I adjusted my suit as I stared in the mirror.

I could not care.

I could not love.

I could not feel.

I could only pretend.

These are the words I repeat to myself every time I have to speak in front of a crowd.

I stare at my reflection trying to mimic my father's cruel features. My long white hair frames my face and my pink-red, almond-shaped eyes make me look more kind and innocent than cruel.

I have failed again.

It was not in my blood to be cold like him, but I had to be.

Sighing, I finally walked to the door. My fingers brushed the doorknob trembling. I had done this a thousand times, yet I always felt the same way.

Scared, confused, and hurt.

Why?

It was the same question I had asked myself a million times, and still I had no answer.

I hesitated for another moment before taking a deep breath to calm my beating heart. I can do this. I will do this. I have to do this.

I turned the doorknob and was greeted by the servant, Hansel.

He bowed lowly, showing respect. "Are you ready young master?"

I forced a smile onto my face, and replied, "Yes."

He led me to the sleek, black, expensive limo outside of the house. Strangely, it never felt like it was mine, or like I lived in it. It was filled with too many secrets, too many lies.

I smiled softly. I envied Hansel. He had an easy life. All he had to do was to simply obey. I could not just obey. In my world I had to be harsh and cutthroat. There was no room for empathy or kindness.

I entered the limo and sat in front of my parents. Both were too busy staring at their phones to acknowledge me or each other.

I stared out the window.

We were not a family. My father was simply my sperm donor and my mother, the uterus used to make me exist.

《¤》

"There he is!

"Over here, sir!"

"Look it's Alistair Zhao!"

"Mr. And Mrs. Zhao!"

The moment we left the car, we were swarmed by reporters wanting to get a better look of the famous Zhao family.

My mother immediately pulled me close to her side. I smiled and waved at the cameras as we walked through the crowd.

We had to act like a perfect family. We had to be a perfect family. We were a not-so perfect, perfect family.

My parents hung back near the crowd as I stepped onto the black stage. Fairy-like lights hung from the ceiling to give an elegant yet airy vibe.

I gently tapped the microphone and cleared my throat. All sound ceased to exist.

"Welcome to this year's NMH(No More Homos) celebration! I'm elated to know that you were all able to make it. I'm going to keep this short so that we'll have enough time to enjoy the party. This celebration is meant to commemorate the extinction of all things LGBT+ related. That community was a spreading plague. It was unnatural, and we have our wonderful government to thank for getting rid of them. Now let us all go celebrate knowing that those monsters no longer roam this earth!"

I pumped my fist into the air with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, and everyone followed happily.

What was there to be happy about? The words felt like bile in my mouth. I regretted doing it all for the show, but I was nothing more than a coward.

I walked off the stage and toward my parents, the bright smile still upon my face.

My father firmly patted my shoulder, "Good job son."

My mother gave me a smile that looked like it was painted on. "I'm very proud of you. I know that you suffer from stage fright, but as usual, you pulled through."

Stage fright?

I was not afraid of standing in front of people.

I was afraid of speaking lies to them, while holding a secret that could destroy me forever.

I still kept the bright smile on my face.

"Thank you for your kind words Mother. Shall we go to the party?"

She kept the smile up.

"Of course. Now remember, try to warm up to Catherine. We want her to mention your name when she talks to her family-"

I cut her off, completing her sentence, "So that we can strike a deal."

"Good."

My father ignored us and walked ahead to greet his business partners. My mother strolled elegantly over to talk to a few of her female associates.

I sighed and stood up straighter. I put my head up high as I strutted toward Catherine who was standing in the corner by her own mother.

I plastered a charming grin onto my face as I stopped in front of the two women.

Catherine was wearing a dark red, high slitted dress with black heels. Her blonde hair was neatly pinned back, and the makeup she wore made her green eyes pop. She was very beautiful, but I had no idea if she had the personality to match.

"Hello! You two ladies look ravishing this evening!"

Her mother looked at me and gave an approving glance before stalking off.

"Hi!" She greeted me cheerfully. "You're Alistair Zhao, right?"

"Yes, and you're Catherine Jameson?"

She gave me a curtsy. "The one and only. Hey, can I be honest with you?"

I nodded. "Of course."

She let out a long breath before lowering her voice to a barely audible whisper. "I don't want to be here. I'm only fourteen and yet I'm dressed like a seventeen-year-old. I should be at home staring at my phone and being all angsty, but instead I'm supposed to secure a business partner. I'll bet that's the only reason you're even here with me right now."

"Yeah, you're right. Would you like me to leave?" I did my best to stay polite. If she did want me to leave, my parents would be disappointed that I wasn't able to secure a deal with her family.

She raised a brow. "I have never heard anyone say that."

"What?" I asked.

"Most people would either drop their act and go for the deal or continue to be fake and pretend." She had one hand on her hip and a cold expression. "So, which one are you?"

"I don't know. I would hope that I was neither, but I feel as though I'm worse.."

She raised one sleek brow. "You don't know?" She let out a small chuckle and started to stroll off.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

She stopped. "You had an interesting answer Alistair Zhao. For someone such highly placed in society, you have a naivety to your words and actions. Nobody would say they didn't know. And yet, you said you felt you were worse. That's a clear clue that you're hiding something. You seem like someone who wants to escape this world.."

I was astonished at how easily she had pieced me together. "I see. Should I have been more subtle?"

She laughed. "It's a wonder you've survived this long in a world like ours. I'm off Alistair and I will see you again."

"To where?"

"To my family, of course. See you soon."

And with that, she walked off in the direction of her parents.

She was kind of nice...

I wanted to talk to her more. Her words had an aura of wisdom, and she hadn't immediately judged me for my wealth.

There's no point in sulking anyway. I might as well mingle with the other guests. I forced the smile back onto my face as I talked with the other guests. Surprisingly, it was not Catherine's words that had imprinted themselves in my mind or was distracting me.

These words were new yet familiar.

I want to escape this world.

'Author's Notes'

Who feels like Alistair sometimes? What do you think of his parents? Who liked Catherine?

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I love you all, I want you to be loved, and I hope you are loved! 💕

-DiTrix