I understand why ya misled me back then and ya had good reason to. Just don't leave me now, Little Cass. We've come this far together, let's finish this adventure. We'll figure the map out. Without your help I never would have known it was Montana that the piece of parchment was pointin' me toward."

Cassandra nodded as she sat up straighter and dried her face. "I'm with you, Finn. I don't want a life without you. I'm sorry I panicked that way."

"Well ya can make it up to by removin your hand from my brow," Finnegan wiggled his eyebrows. "And allowing me to continue explorin' that beautiful neck of yours."

Cassandra smiled, a sight that made Finnegan's heart swell and she moved her hand from his head. Finnegan was about to continue his feast when a sudden thought made him pause. "Can I ask ya one more thing then?"

"If you must.." Cassandra winked. "Though I'd much rather have you exploring my neck than using that Irish gift of gab."

Finnegan tilted his head. "I understand why ya misled me that first night. I understand that ya wanted to come with me and feared I would not bring ya along if ya did not know how to read the map--and you were probably right to think so back then..."

"What's your question, Finn?"

"Why did it take ya this long to tell me the truth? It's been two months at least since then. Why are ya just now tellin me ya can't read the map?"

Cassandra shifted uncomfortably and licked her lips. When her green eyes averted their gaze from his, Finnegan suddenly knew he was not going to like her answer. "Does it matter?" she questioned, sounding almost annoyed.

Finnegan took her hand gently. "Aye, it does."

"I was...afraid."

"Afraid?"

"I thought that you would no longer want me if I couldn't read your map. I thought that you would change your mind about me if I wasn't helping you find your treasure."

***

Cassandra regretted her words instantly. Finnegan's tan complexion paled. His eyes reddened and his jaw dropped. He rose to his feet slowly, looking more broken than she had ever seen a man look.

"So that's what ya really think of me then?"

"Finn..."

"Don't." He held up his hand to silence her. "Don't call me Finn. Only my best friend ever called me that."

Cassandra's heart fell to her feet. "Finnegan, I am your best friend. I'm more than that. I love you and I want to spend my life with you..."

"But ya don't believe me a good man. Ya don't have faith in me. That was just a load of malarkey you were feedin' me." he spat, taking several steps away from her. Cassandra nearly cried out in pain as his eyes shot daggers into her even as a tear slipped down his right cheek.

"Finnegan, what are you talking about? Of course I have faith in you."

"Don't lie to me! Ya know I always thought I was a good judge of character. It comes with gamblin'; ya learn to read 'tween the lines when folks speak to ya. Ya really had me fooled, Cassandra Little. Ya slipped past my defenses somehow. Ya made a worthless ol' Irishman who was content with who he was truly think he could be somethin' better."

"Finn..."

"But ya didn't mean a damned word of it!" Finnegan snapped, cutting her off. He grabbed the shirt she had purchased for him to wear off the chair.

"Of course I did! Finnegan, how can you think I didn't?! Look how many times I've stuck up for you; to Seamus and to my own father!"

"All for the sake of the adventure ya so desperately wanted to have. To get out of a marriage to Thomas Shelton. To get out of a life like your mother's. Actions speak louder than words, Cassandra Little, and your actions were to lie to me."

"I thought you said you weren't angry over the map?"

"Aye, I'm not." Finnegan walked to the saddlebags and yanked the leather bound parcel out of them. He tossed it carelessly and Cassandra caught it against her chest. "Keep it. I no longer need that treasure."

Cassandra had never seen Finnegan this way. He seemed cold, angry and hurt.... What had she done to him?!

"But I thought you said we needed it... for our future?" she whispered, somehow managing to form words around the lump in her throat.

"We have no future, Cassandra. Go get your treasure, have your adventure or go home and go back to your life. It does not matter to me. I'm a selfish bastard; you can ask anyone and they'll tell ya it's the truth. I can't be trusted. I only care about meself. I only care about money."

"Finnegan..." Cassandra reached for him but he yanked away.

"Do ya..." his voice cracked as tears spilled from his brown eyes and he wiped them away viciously. "Do ya have any idea what y'ave done to me? I worked so hard to be the man that ya led me to believe ya thought I was. I wanted to be the man ya deserved and I was damn close to gettin' there. Shite, I passed up a gaming hall, a saloon, a brothel and a dice game in an alley on my way to ya just today and wasn't a bit tempted to stop at any of them because I knew my Little Cass would need me. I did everythin' I could do to prove to ya that I loved ya. I changed my ways completely and I did it all for you; all because my Little Cass had faith in me. She believed in me. She saw something in me that no one else did...."

"Finnegan, I do," Cassandra insisted, her voice little more than a broken whisper through the broken-hearted tears streaming down her face.

"Lies. O'course I shouldn't be surprised that the daughter of a politician would be good at them. Ya don't think me a good man. Ya don't think me someone ya can trust or have faith in. If ya did then you would have told me about that map when we were confessin' our love to one another, or a million other times y'ave had a chance to in the weeks it's been since."

Cassandra had nothing to say. She didn't know what to say. He wouldn't listen to her; he'd made that clear. And why should he? She had told him a million times about the faith she had in him and yet she had not trusted him enough to tell him the truth... she was everything he said and he had every right to hate her.

"I could forgive ya just about anything, Cassandra Little, just as y'ave forgiven me but I cannot forgive this. I won't spend my life tryin' desperately to convince the woman I love that I'm someone worth lovin' in return."

