I had a warm feeling in my chest knowing that Mark hadn't immediately yelled at me. I walked toward the kitchen with my mom sitting at the dining table.

"Where's your brother?"

"He wanted to sleep in, so I let him." I picked up his plate and put another plate to cover it, then put it in the microwave. I had already eaten my breakfast, so I took out my phone and scrolled through my recent messages. Apparently, Ava had texted me last night while I was with Mark and the others.

Last Night-

Ava: party tonight at jenna's house

Ava: r u coming

Ava: lila?

Ava: u there?

Ava: r u mad or smthing?

This Morning-

Ava: the party yesterday night was grt

Ava: you missed a lot

Ava: wanna meet up at the mall today?

I looked up at my mom and asked, "Can I go to the mall today?"

She nodded. "Be back by 3."

I immediately texted a reply to Ava, then ran to my room and got my wallet.

Lila: sure

Lila: my mom says i need to be back by 3

Ava: r u actually gonna listen to her?

Ava: doubt she'll notice if you stay for like an hr longer or smthing

Lila: she trusts me. can't risk that or I'll get in trouble

Ava: when were you ever a good girl?

My shoulders slumped in defeat. She was right. I had lied to my parents so many times and pretended so much. I was never a "good girl" to begin with, so there was no point. I let out a soft sigh and replied.

Lila: yeh, ur right

Lila: come to my house so we can walk there

Lila: is jenna coming as well?

Ava: yeah, we're already at ur house

I heard the doorbell ring and looked up in surprise. I didn't know that she was already here. I rushed to the door and opened it seeing a blonde and perky Ava with a smiling face. Jenna was nowhere to be seen. I walked out, closing the door.

"Where's Jenna? You said she was coming?"

Ava shrugged and started walking. I followed as she spoke, "Guess she's too busy having a tantrum. I texted her about coming to your house, but she didn't reply, so I just naturally assumed she was coming since she always does."

"What happened at the party?" I asked.

Ava pulled up a video on her phone of Jenna dancing drunkenly on her parent's dining table. At one point she had stepped into a bowl of punch, but still had a goofy, unconcerned smile on her face. I could hear Ava and the crowd laughing and mocking her. "I sent this to her. Guess she got embarrassed."

"Ava, did this by any chance get posted?"

"Yeah, it did! I think some guy did it."

Oh god.

Ava elbowed me. "This is hilarious right? She's so dumb. I can't believe we were ever friends with her."

"Ava...did you tell Jenna anything about me?"

She nodded. "I called her and told her never to talk to us either again in school or outside of it. We can't associate ourselves with someone like that."

We?

I knew I needed to speak up and defend her, but the most I was able to say to Ava was, "Stop. That's not nice."

She stopped walking and stared at me with a raised brow. "You're kidding, right? You don't actually care, right?" Her voice had an edge to it.

I looked down at the cement sidewalk and shook my head. I looked up and forced a laugh. "You know I'm just kidding."

She smiled at me as we kept walking. I should've stood my ground and defended Jenna, but I just couldn't. I was too weak to do so.

We were at the mall looking at countless clothes. Ava held up a short, above knee-length, floral dress.

"You should try it on." She dropped it into my arms as she gave me a pair of white, diamond studded heels to go along with it. I walked into a dressing room and tried it on. The dress had a diving v-neck meant for revealing cleavage. The heels were too high.I felt uncomfortable as I stared at myself in the mirror.

Is this really who I am? I don't want this to be me.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself. This was me. No matter how hard I tried to fight it. I was nothing but a pretender who kept on pretending that she was better, when in reality, she wasn't.

A small voice spoke up in my head. Change.

Change? Yes. I could always change to fit my personality for whatever another person wanted.

No. CHANGE.

Change? No. I couldn't just change and be myself for me and me only.

That was an uncommon thing that I didn't know how to do.

You used to.

Back when I was Lucas. I was more sincere. I was certain about everything else but my body. I sighed and stripped off the dress. I walked out of the dressing room and met up with Ava. "So, how'd you like the outfit?"

I made up a half-assed lie as I shrugged and said, "I didn't look good in it."

She pouted. "Help me look for something to wear."

My eyes lit up. Good. I'd rather everything be about her so as to not draw attention to myself.

As we looked through racks of clothes, Ava said, "You know, you aren't talking as much as usual. Is something wrong?"

On one hand, I wanted to spill everything out to her. About the other dimension. About the people with wings. About the rebellion happening there. About how I wanted to fix my relationship with Mark. About how I wished I could really be myself.

I gave her a smile. "Wrong? Nah. I just wish my parents would put more money on my card."

I gave her a disgusted face as she patted me in understanding. "Same. I totally get how you feel."

Do you? Do you really? If so, please, please help me.

I kept smiling as I picked out dress upon dress, commenting on skin tone and colors. For some reason, the smile was starting to hurt. Even though it was strange, it was also something I was so used to. Keeping up a fake smile took a lot of energy. Energy to make it look real to the point where you, yourself are convinced that it really is real.

I arrived home, exhausted. For the first time, I hadn't bought anything. Mark was seated at the dining table, eating his breakfast.

"You okay?"

It's been so long since he had asked me that. Since he had cared. Today truly felt like a day of 'firsts'.

'Author's Note'

Who is starting to understand Lila more? 

Who strongly dislikes Ava for being such a rude friend? It's clear that she's not connecting directly to Lila isn't it?

Who thinks that Lila's and Mark's relationship are slowly mending?

I love you all, I want you to be loved, and I hope you are loved! 💕

-DiTrix