I stared into the guarded eyes, only seeing hatred and anger seeping through the icy blue eyes. The chiseled jaw locked in place, showing how determined he was in beating me, in avenging his brother, for what I have done to his brother. I felt my resolve, the determination that was swirling in my pit dissolve for a split second when I remembered why he was doing this.

Don't I deserve to be beat to death? Wouldn't I have done the same for Bryant? Was what I did to Bryant, killing him, not enough sins on my part? Am I even worthy of any redemption? Do I even have the right to walk on this Earth for all the things I've done?

I hesitated for only a split second but that was all the opening Cole needed to slam me down on the ground and keep me fixed there with his bare hand.

"You took everything away from my brother. Do you not have a conscience?! Do you not have any remorse?!" He screamed at my face and I can feel some of his spit hit the side of my face from how close he was.

I wanted to scream at him, to tell him that yes, I do feel remorse; that yes, I do have a conscience that's screaming at me to stop fighting him; that I don't want anything more than to stop fighting him; that I don't want to fight him from killing me because maybe death is what I deserve. That maybe death is the only thing I deserve; for getting my brother killed, for ruining two men's lives, endangered my loved ones lives; all because I was selfish and self-centered. I brought all of this onto myself. No one else should suffer from the mistakes I've made.

But instead of all these thoughts I had, all these words that I want to scream at him, all that came out was a choked but hard "no."

It was as if I wasn't speaking, as if someone else took over my body and my voice and rendered me helpless, powerless.

At my response, Cole's grip on my neck tightened and I saw black spots cloud my vision, felt my head losing whatever weight it has and I felt my lungs heaving, begging for air. Cole dragged me up onto my feet by my neck and all I could do was claw at his hands in a weak attempt to get rid of the block on my windpipe.

A part of me was scared of what's waiting on the other side. Will Bryant be there with me? Will he be disappointed of what I've become, what I've done? But a part of me was begging myself to let go, to stop fighting and give it up. That part was tired of this life, of hurting people after people, that part of me was sick of being the cause of people's misery.

This man was going to kill me, though. Whether I like it or not, I can't defeat him. He was strong, and even though he was angry and full of vengeance, he didn't let those emotions to cloud his judgment and make him reckless. He was smart and he was strong and I don't think I was going to beat him.

I was going to die, ruining a man's life even more than I have. I was going to make him a killer if I didn't stop him.

I had to try, I had to try and stop that from happening. I don't know what would happen to me if I died knowing I let someone bear the weight of being a killer to send me on my way to the afterlife.

I thought about the kids that I saw walking with Cole in the park and the mental image give me a boost of adrenaline. Do it for them, Casey. You have to do it for them.

Do you know that moment in the movies where the good guy remembers a memory that just suddenly gives them a brighter fire of determination and gives them super strength and immortality all of a sudden? Yeah, that didn't happen. I made sure my last heaving breath counted as I flailed in Cole's surprisingly monstrous grasp. My vision was blacking out and I was surprised I haven't died yet by now but when I felt my lungs' heaving get shorter and shorter, I know my time was coming short.

I thought about all the people that I'm failing; my parents, Bryant, Jerry, Preston, Adam, the kids, Shi Fu, Cole's brother, Cole himself, the kids he were with, and everyone else that are going to be in danger because of me and with my last thought, I apologized to every single one of them. Especially to the kids I saw Cole were with. I apologized to them for making Cole a killer and I apologize to them that I messed their lives up at such a tender age. God knows what their relations are to Cole and his brother.

They can be their sons, their nephews, cousins, but all I know is that they depended on Cole and his brother and when they know that Cole killed someone; that I made Cole kill me, I can't imagine how they'd feel.

I was running out of air and my visions were fading out on me. That was never a good sign was my last thought before I jolted out of the nightmare, eyes snapping open only to see complete darkness. I felt around for my surroundings and melted into the familiarity of my smooth duvet. My fingers soon reached the hard but smooth cover of my phone and I pressed the home button to light up its screen.

The time showed 2 a.m. and I let my eyes close once again, turning my phone off so that the bright light doesn't hurt my eyes any further. That was one scary dream. I couldn't stop wondering on the what if it all wasn't a dream. What if I hesitated and gave him that chance to have his go at me and don't have the fight to pry him off me.

The dream was a true wake up call. That I cannot wallow in this guilt. I cannot let him kill me. I cannot let him turn into a killer. I cannot disappoint those who rely on me to keep them safe. This was my initial choice; to start street fighting. I chose this life and I will continue to live the consequences I brought upon myself. But I refuse to live it without fighting. I chose to join this competition and although I didn't know that decision will entail to this danger to everyone I love, the only thing I can do is protect them as best as I can.

Police is never an option. They have always got a thing against illegal street fighters and they would only arrest me, rendering me incapable of protecting my family. Even if they did try to help, the second their badges are seen by the other street fighters, there will be a bounty on my head.

There was no other way out.

I had the urge to curl up into a ball, feeling like a trapped little mouse but I refuse to succumb to that weaker side of me. If I let myself wallow in self-pity, I'll never get out of it and I will be blinded to everything else.

The next fight is in three days and it's going to be the last fight before the semi finals and I would be lying if my nerves weren't putting me on edge. I was so close. I need to get through to the finals and win this. I cannot let others suffer the damage I brought onto my own life. I will win this.

I woke up hours later only to crave some ice cream. I quickly got up checked my fridge only to see that my stock of frozen sweets had ran out. I didn't waste much time to get ready to head out to restock my fridge with ice creams.

