You had an anxiety attack a few months ago.

With the way you carry yourself and wear your mask so effortlessly, sometimes it's hard to detect what's really going on up there. This was one of those times.

It was Black Friday. I wanted to buy you a gigantic teddy bear, but the only store that had them for cheap had hundreds of people crammed inside. I had to drag you in, which probably should've been the first sign to your anxiousness, but for some reason I didn't fully pay attention to what you were feeling and saying to me.

I don't want to go in.

But I made you. I managed to fight my way through the door crowd and get to the teddy isle first. Though, when I realized you hadn't been following me, I expected the worst. I'd seen Black Friday shoppers absolutely beat he sh!t out of innocent bystanders on Facebook videos. It was always brutal.

I looked for a solid hour. I asked management to call your name on the speaker, but you didn't come forward. Two employees helped me search the store for you. I was so worried.

When they found you, you were frozen almost. Hiding in the corner of a bathroom stall with your head tucked into the space between your knees and chest. You were crying. I carried you out to my car, forgot all about the teddy bear, and made a promise to never go against your wishes ever again.

This probably isn't something you want to remember, but I wanted to show you how unexplainably guilty and sorry I still am because of what happened. I didn't know you had anxiety attacks until that day. It taught me to be more careful about my actions, to be more understanding and to ducking listen when you tell me to stop doing something you aren't comfortable with.

You were pretty pissed after you stopped crying. It was difficult trying to win your affection back. I managed to do it though, after a few hours of bargaining and major kissing up to you. When you locked yourself in your bedroom that night, I devised an elaborate plan. I made a contract out of pink construction paper and wrote, in all my dyslexic glory:

1 misunderstanding = 1 teddy

And I slipped it under the bedroom door.

It was enough to win your love again! You came out of the bedroom smiling and you gave me the biggest hug ever, it was great. So now, every time you remind me that I'm not listening, I have to go out and buy you a teddy. Which isn't a bad thing at all. I like to watch you hug the teddies that I buy you. To be honest, sometimes I don't listen on purpose.

My Jardon can never have too many teddies ;)

~~~

I know the writing looks digital but I had no time to write on normal paper so this is the current photo :3 I'll probably change it later, but for right now I gotta head to school. Have a nice day, lovelies! <3

- Lee