An apology to all my readers who have been so kind and patient with me. I really do love you all and I'm incredibly sorry for disappearing just like that.

~•~•~

"Bye Nan, love you!" I hugged her tightly, I rarely get to see her so saying goodbye is always painful.

She patted my back and called on one of the barn's helpers to help drive me off on the nearest bus stop so I'll be able to catch a train home. Mom and Dad should be home by now. Tomorrow, my university life strikes a beginning. New friends, environment and experiences to go through. Normal people would be nervous for that beginning but I have worse matters to worry about than the basic things like making friends and getting judged.

Jumping into the pickup truck, Hyla, the person assigned to drive me to the bus stop by Nana, started the engine and drove away. I stuck my hand out the window and waved, watching Nana wave back from the mirror.

I made a quick list of the things I need to prepare for tomorrow in my phone. A bag, files, notebooks; basic stationaries. After typing down the list, I locked my phone and put it away.

"So, starting university soon?" Hyla asked me with a quirked eyebrow with both eyes still on the road. Hyla's been my friend since we were kids. Her parents helps out in the farm as well. Her father's in charge of the stable and her mother takes care of the hens. Collecting theirs eggs and feeding them, cleaning their pen too.

"Yeah," I mumbled in a small voice, my eyes drifting to the blurred landscape outside the window as we drove past them.

"You don't seem too happy? Not excited?" Hyla pried further. I looked back at her, giving her a brief smile before turning my head to the window again. "I am excited, Hy. I'm just tired and a lot's been happening lately that's filling up my time to be excited." Such as one of my best friends turning into a sick psycho perv, the guy I loved being brainwashed into hating me by that best friend and one of my good friends being a spy.

I wasn't exactly in the mood to make jokes or do small talk or laugh about anything by then.

Hyla hummed in understanding and reached out to turn on the radio to fill up the silence. I continued to zone out for the rest of the trip until we reached the bus stop and I switched transports to continue my journey home.

I tried to keep awake the whole road trip but it was getting hard. My body felt worn out after days of training with Mr. Huang. Unfortunately, I still wasn't sure that what I've learnt is enough. I wasn't confident at all that what I've learnt can actually save my life on the ring. I don't need to win the competition, I just need to survive it. Beat that psycho and quit the street fighting life forever.

The problems I have are enough to keep me occupied for a while, which takes up the reasons to street fight. I can just pick off any Dom followers whenever I feel like punching someone. If I was to be honest with myself, I was exhausted with all these dramas and complications and conflicts. I wish that one day, it'll all go away without me needing to fight them but of course that wasn't possible. I needed to face it.

I reached my house at nighttime and made sure to stop by the store for a quick last minute shopping before tomorrow comes. Mom and Dad greeted me with a quick hug and we had dinner, although I didn't stay for long. I excused myself to rest early so that I'll be able to focus tomorrow. I don't want to miss anything during the basic lessons of my course, it would be a disaster for the rest of the study if I didn't understand everything. I have enough distractions to last me my 3 years of higher education so I'll have to try my best to separate my personal life with my studies. Personal life as in all the problems that seemed to pile up every second I'm not paying attention to it.

Who knew high school drama would follow me into university too. This is fucked up. What happened to that 'new start' everyone's been talking about when they step into university?

Not even a year ago I was doing fine, had fantastic friends, met a wonderful dude and was able to top my studies. I was on top of the world and all of a sudden it came crashing down on me. And all of this just because of the decision I made to street fight illegally. Why couldn't I join a gym or something like that. I'm an idiot. I could've worked part time to continue helping out that orphanage anyways. I had plenty of money I could donate. But no, of course little ol' Casey thought it was a super great idea to jump into the street fighting business. Dumb ass.

I'm at that 'regretting everything I've done' phase and I envy those people who only has to worry about "I should've bought those other pair of shoes," or "I should've bought that ice cream."

I guess a part of the series of events that led to this situation I'm stuck in was out of my control; such as Bryant's decision, Dom's sanity escaping him, Adam's mother falling sick. But if only I didn't acquaint myself with Adam, he wouldn't be caught up in this circle too. The very least I could've done was leave Adam out of it. I know he was being very clingy and acted like a lost puppy but it was no excuse. I should've had a stronger resolve. I let myself fall in love and this is the result.