Finnegan slid on his boots, threw the saddlebags over his shoulder and walked to the door. Without even a backward glance he opened the door, stepped into the hall and closed the door behind him.

The clicking of that door sliding into place resounded throughout the tiny room. Cassandra stood there a moment, feeling numb; cold. Then slowly the nothingness faded and pain took its place.

Cassandra's body convulsed in wracking sobs as she fell to her knees, wrapped her arms around herself and wept her grief.

***

Finnegan had never felt so broken, so hurt, so lost.... Not even when his mother had died. At least when that sweet angel of a woman had died he had had his Little Cass to turn to. He had had her warm arms to hold him, her soothing words to offer him comfort, her soft lips to kiss....

What was a man to do when the one person you thought you could always count on turned out to be the one who dealt you the most crippling blow?

He was to get insanely drunk...that's what he was to do.

Finnegan made a beeline for the saloon. It was a rickety old building, not looking as if it wouldn't stand up to much more than a light breeze. Knowing he no longer had anything to lose and had lost his only reason to be a good man, Finnegan sidled up to the bar to forget all about the past two months and get back to being the man his father had always taught him he was....

He knew his father had been right. He was just like the man and Cassandra, his Little Cass, the only person in the world who had ever claimed to see him differently, had let him know today that all the words she'd spouted had been lies.

"I'll be havin' me a whiskey then, good sir!" Finnegan said, laying coins down on the bar. The bartender filled a shot glass with whiskey and Finnegan grabbed his arm when he went to move away. "Just be leavin' me the bottle."

***

Seamus stood up from Calvin's bedside and stretched out his aching back and legs, working out the cramps in his muscles that too long in that tiny chair had caused.

Calvin was asleep and peaceful. He would need plenty of rest to recover from all the blood he had lost and it would be several weeks before his wound was healed enough for him to be riding hard once again toward Montana. The bullet had gotten lodged against his shoulder blade and it had taken quite a bit of work to get it out.

Seamus felt his stomach roll when he remembered the blood, Calvin's cries of pain, the desperation that he had felt upon thinking the man he loved was going to die....

Loved?

Seamus nearly sat back down hard when the truth of his feelings hit him. Slowly he walked to the window and glanced outside. He loved Calvin.

True they had only known one another a week but his feelings were real. Never had Seamus been in love. He'd spent his life trying to be the perfect example of what he'd been told a man should be. Strong. Brave. Tough. Steady. Stern. Powerful. He had wanted to hide his true nature; hide that what he desired was something thought to be an abomination.

But there was that feeling in his heart and it couldn't be denied. He was in love with Calvin. Finnegan, with all his jokes, had somehow seen that and known before Seamus had.

Seamus walked back to the bed and pressed a tender kiss to Calvin's brow. The man moaned quietly but did not wake and for that Seamus was glad. He wouldn't want Calvin to see the tears in his eyes.

Seamus stepped out the back door of the docs that led to an alley and he stood there against the wall for a time simply collecting his thoughts which had turned to Finnegan.

Cassandra had been right. A lot of Seamus' contempt for his brother had stemmed from Finnegan being accepted for who he was--a drunkard, bed-hopping, gambling, fool--while Seamus could never get the same acceptance for who he was. But it had been more. Seamus had seen his father every time he had looked at Finnegan. Their father had hated Seamus--had known there was something off about him as he had said many times. Their father had been a monster who had hurt their mother over and over and over again.

And Seamus had thought Finnegan just like him. For a while Finnegan had been. But then Cassandra had come back into their lives.

Seamus had seen something in the last week with the help of a few long talks with Calvin. Finnegan was a different man now and he truly loved Cassandra. It seemed that his wayward younger brother had grown up--hell the man had been the one to hold it together and remain strong while Calvin had been screaming in pain, bleeding, lying on the doctor table and Seamus had been losing his mind with fear.

Seamus knew that he and Finnegan would always be very different men but the fact remained that they were family. Seamus was no longer only riding along in hopes of getting a portion of that treasure; he now was there because he wanted to be with his little brother.

"Seamus!"

Seamus turned his head and saw Tom Ore, swollen mouth, broken tooth and guilty eyes, walking down the alley toward him.

Seamus' first instinct was to give the man another punch but he fought it back. Shooting Calvin had truly been an accident and while Seamus didn't appreciate the man being so careless, he was sure Finnegan had already taught the man a lesson in that.

"What do you want?" Seamus questioned.

"To apologize... again." Tom replied, wringing his meaty hands.

"You've already done that at least twenty times. I done told you I forgive you, what more do you want?"

"To make amends somehow. How about I treat you and your friends to dinner tonight at the diner and just as soon as Calvin in there is fit to leave the docs y'all can come stay at my house with my wife and me? She's a damn good cook and we've got the extra room...."

"That won't be necessary," Seamus assured him.

"Well come on now." Tom stomped his foot and his belly jiggled. "I insist that you at least let me buy y'all supper for tonight."

Seamus was about to deny the offer yet again when his stomach growled. Deciding that a free meal couldn't hurt he nodded. "Alright. I'll have to go get my brother and Cassandra."

"You do that. I'm real happy you're letting me do this for ya!" Tom's chins wagged as he spoke animatedly. "I'll just head to the diner and be there a waiting on ya!"

Seamus watched the big man waddle away and peeked back in through the window. Calvin was still out cold so he would just have to bring something back for him.

With a sigh Seamus headed toward the hotel hoping his brother and Cassandra wouldn't be too upset that he was interrupting their alone time.