I drove to the nearest convenient store which was 15 minutes away where I know I'll find me some Ben&Jerry's. Come to mama, boys.

I pushed the glass door open and walked through an aisle to get to the back of the store where the fridges were. I was in the process of scanning through the contents of the fridges, trying to find the section where my favorite buckets are when I heard the squeals of children behind me. I turned around a little to see the kids and was about to go back in minding my own business when I recognized them as the children who I've seen with Cole.

I immediately froze and looked around the store to find the man that can turn my blood cold in a nanosecond with his presence. Lucky for me, I didn't see him anywhere and considering it was a small store, I was able to be sure of it. I sighed a small relief breath before contemplating if I should approach the children.

I wanted to know more about my opponent's weakness. I was normally not one to blackmail someone for my own personal gains, especially now that I have an experience of being in the receiving end of said blackmail. But my family and all the people that I love were counting on me and any valuable information I can get about Cole was important in every sense of the word.

As all the times that I've seen Cole with the children, there were 3 of them. There were 2 boys and a girl. The girl, I suspect is the most approachable one. With her doe like eyes and innocent expression. But she doesn't look like she'll know much about Cole since she looked to be too young. She looks to be about the age of 4, where everything revolves around her own personal bubble.

The eldest looking boy looked wary of everything around him but that also made him knowledgable because he would probably be the one that knows most things between all three children.

The children were accompanied by a woman who's age was shown in the wrinkles on the edges of her eyes and lips. She was smiling at the little girl while the other two boys looked around for what I presume was the different kinds of sweets. Before I can continue to make a plan on how to approach the family, the other little boy noticed me looking and his eyes grew wide. My heart thudded in my chest, afraid that he'd know my intentions of interrogating them subtly and alerting his family of my presence.

It was impossible for him to know all these things but it didn't stop my mind from assuming that he did.

All my worries vanished when his face broke into a huge grin and he ran towards me. I probably looked alarmed but I didn't think it fazed him because he barreled straight into me, barely able to stop himself before he crashed into me. I held the little guy steady and his grin looked permanent in his face.

"I remember you! You're that woman in the park!" He greeted me. I was confused for a moment before I remembered I dropped something on the bench at the time and the kid was the one who gave it back to me before I could leave it. I gave him a smile of my own as I nodded.

"I remember you to. You helped return my belonging to me before I can lose it. Thank you for that." I thanked him, messing his hair up a little and the little guy started blushing before giving me a toothy grin. Such a cute kid.

"Alex? What are you doing there? Stop bothering the young lady and come choose your treat or you're not getting any." The woman called out before giving me a soft smile.

"I'm sorry about that," the woman addressed me as Alex ran back to the other two children who was picking out their treats.

"Don't worry about it," I gave the woman a smile. I decided to test my luck and prayed that I didn't cause any suspicion to grow in the woman as I asked her a question.

"Are they your grandchildren?" I asked her and she gave a small chuckle while shaking her head to answer my question.

"They're my children." My lips popped open slightly in shock before I recovered but the woman laughed even more at my reaction.

"I get that a lot. Truth is, I used to be their foster mom before I decided I can't let them go back to the system so I adopted them." She told me. I tried to process this as quickly as I can, trying to connect the dots as best as I can. Before I could ask any more questions, she beat me to it, her expression growing solemn as she watched the children run around the store, playing with each other.

"It probably wasn't a good idea to adopt all three children when your financial stability wasn't at its best but I don't regret it you know? They're my angels and I don't love them any less than I do my sons." She sighed. The love she had for the children was achingly obvious now that I paid more attention. After what she said, things were starting to become clearer. This woman may be Cole's mother and these children are his brothers and sister.

The woman definitely looked old enough to be Cole's brother but her kind eyes made the guilt in me grow. I have no doubt that someone with a mother like her would turn into a gentle person. The amount of love that shines in her eyes to the children that weren't even hers hinted me on how much she must love her own blood and flesh. There was no doubt in my heart that the cold growing in Cole was a result of what I did and I could see how much love he was accustomed to growing up when I see into this woman's heart.

I could feel myself getting choked up, the guilt of what I have done to the man eating me up alive. I couldn't hide my probably glassy eyes from the woman standing in front of me and soon her concern was directed to me while I tried my best to wave her off.

"Seeing how much you have love for these children that didn't even have any relation to you is touching is all." I stated, only giving the half truth.

I quickly took my leave, ice cream long forgotten as I rushed to my car. I opened the car door and slipped in the driver's seat and stared at the steering wheel for the longest time, trying to not break down.

That didn't work out so well as I felt tears started slipping out of my eyes and could practically hear my heart breaking. My hands turned into fists and I started hitting my head violently and got frustrated when the dull throb did no justice against the guilt that was blooming rapidly in me. I gave up after a while and dug the heel of my palm into my lidded eyes and stayed that way. I wept and wept, not knowing what to do with myself anymore.

Dear God, what have I done? Am I even worthy enough to be forgiven after all the damage that I have done?

~∙~∙~

Happy New Year to everyone!

I've decided that I should put more commitment into finishing this book. Therefore, I will make this book my top priority once again and update everyday. (I swear I'm going to try my best to keep this promise)

Thank you for everyone who's stayed with me up to this point. I do want you guys to know how much I appreciate all of you.

Remember you're loved, now and always. Much love and God bless y'all -J <3