I couldn't imagine a life where I've never befriended Adam but it would've been better for him if he never laid eyes on me. Curse his curiosity and foolishness. What stupid guy would get involved with that quiet girl at the back of class who would give people death stares if they even so much as look her way?

I'm angry at myself and I'm angry at people, at everyone. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I can visit his family anymore after he's found out and is stuck on the idea that I killed Carla. I don't even know how he could come up with that conclusion.

After I retired to my room and changed, my phone rang. Preston's name flashed on the screen and I immediately answered, scared that there's something wrong with Adam. He might've turn psychotic but the guy I fell in love with is still in there somewhere and I need to make sure nothing happens to him until he comes back to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Preston sighed, probably annoyed that I've never greeted him like a normal person would. Psh, he should've known I'm pretty far than normal.

"That blow that you landed on my little bro's head might've been harder than you thought," Preston said in a flat tone. I could feel my heart drop to the pit of my stomach and whispered a 'what' through the line.

"Oh calm your tits, woman. I didn't mean it that way. Breathe, Adam's fine. He's just been having flashbacks. It's like you hit his memory box open and now he's remembering bits." That made my heart skip a beat and I reminded myself silently to chill for a second. I need to calm down.

"I think he remembered going to a warehouse and a meadow. Jake called me yesterday to tell me that
Adam rang him and asked whether Jake knew who he went to those places with. Were you with him, Case?" I bit my lip, trying to suppress the urge to express my distress. My brain's telling me to just get this shit over with and tell Adam the whole truth but my heart's being torn, knowing I've inflicted enough pain in his life. I couldn't drag him into this anymore. I'm trying to distance myself and give him room so that maybe he'll drift away and finally this drama would unhook its claws from his skin and let him go since he's not one of the people that is close to me and can affect me. Maybe they'll leave him alone then.

I know he's already tangled up but maybe he'll be smart enough to dig his way out of this and live his life like how he would before I came along. Find a decent girl that doesn't bring all this baggage with her for him to suffer. Enough is enough.

"Maybe it's time to lay it all out on the table, Case. Aren't you tired of making all these excuses, lies and hiding?" And just like that, my determination crumbled. Yes, I am tired. I am beyond exhausted. I just want to continue with my life and live the dream.

"Don't you still love my brother?" Of course I do. How can anyone stop loving someone like that.

"I have to go Pres. Thanks for keeping me updated. Call me if anything else comes up." I said in a clipped tone and hung up.

I couldn't hold my emotions in anymore and the next second, a sob escaped my lips and tears started to weave its way down my cheeks. It's too selfish of me to wish that Adam would remember and pop up at my door, demanding an explanation on why I'd let him believe all this lies and then wrap his arms around me to just hold me together before I fall apart. It's simply too selfish. But despite this way of thinking, I still find myself wishing that it'd happen.

I want my Adam back.

~•~•~

Guysss 😭 I'm sooo soooo sooooooo sorry. I know sorry doesn't cut it but I'm going to try to make it up to you guys somehow.

I've had this chapter written up to 700 words since early January, I just never got to finish it.

I've been completely off wattpad this past months because I've been trying to figure out my future. My parents have decided to send me off to do foundation program abroad and so I had to arrange my life earlier than expected.

Australia for the next upcoming 4-6 years HAHAHA. Hello Australian readers 😂

Another reason on why I did such a bitch move is because to actually get accepted into the foundation program I have to pass all my IGCSE's but then just to sit for the exams are so bloody expensive, I've been stressing out about studying.

My email is spilling with wattpad comments and I regret missing months of not opening them. I still have 600 more comments to read. (Thank you for that btw 😂)

Anyways, I'm super sorry for disappearing on you guys. I hope no one's prepared pitchforks yet.

I can't promise a regular update but I will try. I swear on my hair. (Yes, that's a big deal)

I love you guys and thank you so so much for being patient with me. In case you think I've forgotten about wattpad all this time, don't worry, I have a younger cousin that reads my stories and reminds me that how long I haven't updated for each time I meet her.

God bless you all. Love you 💕 -J